It seems every year, I learn new and different things. This year was probably one of the biggest years for change, and we've had a lot of change in our 30 years of life together. Between the loss of David's parents, settling an estate, new lambs, chicken losses and gains, guard dog's surgery and continuing recovery, retirement from the OR into the medical office setting, new guard dog pups to train, Lauren's new-found love of biking (plus a myriad of change for her, certainly), constant care and movement of fencing for farm animals, new roofs on all the dwellings, as well as other plethora of day to day activities. I began my own death cleaning this year, and learned to love less clutter - and less noise around me. I know that this is what we all do in life. Other people's changes are different from mine, but just as impacting and important. We are all bouncing along this wonderful life together, each doing things in our homes to live life as best as we are able. With love and loss.
I've learned the impact of one's parents death(s) is varied and far reaching. The learning from it goes well beyond "what to do after a death of a loved one". It's a lot of rethinking, forming what if's, and maybe even some regrets along the hard road we call the grieving process. While life continues for us, and changes are happening, the end of life for others forms new pathways into ones thinking.
Simple questions arise like, Will I trust my adult child's judgement when the time comes that I need to hear hard things? Will I take other's advise when my decisions are not sound? And maybe most importantly, How will I know when it's time - to make a change or move?
It's so hard to realize a time will come for this type of thing. But it does, even though I can't see that far ahead in life. It's like it happens to others, but those kinds of things won't happen to me. As I age, I no longer believe that, because I know a time will come for "that" kind of change. The changes for 2018 are normal, regular life changes as we all have. I'm hoping in my lifetime - and when it's "time" - God will grant me the grace to know that a season of change is necessary.
My favorite thing about all this is it will be a surprise. So how can I be ready for a surprise? I've never known in my life where I would be in 10 years down the road. So planning for proper care at a late stage of my life seems perplexing and confusing. I didn't even know that in January 2018, what was about to fall in my lap in late 2018. How could I possibly construe and formulate a plan for "later on" not knowing my destiny. Where's the book on all this? And to make it even more difficult and complicated, each person whose of older age is so vastly different. There's no one path, and no "right" path.
So as I cool my jets on thinking about my own plans when an age strikes that requires me to seek assistance, I move forward. I'm ever changing and evolving as a person, as most of us are. I don't want to dig my heels down and define myself as "fill-in-the-blank". I want to be fresh, learning, and smile. I want to learn to listen to my intuition more regularly.......and trust it. I always want to learn to love myself more, because as I do, I learn to love others more.
With this evolution, I find I need to be more and more open to the things around me. Social media, 'current' phone etiquette, trendy and cool things that make living life easier, resetting my expectations on today's lifestyles, and listening to the younger generations. Now that's really how I learn things. Don't get me wrong, I still want to do things my way, the old way, the ways I've always known. But that only gets me so far. Speaking of learning, I've learned I need to be open to ways of doing things that are not necessarily comfortable - or may even seem illogical to me. But that's the way life works, and it's taken me years to see that I can sit back and say things like, Remember when the phone was attached to the wall to talk? Or, Remember when there were only channels 4, 5, 11 and 13 on the TV? Or one of my favorites, which I resist the urge to say (all the time), Remember when people answered the phone when it rang?
So now I find myself "sounding old". And by the way, I feel it when it happens, most of the time. Or I can tell by the look on others people's faces around me. Either way, I'm doing it. I want to learn new things everyday - and I hope I can continue to do that. I want to try and keep up, just a little bit, with this vast world of happenings.
It's a conflicting paradigm, though. One side of me says, "Yes, Keep up, Gurl!", while the other side of me says, "Go put a Closed sign on the gate out front of the property, and become a commune and never leave". Ah yes, I'm conflicted.
I'm picking the option of Keeping Up. I'm like a 2 year old chasing after a mom walking too fast. Wait for me! I'm just trying to keep up with life, keep myself in line, and manage all my sweet farm animals - all at the same time. Luckily, I have a life mate, best friend, kindred soul and husband who is compassionate and amazing. He wants me happy, as much as I want him to be happy. He's a wonderful artist, woodworker, and baker. He's my gateway into the world of growing old. And there's no one else I'd rather travel in time with.
Bring on the changes of 2019. I'll do my best.
Cyndi
Farm Update:
Due to the nature of a recovering dog and guard pups who are still young, heat lamps were placed in the barn to assist them with the cold winter temps.
The lambs are in the midst of weaning from their mama's (and us, from Little Grace). The lambs are now big enough to be secure and eat on their own, and become more and more independent.
Grace is down to 1/2 bottle am and pm. And cries for more constantly. Insert hurts heart to hear her cry.
All electrical heated water buckets are in place for the upcoming 20 degree weather.
Sugar is beginning to learn her name, as is Dixie and Davis.
This rain makes the farm a muddy mess.
The donkey's own updated barn is ready just in time for this cold and wet weather.
Last, all the chickens are healthy and happy - which, of course, makes me one happy chicken lady.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Thursday, December 20, 2018
And now, let there be peace
As Christmas approaches, it's fitting to say there is peace on the farm. It's been a long time coming.
Tranquility and calm has descended upon us. The lambs have all turned the "I'm going to live" corner. Little Grace has been bottle fed for weeks now, and is finally catching up with the others. We are currently weaning her from the bottle, slowly. She's gone from 3 full bottles a day, to 2 a day, and now getting 2 partial bottles a day. We are making our way to no bottles a day. It's going to take about 3 more weeks to get there, but progress abounds. Grace, Clara and LuLu are all healthy, happy lambs. Granted, LuLu does not like this cold weather. All in all, the lambs are growing up. I imagine that Belle and Eve will wean their still-nursing lambs within the next month. They are growing less tolerate of their lambs nursing, and the lambs are eating alfalfa, grain and grazing the pasture. Oh, my heart is happy beyond belief. Each time I drive down towards the house and see them all out grazing, I realize David's dream of a larger flock is coming true. Will there be more? I never thought I'd say it. But, yeah, just maybe there will be more lambs in our future. We survived - and they survived. I can't wait for Jerry, The Sheep Shearer to come this year and see our prizes. Our spoiled sheep have had spoiled lambs. I can see him rolling his eyes as I write this.
