During this time of adjustment to the care and upkeep of many farm animals, I've discovered many new things about myself. The last couple of years have been growing years for me. I've learned how to handle new situations more confidently, how to stay calm and make more appropriate decisions, and esp the ability to be compassionate regarding what other people are going through in life. So that's a big leap. From learning to care for a farm to a heightened self-awareness of other's feelings. I cannot take the credit for it. The only credit I can take is the ability I've been granted to be open to these experiences. It's God who has placed these experiences in front of me, for me to then pick up, observe and contribute positively to. What am I talking about? It's complex, and has taken even myself time to figure out it's happening.
In the last few years, there's many people in my life who have situations happening to them (as we all do, really). But some of these have made a greater impact on me, than others. Why? Because I have been able to closely relate to their feelings and have a greater understanding of the big picture. I have large, and small examples. But the few examples I'll illustrate, are the bigger events that help me understand there's many more I may be missing.
It starts like this. Like many, many families in this world, a member of my extended family had become addicted to alcohol, years ago. An Alcoholic, if you will. This is a cruel disease with little understanding for those who do not have it. I was the usual family member who desired to help and assist where I could. But in time, our family realized this disease must be managed by the affected person, with support from their loved ones. Everyone in the family had their own thoughts about how best to help. Jump in, stay away, watch from afar, give money, give emotional support, etc. But none of us could ever truly feel her pain of the addiction. What's it like to be addicted to anything? To be called in life by only one thing: Alcohol. It makes all your decisions for you. What's it like to not have enough willpower strong enough to beat it? Is there enough willpower to even overcome it? The myriad of complexity of finding success in beating any addiction cannot be put into words, as willpower cannot solve it alone.
Years later, unknowingly related, I was granted a compulsion to eat sweets. I don't just mean, "I want a cupcake", as I've always had a sweet tooth. Always. I mean MUST EAT SWEET, SUGAR THINGS NOW. AND EAT MORE AND MORE. I can't say how it began, but it did. My 'take-away' from that period of time that this was happening was: 1) Something is wrong with me because I can't say NO, and my impulse is too strong to stop myself. Who am I? 2) Is this a phase? I thought I was on-track of controlling my behavior with sweets. What's happening? and, 3) I was able to recognize that there was a problem, and this was different. My inability to control myself was gone. Numbing and comforting turned into obsessive, uncontrollable and shameful behavior.
And it was in that moment, I could FINALLY relate to the addiction my family member suffered. I understood in that moment, the inability to say No. There is no stopping yourself. There is only regret after it's done. Now, I do realize this is nothing like addiction to drugs and alcohol. Yet, this on-going experience was able to help me understand the "force" of addiction and how saying No is impossible. It was only cupcake (that always led to another, and another), but I know there's others who will say, "it's only one drink". Which leads to another. And another. The compulsion is there, with regret and shame coming to visit soon after.
Thank you, God, for putting this experience in front of me to give me a better understanding of how it must feel. I may never know exactly how it feels, but I now have a vivid understanding and feeling of how it might feel. And just that window into that particular feeling helps me find greater compassion and empathy for others with addiction. For a moment in time, I felt it. I really did. I get it now.
Then, another life-event happened in my life. A few years back, I was chosen to be blessed with a close encounter of a particular cancer, in which testing and oncology visits were required. Waiting time to hear results, discussions of what-could-be-next for me, prognosis, and life-changing words from the oncologist brought to life the feelings that millions of people also hear every day. Without going into too much detail, I will summarize it by saying it brought life to my life. How valuable our lives are. How quickly it can be taken away. The cloud that follows you, until you know a "yes or no" that things are okay. I remember sitting next to others in the oncologist office waiting room, looking at those struggling around me. Feeling their feelings. I remember sitting in the Infusion Room, knowing those around me were truly fighting cancer the best they could. I was merely getting a Iron infusion to assist with my situation. They were fighting for their lives. It brings a lump to my throat even now, and a tear in my eye. Yet, God put me there so I could feel their feelings, and understand others and what they are going through. And test me, to give me the opportunity for a test-run on what to do when tragedy strikes. I thought all the thoughts, I went through all the motions, and my "take-way" at the time was: Having a set amount of time left to live is a blessing. It is. It allows you to set your path. I would have never learned this without this experience. Thankfully, my diagnosis did not end with a expiration date. But I learned not be afraid of death. I learned what others felt, and how different we all look at life when given a time frame. And I enjoy talking to others with cancer and sharing our stories. When we survive any degree of cancer - or cancer scares - we are then able to help others know it's going to be okay, when it happens to them. We can tell each other, "It's going to be okay", even when we're not sure it is. Those words are priceless.
And my last example that I've been blessed with, is the ability to relate to my running-across-the-US partner, John. We had to cut our last trip short due to a health issue with his inability to swallow well. He had been struggling with this, and it got worse on our last attempt to run across the US (north to south, this time). We did not know what the etiology was, yet only knew it was impeding his ability to eat and drink. He went home to get some rest and see about getting better. I did the same, as I was not going to be staying out on the road alone, per a promise I had made to my family - and myself. I never delved into this throat swallowing issue much further, until it happened to me. Last Saturday, matter-of-fact. God works in ways I cannot explain. I was eating at a restaurant, and choked on something. Long story short, whatever it was, scratched my esophagus, and boom, misery began. It became extremely difficult to swallow, and to make things worse, I developed strep throat days later, as a coincidence. Double whammy! After antibiotics, an EGD, and other misc medications to help my irritated and inflamed esophagus, I'm struggling to swallow as these combinations of events begin to heal. Yet, now I know how John felt! I've once again been blessed to know what it's like. Otherwise, I was bouncing along in life without a clear understanding. Now I know. It's as if someone hit me with a stick, and said, "This is how it feels, silly girl".
