What I found, as a result of my last post, is that 1) even becoming a little more aware of those people's feelings around me makes an exponential difference, and 2) it's not as easy as it sounded.
As a triage nurse, I triage calls from people with ear, nose and throat issues all day. Listening to their tone, their words and feeling their energy allows me to determine if there's a problem, or do they just think there's a problem? My goal? Help and assist - within the scope of my practice - and next, try to remain neutral, and let the doctor determine the degree of need, and answer as such, for each individual situation. It's a process, that's for sure. Like putting a puzzle together. So, I go to work each day, setting my intention to listen and guide. Listen and ask questions. Sometimes, I'm so busy listening, the caller will ask, "Are you there?" People just want to be heard.
These callers? They are in a hurry, in the car, in the grocery store, at home with 3 kids, in bed, outside working in the garage, and any other scenario you could imagine. Their cell phone is breaking up, because they are in the back of a Wal Mart. They have their spouse call for them. They are the mom of a 22 year old patient.They are one of every example possible.
Then, I have "The Regular's". You know, the people who call regularly. Some just want to talk, some want to check in, some want more than the office can give. Some can't remember that they had called, others call "with the sky falling" and never answer upon a call back to them.
I'd like to say I'm a Customer Service Rep in many ways. I need to accommodate and make the caller feel welcome and validated. No matter what they say on the other end of the line. Some just want to unload their discontent to someone else, and then they feel better. Others are so kind, you can feel the sugar oozing through the phone lines. There's one of everyone out there.
My conclusions are such:
I have to set my intention to be fair, and listen everyday. If I go to work willy-nilly, I'm not as effective. I'm just not. Even though I knew this before, I'm now more self aware of this. Setting my intentions are my best asset for a good day. That, and listening to my intuition. This is how I have a good day at work.
Now, having a good day at home is easy greasy. Sure, I can set my intention. But it's not necessary. At home is where I want to be, and allows me to be me. And just as I type, it feels better to talk about home. So let's talk......ready? Goats!
First, David and I said we would never have goats. We rationalized this by saying they are too destructive, too volatile and would escape through the fence somewhere, and they are too destructive. I mention it twice, but goats eat and chew on everything, or so we thought.
For several months, I looked for goats (nearby) that have 1) no horns (polled - born without horns, or debudded - horns removed when a kid), 2) female, and 3) smaller breed, so they won't jump the fence. I looked at a local feed store that sells goats, at CraigsList, at GunterNextDoor, and did my fair share of google searches. I talked to people, emailed them, and went to look them. After some time, I decided upon two goats, from two different sources, for two different reasons. First, I picked Twizzler. He's a Nigerian Dwarf goat who was hand raised, and is two years old. Yep, I typed He. Not part of my criteria, but so dang cute. He's a wether (fixed) at a young age, and therefore does not have the traits of an aggressive male. He's like a girl in a boy body. He even has short horns, but with a personality that rocks. He's tiny, cute, sweet and perfect to adopt for the farm. He's not aggressive, but can "take care of himself" if need be. I like to consider him my "Belle" of a goat. Like Belle (our bottle fed sheep/ewe, all grown now), he's happy to be around people, but yet can survive in the pasture. He's happy to come see you, and make his small cry Maaaa to you. We are happy to welcome him to The Graves Farm. Goats are herd animals, so having at least two is necessary.
I'm going to digress and speak to why we decided to get goats. You know we have these guard pups who are growing up and being trained by Levi and Whisper (whose leg is better, and she's back to guarding in the pasture now). We decided to fence the front pasture in half - because it's a lot for Levi and Whisper, with aging joints, to run back and forth, all the way down to the front of the property. If we place a fence half way down, our plan is to put Levi and Whisper on the side closest to the house, and place Dixie and Davis on the portion up towards the road (by the pond). Therefore, in an effort to give the guards pups an animal to "guard", we thought we would put a couple of goats up there, with them. The fence is going up today, the shelter for the goats and guard pups (now 8 months old) is up and ready for them, and within a couple of days, their lives will change. We've had them penned during the day (to protect the chickens) and once the chickens are up and roosting for the night, the guard pups stay out in the pasture all night with Levi and Whisper, learning to do what they do. Protect and keep the coyotes, bobcats, foxes and predators off our land. They have learned well, and are ready to have their space to guard. It's a win-win. Levi and Whisper will take care of the sheep, and are less likely to hurt themselves with less territory to cover, and Dixie and Davis will watch the goats, and protect the front portion of the property. All this is in an effort to replace Levi and Whisper as they age, whereby Dixie and Davis will be the young and strong ones. Levi is head guardian dog, and is simply amazing. Levi and Whisper have many more years of being guardians, but training new guardians is a lengthy process, so we started early.