And Whisper! You'd be so proud of her. You've all gone down this scary road of will she - or won't she make it through this recovery period, and come out the other side with a successful surgery and healing process. No, I did not take her to the vet this week. Wait a second while I pat myself on the back. Okay, done. We were able to keep her from further escape(s) and harm. Really, I think she's just thrown in the towel, and quit fighting against us. But either way, we are all in a good place, together. And to add to this success, we have created a new area whereby the puppies are now blended with Whisper in a fenced area that allows them their own private access to a portion of the barn, that's exclusively theirs. Did it require David and I to move 13 10X6 pieces of fencing? Why, yes it did. Did it require us to cut another small door in the side of the barn? Check. So now when it rains, or is really cold, the new guard pups-in-training, and Whisper, together get to dictate when they want to come inside the barn. It's also a great way to bond them to Whisper, and get some training with her and what to bark at, staying up most of the night watching and learning to love and respect each other. The 3 of them are all able to eat their meals in a 10 X 10 area together without complete chaos. They eat calmly, and are mindful of each other. It's been a blessing to be able to have them all together - with access to a large, fenced outside area. They will be free to room the pasture in an estimated 3 months. We look forward to Whisper being healed by then, and the puppies ready to take a shot at being free in the pasture, under the guidance of Levi and Whisper, both. This whole process is an evolution. New guard pups, new leg for Whisper, new lambs and new beginnings and traditions on the farm. It takes time and work, but all this time and work invested pays huge dividends. It's like the stock market. It pays well over time, and we are still putting in our time. I can see the rewards coming, and it feels good to let go of some of the chaos, and enjoy the calm that's creeping in.
And since I wouldn't want to let things get too calm, I decided that maybe, just maybe I need an indoor animal. The sheriff had put all animals out of the house on my last crossing. I can't say as I blame him. It's a lot of work to keep the house clean with cats and dogs coming and going, with dirt, grass and hair flying everywhere. After all, it's really dirty outside. Chickens, donkeys, sheep along with rain, mud and dirt does not lend to a clean house.
So what might I want in the house? A really small tiny dog. Yep, that's what I want. An indoor animal. One that stays inside most all the time, with outside potty time, and then right back inside. Maybe can't qualify for this job, as she enjoys the life outside too much. Maybe enjoys her barn time, gravel road time, 355 time, and even her occasional trip down the road to the satellite tower, across the way, to see what's shaking down there. She's even been known to travel across the street to the pasture of cows, and get too close to the edge of their pond. She's all about getting dirty, and it does not bother her in the least.
After some research, I located puppies and dogs for sale around 3-5 lbs. OMGoodness, now that's how a house pet should be. We begin our journey of this online, and ended up at a tiny puppy/dog boutique and found our forever house animal. We adopted a 1 year old MaltiPoo who had gone unpurchased, and who also was looking for a forever home. There we were - together looking for each other. She's just over 5 lbs full grown, a white poodle-looking, curly haired girl with a Maltese curly tail. I'll take her! And we did. She's feisty, but fearful. Brave and afraid. Fan of females, and loves a life of luxury. David built her a little dog bed, with a special pink velour pillow of her own. She wears a sweater, and stands on her back legs like she's in the circus. She doesn't bark, but she does have a odd howl when left at the house, in her confined area when we are away or at work. David named her Sugar. She's sweet, and just like all of our animal population, we love her to bits. Each and everyone of them, brings pure joy.
Our cat community is not taken for granted. They all get along so well, and do a wonderful job of deterring mice, snakes and rats. We still have the occasional possum around, as there's not much that a cat can do to help that. But all our cats do a great job of tolerating, and mostly enjoying each others company. They each have their domain and territory. They are certainly the easiest of the animals to care for. But right up there with easy care, are the chickens. We are holding strong at 16 chickens. 2018 was a year of chicken highs and lows. Our chicken community is much like our cat community - everyone is getting along with no obvious meanies. Having our chickens settled, brings about lots of eggs, chicken-harmony and extermination of all bugs in the surrounding area of the barn, house and garage. And the donkeys have something new for the winter. We had their run-in shed modified. The south side is now covered, so that it's more like a barn for them now. We added rubber flooring in it, and it's now their Donkey Palace. They esp love it when we put their hay inside it. Almost like being indoors, and I must say, they have always been fans of the barn. And we have created a separate barn space of their very own.
So as I often do, I do a census of our population: Chickens: Ginger (RIP Butterscotch), Sunshine, Butter, Pebbles, Pepper, Peaches (RIP Cream), Callie, Goldie, The Twins, Veronica (RIP Penny), Storm (Cloud was a rooster, bye bye to a new home), Whitie, Blackie, CoCo and Frizzle. Donkeys: Mama and Papa. Cats: July, June Bug, Fi (May), Kitty, Sweet Pea, Finn, Smokey and Preston. Dogs: Levi, Whisper, Dixie, Davis, Maybe and Sugar (RIP Bridgette). Sheep: Eve, Grace, Clara, Belle and LuLu. Population: 37
It's interesting, because as a unit, their names don't really sound all that great. But if you knew them individually, most all of them fit their names. Or so I think they do. Cue the circus music. Because that's what it's like around here. The three rings are constantly changing their performers, and some are highlighted more than others. It's been an eventful 2018. One of love and loss. We are still ebbing and flowing around here, but for now, the dust has settled. We are all finding peace, comfort and our place where we belong. Myself included. It's taken me years to get here, as I thought this was only what other people did. All it took to get here was to step out of my box, and realize there's more to life - to my life. I've arrived. and oddly enough, I keep arriving.
Thanks for sharing 2018 with me, and 2019 will bring many things I could have never guessed or dreamt of. That's what happens each year - things I never would have imagined, happen. Like happy accidents. I have titled 2019 The Year of kNOw. Knowing what I'd like to do, where I'd like to go, and the ability to say No. I'm going to focus on knowing what feels right and good, listening to my intuition, and answer when it speaks to me. I've ignored it far too many times in life, but I'm on track now. If it takes turning 55 to find my inner voice, then it's about time to start listening to it. I'll stumble, and I'll fall. But getting back up feels so good.
