Sunday, July 18, 2021

Chicken Check


It's days like these that Cluckingham is right with the world. The 60+ flock is living large, surviving the heat, and laying eggs like it's Easter every day. 


Sugar blends right in, with many of the chickens larger than
her. Sometimes, I think Sugar considers herself one of them.


Whose the Boss

The flock has grown in number, as well as in the number of different breeds within the flock. 


What diversity looks like in our front yard.
Yes, there’s a hammerhead shark hanging on the fence. 
Long story. 


I've really taken more notice about whose in charge. For awhile it was Ginger and Butterscotch, as they were the first chickens we had - and were Rhode Island Reds who are naturals at taking charge. Once they aged and passed on, there was a cinnamon queen (Poppy) and an orpington (Butter) who both rivaled to keep everyone in line. Then, Poppy became a girl just living her chicken life, and several of the orpington's bounced to the top of the flock because they are naturally bossy. I'm talking to you Butter and Sunshine. 


Yeah, I even look bossy

Butter is SO bossy, that she keeps Sugar in line. Sugar knows to steer clear of that particular chicken. She don't play - and will peck whoever needs to be realigned. You will likely lose a feather or two. Sometimes, Butter will even sit on another chicken, if she feels like she needs to. 


Butter, Bossy Boots

So odd. One day, I came out to the barn in the evening for chores, and there she was, sitting on Sally. Sally was unsure what to make of this, and kept still. So, I'm pretty sure the orpington's have had an upheaval and have decided to take over Cluckingham. I've just noticed that more and more lately, exactly which breeds are in which order, i.e. whose the bossiest. 


Don’t let these 3 Buff Orpingtons fool you. 

From my experience, the Orpingtons, Rhode Island Reds and some of the Cinnamon Queens are born leaders. The followers tend to be the Ameraucana's, Ideal 236's, Polish and Silkies/Frizzles. 


The Not-Bold and The Beautiful Ameraucana’s

Many of the other breeds fall in between the leaders and followers. I’ll call them the blenders. They blend in and mix well with everyone. 


Turkins are da best. Inquisitive, vocal and smart!

Long Neck.
She’s a blender, go along and gets along. 


Young pullet, Santa Fe

And then factor in age. Age generally determines your place in the flock. The elders are top notch (unless they are hurt or sick) and the youngsters often have to eat last, and dance around their elders so as to not get in their way and risk having a feather plucked out. This pecking order is so apparent in the chicken world. Chickens don't mess around: here's the order, here's where you place in the chicken world, and every now and again - it might change. Until then, if you get out of line, Butter or Sunshine will let you know. 


Alexa, Wash the dishes

Ta Dah!


Almost done. Getting close......


Never mind, Alexa, can you believe I can actually wash my own dishes now. I have a sink, an oven and stove, and am thrilled at the thought of putting every thing back into the kitchen (from the living room and dining room). The floors need to be finished and there's no fridge in the kitchen, but who really needs cold things. It's only 100 degrees outside.


Crazy Town


Yet, I discovered it's not that easy to put everything back because: 1) the kitchen is now in a different configuration than it used to be and hours of thought needs to go into figuring what goes where, and 2) all the shelves need liners on them, and 3) the cabinet paint is so pristine, that you hate to mess anything up by actually using them.  

Step 1: Begin lining the cabinet shelves. Step 2: Stop and think about what's going to go in that particular cabinet, Step 3: Repeat. This in itself took an entire day. I did at least 6 hours of thinking, walking around and looking at my kitchen things, and doing more thinking. I could not bring myself to throw it all back in there willy nilly. Why you ask, because that's what I've done most every time I've moved into a kitchen before. I always did very little thinking and would just put things in their usual place I think they should go. It was different this time. 

Why? Because my subconscious did not want me to put anything in these brand new cabinets with fresh paint so smooth and clean. I think alot of my thinking time was adjusting to the idea that I am going to use this kitchen. I'm actually going to use the kitchen and I might mess something up. And it looks so nice right now. After a day of processing this, I finally begin to place my kitchen things back into the kitchen on lined shelves. I did it. I made the mental shift of knowing that it's okay that we will mess things up - although no one tries to. It just happens. It's life. After all, kitchen's will have snaccidents. 


Game Changer

It's the farm sink for me. It's changed my entire life. Why have I lived with two-sided kitchen sinks all my life when I could have one huge one. Everything literally fits in the kitchen sink now. Nothing dirty needs to be anywhere except in the sink. Even the sponge and Dawn. Everything. Even my little dogs can fit in there too, like it's their own pawsonal spa. No, they have not been in there yet, but I could literally wash them both at once and have room for me in there, too. This sink has changed my life, did I mention that? 

