I am happy to report that I am recovered, rejuvenated and back to my "regular" self. I enjoy walking the dogs, cooking dinner, sleeping in my own bed, and being part of my family, again. It's all very odd, looking back, it feels like I was in a time-warp. Almost like it vanished. Yet, in my mind, the memories are my constant reminder of the great adventure I had. I relish them all, I cherish them all. I want to do it again. Yes, I can say that now - openly. I get all excited "inside" just thinking about it. Maybe, I'll bike it this time? With a little different route? Or go hike the Appalachian Trail? Hike across New Zealand? There's just so many things to do.
For now, though, I am back at work. I am an OR RN at a surgery center, and enjoy what I do. I have really loved having all my friends, family and co-workers, go across America with me. It's as if we can talk about it, "as one". Remembering fun times, challenging times, all the while, being fascinated with it all! It's a common bond I have with the people around me. And I absolutely LOVE that.
I enjoy "bike" commuting to work, and am so very happy to be back at the yoga studio, again, where I feel "like everyone else". I look forward to picking an Ironman race to participate in next year, and settling into a new home that David and I intend to build, within the next year. So many fun and exciting things are happening. My daughter, Lauren, has a year more of Grad school, and I love watching her adult life, evolve.
The road calls me.......I will need to pick the "right" time, to go back out there. For the moment, I will need to lay low, and live life, as others do.
The wonderful company of Bob Stroller's, has generously offered to replace my Bob Running stroller. They know I gave mine away to a (much-deserving) family. I can now say that two wonderfully companies, have supplied me with the critical items I needed to succeed. FreeRide Bike Company in Mesa, Arizona, was my first "sponsor". I will never forget what they did for me - and when I needed it the most. The new wheels, liners and tubes held true the WHOLE rest of my journey. The "labor of love" and time, that they put into my running stroller, made ALL the difference for me. I simply cannot thank them enough.
After marinating on my trek for the last month, mostly unintentional, I have come to the conclusion of my:
Top 3 Most Memorable and Reoccurring Thoughts:
#3 Thought
I constantly find myself "thinking" how detached I am to the material things around me. I need "so little" to survive. The material things around me, esp at home, are now categorized as "keep" and
"no-need-to-keep", in my mind. I desire the things I have, in my home, to have more purpose. If they no longer "serve" me in life, I'd like to donate them, so that someone else may find value in them, or recycle them. Whether it be clothes, household items, or furniture, I find myself wanting to live a more minimal lifestyle. Other family members may not hold these same thoughts, as I do. So for now, I try to find 'balance', and not seem, all of a sudden, crazy.
#2 Thought
I often look back, and think about how I could go miles and miles, each day. I remember thinking, every morning, that "I can do this". My mind was made up. Everyday. And my body, followed. My thought process is now, forever changed. We can do anything we set our mind to. Oh yeah, it's easy to say that. But, I now know that it's absolutely TRUE. I can see right "through" people (and our excuses, reasons and justifications), when they doubt themselves. I now see - and hear it - all the time. And, all I can think of (screaming inside my own brain) is......"You can do it!'. But their mind is doubting it, so their body will follow the doubt. No matter what I say, about them being able to do something in particular.....they have to believe it, in their own mind. Mental strength is vital. Why do we not have a class on that, for children? To help teach them mental strength? Which provides for a strong physical being, in return?
I confess to excuses, reasons and justifications, myself......I just realize that I'm doing it, now. And when I am doing it.
#1 Thought
Complete Freedom. When I first began my journey, I never, ever, ever, thought about this topic. Sure, I thought about Freedom, and have always know how fortunate we are to be free. Yet, "Complete" Freedom was something I did not know existed. All my life, I have "answered" to others, and compromised with others. This includes when I was young, being directed by parents. Then, by teachers, and by co-workers and managers in a workplace setting, and by friends/family around me. There has always been a sense of "getting along" with others, making decisions based upon others, and unknowingly, living life with constant interaction with those around me. Everything from, "What's for dinner?", to "Can you come over this weekend", to "I need you to do FILL-IN-THE-BLANK at work". From simple, to complex, decision-making and interaction with others in my life. That is all I've ever known. And from all appearances, this is a normal life. It's what we all do, and have the privilege of doing. It is freedom. We are, in essence, making our own decisions, based upon what is going on around us. I never knew any different. I have never felt "bogged" down, or not able to make my own decisions. I have always been "free" to do as I wish, within a normal, and society-driven level.