Peace to you,
Cyndi
Tranquility and calm has descended upon us. The lambs have all turned the "I'm going to live" corner. Little Grace has been bottle fed for weeks now, and is finally catching up with the others. We are currently weaning her from the bottle, slowly. She's gone from 3 full bottles a day, to 2 a day, and now getting 2 partial bottles a day. We are making our way to no bottles a day. It's going to take about 3 more weeks to get there, but progress abounds. Grace, Clara and LuLu are all healthy, happy lambs. Granted, LuLu does not like this cold weather. All in all, the lambs are growing up. I imagine that Belle and Eve will wean their still-nursing lambs within the next month. They are growing less tolerate of their lambs nursing, and the lambs are eating alfalfa, grain and grazing the pasture. Oh, my heart is happy beyond belief. Each time I drive down towards the house and see them all out grazing, I realize David's dream of a larger flock is coming true. Will there be more? I never thought I'd say it. But, yeah, just maybe there will be more lambs in our future. We survived - and they survived. I can't wait for Jerry, The Sheep Shearer to come this year and see our prizes. Our spoiled sheep have had spoiled lambs. I can see him rolling his eyes as I write this.
And Whisper! You'd be so proud of her. You've all gone down this scary road of will she - or won't she make it through this recovery period, and come out the other side with a successful surgery and healing process. No, I did not take her to the vet this week. Wait a second while I pat myself on the back. Okay, done. We were able to keep her from further escape(s) and harm. Really, I think she's just thrown in the towel, and quit fighting against us. But either way, we are all in a good place, together. And to add to this success, we have created a new area whereby the puppies are now blended with Whisper in a fenced area that allows them their own private access to a portion of the barn, that's exclusively theirs. Did it require David and I to move 13 10X6 pieces of fencing? Why, yes it did. Did it require us to cut another small door in the side of the barn? Check. So now when it rains, or is really cold, the new guard pups-in-training, and Whisper, together get to dictate when they want to come inside the barn. It's also a great way to bond them to Whisper, and get some training with her and what to bark at, staying up most of the night watching and learning to love and respect each other. The 3 of them are all able to eat their meals in a 10 X 10 area together without complete chaos. They eat calmly, and are mindful of each other. It's been a blessing to be able to have them all together - with access to a large, fenced outside area. They will be free to room the pasture in an estimated 3 months. We look forward to Whisper being healed by then, and the puppies ready to take a shot at being free in the pasture, under the guidance of Levi and Whisper, both. This whole process is an evolution. New guard pups, new leg for Whisper, new lambs and new beginnings and traditions on the farm. It takes time and work, but all this time and work invested pays huge dividends. It's like the stock market. It pays well over time, and we are still putting in our time. I can see the rewards coming, and it feels good to let go of some of the chaos, and enjoy the calm that's creeping in.
And since I wouldn't want to let things get too calm, I decided that maybe, just maybe I need an indoor animal. The sheriff had put all animals out of the house on my last crossing. I can't say as I blame him. It's a lot of work to keep the house clean with cats and dogs coming and going, with dirt, grass and hair flying everywhere. After all, it's really dirty outside. Chickens, donkeys, sheep along with rain, mud and dirt does not lend to a clean house.
So what might I want in the house? A really small tiny dog. Yep, that's what I want. An indoor animal. One that stays inside most all the time, with outside potty time, and then right back inside. Maybe can't qualify for this job, as she enjoys the life outside too much. Maybe enjoys her barn time, gravel road time, 355 time, and even her occasional trip down the road to the satellite tower, across the way, to see what's shaking down there. She's even been known to travel across the street to the pasture of cows, and get too close to the edge of their pond. She's all about getting dirty, and it does not bother her in the least.
After some research, I located puppies and dogs for sale around 3-5 lbs. OMGoodness, now that's how a house pet should be. We begin our journey of this online, and ended up at a tiny puppy/dog boutique and found our forever house animal. We adopted a 1 year old MaltiPoo who had gone unpurchased, and who also was looking for a forever home. There we were - together looking for each other. She's just over 5 lbs full grown, a white poodle-looking, curly haired girl with a Maltese curly tail. I'll take her! And we did. She's feisty, but fearful. Brave and afraid. Fan of females, and loves a life of luxury. David built her a little dog bed, with a special pink velour pillow of her own. She wears a sweater, and stands on her back legs like she's in the circus. She doesn't bark, but she does have a odd howl when left at the house, in her confined area when we are away or at work. David named her Sugar. She's sweet, and just like all of our animal population, we love her to bits. Each and everyone of them, brings pure joy.
Our cat community is not taken for granted. They all get along so well, and do a wonderful job of deterring mice, snakes and rats. We still have the occasional possum around, as there's not much that a cat can do to help that. But all our cats do a great job of tolerating, and mostly enjoying each others company. They each have their domain and territory. They are certainly the easiest of the animals to care for. But right up there with easy care, are the chickens. We are holding strong at 16 chickens. 2018 was a year of chicken highs and lows. Our chicken community is much like our cat community - everyone is getting along with no obvious meanies. Having our chickens settled, brings about lots of eggs, chicken-harmony and extermination of all bugs in the surrounding area of the barn, house and garage. And the donkeys have something new for the winter. We had their run-in shed modified. The south side is now covered, so that it's more like a barn for them now. We added rubber flooring in it, and it's now their Donkey Palace. They esp love it when we put their hay inside it. Almost like being indoors, and I must say, they have always been fans of the barn. And we have created a separate barn space of their very own.
So as I often do, I do a census of our population: Chickens: Ginger (RIP Butterscotch), Sunshine, Butter, Pebbles, Pepper, Peaches (RIP Cream), Callie, Goldie, The Twins, Veronica (RIP Penny), Storm (Cloud was a rooster, bye bye to a new home), Whitie, Blackie, CoCo and Frizzle. Donkeys: Mama and Papa. Cats: July, June Bug, Fi (May), Kitty, Sweet Pea, Finn, Smokey and Preston. Dogs: Levi, Whisper, Dixie, Davis, Maybe and Sugar (RIP Bridgette). Sheep: Eve, Grace, Clara, Belle and LuLu. Population: 37
It's interesting, because as a unit, their names don't really sound all that great. But if you knew them individually, most all of them fit their names. Or so I think they do. Cue the circus music. Because that's what it's like around here. The three rings are constantly changing their performers, and some are highlighted more than others. It's been an eventful 2018. One of love and loss. We are still ebbing and flowing around here, but for now, the dust has settled. We are all finding peace, comfort and our place where we belong. Myself included. It's taken me years to get here, as I thought this was only what other people did. All it took to get here was to step out of my box, and realize there's more to life - to my life. I've arrived. and oddly enough, I keep arriving.
