The answers lie inside you

Ancient Sanskrit scripture repeatedly teaches me lessons that are universal, yet so very basic. They remind me of things I've learned, and nudge me to refocus on them. Here are some of my favorite reminders for myself in 2020:

You will receive a body.

This one hits home in a new way this year. The body I have received is now in need of some repairing and upgrading. 2019 has taught me to cherish the body I've been given. Its flaws, idiosyncrasies, strength, resilience and ability to heal and repair itself. It breaks down, and then builds itself back up. Even though during breakdown periods, I must stop doing the things I love to do, I am now able to prepare myself mentally for the down-time that is often associated with the repair and healing phases. Likely, this wisdom has come with age, as well as listening to the teachings from books, scriptures, podcasts, among other sources. If I could tell my 23 year old self something, it would be to appreciate the little things your body can do, the hard things your body can do, and respect and treat it like a temple.


There are no mistakes, only lessons

There should have been a lesson/class on this in high school, or at least in college. Mistakes are power. They allow me to retry, do things differently, brainstorm new things/ideas, and put myself out there (again) when fear knocks on my door and tells me otherwise. Granted, mistakes give my Ego the opportunity to beat me up, bring me down, instill more fear and often times top it all off with a giant serving of shame. Shame is hard to speak, but I found I must speak it, to dissolve it. Age (and many mistakes later) has brought me the understanding to know my mistakes are the gateway to learning. When I focus on the learning side of it, then the mistake was merely a tool to take me to the next place I'm needing to go. It's like a detour sign that takes me through the mountains, cold and rain storms to bring me to a place of peace and understanding, coupled with the ability to try again. The mistakes never stop in life, and the lessons just keep coming over and over. With my ultra running, I see it as a Win or Learn. I never lose, I just keep learning how to navigate things in a different, and hopefully, better way. Building blocks that allow me to keep moving forward in a productive manner. The other scripture that goes with this one? A lesson will be repeated until it is learned. Is that not the truest words ever spoken?

Others are merely mirrors of you

Okay, so some days, I play a game at work that helps me in my job. I'm a Triage RN at a medical office, and patients do not call the office because they want to say Hi. They call because they are sick, still sick, feel bad, have an emergency, mad, frustrated and a thousand other emotions that are likely related to an illness or disease process. They are typically not their best self when they call. And I answer their call, to hear their woes and become their gateway to where they need.....the doctor (or medical advise and comforting). So on the hard days I have, the days I'm not feeling my best, the days my patience is wore and jagged, I find I play a 'game' which I call "Just Like Me". I smile and answer the call and immediately think that this person is just like me. And really, they are in many ways. I can hear their pain and vulnerability. They are just like me. We are mirrors of one another, and I have the privilege of assisting them in their time of need. This opens my mind to compassion, caring and desire on those days when it does not come naturally. Luckily, I don't find that I play this game regularly, as I'm generally able to feel the connection with the patients on a regular basis and provide the natural good and true emotions needed. But on those certain days, I need this friendly reminder that yes, others are merely mirrors of ourselves. Mirrors of you and me. When I'm in line at a store, all those around me are mirrors. Driving on the road, eating at a restaurant and anywhere I may be, the others around me are mirrors. I learn from them, I try to pass kindness onto them, and I recognize they too, have a special and unknown story underneath the surface.

Your answers lie inside you

This is so freaking deep, that there's multitudes of books about this. For me though, it's a scripture that has become a mantra. Look inside, Grasshopper. Dig deep, Sweet Pea. Go inward and search for the answer, Cyndi. Think and think some more. What is your intuition telling you. Are you getting it confused with fear? Is other emotions standing in the way of finding the answer inside you? Is society pushing you to feel a certain way? Can you restrain from societal ways and find what you need inside yourself? Yes, I've come a long, long way, baby. And most times I find these answers inside me while on a moving mediation. Cleaning the barn quietly, or on a country road methodically running, or even simply closing my eyes and listening to myself breathe, am I able to listen to what's really inside. That's where it's all at. That's where I find who I really am in an authentic fashion. The real me, with answers inside, waiting for me to find them. #workinprogress


You will forget all this

You can remember it whenever you want. Amen. Life has a tendency to pull me away from its true meaning. Moving through all the chapters of life, I find that life's meaning can seem to change page to page. It's a story that I get to unfold, read and write every day. As I age, I'm able to hold a better focus on what's important. I certainly don't always get it right. Life tries to pull me, and I find myself better equipped to handle the pressures it brings. The wisdom, which is likely derived from all those life lessons already learned seem to be easily forgotten at times. I often need to learn some again, or try to remember them in vulnerable moments. Although I may no longer have "same day delivery" with all the information my brain holds, life is there to help me remember when I need it the most. It all seems to boil down to change, and how I manage that aspect of life. There's no better representation in my own life of that than here on the farm, of constant learning and growth. Around here, change is the only constant - and in my life in general, actually.