This was our first ever kitchen re-do, and my list of learning is as follows: 1) I enjoy living on the side of the road more than living in a house without a kitchen, 2) That picking out the countertop, back splash, cabinet colors, knobs/pulls, and lighting was not a skill I've developed in my lifetime and I must have missed that class somewhere along the way. I never signed up for Design 101. The struggle was real. There are people who love doing this. I'm not one of those people. I would give an audible 'ugh' every time I needed to pick something out for the kitchen. 3) Keeping my downstairs bathroom clean for people coming in and out of the house on a regular basis felt a little intrusive at times (I'll call this an unofficial complaint) and lastly, 4) Trust yourself. Pick out what you like. That's all that matters. 

I'll just say that each time our Contractor asked me about the tile design/placement options, or where to hang the pendant lights, or where to place the knobs on the cabinets, I obviously would have a blank stare on my face because he would always say to me, "Maybe you should call your husband and ask him." And I always did. Thank you, David. We can do hard things, but this is not a hard I like to pick. Luckily, you were there for me - and the Contractor. I'm sure he appreciated that more than we will ever know.


No fridge yet. Not to worry. Only a 
week or two and it might be there. 
Don't let the fact that it's a little kitchen
convince you it's a quick process.


We are not at the finish line yet, but we are close. I'll take close. I mean, I'm washing my dishes in a biga$$ kitchen sink that I could probably bathe in. Irregardless, we are close enough and I'm walking into the finish line taking my time. I hear the music playing and the people cheering. I'm almost there.


9 months does a baby make

9 months and then typically human babies show up. 5 months for goats and sheep, 21 days for chickens. And now, it's been 9 months since Brooks was born. 


When your mom and dad are BOTH librarians 

We had a little fun at the farm this weekend with Brooks - and his mom and dad. Isn't it funny how we get relegated down the line after we have a child? I digress. Pops and Nana (that's us) enjoyed having a splash day with Brooks. Mama was close by and Daddy was documenting the moment. 


He may or may not attend kindergarten without
Mom. Luckily there are rules for that. 


We enjoyed time with the whole fam! Whenever I leave/they leave after seeing them, my mouth is sore from smiling so much. And I feel like I've just stared at Brooks the whole time. It's like watching a 1-man band in amazement, but it's Brooks. And everyone else in the periphery fades out. The best part is I get to shower and sleep that night. Grandkids are the best. Next life, I'm doing that first. 


Cultivating patience

It's now been 1 week since my last day at work, and I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not retired yet, and will get back to work eventually, but I'm taking a break in the meantime. I'm feeling what it feels like to not work. This is new. 

It literally took ALL last week to feel like what it feels like to not work. For me, the highlight was that I found myself stopping something I was doing ALL the time and did not even realize it. Wait, maybe I realized it, but I always thought it was a part of life, period, the end. But turns out, it's not. What is it you ask? Rushing around. I quit rushing. Cold turkey. No 12 step program to quit all the rushing. No medications to stop my rushing tendencies. I just stopped rushing around when I didn't feel the need to do so anymore. If NOTHING else comes of this min-break from workie work, I've learned what it feels like to stop rushing about. And it feels supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

So the letting go of rushing was a biggie for me. Even though I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not. I'm feeling like what it feels like to think: "Oh, if I don't do fill-in-the-blank today, I'll have time tomorrow to do fill-in-the-blank". Really? Put something off til tomorrow? Normally, I'll rush about and get it all done. But nope. That feeling of saying "but after this week, things will slow down a bit" magically drifts away. I've said that every week of my entire life, except for last week. 

As last week wrapped up and the rushing feelings began to subside, I set an intention to cultivate patience. I needed to practice being patient with myself as I begin to accept a slower-for-me pace in the greater picture of my life. Learning that 'today is enough', whatever it is I'm doing that day. Work brings about so much of our self worth, that when work was no longer there day to day, this was an opportunity to cultivate patience for these new feelings of uncertainty. I began to understand that there was no need to rush around, and instead, I could choose to stay deeper in the moment I was in. Then, the real ah ha moment hit:  why was I not doing this already, while I was working. There is no need to rush ahead. Wait, I'm pretty sure I always felt like there was. I'm still sorting these new feelings out. And when I do go back to work, I'm excited to have this new perspective to take with me. 