Thanks for sharing 2018 with me, and 2019 will bring many things I could have never guessed or dreamt of. That's what happens each year - things I never would have imagined, happen. Like happy accidents. I have titled 2019 The Year of kNOw. Knowing what I'd like to do, where I'd like to go, and the ability to say No. I'm going to focus on knowing what feels right and good, listening to my intuition, and answer when it speaks to me. I've ignored it far too many times in life, but I'm on track now. If it takes turning 55 to find my inner voice, then it's about time to start listening to it. I'll stumble, and I'll fall. But getting back up feels so good.
Peace to you,
Cyndi
Sunday, December 9, 2018
Back to the Vet
I'm beginning to think the veterinarian's office should just make Whisper and I a "standing" weekly visit. After a week of watching Whisper struggle with her leg after the storm incident last Friday night, I decided another visit is necessary. For her, or for me? Yes.
Whisper is getting to be quite the expert at car riding. That's a bit exaggerated, but still, she's adjusting and no longer pants and drools from anxiety, my pasture dog. This time, I also put my little King Charles spaniel, Maybe, in the car with us for some extra company and comfort. Those two dogs despised each other for at least the first year. Whisper did not allow Maybe to come into the pasture, and after one altercation, Maybe had no desire to wander out there.....without us with her. I think Whisper thought she looked too much like a skunk. Look how far we've come! Maybe is in the car as Whisper's 'emotional companion'. Who knew that day would ever happen. So the three of us travel to the vet office, to again confess my inability to control and contain my guard dog so her leg can heal. 4 months is a long time to keep a guard dog penned up. That's just me whining.
Side note: I had a "first" happen, as when I let Whisper out of the car on her leash, we walked through the grass and she potty'd while she was leashed. What? She's a real dog now. And she's beginning to settle into a routine of moving about the property - and in life - (only) on a leash. Her wanderlust days are temporary suspended, and she's settling into the groove of a new routine. To translate: Our routine for her, to get this leg healed.
Back to the vet visit. So Maybe waits in the car while I head inside with Whisper. We are the last patient of the day. Dr Murphy watches Whisper walk in, and is very curious why we are there again. I know she's wondering what the "story" is this time. "Well", I start out with, "you know the storm on Friday night?". That's all I had to say. Dr Murphy knows what storms can do to animals, and Whisper gets highly nervous and anxious when it thunders/lightening. The first thing she says is we'll need to get some medicine to help with that, so she won't hurt herself when the next storm comes. Perfect! Then, she begins to examine Whisper, who I'm convinced has completely messed up her leg (again). Dr Murphy is moving it back and forth, evaluating it completely. Touching her leg, pressing against the area with the plate and screws, all while Whisper just lays there like nothing is going on. Dr Murphy looks up at me and says, "Nope, she's just fine!". Everything looks good (again). And once again, God has shown mercy on Whisper - and me. With 2 escapes under this dog's belt, and to be "fine" both times is something I cannot wrap my brain around. God is Good. We are close to 1 month post op - and she's fine. 3 months to go. 3 more long months of confinement so her leg can heal. Along the way, we are to do physical training exercises with her. The journey continues. Don't get too comfortable, because just when I think everything is okay, Whisper has something up her sleeve. She's a smart cookie. More like obsessed with getting herself freed. It's a battle of wills around here.
I'm taking that good news and moving forward. Whisper is thriving and healing. And on top of that, all three lambs are growing up and thriving as well. Clara and Grace are coming up on 2 months old, and Little LuLu is 2 weeks behind them, although taller. LuLu is a tall lamb, as is her mama. And her little Baa is the sweetest. Clara and Grace enjoy Baa-ing, esp when they think there might be grain involved. I'm happy to say that we had these three lambs, and they are all three doing wonderful. For our first lambing event, it's been an absolute blessing. The thought that they will be weaning from their mama(s) is hard to imagine. Those lambs love their mamas.
The cold has set in, and the heated water buckets are beginning to be placed in their appropriate spots. The barn doors and windows are remaining shut more and more, to help keep the cold out. This is the hardest time of year for me. My heart hurts to think any of them might be cold. Even though they have fur coats on, and live outside as farm animals do, I still struggle a bit with it. I've gotten better about it. This year, due to the lambs, and Whisper's healing process, we did install 4 heating lamps in the barn. (The chickens love them). But overall, I think we have everybody settled and the things needed for everybody to brave the winter. The tack room is full of coastal and alfalfa hay, as there's just not a lot for the sheep or donkeys to eat in the pasture during the winter. There's some, but we do supplement with hay in the winter. Then, when spring arrives, the grass and forbs are abundant for them all, and they eat non stop. I don't think I ever expected to have lambs at the winter season. I don't really know when I expected to have them, but winter can be cruel to these little lambs. Lulu esp does not like that bitter north wind and low temps. She stays curled up on the dog bed, and Baa's for Belle to come back in the barn. Belle, of course, is out grazing as she's a good eater. I still can't believe all my lambs sleep on dog beds, but they do. Every night. I think that probably speaks volumes about the way we raise and keep our animals. I imagine it's not the norm, but then I figure Why Not? Why not love them how I desire to love them? I'm fortunate to have a husband who understands the way I show my love. My love language, for my farm animals, is lots of hugs (if they allow me to do so, and even if they don't allow me to do so), an abundance of nurturing, and care with their living conditions, oh, and treats. Yes, some might say far too many treats. The barn is certainly my place of choice to be. I'll make up just about any excuse to go out there, be out there, or stay out there for long periods of time. Winter is harder in regards to time in the barn, but I love it just the same. My cold tolerance is low. I will say, sometimes the animals might not want me to love them like I do, as their natural instincts don't lean towards hugs and petting (Ex: chickens, sheep), but as David has heard me say, far too many times to any one of them, "Let me love you". They tolerate me, as best as they can.
As 2019 approaches, I am excited about what a new year brings. It's always a good time to renew commitments to projects, look ahead for new adventures, and rethink what life is all about. The age old questions: is what I'm doing in life enough? do I want to be doing something else? am I a settler? And my answer always seems to boil down to one thing. Happiness. Because does life have to be about doing enough? Can it just be about enjoyment and contentment? There's a balance here somewhere, and ironically it seems the older I get, the closer I get to my own nirvana. Age + experience = wisdom. My own version of it, anyway.