So how did all the changes on the farm shake out

Wonderful! Let's talk about it.



Chia, and her kids Petunia and Dotty are living their goat life. Chia is by far one of the best farm animal moms we've had. Her dedication to them is inspiring. These 3 sweet goats will be the only goat population for now. We have reached goat nirvana with 3. I think about Nona and Twizzler often. Their rambunctiousness is now being well served in a large herd on a lot of acreage.




I'll call this quadruplet grouping the quietest sheep herd ever.
From l to r: Belle, Lulu, Grace and Licorice
Their docile nature allows visitors the opportunity to pet and love on them. Belle and Grace were (once) bottle babies, so they are extra friendly to people in general. They graze the pasture, and they also welcome guests with open hooves. The fact that they will run to greet you is reminiscent of a friendly dog. Their kind Baa's and their calm souls make us want lambs just like them.
And since David has been wanting baby lambs for most of 2019, we are going to go pick up a ram for these ewes on this coming Saturday. Round 2 of lambing is about to start. 2020 will most likely bring more of these amazing sheep to the pasture. That's the plan, at least. Sam #2, we are coming for you.




Our (barn) cat population is one that we adore. We try and stay steady number-wise with them, but strays do appear here and there. This stray, Blackie, came to us with a wound on his head that made you NOT want to touch him, whatsoever (not that he would let anyone near him anyway, as he appeared feral upon his unexpected arrival). As my prior blogs noted, we did catch him and got him to the vet for proper care. After a recovery period, we are happy to say his wound is completely healed, with his hair all grown back now on his forehead. He's now super friendly, happy, beautiful and is at home in the Tack Room of the barn. Love him - and all the great cats we have out here.





Let's talk chickens. These are only some of my Experimental Chicken Farm girlz. I'm holding strong at 21 of them, along with my regular flock still at 13. So, 34 chickens. They are growing up, and I'm waiting to see when they will start laying eggs. They need to be more around 5-6 months old, so we still have a little more time to wait while they continue to mature. They roost/sleep in the Belle Tower at night, but during the day, they come up to the house/barn area and mingle with the flock in the barn area. Everyone is getting along well, with no rooster noises yet. All hens thus far. The joy I receive from seeing these 34 chickens free ranging in the yard is a dream come true, and one that I never knew I had. I mean, I really am a chicken lady. My love for them is ridiculous and unexplainable. They just make me so happy.





After I lost Snow White and Coco (2 of my silkies), I went searching on CraigsList for silkies. I found a lady in Denison who was selling her flock of 8 silkies. She had several roosters and hens and was raising and selling them prior, but life changes had forced them to sell their silkies, and focus on other areas of their life. Enter me in this picture. Yes, please, I'll take your 8 silkies - roosters and all. And upon a discussion with the Sheriff, we decided to move forward with allowing roosters on the farm, in a separate contained fenced area. For their safety - and for the review of how this is all going to go down. Surprisingly, the silkies are doing well. This bantam breed is a docile chicken, and the roosters are small, too. So lets give it a try. We already have portable fencing, an (extra) small coop not being used, and feeders. We shall put all of that to good use. Here's a closer look at some of them:





Here's a couple of the silkie hens, Chompchi, Dorothy and Dorothy. There's one more Dorothy around, too. I prefer to call them the 3 Dot's. Chompchi is the grey little one there, who looks a lot like the rooster, Post.





This is Post (Malone). He's head rooster, and a little larger than the others. He does crow in the morning, although since they are a smaller breed, it's not a super loud type of crowing. I find it endearing.





And then, there's Frank (aka Nugget). He's a white silkie rooster who has been previously picked on by the others. He's lost all his feathers on his back, and is relegated to low chicken on the chicken totem pole. I decided to keep him in a separate fenced area, next to his friends, but now they are unable to pick on him anymore. We are going to allow him time to heal. He's shown here with his "friends", but has since been placed next door to them, with his own little coop. I've not heard him crow. I've only heard Post crowing, out of the 3 roosters in this group.