Now, let's talk about goat #2. I found her at Preston Trail Farms in Gunter. She's a 1 year old, feminine faced, sweet Maa-ing, gentle and small goat that's part Nigerian dwarf and part Kiko (another small breed goat, that has floppy ears kind of like a dog). Oh, and no horns! She has a different, yet similar look to Twizzler. Perfect! She's white, with a few areas of dusted tan spots on her. The feed store would be delivering her to us (they are only a few miles away), and about 2 hours before she arrived, I received a text that said "Just so you know, the goat we are bringing you may be pregnant". That was certainly a surprise, as that was not in our "plan". To have kid goats? No, pretty sure that was not in this master plan of ours. They delivered her to us, and we have no idea if she's pregnant or not. So, we will watch for the signs: sides growing out, nipples and utters growing. I'll let you know, as soon as I know.
And now, just like that, we have two of the cutest goats ever. If you don't like goats, these goats will have you transformed into a Goat Lover. Kind, sweet and docile. That's what we love about the sheep, and now we'll have two goats with similar qualities. What is Goat #2's name, you ask? Good question! David and I have tasked Lauren (along with boyfriend Ryan) to name this second goat of ours. Twizzler came with a name, but Goat # 2 did not. I'll update you on what they pick. Right now we call her NoName - or Nona.
As the weather changes, and Spring brings warmer weather, changes are happening here. We have welcomed our new goats, and they are adjusting with our sheep flock extremely well. Levi and Whisper welcomed them, and are esp fond of Twizzler, who loves to lay next to Levi. All is well. The separation will occur this week of the sheep and goats, and the placement of the guard dogs. It will be interesting to see if out "plan" works out. We just wing-it around here, thinking what might be best, right or good. Sometimes it is - and sometimes it sounded like a good idea, but wasn't. Never a dull moment! As Lauren always says, "You're always moving things." (esp talking about our temporary fence addiction we have). It's a very fluid farm with lots of moving parts.
Lastly, along this journey we came across a black sheep. One that David wanted, as he has wanted to add a black sheep to our flock of 5 Dorper sheep (black heads, white bodies). And so we did. David named her Licorice, and she's blended well, taking our sheep herd from 5......to 6. She's completely black and beautiful. Eve (head ewe) made sure she knew her place in the flock. Good job, Eve, bringing her in safely and carefully. There's a whole eco system and animal order out in the pasture. We just watch it all unfold.
Now you're in the know, after all it's the Year of Know. Sometimes the Year of No. The Sheriff tries hard to keep things under control. He tries, but he married a March-To-The-Beat-Of-My-Own-Drum girl. I don't know how he does it.
Cyndi
Monday, February 25, 2019
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Linen and Life
It's weird, that when I was browsing HSN linen sales (who ever thought I'd be doing that anyway!?), but I was browsing early one morning. And then this was at the end of a particular page:
Update Your Bedding and Reinvent Your Bedroom
The bedding you choose makes all the difference when it comes to sleep quality. Don't scrimp on your bedclothes. It's just not necessary. You might think that there's no need to worry about your sheets and blankets because you're only in bed to sleep and browse Instagram until the wee hours of the morning. However, you can't function when you don't sleep well. Say goodbye to scratchy quilts, heavy comforters, and ill-fitting sheets. Invest in a deluxe bedding set or stock up on sheets with a sky-high thread count. It makes a difference. You can select a ready-made collection or pick and choose the pieces you want to put on your bed. Are you the type of person who needs 50 decorative pillows? You got it. Add some cushion and protection to your bed with a pillow-soft mattress pad. Include some frills with a bed skirt and pillow shams. Create a luxurious boudoir or look for items that will help you Feng Shui your sanctuary. Don't let cost keep you from the bed of your dreams. Stop settling for blankets that don't add value to your sleep. HSN has a variety of bedding options.
There was no sales push for anything in particular, just "Hey, Girl, Why settle for bad linen?"