As I watched the tribute to George H.W. Bush, I was touched by his list of advice for young people. I realized it wasn't a list he made for others, but what he lived by himself, and was merely passing it on. Have you seen it? It's simply amazing. Simple, yet amazingly poignant:
Whisper is getting to be quite the expert at car riding. That's a bit exaggerated, but still, she's adjusting and no longer pants and drools from anxiety, my pasture dog. This time, I also put my little King Charles spaniel, Maybe, in the car with us for some extra company and comfort. Those two dogs despised each other for at least the first year. Whisper did not allow Maybe to come into the pasture, and after one altercation, Maybe had no desire to wander out there.....without us with her. I think Whisper thought she looked too much like a skunk. Look how far we've come! Maybe is in the car as Whisper's 'emotional companion'. Who knew that day would ever happen. So the three of us travel to the vet office, to again confess my inability to control and contain my guard dog so her leg can heal. 4 months is a long time to keep a guard dog penned up. That's just me whining.
Side note: I had a "first" happen, as when I let Whisper out of the car on her leash, we walked through the grass and she potty'd while she was leashed. What? She's a real dog now. And she's beginning to settle into a routine of moving about the property - and in life - (only) on a leash. Her wanderlust days are temporary suspended, and she's settling into the groove of a new routine. To translate: Our routine for her, to get this leg healed.
Back to the vet visit. So Maybe waits in the car while I head inside with Whisper. We are the last patient of the day. Dr Murphy watches Whisper walk in, and is very curious why we are there again. I know she's wondering what the "story" is this time. "Well", I start out with, "you know the storm on Friday night?". That's all I had to say. Dr Murphy knows what storms can do to animals, and Whisper gets highly nervous and anxious when it thunders/lightening. The first thing she says is we'll need to get some medicine to help with that, so she won't hurt herself when the next storm comes. Perfect! Then, she begins to examine Whisper, who I'm convinced has completely messed up her leg (again). Dr Murphy is moving it back and forth, evaluating it completely. Touching her leg, pressing against the area with the plate and screws, all while Whisper just lays there like nothing is going on. Dr Murphy looks up at me and says, "Nope, she's just fine!". Everything looks good (again). And once again, God has shown mercy on Whisper - and me. With 2 escapes under this dog's belt, and to be "fine" both times is something I cannot wrap my brain around. God is Good. We are close to 1 month post op - and she's fine. 3 months to go. 3 more long months of confinement so her leg can heal. Along the way, we are to do physical training exercises with her. The journey continues. Don't get too comfortable, because just when I think everything is okay, Whisper has something up her sleeve. She's a smart cookie. More like obsessed with getting herself freed. It's a battle of wills around here.
I'm taking that good news and moving forward. Whisper is thriving and healing. And on top of that, all three lambs are growing up and thriving as well. Clara and Grace are coming up on 2 months old, and Little LuLu is 2 weeks behind them, although taller. LuLu is a tall lamb, as is her mama. And her little Baa is the sweetest. Clara and Grace enjoy Baa-ing, esp when they think there might be grain involved. I'm happy to say that we had these three lambs, and they are all three doing wonderful. For our first lambing event, it's been an absolute blessing. The thought that they will be weaning from their mama(s) is hard to imagine. Those lambs love their mamas.
The cold has set in, and the heated water buckets are beginning to be placed in their appropriate spots. The barn doors and windows are remaining shut more and more, to help keep the cold out. This is the hardest time of year for me. My heart hurts to think any of them might be cold. Even though they have fur coats on, and live outside as farm animals do, I still struggle a bit with it. I've gotten better about it. This year, due to the lambs, and Whisper's healing process, we did install 4 heating lamps in the barn. (The chickens love them). But overall, I think we have everybody settled and the things needed for everybody to brave the winter. The tack room is full of coastal and alfalfa hay, as there's just not a lot for the sheep or donkeys to eat in the pasture during the winter. There's some, but we do supplement with hay in the winter. Then, when spring arrives, the grass and forbs are abundant for them all, and they eat non stop. I don't think I ever expected to have lambs at the winter season. I don't really know when I expected to have them, but winter can be cruel to these little lambs. Lulu esp does not like that bitter north wind and low temps. She stays curled up on the dog bed, and Baa's for Belle to come back in the barn. Belle, of course, is out grazing as she's a good eater. I still can't believe all my lambs sleep on dog beds, but they do. Every night. I think that probably speaks volumes about the way we raise and keep our animals. I imagine it's not the norm, but then I figure Why Not? Why not love them how I desire to love them? I'm fortunate to have a husband who understands the way I show my love. My love language, for my farm animals, is lots of hugs (if they allow me to do so, and even if they don't allow me to do so), an abundance of nurturing, and care with their living conditions, oh, and treats. Yes, some might say far too many treats. The barn is certainly my place of choice to be. I'll make up just about any excuse to go out there, be out there, or stay out there for long periods of time. Winter is harder in regards to time in the barn, but I love it just the same. My cold tolerance is low. I will say, sometimes the animals might not want me to love them like I do, as their natural instincts don't lean towards hugs and petting (Ex: chickens, sheep), but as David has heard me say, far too many times to any one of them, "Let me love you". They tolerate me, as best as they can.
As 2019 approaches, I am excited about what a new year brings. It's always a good time to renew commitments to projects, look ahead for new adventures, and rethink what life is all about. The age old questions: is what I'm doing in life enough? do I want to be doing something else? am I a settler? And my answer always seems to boil down to one thing. Happiness. Because does life have to be about doing enough? Can it just be about enjoyment and contentment? There's a balance here somewhere, and ironically it seems the older I get, the closer I get to my own nirvana. Age + experience = wisdom. My own version of it, anyway.
As I watched the tribute to George H.W. Bush, I was touched by his list of advice for young people. I realized it wasn't a list he made for others, but what he lived by himself, and was merely passing it on. Have you seen it? It's simply amazing. Simple, yet amazingly poignant:
Don’t get down when your life takes a bad turn. Out of adversity comes challenge and often success.
Don’t blame others for your setbacks.
When things go well, always give credit to others.