Doing the chicken math, this is 13 + 21 + 8 = Just enough.


In summary, the changes have all been productive and good. While we miss those who left us, we are left with a certain amount of peace. An important factor in all of this is rightsizing. David and I must be able to care for everyone, the property (and ourselves) in a proper way. Having a good mix and the "right" number of animals is key. Although not pictured today, the donkeys and mini horses are doing very well. We are back to a balance that is more appropriate for what we can manage well. Lesson learned. Hopefully, I'll remember that lesson. We ebb up, and flow back down here on Lovebird Ln.





Here's wishing you all Happy Holidays, and the continued opportunity to grow and prosper in 2020,

Cyndi


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship" - Louisa May Alcott

Part II Yep, Resizing

Have you herd

It happened, yep it sure did. Davis and Dixie are now guarding on another sheep/goat ranch - and  luckily, they don't have chickens. Pawfect! We had two men from a local sheep and goat operation come and take those sweet doggies to their new pasture(s). They loaded up in the truck like they knew where they were going. One thing I know for sure, is they will be etched in my memory bank forever. Those dogs can guard. I'm happy for them, as these types of dogs just want to work. And from what I understand, there's a lot of sheep and goats to guard where they are headed.


You goat to be kidding

For real. These same men who have this ranch wanted all our sheep and goats. Uh, no. David made a deal with them though. He sold them 2 of the goats (Nona and Twizzler) and 2 sheep (Eve and Clara). This man (he has a name, and it's Jason) is looking to breed them all (except Twizzler, of course). Funny, because these 4 are the 4 who were the most vocal, the most pushy, and the most......well.....in charge. They are the most adapt to being independent and what I like to call, normal farm animals. They will do well, and give lots of babies. I miss them, but not the loud screams, I mean baa's that they were well known for.


Ewe mean this really happened

It did. And now, it's so quiet and calm, I'm not quite sure what to make of this. Farm population changes seem to be a thing. If you're not sure about it, check CraigsList (I use Texoma CraigsList). It's like a Farm Swap Meet 24/7. Buying, selling and trading. And if you put animals out there, there's people who show up at your doorstep. And when they come to "look" at one type of animal, they ask about the others. It's a real thang and keeps things fresh, I suppose.


Kale Yeah, I know

It's a business for people. It's fun for me, but many folks are serious farmers. I have much respect for them and what they do. My little hobby farm has contributed to others business, and I'm happy to watch and learn what other people are doing. I find it fascinating and have a lot to learn if making money is involved with what I have going on.


But aren't you trying

My experimental chicken farm of 21 young girlz is still thriving. Ever since I moved the flock closer to the house so they can have guard dog protection (who don't eat them), all the hens are alive and I count them every few nights to make sure I have all 21 there. And, I have the original flock (now at 13) free ranging and proving daily bug extermination duties. Not many of them are laying anymore, because they stop laying eggs around 3 years old. Then, they are either culled, or in our case, kept around to keep the bug population under control around the house and barn.


Hope she's not a he

No, thank goodness. All 21 of those chickens are cock-a-doodle-doo free. All bada$$ mother cluckers (roosters) will likely be culled by the Sheriff. Thus far, they are all growing, and are actually mixing a bit with the other flock. Mostly, they stay with their own people. I've come to realize that I've got three breeds in this 21 mix:  Orpingtons, Rhode Island Reds and Cinnamon Queens. Gorgeous. All of them. I've got to wait until their about 5-6 months before I'll find any eggs. That's okay, I can wait. Then we'll see where that takes us. Not the best business plan, but I prefer to take it day by day.


Hay Girl

The mini horses have adjusted well to their new home with us, and I adore them. Dora is a little reserved, and Diego has blossomed as super friendly, dog-like and not a shy bone in his body. I know, I'm not supposed to treat them like I treat the dogs, but it's hard because of their size. They are horses, and I hear miniature horses can become unruly if treated otherwise. They love long walks in the pasture, sunning together, and frolicking. They are pasture jewelry, for sure and just downright beautiful animals. And surprisingly quiet.


Ewe's in Charge

Good question. Who is in charge regarding the (remaining) ewes? Grace? maybe. Belle? maybe in a quiet way. Lulu? too shy. Licorice? surprisingly, no. The head ewe is still shaking out right now. The four ewes mosey around the pasture together and are always grazing as a herd. Interestingly enough, they don't graze with the goats. They have this natural separation thing going on. I don't think they are racist, bias or discriminatory. They just like being with their own peeps.