Then, it happened. Complete Freedom. At first, I did not recognize it, as I had never "met" it before. I did not even realize it was happening, as it was a slow process, that evolved. The first few weeks on the road, I was with John. He was making the route, setting the miles. I was basing my decisions off of his. Then, as I began to travel, more and more alone, I began to feel it. It took awhile for me to realize it. Being alone, for days and days, is how it began. I would wake up in a different town each day, stopping at new places for food/drink every day, traveling non-stop, and meeting new people minute to minute. There was no one I was obligated to, but myself. No one depending on me, waiting for me, looking for me, or influencing/making decisions for me. Just me. I still had influence from family and friends back home, but due to my special circumstances on the road, it was 100% my choice, in regards to "everything", day to day. What to eat, where to stop, how long to linger in any particular area, which side of the road to be on, anything. Any decision, was my own. This has never happened before, in my whole life. Every day, I decided everything, on my own. Looking back, when I blogged about it, I wrote it as "taking care of myself, completely". It was taking all the time I had, to "take care of myself". I had Complete Freedom, but along with it, comes complete responsibility. I was okay with that. After all, I had the time......all the time in the world. I was living a life, on the road, of Complete Freedom. I "answered" to no one, I made all my decisions, based upon my needs. This was new. It was empowering. I now know, what it feels like. And am grateful, for that. I could have lived my whole life, and never knew, what it was like. But instead, I now know. It's a hard concept to explain, as I probably would have not understood it, myself, had I not lived it. It's hard to put into words. It's more of a feeling. It's one of my biggest "Take-Away's", from my trip. I absolutely love, love, love that I had the opportunity, to experience it.
I am back to living life, as we all do. Making our decisions, with others "in mind". It feels good. It feels normal. It's comforting.
I will always know what Complete Freedom feels like, though. I can't deny it......it was beyond words. It's "up there" with my other experiences from my trip: Kind, helpful people, beautiful countryside, fabulous weather, and Complete Freedom.
Forever Grateful,
Cyndi
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Big Ole Hygiene Report
I have steered clear of blogging for about a week now. I found that I would let a little time go by, and see how I'm really doing, as of now. I'm happy to say I've made great progress, but have a little ways to go. I still need to work on these things:
1) I found that looking back, I had begun "stress eating" in the last few weeks on my journey. The weather, the mountains, the terrain, the shoulder, the miles, were all harder on me, as my body was tired. To help make myself feel better (physically and emotionally), I would eat. I knew I needed to, as I was fighting to keep weight on. But at times, it was emotional eating. And I knew that. It developed into a habit. And it's a habit that I'm working on breaking, and changing into a "regular" eating regimen. I first thought, 'Oh, I'll go back to eating like I used to - before the trip'. But it's not that easy for me. So, I decided to find my "new normal" eating habits. And I've been working on that lately. I've embraced "change". Things cannot just "be like they were before the trip". Yet, I can use it as a guideline, and find a new balance with food, that serves me in my life, now. I feel very confident in this, and I know it will take time. I practice finding what's best for me each day. And eventually, it will evolve.
2) Running. I had fallen into another habit, on the road, that I'm working on changing. (Habits are complex, some easier to change, some difficult to change. Gretchin Rubin has a lot of great information on "Habits" on her website). After I developed some shin issues, and as my body wore down, I began to "adapt" a new variation of movement on the road. I found I could maintain, many times, 5 miles a hour. This was not running, nor was it fast walking. It was somewhere in the middle. It's what allowed me to get on down the road, even when I was tired - or not feeling my best. Now that pace has been ingrained in me. Like a habit my body "goes to". I'm working on finding my regular run form and pace again. This, also, will take time, and I'm okay with that. I practice running "normally", and letting go of that easier 5 mile per hour gig. I can use it when need be, but I'd like to develop my running similar to what it was before my journey. Once again, this will take time.
These issues are easier for me to tackle when I know, that in time, it will all work out just fine. I just have to remind myself, and practice forming new habits that compliment my life now. It's a challenge I think about each day. It goes back to having self-compassion during this transition. And it's fun, knowing that what might develop along the way could be new and different. Sure, I'd like to just have the "old me" back, with all my favorite habits I had. But that's not reality. I'm going to have to "work at it", and I'm finding developing the "new me" is exciting, and a personal growing experience. I'm embracing it.