Don’t talk all the time. Listen to your friends and mentors and learn from them.
Don’t brag about yourself. Let others point out your virtues, your strong points.
Give someone else a hand. When a friend is hurting show that friend you care.
Nobody likes an overbearing big shot.
As you succeed, be kind to people. Thank those who help you along the way.
Don’t be afraid to shed a tear when your heart is broken because a friend is hurting.
Say your prayers!
I thank him for these reminders. I need them. Cyndi
Monday, December 3, 2018
Good News
It's been over 2 weeks since Whisper's surgery. It's also been a couple of weeks now that we have been bottle feeding little lamb, Grace. "We" being the key term. David and/or I bottle feed her in the morning and evening, and our knight-in-shining-armor, Paul dutifully comes by every day at lunch, to make sure Grace gets her milk. He heats the water, mixes the formula and puts it into the bottle and faithfully delivers that bottle to Little Grace in the barn or pasture. She is the oldest of the lambs born recently, yet the smallest, although she is likely to catch up in size, with time. She got behind the curve when her mama, Eve decided not to let her nurse within a week of being born.
What is unique about Grace is her dedication to Eve, although she's not being nursed by her. Grace has to watch her twin (Clara) nurse from Eve, and when Grace attempts to do the same, Eve disallows it by either pushing her away, or merely walking off - over and over. Grace has no choice but to give up. This phenomenon of rejection is fascinating. Graces' attachment to Eve is strong, despite not being nursed by her. It took time to orient Grace to a bottle of milk vs her mama. Hunger took over - and Grace became so hungry, the bottle was readily accepted, with time and continual trying. Now, she wants a bottle all day every day. She cries and cries for it. Luckily, she is eating alfalfa and some grain, but even the fight for that is hard because she's the smallest. Sheep can be cruel, as they are greedy eaters. They enjoy eating so much, that there's a vaccine for sheep called CDT. It's for the treatment of enterotoxemia: the overeating disease. It's a combination vaccine for clostridial disease and tetanus, which is typically given by the age of 10 weeks. Basically, it's so they won't kill themselves by overeating. I don't know the details of "how" it all works, but know that we vaccinate our sheep yearly for it, and plan on vaccinating our lambs in a few weeks. If we choose to give Grace a bottle every time she cried and asked for it, we could essentially cause her death. So many times a day now, she's asking for milk, and since she's at an appropriate size and on a feeding schedule, we don't typically deviate from that. But yet, she cries her sweet cry. Hurts my heart, but we have to do what's in her best interest. Grace is thriving wonderfully, and follows me around the pasture asking for a bottle. I love having another lamb imprinted to me. Belle is such a kind soul, and I imagine once we wean Grace off of Eve, she will begin to be more independent.
As Grace grows, so do the other lambs. They are all so sweet, cute and playful. The three little girl lambs play and chase each other. They jump and run, chasing each other like children do. I can certainly see how people just have more and more lambs. I don't know if I'm going to be okay saying these will be my only lambs. Yeah, I know I've already said that. I enjoy them so much, that I may have to have more. Sam The Ram, I continue to thank you for these gifts of sweet babies.
As time goes on, Eve, Grace and Clara remain a tight unit - as does Belle and LuLu. The 5 are a true flock. They roam together and all get along very well. It's magical watching them in the pasture, as they are such kind and innocent farm animals. They are not mischievous like (cute!) goats, or messy like (cute!) pigs, and I mean those things in the nicest way. But sheep are docile and quaint. They are unable to protect themselves from predators, and rely on others for their safety. Their Baa's are soft and delicate. I never knew sheep were so gentle. I am fortunate to witness it every day.
** Side Note: I must interject that the donkeys are empirically and surprising gentle and kind, too. And when I type that, it leads me to say: so are the chickens, the dogs, the barn cats........Our Farm Community is kind.
Sometimes when life gives you this equilibrium, it feels so good to live it, and be in that moment of really feeling it. What the animals give me, makes me want to give back even more. I know the animals can feel the love, as I can certainly feel theirs. This weekend, we had the opportunity to share some of the animals with family and friends. My sister and her fabulous family came by, and friends as well. My sister's grandchildren are all so wonderfully loving and sweet. I would love to have them over every weekend! We love having people drop by. David and I are the first to say that Hosting is a talent, and we are still learning and figuring out the secret(s) to it. Each of us always wishes the other was Fabulous Host/Hostess Extraordinaire. We bop along when it comes to entertaining, and really enjoy the experience of family and friends. It's such a odd feeling to say we feel so insecure at hosting, because aren't we old enough to be good at it yet? Other people make it look so easy. Despite our insecurities, we are always happy when people come over.
Speaking of happy, I was so happy to meet Kaitlyn, her husband and sweet young son. Her son was so brave. He was all-in! Donkeys, no problem. No fear. He was engaged, and embraced each moment. My favorite think about him? His patience, that's what I really noticed. What a attribute to have in life. Patience - its's key to everything we do. And he has that, at such a young age. He was taking it all in, in stride.
I love watching all the children, and the choices they make. It's almost as if I can see the neurons firing in their brain, as the young ones process what's happening around them. There's so much to learn. Where do the chickens live? What do they eat? You mean it's okay to hold one? The donkeys are so big. Why does the barn smell like this? And it just doesn't stop. I derive such affectionate amusement from it all. Their words, their faces, and their smiles. Precious. Thanks, Kaitlyn for bringing your family by the farm.
Whisper, Whisper, Whisper. I must tell you that we got the most fabulous news this past week. The surgeon took X-rays, and found that Whisper's leg looked very good. Her plate and screws are still in proper alignment on her leg, and she's on track in regards to her recovery. She got her stitches out, and her incision looks great and has healed without a glitch. Considering her escape on Day 1, this is unbelievable. What I have found in life is this: Good news! Yay, and oh-so-wonderful! We moved past fill-in-the-blank, now onto the next good and positive step. Right? Good news means more good news, or at least that's how I was feeling and exactly how I felt. How could anything go wrong now? Whisper's going to be just fine! 'The worst thing that could happen' is behind us now. Insert record scratch. 2 days after receiving this good news, things took a turn.