Genius. I felt like the person who typed that, inserted it into the sales pages of HSN, and reached people like me was 'spot on'. I do settle sometimes. And sleep is important. Very important, matter of fact. This type of marketing reached into my spirit, and made me realize that settling is what I often do - including my linen selections. An example of this is a sheet set I got at TJMaxx. Super soft and nice, so it seemed. And it was nice on my bed too, but when I laid in bed, the fitted sheet would always begin to pull up and off. Each night and morning, I would pull it back over, and this became a ritual. But I liked the feel of the sheets, so I would "do the work" to keep them on. Silly me. Luckily, David ended up getting me some new flannel sheets for the winter that happen to snuggle the bed, and I'm no longer fighting the sheets each day. But yeah, this quip (above) that was on HSN, spread through my soul like wild fire. I often settle, for things that are important. This friendly reminder streamed across my universe in a multitude of areas. What about those coffee mugs that I secretly complain about in my head? What about things around here that I'm still holding onto, that others could find value in? And the rush of all the things that I unconsciously settle with. I've done a lot of Death Cleaning, and consider it a part of my life now. Downsizing my things, and ridding myself of extra items, and keeping around, that makes me happy and what I deem "needed". Still working on it, though. But settling, am I? Maybe I am? Why do I not know.
But, yet, this concept from the HSN marketing blurb was more than that. "Don't scrimp", it says. "It's just not necessary." Who uses the word scrimp anymore? I like it. The excerpt did not speak to me as in: "Spend all your money and buy all this stuff!'. Instead, it said to me, "Don't Be A Settler". I loved its gentle reminder.
This is what I love about life. The older I get, the more I can see things differently and maybe even clearer. Or at least I think I do. I could just be kidding myself, and playing a record in my head that tells me this. But I do feel like I'm trying to make life easier, have only what I need, and interact with the world in a productive way. Being alive is a big responsibility.
I'm now torn, after reading HSN's words. It's awoke something in me, that reminds me to think about things more. Not in a way to "buy" more, but what around me is not serving me? And what serves other people? Thank you, HSN, for that. And for reminding me to not be a settler, and to try and focus on what's important, and what's important to other people. I get lost in my day to day world, that sometimes I don't raise my head up enough to really see what's going on. I going to go out in my day today, and focus on seeing things through other people's lens. I'll try to not project myself and my thoughts on them. I think that would be a good project for me today - and the coming days. Like living outside myself, and looking back at myself.
Who knew one excerpt from HSN could have ever prompted so many random thoughts? But it did.
I'll report back,
Cyndi
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Everybody's Got Something
I awoke the other day not feeling 100%. I happen to work at a ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) medical office, and the main reason people come to see the doctor, is they are sick - in some way. It's now February, and I have acquired something. Something that needs antibiotics and steroids. The usual, I'll call it. I'll happily take it, and hope it assist with my ailment. I'll chalk it up to allowing my asthma to get the best of me.
There's some books I read in life that stick in my mind, my heart and my soul. Robin Robert's, Everybody's Got Something is one of those books. It's real, authentic, and written in a fashion that's easy to follow and connect with. I've read it twice, and the first time, I would take pictures of pages in her book, and with the tip of my finger carefully placed on the page to point to the passage that so touched me, click, and it's in my phone. Mostly, the verbiage was that of Robin's momma that I loved the very most.
Over time, I began to realize more and more what this book's Take Away is - and it's obvious - we all have something to deal with in our lives. Seems so simple, but my ego helps me to focus on myself, and not the plight of others. Sure, I care, and I show concern, empathy, and a myriad of emotions to others. We all do that every day. But, as I began to take inventory of my "something's", it brought to mind the "something's" of others around me. Granted, this is a daily dance we all do, it's just that some people's "something" may be a big something. Even though I don't know what the definition is of 'big something' is, Robin's momma reminded me, "Robin, your story is no more important than anybody else's story. When you strut, you stumble." Insert heart emoji here. And then, Ouch.
I was also reminded in her book, that when we don't have the strength to face what's in front of us, others lend us the strength we need that I might not have at the time. Robin acknowledges in her book, "I've often said when fear knocks, let faith answer the door. Sometimes when fear knocks, faith shows itself through a friend who stands by the door, squeezes your hand and answers it with you.”
I've contemplated telling my story, or not telling my story. It's not really all that much, as my story is very mainstream. I have iron deficiency anemia, see a hematologist oncologist every 6 month who checks for a blood cancer (that I have NOT been diagnosed with - but the kind that creeps up on you), skin cancer - check that box (Moh's procedure poster child), and my very best something: asthma. Really, in the grand scheme of things, my "something's are certainly mild". My family? Mental illness, prostate cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and a collection of things that might take the rest of this blog. You get the idea.