What's most odd about this last week? I became the kind of free that I've spent my who life pretending that I didn't want. I feel a new freedom deep down in my soul. I think I've denied wanting it because I didn't ever think I could actually have it. The last time I felt this free? When I was running across the U.S. and was only responsible for myself and no one else. It's a type of free that we don't often celebrate, as it's not something that we readily have access to. 

Even when I go back to work, I'm looking forward to taking these new feelings with me. I have a taste for them, and I really like how free feels. I couldn't have experienced this without David's support. He's my biggest cheerleader for allowing my soul to chase dreams, goals and live my life with the art of non-conformity. This reminds me of the time when my mom bought me a t-shirt in high school that had this printed on the front, "I walk to the beat of a different drummer". My mom knew me better than I knew myself. Yes, I was in the drum corp in band. But I don't think that's why she got me that t-shirt. 

Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, said it well: "We must do what we need to do. Those who disapprove will either come around or stop coming around. Either way, lovely." She goes on to say that it's hard to refuse to abandon yourself. But it's also hard to abandon yourself. It's all hard. And as we do - we all pick our hards. And the people I find are the people I was meant to find. And with them: I can be both held and free. 

That's the thing about Glennon, she inspires others to stay true to who they are, even when others disapprove, get mad or leave. She inspires me to set healthy boundaries and always refuse to be the energy supply for people who feel entitled to you, knowing that because of this, you will likely be seen as the problem. And that therein is then my reminder to not worry about what other people think. Glennon, so much deep thinking. 

See what happens when I have a week off work? Glennon Doyle arrives in my brain full force and reminds me to stay true. Be you. Or better yet, Bee Ewe. 


Wait, did you just say ewe?

I sure did. After all those heavy thoughts this past week, and a lot of learning going on, I got a very special call. Ring, Ring, Hello? Oh Hi Amy! What? Y'all are making some changes? Yes, of course we are ready to take our sheep back, and we'd love to! 


From l to r: Brooklyn, Grace, Willow,
Lulu and Belle


And just like that, 8 months later, Belle, Willow, Grace, Lulu and Brooklyn are coming home. 


Just saying


Always go with the choice that scares you,

Cyndi


Guess what. Chicken butt. Never gets old.



 

 

Monday, July 5, 2021

Change is a good thing


8 months later....


It was Nov 2020 that David's diagnosis landed upon him, and I can now see David circling back to himself. It's been quite the journey. When I look back, I can see all the new coping mechanisms we added to our skills toolbox, and how clearly David pushed through it all without complaint or doubt. And now, fast forward to post recovery of cancer treatment, and he's living life and making up for lost time when reality took him away from himself. He's back. He's making limitless to-do lists each weekend. It's not just a piece of paper with black marks on it. No, it's his record of how far he's come. Health is a crown, and he's wearing it proudly. 

So here we are, full circle. I've seen this coming, as his transition has been a daily practice of baby steps. It warms my heart to see him back doing the things he loves to do - and wants to do. It was easy to take life for granted before 2020. Now we know that everything we do and experience is a gift. His mantra of 'you don't get it til you get it' aluminates from his soul and has changed the lens from which he sees. His new level of self-awareness has boosted his life to one of knowing that any morning could be the last time you brush your teeth. And with that said, let's do things. What are we waiting for. 

There's hiking....


Hike Life


There's kayaking.....


Doesn’t get better than this

Then there's work (painting, lots of painting)


Never a shortage of painting opportunities 

There's never a lack of things to do on a farm. The fact that David can do these things again is the miracle. We took it all for granted. Now we know better. One of my favorite things we've been doing together is our bike rides, and each time we are out riding I look over at him and can't believe that we are there together doing these things again. God is good. No, wait, God is great. We give it all to Him.



Horse Play


One of the things that's been amazing is watching David with the mini horses. 


Hope needs him. Men have not been good to her in
her harsh past life. 

He is so good with the mini’s, and he doesn’t even know it

Dora and Hope are like any other farm animal that is struggling with fly season. It's awful this year - and started early. And what's odd is how Dora's body handles flies vs Hope's body. We are able to control the flies with Dora by sprays and ointment as needed. That, along with the hundred fly traps in the barn. Hope, on the other shoe, is easily harmed by them, and we have to watch for sores and hot spots and treat them early. David and I decided on a fly mask for Hope, and it's working well, as the flies were really working hard on her sweet face. 

David has been spending time with both Dora and Hope, and has found his own way with each of them. It's so beneficial for both David and I to take time with the mini's. There are each very gentle and sweet in their own way. Hope and Dora adore each other and have developed a very tight bond with each other.


Hope looks like a horse superhero
with her fly mask on. She so fly.