It all started (this past) Friday night. Whisper was in her secured fenced area, all was well. As a review, she's not allowed to be off leash (or free to roam) for 4 months during this recovery. Keeping her contained has been one of the most difficult things we've encountered on the farm. Her instinct to guard, and be in the pasture is greater than any pain she feels. So what happened was, David and I get everyone in the barn settled, as we do each night. Then, we do something unusual, we head back out for my work Holiday Party. Yep, we are going out on a Friday night. Who are we? I digress. What did not pass the forefront of my mind was that a storm was coming. Whisper hates storms. She's "that dog" that freaks out with thunder and lightening. Not rain, but the loud bangs and lightening. That's all good and fine, if she can go to her usual hiding spot, but in her pen, she's stuck. I'll make this quick and painless: Storm comes, Whisper is mortified, flustered, and so agitated and stressed by it that she pushed with her body (and I mean pushes) her pen a couple of feet over, that allows her access to sneak under an area about the size of 1 foot by 1 foot. And that she did.
I still don't know how she moved that pen. Desperation? Probably. Fight of flight response? Yeah, that too. Whisper not only moved a heavy a$$ welded pen, but she moved a portion of the pen over an area that had a drop down, so she could crawl underneath and escape. While this was going on, I was completely oblivious, and had not even considered this could even happen in my wildest dreams.
When the party's over, we drive home, and while coming down the gravel drive we notice there are two guard dogs in the pasture. Not just Levi. Who is that other dog, I thought?! I thought I was dreaming, or maybe a neighbor dog decided to drop by? And then, it hit me: How did Whisper get out!? Did I leave the gate unlocked? No, Whisper used her super powers to move something I can hardly move. And she's a dog. With a hurt leg.
I quickly run out to the pasture and get her back in the barn on a leash. But it's too late. I can already see her leg seems different. I knew then, that this event tonight might have been that final hurrah for her leg. If I ever thought it was Escape # 1 to mess her leg up, how wrong I was. It was actually Escape #2 that might have done the most damage. There was not supposed to be a Escape #2. It never crossed my mind whatsoever. Remember, I had the Good News, that everything was fine. The vet said so. I had her in luxury accommodations, with everything she needed. Not everything, obviously.
Back to square one. I'm mad at myself for underestimating her desire, her passion and her need to escape. This is not a regular dog. There's no compliance, no cooperation. It's like she fakes it, till she makes it out. As if Whisper says, "I'll be right here". Not.
I can't be sure all is not well with her leg. It's a feeling I have. I watch her try to walk on it, and it's different now. Time will be the teller of it all. Only time will tell me the answer this time. If I asked to take her back up to the Vet for X-rays again, they will send doggie CPS out for me. Lady, why can't you keep your dog contained during a 4 month recovery period? But sir, you don't understand. I don't even understand how she's doing these things. I'm telling you - super powers. If Whisper was a super hero, she'd be Captain Houdini.
Back to my point from above. The good news I received was short lived, but I was convinced that once I got that good news, it would be smooth sailing, as I had everything under control and would make it a few more months now, protecting her from herself. No, that was all a delusion. Reality gave me a wake up call. Wish I hadn't answered that call.
I guess if your a dog, it's not considered self-sabotage. In a human, yes. Dog, no. Whisper knows not that she needs to be kenneled for her protection and recovery. She is back in her appointed safe place, forcibly and reluctantly. Just waiting for that right moment again to escape. Until the next storm, upon which I may have to put her beside my bed. I have a feeling she'll be under the bed. And that's okay. At least in the house she only drools and pants with anxiety.
And things were looking so good. This time, I'll have to "wait it out" to figure out what's next. Poo. Just when the good news came. It's crushing to see her so willing to hurt herself further, that it's hard to wrap my mind around this dilemma. And if she gets even a remote chance, I know she'll take it.
I'm going to keep at this,
Cyndi
What is unique about Grace is her dedication to Eve, although she's not being nursed by her. Grace has to watch her twin (Clara) nurse from Eve, and when Grace attempts to do the same, Eve disallows it by either pushing her away, or merely walking off - over and over. Grace has no choice but to give up. This phenomenon of rejection is fascinating. Graces' attachment to Eve is strong, despite not being nursed by her. It took time to orient Grace to a bottle of milk vs her mama. Hunger took over - and Grace became so hungry, the bottle was readily accepted, with time and continual trying. Now, she wants a bottle all day every day. She cries and cries for it. Luckily, she is eating alfalfa and some grain, but even the fight for that is hard because she's the smallest. Sheep can be cruel, as they are greedy eaters. They enjoy eating so much, that there's a vaccine for sheep called CDT. It's for the treatment of enterotoxemia: the overeating disease. It's a combination vaccine for clostridial disease and tetanus, which is typically given by the age of 10 weeks. Basically, it's so they won't kill themselves by overeating. I don't know the details of "how" it all works, but know that we vaccinate our sheep yearly for it, and plan on vaccinating our lambs in a few weeks. If we choose to give Grace a bottle every time she cried and asked for it, we could essentially cause her death. So many times a day now, she's asking for milk, and since she's at an appropriate size and on a feeding schedule, we don't typically deviate from that. But yet, she cries her sweet cry. Hurts my heart, but we have to do what's in her best interest. Grace is thriving wonderfully, and follows me around the pasture asking for a bottle. I love having another lamb imprinted to me. Belle is such a kind soul, and I imagine once we wean Grace off of Eve, she will begin to be more independent.
As Grace grows, so do the other lambs. They are all so sweet, cute and playful. The three little girl lambs play and chase each other. They jump and run, chasing each other like children do. I can certainly see how people just have more and more lambs. I don't know if I'm going to be okay saying these will be my only lambs. Yeah, I know I've already said that. I enjoy them so much, that I may have to have more. Sam The Ram, I continue to thank you for these gifts of sweet babies.
As time goes on, Eve, Grace and Clara remain a tight unit - as does Belle and LuLu. The 5 are a true flock. They roam together and all get along very well. It's magical watching them in the pasture, as they are such kind and innocent farm animals. They are not mischievous like (cute!) goats, or messy like (cute!) pigs, and I mean those things in the nicest way. But sheep are docile and quaint. They are unable to protect themselves from predators, and rely on others for their safety. Their Baa's are soft and delicate. I never knew sheep were so gentle. I am fortunate to witness it every day.