As I move along in my life, I quietly see other people's somethings. I watch, I ask, I learn. Sometimes, I may be FloodLighted with too much data from someone who needs to vent or ask for help, or just need an ear. I always end up watching their body language, hear their words, and wonder what their coping skills might be, that help them best. And tell them everything will be okay, maybe hug them, maybe a genuine smile.
For me, this is all a learning kind of life. What do people have? How do they deal with it? Then God decided he would help answer these questions for me. He probably has forever, but I begin noticing about 10 years ago, that something would happen to me, paralleling what's happening to someone close, someone I know. When my sister came forward with an alcohol addition, we usually talked everyday after work, and talked about the mountain she was trying to climb, out of the alcohol addition. Every day, I would come home from work, and cook me a quesadilla. Everyday, I wanted it, and I was going to have it. Period. The End. So that's what it feels like?
This occurrence of God giving me "something's" so I could connect with others and understand the happenings around me better has proven immensely helpful. I have dizzy spells at times, and talk to patient's all day about their vertigo. I can relate. I don't need to strut about it, I can use my experience to understand other's journey, and try make our encounter count.
All of a sudden, I'll have a weird injury happen while running or biking, one that a family member is experiencing. Oh, I get that so much better now. Then my hip will "act up", and now I know how that feels. This happens all the time. It sounds so small when I write it, but there are examples after examples that happen to me, whereby I can find more empathy and understanding. That's what I love about Robin's book. Even though she knows others are going through things too, she's able to tell her story without strutting.
One of my very favorite passages from her book goes like this: "I walked a mile with Pleasure, she chatted all the way. But left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word she said. But oh, the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me." Robin stress the need to Be Still everyday. That's when I most connect with myself and God. But it seems that's a hard thing. The chatter in my mind is usually raging, and I can finally say that. At the same time, I now want the TV off when I'm home, I just want quiet - and to relish in it. It's addicting, and the best addition for me I've found so far in life.
I did eventually stop having a quesadilla every day, and broke that habit. My sister found the courage to tell alcohol GoodBye. Now, our something's have turned into other things. The comparison of a quesadilla every day fails in comparison to alcoholism. But for my sister, she would always ask, Are you having your quesadilla? Why, yes I am. And just like that, we were connected to "additions" that are not remotely alike, but yet exactly alike. The need for something that willpower is not present for, was something we both encountered. My sister's somethings have turned into other things, as have mine. There's no comparing our something's in life, as we all have them. Certainly some worse and harder than others. "Regardless of how much money you have, your race, where you live, what religion you follow, you are going through something. Or you already have, or you will."
You can't put a limit on gratitude, and Robin's book reminds me of this. I'm thrilled each time I realize God has given me "something", so that I can connect with others. Maybe it's a TMJ ear ache, or a sore knee. Maybe it's cancer. She's taught me to not wallow in it, and not stay focused on my somethings. Instead, God is always providing me the opportunities to feel what others feel.....just getting there in a different way.
What I also figured out is that the desperation of other people's somethings makes people do unusual and seemingly crazy things. Once the desperation is resolved, we see our person again for who they really are. Life is hard. We can do hard things. Each new day is my gift to try again - and put my ego aside, and try to shine my light. Too bad I can't go get a EGO-ectomy. I'd love to have it removed for a day, and see what it feels like. Instead, I just have to keep trying to sparkle and shine, and I'm not always that sparkly. But if I keep looking for those connections of other people's somethings, and connect those dots, I can decrease my strutting.
Robin's favorite toast? To friends who are family and to family who are friends.
Family, we may not have it all together. But together, we have it all. Amen, my sister.
Cyndi
There's some books I read in life that stick in my mind, my heart and my soul. Robin Robert's, Everybody's Got Something is one of those books. It's real, authentic, and written in a fashion that's easy to follow and connect with. I've read it twice, and the first time, I would take pictures of pages in her book, and with the tip of my finger carefully placed on the page to point to the passage that so touched me, click, and it's in my phone. Mostly, the verbiage was that of Robin's momma that I loved the very most.
Over time, I began to realize more and more what this book's Take Away is - and it's obvious - we all have something to deal with in our lives. Seems so simple, but my ego helps me to focus on myself, and not the plight of others. Sure, I care, and I show concern, empathy, and a myriad of emotions to others. We all do that every day. But, as I began to take inventory of my "something's", it brought to mind the "something's" of others around me. Granted, this is a daily dance we all do, it's just that some people's "something" may be a big something. Even though I don't know what the definition is of 'big something' is, Robin's momma reminded me, "Robin, your story is no more important than anybody else's story. When you strut, you stumble." Insert heart emoji here. And then, Ouch.