Hygiene Report:
I went to the dentist, and had my teeth cleaned. That felt wonderful! They x-ray'd my toothies, and everything looks good. My tooth ache went from a dull ache all the time, to beginning to feel better. I'm hoping it will subside completely. It appears I was holding much stress in my jaw. Some of us hold stress in our necks or shoulders. I was holding most of it in my jaw. This created tension in my back upper teeth. This, again, was something new I developed. So I'll continue to relax my jaw, when I feel it tightening up. For example, I went out on my bike for the first time yesterday, and when some cars got close, I felt my jaw tense up. I now know I'm doing this, and can start letting that go. Jeeez, how many new habits DID I develop on those 78 days!? Lots! Adaption, that's what I'll call it. I was adapting to the new environment, out on the road. Time to adapt back, now.
My feet are healing. Some of the initial blisters have healed. Later ones need a little more time. They are technically no longer blisters, they are calloused areas. I use my pumice stone a little bit, here and there, on them, to help smooth them over. Not too much, or that initiates more growth. My goal is to decrease them slowly. Everything, but one problem toe, is going to be back to normal. My pinky toe on my right foot is still a little angry about the trip.
My right shin?! It's completely resolved. No more pain, no more ibuprofen.
My fingers are completely healed over, and all that is left are the scars.
I've still not gone for a manicure or pedicure, but I know I will soon. I don't necessarily have a good reason why I haven't.
I've not talked opening about my face, as that does sound odd. But my eye brows, and general "hair" maintenance on my face needed tending to. I'm happy to say that I'm back in a regular routine of caring for the skin and hair on my face. The freedom from maintenance, in many areas, was what I loved when I was out on the road. No judgement was my motto. I could be very "granola" looking out there on the road - and it didn't matter. Back home though, society pushes you into more of a maintenance-mode.
I also had the pleasure of my annual ob/gyn appt. Joy, joy. Seems I'm doing fine, according to my doctor. At my age, the hot flashes are relentless. I had blogged earlier about being hot, then chilled.
The hot flashes make me feel like someone just "set my body on fire....all at the same time". This is part of my life right now. So why not just say it? It was put on the back-burner (like that pun?), during my journey. I had bigger fish to fry out there! But now, it's stepped up it's game, and slapped me right in the face, to remind me that it's still around. Ahhhh, life of a 50-something. I'll take the good - and the bad.
So, all-in-all, things are great! I look back on my trek, and remember so, so many good times. The smells, the towns, the people, the beauty, and being free to be "me". The overall freedom was something I NEVER realized would be so rewarding. Yes, I want to do this again. Yes, I look forward to another adventure, and learning many new things. There's so much out there to experience! I learned that I'm able to handle complex situations. And I can now apply that to my life, and handle situations better, in general. I learned that I have something to learn from everybody I meet. That everybody know something I don't know, and I want others to share their knowledge with me. I practiced the concept of "listen". Which has the same letters as "silent". And through that, I learned many things, from many people, along my journey. It was a privilege.
I'm still not ready to write a "last" blog. There will be (occasionally) more. I'm just not ready to stop documenting my feelings. They arise slowly, and listening to them, acting upon the changes as needed, is on-going.
I'm still the "old me", but yet, I'll never be the same.
Cyndi
1) I found that looking back, I had begun "stress eating" in the last few weeks on my journey. The weather, the mountains, the terrain, the shoulder, the miles, were all harder on me, as my body was tired. To help make myself feel better (physically and emotionally), I would eat. I knew I needed to, as I was fighting to keep weight on. But at times, it was emotional eating. And I knew that. It developed into a habit. And it's a habit that I'm working on breaking, and changing into a "regular" eating regimen. I first thought, 'Oh, I'll go back to eating like I used to - before the trip'. But it's not that easy for me. So, I decided to find my "new normal" eating habits. And I've been working on that lately. I've embraced "change". Things cannot just "be like they were before the trip". Yet, I can use it as a guideline, and find a new balance with food, that serves me in my life, now. I feel very confident in this, and I know it will take time. I practice finding what's best for me each day. And eventually, it will evolve.