The one that goat away

Actually two. That leaves us with Chia and her little kids, Petunia and Dotty. They goat it going on. Those two kids are so farm cute, that they can get away with anything - and boy howdy do they ever try. They are cute even when they are causing a ruckus. Slipping through small fencing areas to eat the chicken food and escaping to the neighboring pasture to graze on yummier things. Now I know how unruly children are perceived by their parents. Oh look, Little Johnny is head butting the other children. Isn't that so cute?! Fast forward to Big Johnny in prison with that same mom visiting her son in prison and proclaiming his innocence. That took a bad turn, but you get the idea. From the goat-go, those two little kids of Chia's could do no wrong. Their little maa's tickle my heart strings. That and their pink precious noses.


Hee Haw

Did you used to watch that show on TV? You know, back in the 70's. The only thing better than Hee Haw was Soul Train. I could watch that all day. I'd day dream I was there dancing, too. The girl up on the stage, which meant you were a good dancer, and then when everyone made two lines and people danced down between them....one at a time....doing their jazzy, special dance moves. Memories.
Wait, what I meant to say was how Mama and Papa Donkey are doing. Yes, they are still loud and proud, esp Papa with his Hee Haw's that can be herd a mile away, I'm sure. He takes a really deep breath in, and just lets it all out. We've moved them to the back pasture since the change in population. We had a ton of new dirt transported back there from the digging of the pond. The donkeys love it - and we love having them there again. Sitting on the back deck, with their big ole eyes watching you, only a few feet away. They want treats and have such a sweet tooth I'm afraid they may get diabetes. They are full of personality and that's just one of the many things I love about them.


Did you say pond

Indeed I did, and they have just about finished it. "They" is a man named Chuck and his side kick, Boyce. I found them on CraigsList. He's a pond maker. He has lots of big machines and a dump truck to boot. He's waved his magic pond all over our place, and finished the expansion. It's about double the size now, and we won't really know how it's going to look until quite a few rains. The good news is, it will be completed early this week. Now that's worth getting excited about when I hear "rain is coming". I used to cringe, as it was all a muddy mess. Okay, it's still a muddy mess slightly transformed into pond material. They did a good job, and we so appreciate it. They used the dirt they dug to fill in low spots all around the property and man, just that in itself was worth it all. When it's picture worthy, I'll place it in the blog. For now, it's a bit rough looking and will need a few good rains to make it look more like a pond and less like a muddy mess. Gonna need some time, my friends.


As fur as the eye can see

It's hard to know how things are going to go, when decisions are made to sell or buy farm animals. This change has made one of the greatest differences in the dynamics here. It's definitely more quiet, easier to feed everyone, and the ability to move the animals to different pastures for pasture management is in full view now. This change has given us more flexibility that will be valuable over time. So there were tears shed, but that probably won't ever change. My little tender heart is not that of a real farmer. Therefore, this hobby farm on Lovebird Lane will stay just like that. It's our hobby - and I love it. Everything here is a labor of love.


