After a full day of normal, life activities today, I found myself in this transition. From what I "used" to do on the road, back to how I will live my life again. It's do-able, I will need to transition back into my life slowly. I found these are my top 5 "Issues" I'll work on:
1) Minimize talking about "what, and how, I did things" on the road. Find balance, again.
It's time to focus on the here and now. I enjoy reminiscing about my wonderful adventure. It's all I think about! Now it's time to find balance between it - and my wonderful life in Texas. I love being reunited with my husband, I look forward to hugging and seeing my daughter, and I will jump for joy when I see my three dogs. I'm looking forward to cooking dinners again, going to the grocery store, and doing things in a relaxing atmosphere. I am forever changed, and I hesitate saying that. I think it's really a matter of that I "look at things differently" now. I'm still the same Cyndi. My view of life has shifted. I appreciate every little thing, more than ever. I know my life has a plan beyond my own plans. I was "shown" that over and over during those 78 days.
2) Decision-making tolerance.
I will need to work on finding plenty of tolerance for decision-making in regards to many things. For so long, I was by myself, setting my own path, stopping when I wanted, eating when I chose, and basically living life by my own decisions 100%. I can't remember ever doing that in my life. Not as a child, not as a teenager, not even as a adult. There were always family/friends around to make daily decisions with. Where to eat, recreational activities, work timeframes, raising children decisions. It's endless, daily decisions- made with the people around us. We do this every day, not realizing the skill it takes to be cohesive, compromise and "play well" with others. I lost that requirement, being on my own. I noticed it today, as it became obvious to me that making your own decisions, all the time, is way easier than doing so in a family/friend/work environment. I sure take a lot of things for granted! The freedom I had going across the U.S., was something that I really enjoyed. Not at first.....but after awhile, I realized I had never lived my life in that manner. Doing what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, without talking with anyone around me about it. It was very different. And just one more thing I didn't consider going into this journey. I may have enjoyed it a little too much, as I look back. And now that I got a taste of it, I tend to want to have that. But it's not reasonable in real life. Yes, we all live as we'd like, for the most part. But I'm talking about having had a chance to live 24/7, making all decisions completely on your own. That was amazing in itself. Who knew?!
3) Breaking bad habits.
Oh, I created quite a few new, bad habits along the way, across the U.S. Some intentional, some not intentional. First, night eating. I woke up most every night with my body wanting more food. I was blowing through the calories, and needed them throughout the night, as well. That's going to be a hard habit to break. Secondly, the amount of food I'm eating. It was a insane amount! I had to, to keep up with the physical demands. I will need to readjust, and change my portion sizes. There's a vast difference in what I need now, vs what I needed then. Third, I will work on how I take care of myself. I went completely 'basic' out on the road. Granola, I like to call it. There was no time - or real reason - to do anything other than the basic upkeep. I will work on making myself "presentable" in life. Society requires this. I know this, as I saw the way people looked at me, while out on the road. With pity, and they would sometimes divert their eyes from mine, or they would "look down on me". Trust me, you feel it, and you know when it's happening. It was something I had to figure out how to deal with mentally. I know how it feels, and will do my best to not do that to others.
4) Adventure vs Accomplishment
This has been a struggle for me. I'm often asked "Why?" Why did (or would I) cross the U.S. on foot? For charity? No, not for charity, as I have long thought (dreamt) about doing this. Not for money, not for the "finish", and not for recognition. I have always had a internal desire to go see the U.S., up close and personal. In addition, it would be a personal challenge to do so, on foot. I love being outside, running, walking, planning, nature, new challenges, and taking risks. It's just who I am. It seemed like a perfect match to me. When the opportunity presented itself, I talked it over with my husband, and he supported me. He willingly allowed me the freedom to chase my dream. No resistance whatsoever. This was key. I'm married, working, and doing all the same "life" stuff you do. To pick up and leave that - for months - is huge. Financially, family-wise, safety-wise, and the chaos it can cause in real life, can be altering in any relationship, much less in the economics of the household. This type of endeavor required complete, 100% support from my family. And I received that, above and beyond! The planning this took, and the courage to do it, all factors in. I was "all in"! I had the recipe to go on this grand adventure. I accepted it, and never looked back. I knew once I left Venice Beach, CA, that I wasn't going home until I got to Virginia Beach.
My issue here that I'm working on, is relaying the intent behind it. It was a personal desire. A yearning to see America, in a non-conventional way. A dream I've had for quite awhile. I loved the idea of the adventure, the fun, the challenges, the good and bad times. Sometimes we dream, but we don't pursue our dreams. Esp if they are complex and possibly, interruptive in our lives. It's "finding a way" to pursue your dream(s) that can get in the way. I was convinced I could live my life, and still pursue this dream/goal of mine.
I enjoyed and appreciated each, and every one of those 78 days. The Finish Line, Virginia Beach, was the icing on the cake. The support, and well-wishes were greatly appreciated! I absolutely loved having everyone with me on this adventure. It made it even more fun!!
My final thought I'm working on conveying is my Intent for this trek. My intent was to cross America on foot. My reward was the beauty of the land, the people I met, and the innate kindness of people. I learned so much about myself (that's a whole other blog!), and found that people everywhere wanted to cross with me......and you did cross with me. We had a blast!!
Cyndi
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