** Side Note: I must interject that the donkeys are empirically and surprising gentle and kind, too. And when I type that, it leads me to say: so are the chickens, the dogs, the barn cats........Our Farm Community is kind.
Sometimes when life gives you this equilibrium, it feels so good to live it, and be in that moment of really feeling it. What the animals give me, makes me want to give back even more. I know the animals can feel the love, as I can certainly feel theirs. This weekend, we had the opportunity to share some of the animals with family and friends. My sister and her fabulous family came by, and friends as well. My sister's grandchildren are all so wonderfully loving and sweet. I would love to have them over every weekend! We love having people drop by. David and I are the first to say that Hosting is a talent, and we are still learning and figuring out the secret(s) to it. Each of us always wishes the other was Fabulous Host/Hostess Extraordinaire. We bop along when it comes to entertaining, and really enjoy the experience of family and friends. It's such a odd feeling to say we feel so insecure at hosting, because aren't we old enough to be good at it yet? Other people make it look so easy. Despite our insecurities, we are always happy when people come over.
Speaking of happy, I was so happy to meet Kaitlyn, her husband and sweet young son. Her son was so brave. He was all-in! Donkeys, no problem. No fear. He was engaged, and embraced each moment. My favorite think about him? His patience, that's what I really noticed. What a attribute to have in life. Patience - its's key to everything we do. And he has that, at such a young age. He was taking it all in, in stride.
I love watching all the children, and the choices they make. It's almost as if I can see the neurons firing in their brain, as the young ones process what's happening around them. There's so much to learn. Where do the chickens live? What do they eat? You mean it's okay to hold one? The donkeys are so big. Why does the barn smell like this? And it just doesn't stop. I derive such affectionate amusement from it all. Their words, their faces, and their smiles. Precious. Thanks, Kaitlyn for bringing your family by the farm.
Whisper, Whisper, Whisper. I must tell you that we got the most fabulous news this past week. The surgeon took X-rays, and found that Whisper's leg looked very good. Her plate and screws are still in proper alignment on her leg, and she's on track in regards to her recovery. She got her stitches out, and her incision looks great and has healed without a glitch. Considering her escape on Day 1, this is unbelievable. What I have found in life is this: Good news! Yay, and oh-so-wonderful! We moved past fill-in-the-blank, now onto the next good and positive step. Right? Good news means more good news, or at least that's how I was feeling and exactly how I felt. How could anything go wrong now? Whisper's going to be just fine! 'The worst thing that could happen' is behind us now. Insert record scratch. 2 days after receiving this good news, things took a turn.
It all started (this past) Friday night. Whisper was in her secured fenced area, all was well. As a review, she's not allowed to be off leash (or free to roam) for 4 months during this recovery. Keeping her contained has been one of the most difficult things we've encountered on the farm. Her instinct to guard, and be in the pasture is greater than any pain she feels. So what happened was, David and I get everyone in the barn settled, as we do each night. Then, we do something unusual, we head back out for my work Holiday Party. Yep, we are going out on a Friday night. Who are we? I digress. What did not pass the forefront of my mind was that a storm was coming. Whisper hates storms. She's "that dog" that freaks out with thunder and lightening. Not rain, but the loud bangs and lightening. That's all good and fine, if she can go to her usual hiding spot, but in her pen, she's stuck. I'll make this quick and painless: Storm comes, Whisper is mortified, flustered, and so agitated and stressed by it that she pushed with her body (and I mean pushes) her pen a couple of feet over, that allows her access to sneak under an area about the size of 1 foot by 1 foot. And that she did.
I still don't know how she moved that pen. Desperation? Probably. Fight of flight response? Yeah, that too. Whisper not only moved a heavy a$$ welded pen, but she moved a portion of the pen over an area that had a drop down, so she could crawl underneath and escape. While this was going on, I was completely oblivious, and had not even considered this could even happen in my wildest dreams.
When the party's over, we drive home, and while coming down the gravel drive we notice there are two guard dogs in the pasture. Not just Levi. Who is that other dog, I thought?! I thought I was dreaming, or maybe a neighbor dog decided to drop by? And then, it hit me: How did Whisper get out!? Did I leave the gate unlocked? No, Whisper used her super powers to move something I can hardly move. And she's a dog. With a hurt leg.
I quickly run out to the pasture and get her back in the barn on a leash. But it's too late. I can already see her leg seems different. I knew then, that this event tonight might have been that final hurrah for her leg. If I ever thought it was Escape # 1 to mess her leg up, how wrong I was. It was actually Escape #2 that might have done the most damage. There was not supposed to be a Escape #2. It never crossed my mind whatsoever. Remember, I had the Good News, that everything was fine. The vet said so. I had her in luxury accommodations, with everything she needed. Not everything, obviously.
Back to square one. I'm mad at myself for underestimating her desire, her passion and her need to escape. This is not a regular dog. There's no compliance, no cooperation. It's like she fakes it, till she makes it out. As if Whisper says, "I'll be right here". Not.
I can't be sure all is not well with her leg. It's a feeling I have. I watch her try to walk on it, and it's different now. Time will be the teller of it all. Only time will tell me the answer this time. If I asked to take her back up to the Vet for X-rays again, they will send doggie CPS out for me. Lady, why can't you keep your dog contained during a 4 month recovery period? But sir, you don't understand. I don't even understand how she's doing these things. I'm telling you - super powers. If Whisper was a super hero, she'd be Captain Houdini.
Back to my point from above. The good news I received was short lived, but I was convinced that once I got that good news, it would be smooth sailing, as I had everything under control and would make it a few more months now, protecting her from herself. No, that was all a delusion. Reality gave me a wake up call. Wish I hadn't answered that call.
I guess if your a dog, it's not considered self-sabotage. In a human, yes. Dog, no. Whisper knows not that she needs to be kenneled for her protection and recovery. She is back in her appointed safe place, forcibly and reluctantly. Just waiting for that right moment again to escape. Until the next storm, upon which I may have to put her beside my bed. I have a feeling she'll be under the bed. And that's okay. At least in the house she only drools and pants with anxiety.
And things were looking so good. This time, I'll have to "wait it out" to figure out what's next. Poo. Just when the good news came. It's crushing to see her so willing to hurt herself further, that it's hard to wrap my mind around this dilemma. And if she gets even a remote chance, I know she'll take it.
I'm going to keep at this,
Cyndi
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