I was also reminded in her book, that when we don't have the strength to face what's in front of us, others lend us the strength we need that I might not have at the time. Robin acknowledges in her book, "I've often said when fear knocks, let faith answer the door. Sometimes when fear knocks, faith shows itself through a friend who stands by the door, squeezes your hand and answers it with you.”
I've contemplated telling my story, or not telling my story. It's not really all that much, as my story is very mainstream. I have iron deficiency anemia, see a hematologist oncologist every 6 month who checks for a blood cancer (that I have NOT been diagnosed with - but the kind that creeps up on you), skin cancer - check that box (Moh's procedure poster child), and my very best something: asthma. Really, in the grand scheme of things, my "something's are certainly mild". My family? Mental illness, prostate cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and a collection of things that might take the rest of this blog. You get the idea.
As I move along in my life, I quietly see other people's somethings. I watch, I ask, I learn. Sometimes, I may be FloodLighted with too much data from someone who needs to vent or ask for help, or just need an ear. I always end up watching their body language, hear their words, and wonder what their coping skills might be, that help them best. And tell them everything will be okay, maybe hug them, maybe a genuine smile.
For me, this is all a learning kind of life. What do people have? How do they deal with it? Then God decided he would help answer these questions for me. He probably has forever, but I begin noticing about 10 years ago, that something would happen to me, paralleling what's happening to someone close, someone I know. When my sister came forward with an alcohol addition, we usually talked everyday after work, and talked about the mountain she was trying to climb, out of the alcohol addition. Every day, I would come home from work, and cook me a quesadilla. Everyday, I wanted it, and I was going to have it. Period. The End. So that's what it feels like?
This occurrence of God giving me "something's" so I could connect with others and understand the happenings around me better has proven immensely helpful. I have dizzy spells at times, and talk to patient's all day about their vertigo. I can relate. I don't need to strut about it, I can use my experience to understand other's journey, and try make our encounter count.
All of a sudden, I'll have a weird injury happen while running or biking, one that a family member is experiencing. Oh, I get that so much better now. Then my hip will "act up", and now I know how that feels. This happens all the time. It sounds so small when I write it, but there are examples after examples that happen to me, whereby I can find more empathy and understanding. That's what I love about Robin's book. Even though she knows others are going through things too, she's able to tell her story without strutting.
One of my very favorite passages from her book goes like this: "I walked a mile with Pleasure, she chatted all the way. But left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word she said. But oh, the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me." Robin stress the need to Be Still everyday. That's when I most connect with myself and God. But it seems that's a hard thing. The chatter in my mind is usually raging, and I can finally say that. At the same time, I now want the TV off when I'm home, I just want quiet - and to relish in it. It's addicting, and the best addition for me I've found so far in life.
I did eventually stop having a quesadilla every day, and broke that habit. My sister found the courage to tell alcohol GoodBye. Now, our something's have turned into other things. The comparison of a quesadilla every day fails in comparison to alcoholism. But for my sister, she would always ask, Are you having your quesadilla? Why, yes I am. And just like that, we were connected to "additions" that are not remotely alike, but yet exactly alike. The need for something that willpower is not present for, was something we both encountered. My sister's somethings have turned into other things, as have mine. There's no comparing our something's in life, as we all have them. Certainly some worse and harder than others. "Regardless of how much money you have, your race, where you live, what religion you follow, you are going through something. Or you already have, or you will."
You can't put a limit on gratitude, and Robin's book reminds me of this. I'm thrilled each time I realize God has given me "something", so that I can connect with others. Maybe it's a TMJ ear ache, or a sore knee. Maybe it's cancer. She's taught me to not wallow in it, and not stay focused on my somethings. Instead, God is always providing me the opportunities to feel what others feel.....just getting there in a different way.
What I also figured out is that the desperation of other people's somethings makes people do unusual and seemingly crazy things. Once the desperation is resolved, we see our person again for who they really are. Life is hard. We can do hard things. Each new day is my gift to try again - and put my ego aside, and try to shine my light. Too bad I can't go get a EGO-ectomy. I'd love to have it removed for a day, and see what it feels like. Instead, I just have to keep trying to sparkle and shine, and I'm not always that sparkly. But if I keep looking for those connections of other people's somethings, and connect those dots, I can decrease my strutting.
Robin's favorite toast? To friends who are family and to family who are friends.
Family, we may not have it all together. But together, we have it all. Amen, my sister.
Cyndi
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