I have steered clear of blogging for about a week now. I found that I would let a little time go by, and see how I'm really doing, as of now. I'm happy to say I've made great progress, but have a little ways to go. I still need to work on these things:
1) I found that looking back, I had begun "stress eating" in the last few weeks on my journey. The weather, the mountains, the terrain, the shoulder, the miles, were all harder on me, as my body was tired. To help make myself feel better (physically and emotionally), I would eat. I knew I needed to, as I was fighting to keep weight on. But at times, it was emotional eating. And I knew that. It developed into a habit. And it's a habit that I'm working on breaking, and changing into a "regular" eating regimen. I first thought, 'Oh, I'll go back to eating like I used to - before the trip'. But it's not that easy for me. So, I decided to find my "new normal" eating habits. And I've been working on that lately. I've embraced "change". Things cannot just "be like they were before the trip". Yet, I can use it as a guideline, and find a new balance with food, that serves me in my life, now. I feel very confident in this, and I know it will take time. I practice finding what's best for me each day. And eventually, it will evolve.
2) Running. I had fallen into another habit, on the road, that I'm working on changing. (Habits are complex, some easier to change, some difficult to change. Gretchin Rubin has a lot of great information on "Habits" on her website). After I developed some shin issues, and as my body wore down, I began to "adapt" a new variation of movement on the road. I found I could maintain, many times, 5 miles a hour. This was not running, nor was it fast walking. It was somewhere in the middle. It's what allowed me to get on down the road, even when I was tired - or not feeling my best. Now that pace has been ingrained in me. Like a habit my body "goes to". I'm working on finding my regular run form and pace again. This, also, will take time, and I'm okay with that. I practice running "normally", and letting go of that easier 5 mile per hour gig. I can use it when need be, but I'd like to develop my running similar to what it was before my journey. Once again, this will take time.
These issues are easier for me to tackle when I know, that in time, it will all work out just fine. I just have to remind myself, and practice forming new habits that compliment my life now. It's a challenge I think about each day. It goes back to having self-compassion during this transition. And it's fun, knowing that what might develop along the way could be new and different. Sure, I'd like to just have the "old me" back, with all my favorite habits I had. But that's not reality. I'm going to have to "work at it", and I'm finding developing the "new me" is exciting, and a personal growing experience. I'm embracing it.
Hygiene Report:
I went to the dentist, and had my teeth cleaned. That felt wonderful! They x-ray'd my toothies, and everything looks good. My tooth ache went from a dull ache all the time, to beginning to feel better. I'm hoping it will subside completely. It appears I was holding much stress in my jaw. Some of us hold stress in our necks or shoulders. I was holding most of it in my jaw. This created tension in my back upper teeth. This, again, was something new I developed. So I'll continue to relax my jaw, when I feel it tightening up. For example, I went out on my bike for the first time yesterday, and when some cars got close, I felt my jaw tense up. I now know I'm doing this, and can start letting that go. Jeeez, how many new habits DID I develop on those 78 days!? Lots! Adaption, that's what I'll call it. I was adapting to the new environment, out on the road. Time to adapt back, now.
My feet are healing. Some of the initial blisters have healed. Later ones need a little more time. They are technically no longer blisters, they are calloused areas. I use my pumice stone a little bit, here and there, on them, to help smooth them over. Not too much, or that initiates more growth. My goal is to decrease them slowly. Everything, but one problem toe, is going to be back to normal. My pinky toe on my right foot is still a little angry about the trip.
My right shin?! It's completely resolved. No more pain, no more ibuprofen.
My fingers are completely healed over, and all that is left are the scars.
I've still not gone for a manicure or pedicure, but I know I will soon. I don't necessarily have a good reason why I haven't.
I've not talked opening about my face, as that does sound odd. But my eye brows, and general "hair" maintenance on my face needed tending to. I'm happy to say that I'm back in a regular routine of caring for the skin and hair on my face. The freedom from maintenance, in many areas, was what I loved when I was out on the road. No judgement was my motto. I could be very "granola" looking out there on the road - and it didn't matter. Back home though, society pushes you into more of a maintenance-mode.
I also had the pleasure of my annual ob/gyn appt. Joy, joy. Seems I'm doing fine, according to my doctor. At my age, the hot flashes are relentless. I had blogged earlier about being hot, then chilled.
The hot flashes make me feel like someone just "set my body on fire....all at the same time". This is part of my life right now. So why not just say it? It was put on the back-burner (like that pun?), during my journey. I had bigger fish to fry out there! But now, it's stepped up it's game, and slapped me right in the face, to remind me that it's still around. Ahhhh, life of a 50-something. I'll take the good - and the bad.
So, all-in-all, things are great! I look back on my trek, and remember so, so many good times. The smells, the towns, the people, the beauty, and being free to be "me". The overall freedom was something I NEVER realized would be so rewarding. Yes, I want to do this again. Yes, I look forward to another adventure, and learning many new things. There's so much out there to experience! I learned that I'm able to handle complex situations. And I can now apply that to my life, and handle situations better, in general. I learned that I have something to learn from everybody I meet. That everybody know something I don't know, and I want others to share their knowledge with me. I practiced the concept of "listen". Which has the same letters as "silent". And through that, I learned many things, from many people, along my journey. It was a privilege.
I'm still not ready to write a "last" blog. There will be (occasionally) more. I'm just not ready to stop documenting my feelings. They arise slowly, and listening to them, acting upon the changes as needed, is on-going.
I'm still the "old me", but yet, I'll never be the same.
Cyndi
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