2) Running. I had fallen into another habit, on the road, that I'm working on changing. (Habits are complex, some easier to change, some difficult to change. Gretchin Rubin has a lot of great information on "Habits" on her website). After I developed some shin issues, and as my body wore down, I began to "adapt" a new variation of movement on the road. I found I could maintain, many times, 5 miles a hour. This was not running, nor was it fast walking. It was somewhere in the middle. It's what allowed me to get on down the road, even when I was tired - or not feeling my best. Now that pace has been ingrained in me. Like a habit my body "goes to". I'm working on finding my regular run form and pace again. This, also, will take time, and I'm okay with that. I practice running "normally", and letting go of that easier 5 mile per hour gig. I can use it when need be, but I'd like to develop my running similar to what it was before my journey. Once again, this will take time.
These issues are easier for me to tackle when I know, that in time, it will all work out just fine. I just have to remind myself, and practice forming new habits that compliment my life now. It's a challenge I think about each day. It goes back to having self-compassion during this transition. And it's fun, knowing that what might develop along the way could be new and different. Sure, I'd like to just have the "old me" back, with all my favorite habits I had. But that's not reality. I'm going to have to "work at it", and I'm finding developing the "new me" is exciting, and a personal growing experience. I'm embracing it.
Hygiene Report:
I went to the dentist, and had my teeth cleaned. That felt wonderful! They x-ray'd my toothies, and everything looks good. My tooth ache went from a dull ache all the time, to beginning to feel better. I'm hoping it will subside completely. It appears I was holding much stress in my jaw. Some of us hold stress in our necks or shoulders. I was holding most of it in my jaw. This created tension in my back upper teeth. This, again, was something new I developed. So I'll continue to relax my jaw, when I feel it tightening up. For example, I went out on my bike for the first time yesterday, and when some cars got close, I felt my jaw tense up. I now know I'm doing this, and can start letting that go. Jeeez, how many new habits DID I develop on those 78 days!? Lots! Adaption, that's what I'll call it. I was adapting to the new environment, out on the road. Time to adapt back, now.
My feet are healing. Some of the initial blisters have healed. Later ones need a little more time. They are technically no longer blisters, they are calloused areas. I use my pumice stone a little bit, here and there, on them, to help smooth them over. Not too much, or that initiates more growth. My goal is to decrease them slowly. Everything, but one problem toe, is going to be back to normal. My pinky toe on my right foot is still a little angry about the trip.
My right shin?! It's completely resolved. No more pain, no more ibuprofen.
My fingers are completely healed over, and all that is left are the scars.
I've still not gone for a manicure or pedicure, but I know I will soon. I don't necessarily have a good reason why I haven't.
I've not talked opening about my face, as that does sound odd. But my eye brows, and general "hair" maintenance on my face needed tending to. I'm happy to say that I'm back in a regular routine of caring for the skin and hair on my face. The freedom from maintenance, in many areas, was what I loved when I was out on the road. No judgement was my motto. I could be very "granola" looking out there on the road - and it didn't matter. Back home though, society pushes you into more of a maintenance-mode.
I also had the pleasure of my annual ob/gyn appt. Joy, joy. Seems I'm doing fine, according to my doctor. At my age, the hot flashes are relentless. I had blogged earlier about being hot, then chilled.
The hot flashes make me feel like someone just "set my body on fire....all at the same time". This is part of my life right now. So why not just say it? It was put on the back-burner (like that pun?), during my journey. I had bigger fish to fry out there! But now, it's stepped up it's game, and slapped me right in the face, to remind me that it's still around. Ahhhh, life of a 50-something. I'll take the good - and the bad.
So, all-in-all, things are great! I look back on my trek, and remember so, so many good times. The smells, the towns, the people, the beauty, and being free to be "me". The overall freedom was something I NEVER realized would be so rewarding. Yes, I want to do this again. Yes, I look forward to another adventure, and learning many new things. There's so much out there to experience! I learned that I'm able to handle complex situations. And I can now apply that to my life, and handle situations better, in general. I learned that I have something to learn from everybody I meet. That everybody know something I don't know, and I want others to share their knowledge with me. I practiced the concept of "listen". Which has the same letters as "silent". And through that, I learned many things, from many people, along my journey. It was a privilege.
I'm still not ready to write a "last" blog. There will be (occasionally) more. I'm just not ready to stop documenting my feelings. They arise slowly, and listening to them, acting upon the changes as needed, is on-going.
I'm still the "old me", but yet, I'll never be the same.
Cyndi
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