It's like The Golden Girls minus 1. They fuss sometimes, and then the next minute, they are grooming each other. I'm so glad they have found their way to each other in life. They each have something to give in their relationship. It's a privilege to be able to care for them, as I learn more from my farm animals than I could ever possibly list. Forgiveness, resiliency, and being in the moment. What trust looks like, how to exercise patience, and just how important it is to play. 


So let's play


Maybe is always All In!


Ever since we took the wild Mallard ducklings to Hagerman Wildlife Refuge weeks ago, we were smitten with everything about the place. We recently took our kayaks out there and enjoyed some quiet time on the silky smooth waters watching birds of every shape, size and sound. There we were, in the middle of their world. 


Are you sure this is safe


Dogs are allowed there, as are boats on the water, and fishing and hunting is allowed. The fishing and hunting part is so hard for me to wrap my head around, but it's true. The place is open 365 days a year from dawn to dusk. There's hiking trails and plenty of mosquitos. 

Of course, we took The Littles. It was their first time in a kayak, and while Maybe is a natural adventurer, Sugar needed a little time to decompress from the excitement and had to have a mid-kayaking nap in the shade. 


💤 


This was one of our July 4th adventures. We ventured out on new-to-us county roads this weekend, and we also released turtles to new homes with a total rehoming turtle count of 17. Trying hard over here to give the fish in our pond a fighting chance to survive. 


Hell's Kitchen

Yeppers, we are still in no-kitchen mode.


Drying over here 

It's a slow process, so it seems anyway. Yet, if the moon, stars and sun line up properly, we will have countertops installed this week. The cabinets are painted and are now dry. The drying took about as long as it took me to run across the state of Tennessee. And just about as hot, as we actually had to open the windows a few days and nights in the process. 


We are ready for you

The countertop guy has our quartz ready for install, and we are ready because that also means that our kitchen sink will be installed and then I can stop washing the dishes in the shower or bathroom sink. I think what I've realized is that it's not just about not having a kitchen or kitchen sink. It's that the breakers/fuses to the kitchen outlets (which are turned off until the electrician comes to install the outlets, which is not soon) are those same breakers that are attached to my laundry room light, some outlets in there - and the dining area, too. So when dusk comes and it gets dark, I better have my flashlight to do laundry or to see things in the dining area. It's a mini $hit show for sure. I remind myself daily that it's worth the wait. I've been thinking about just selling the house and moving somewhere where there's a kitchen and lights. But I think that's just my impatience shining bright. Simmer down, Cyndi.


Whose singing a new tune

Turns out, I gave my 2 weeks notice last week. As a recap, it was over 3 years ago that I went from working for the doctors in the operating room to working for them in their medical office/practice. And as of Friday, I will no longer be doing that. I could go on and on and tell you why and sound bitter and whiny. So instead I will tell you that I realized that I was wrong to have made that career change. And since being wrong feels just like being right, in the moment, I thought I was right, when I was actually wrong.

Once I made amends with myself about staying somewhere that I knew better about, I gave myself a little self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The administration at this practice showed me who they were from the beginning.....I just didn't believe it. Yes, I know better, therefore I will do better and move on. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe it, and Oprah preaches this day in and day out. Instead, I denied it, but my intuition and knowing saved me, and I finally listened. I'm going to move forward in life and consider it failing forward. Hopefully, I will make a better choice next time. The hardest part for me is that the doctors there are amazing and talented. I will miss most of them. 

I'm now holding myself accountable for this chapter in my life, and they will hold themselves accountable for their own selves. I'll stay in my lane and look ahead at what life will bring. Do I know what that is? Do I ever know what that is? No, not really. That's what makes life such an adventure. I'm excited about the discovery of what's next, the hope, and listening to my heart and my inner knowing - and following that. I'm busy over here embracing the person I'm becoming, and I can because it's my business (thank you, Tabitha Brown). Onward, my friends. What's the first thing I did once I gave my notice? I signed up for an Ironman triathlon in Augusta, Georgia. I'm feeling like myself again, and between David and I both feeling ourselves these days, we are cruising on the Autobahn of Life. After all, at my last visit with my own oncologist, my numbers are looking a little better, even though I had to have a phlebotomy. It's all part of the polycythemia vera process. I'm feeling good, and that's what matters at this moment. 


I'll leave you with little Brooks learning to clap his hands. 




Watching children learn is like being able to see straight through to their little brain and watch their neurons firing away. He's now learning to pull up to a stand, and I hope Lauren and Ryan are eating their Wheaties to keep up with this little guy. 


Skies not even the limit,

Cyndi


Most grateful