Getting piggy with it,

Cyndi

Part I: Minimizing Risk vs Resizing

After the chicken loss on 355, and therefore, the movement of the experimental chicken farm up closer to the house in the Belle Tower, we had another recent event happen. This time, it was with our own animals. A couple of weeks ago, and I don't remember the exact day, I came home from work as usual. Even though I sometimes drive up to the house and animals are not where they "should be", on this particular day, it was Dixie and Davis, with all the goats and sheep who had escaped from the back pasture to enjoy the day in the front yard of the house along with access to the barn. The barn stores the feed, alfalfa, the chickens plus more. It was a hay day for them all. My heart sank. How long had they been out? As I knew Dixie and Davis have killed our chickens previously, and I began praying in my head that it didn't happen again.
It's a whole circus act trying to get them all back to their own pasture. Some of the goats and sheep are in the barn, the dogs are running wildly around and they all know what I'm there to do: Move them back to their own area. But this is all so interesting, fun and exciting, they tell me! New smells, food and fun. The goats and sheep have literally eaten every leaf off the bushes alongside the house. I'm not sure those bushes will survive. The barn looks like a bomb went off in it. Bins toppled over, poop everywhere, the hay stocked so nicely is now scattered about. The clean up will take hours.
And indeed, it did take time to get the goats, sheep along with Dixie and Davis back to their place in the back pasture. The gate must have come unlock, even though I can't say how it happened. It happened, and human error is part of life. The goats and sheep are not my focus, as much as what did Dixie and Davis do with the chickens free ranging about?
It wasn't until after I got everyone back in their place did I go back and start counting the chickens. I have 15 that live in the barn, and 21 that now live in the Belle Tower. It's the 15 that live in the barn and free range around it that I'm concerned about. By now, it's dark, as it gets dark by around 5:30 pm. The chickens are settling in to their roosting places in the barn, and I start counting. 1, 2, 3, up to 12. I go through Roll Call in my head and realize that all three of my silkies are missing. I'm so upset with Davis and Dixie. Those little silkies cannot fly, and with their short tiny legs cannot run fast. The more I look around, the more I realize what has happened. It's like a crime scene. I see blood, I see parts of my sweet chicken, and start crying. I see where they got one for sure. As I keep investigating, I cannot find the other two silkies. Frantically, I get a flashlight and start roaming the property for signs of the other two. Nothing. Where are they? Are they alive? After exhausting my search for them, and with all the animals back in their proper places, I head inside. I've looked around everywhere, multiple times. Nothing. Now I'm still crying, as my sweet Snow White has been killed by my very own dogs. She's just a chicken. But she's my chicken.
Fast forward to a restless night, and eagerness for the sun to rise. I head to the barn to see if Coco and Frizzle are anywhere to be found - dead or alive. Surprisingly, Frizzle is up and walking around with the other. Still no sign of Coco. I have one silkie left from the rampage of the guard pups. Coco has never been found.
Dixie and Davis are wonderful guard pups to the goats and sheep. Wonderfully awesome, matter of fact. But they are chicken eaters. I realize we will never be devoid of this predicament, and gates opening and closing are a way of life here on the farm. They are a risk. A huge risk to other animals lives - chicken lives matter. What to do about this? It's not like we didn't know, as that's why they've always been stationed in farther away pastures with larger animals. They are the reason we bought the goats. But how long can we keep that up, with the inability to incorporate them into the culture we have? Buying goats for Dixie and Davis to guard was perfect to finalize their guard training. And guard dogs extraordinaire they are! But they cannot be trusted. The risk is too great. I'm not able to keep them contained on a consistent basis, I'm just not able to. How will they be able to be our replacement in a few years when Levi and Whisper retire from guarding? They won't, is my sad answer.
Fast forward again to sitting in front of the computer on CraigsList. An Ad goes up, showcasing the guard dogs awesomeness and guarding skills - with a Warning : chicken eaters. This is important, as I can't with a clear conscience have them go to another farm/ranch and continue to eat chickens (someone else's chickens). It must be known ahead of time. Fast forward some more, and I've got texts from other people in the area with sheep and goats who want Dixie and Davis for their guarding purpose. Perfect, and the process begins. I will be sharing them, not charging for them. They need a farm/ranch for them to go "work". It's what they do best. And in the pictures I had posted of the guard pups (who are 1 year old now), are the goats. People want the goats, too. And they ask about sheep. Now all of a sudden, we are evaluating who will really leave the farm.
Today is the day. People are coming for Dixie and Davis and there will be crying involved. Farmers cry, as with love on a farm - there is always loss. This loss is different that other losses. It's a disappointment unlike the other losses. Goats and sheep will likely also be negotiated, and it's really an unknown of who will stay and who will go. Do all the goats leave now? Do we downsize our sheep population, too, while we're at it? Right sizing and resizing is about to happen. It's part of the ebb and flow in the universe. Creating, recreating and movement after stability and instability is swirling. What to do - what not to do. Where is the book that tells me what to do? I realize, I'm writing that book right now. Do what it is you need to do, to protect all animals on the farm. And give those leaving an opportunity to thrive and be happy as well. The crying has started early today.

Part II to this story will be written later on. Not likely today, as I'll need some time to process it all. I'll need to draw on my memory bank of Bright Sides and What's Next moments. I'll need to reflect on the fun and the experiences from which I've learned in this chapter of life. Turns out, As The World Turns On The Farm is a thing on Craigslist. The coming and goings of farm animals. It's a real thing.

Before I close, I'd like to shed a little sunshine. I have located a man who thinks he can fix our pond. The prior contractors had wrecked our pond more than we realized, and we are in dire need to having it corrected. He appears to be our blessing in this moment. Coming in to save the day. Although we've thought that twice before. So, that will be a question mark answered in the next couple of weeks, I imagine. The Pond Saga continues, just in a new direction. Again. Will this be the final time? Time will tell us that soon.

Hope everyone's holiday was delightful,

Cyndi