Over and over, I have so many examples where I've been better able to understand the feelings of others, what they are going through, and how they may be feeling at a deeper level than ever before. My husband mentioned to me, "Maybe you are just open to it now". And he's right. I'm open to acknowledging that these events are happening, and how they relate to life and others. I have been so caught up in my own world, that I've been blessed with events that snap me out of it, so that I can relate to others on a deeper level. It's not about me, it's about me relating to others in a wholehearted way. It's about others, their feelings, their needs and their inter-most thoughts, fears and dreams. I'm so grateful to have experiences that move me in that direction, to living a life filled with more compassion and empathy. I must move through it so that I am able to see others moving through theirs. It's almost like living outside of yourself. Outside of your own body, and looking objectively at what's happening around us. It's as if I'm on a different plane of energy in life now. That, or I'm just aging, getting older, and maybe a little wiser. And, open to what's happening around me. To be able to acknowledge events, and find deeper meaning in them, has been a gift I'm happy to open.
Here's to unfortunate incidents that make us better people,
Cyndi
Saturday, December 16, 2017
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Cock-a-doodle-doo
It's true. One of the aforementioned white, beautiful cornish hens (who David has Big Green Egg plans for) is cock-a-doodle-dooing. Those two sweet hens were already on their way to the smoker because they are meat-chickens, and I mean they are meaty. But to make things worse, one (Daisy) is singing a song a rooster would sing. You know the Sheriff's rule......No Roosters.
What's interesting is that this "hen" - who may be a rooster - is non-aggressive. It's not rooster material, and it does not have protective tendencies that roosters have. It acts like a hen. David and I have both heard of hens who make the cock-a-doodle-do type of sound, or at least it says so in my Chicken Book. So since this particular chicken is not aggressive and seems to get along with everyone, "it" has privileges to stay, for now. It's already bad enough that Daisy is destined for the smoker, but to be even considered a rooster is "life-changing" - if you know what I mean. I do not have the heart to say "yes" to sending these two meat chickens to the smoker. We have never done that, and that's not the kind of farm we are. I'm not saying it will never happen, but if my vote counts, it's to 'live and let live'. Daisy and Lily are allowed into the barn/coop quarters at night, and have a routine to free range (because we make them do so) during the day. They are not natural forgers, and just prefer to hang out instead. All our other egg laying chickens free range willingly. They love it! It's natural to them. But Daisy and Lily are not that - and this is new to us. Which is why we have contemplated what to do. The answer? We keep them as they are. They follow me around the yard, and are curious creatures. My gentle giants have a place on the farm.
How is the positive dog training coming along? Tula, Lauren's visiting puppy, is doing well with it. She'd do even better if I was more of a master at the positive training. Tula and I go every Sunday at 1:30 pm to the dog training center to be further educated on it. I learn SO much every time I go. It's like overload in my brain, and I find it hard to remember all their tips, words and examples. There's so much to it. Right now, we are in the class Manners I. If we have to repeat it, it will be my responsibility. I think I'm okay with repeating it, and I really don't know what we have to do to "prove" our worthiness to go onto Manner II? I know what I want. I want to press the Easy button and have it all done. But nope, there's more to it than that. And let me tell you how easy it is to mess it all up.
Example:
Problem: Your puppy dog jumps up on you (or other people).
Solution: Ignore them. Turn the other way. Since "you" are the reward, they do not get the reward when they behave poorly (jumping up on you). Even saying "no" to them is attention/reward from you, and your dog is fine with that. So, stay quiet/ignore the jumping, and wait until they have all four paws on the ground, then you can pet/talk to them. And, you should ask them for a positive behavior from them, such as "sit" at this time.
How have I messed this up, you ask? It seemed so simple. But I was not considering the psychological thought process of a puppy/dog. I was asking for a "sit" when Tula was still in motion. Which leads her to think: I jump up, I sit, then I get my reward (attention from my person). WRONG. The jumping up part is now in their thought process. Jump, sit, reward. Boy, did I mess that up. So, I will change, ever-so-slightly, what I do. I will ignore her jumping up on me - until she has all four paws on the ground. Then ask for her "sit", then love on her. This one tiny thing makes a huge difference in how your dog 'sees' things. This is only one of the many things I need to consider when training with the positive reinforcement theory. Timing is everything! Giving a treat at just that right moment. Making the proper action at just the proper time. It just seems like the word No would solve all of this, doesn't it? Not to mention faster response and "learning". I kinda like the idea of using a combination of the two methods. I wonder what results that would produce? I try not to be too self-critical of my abilities regarding this situation, yet being responsible for another person's dog has been enlightening to me.
Speaking of, while listening to an audiobook today on my run, I realized how easy it is to be so self-critical - to the point where I sometimes have this need to explain and justify my decisions and actions. That's what I love about blogging. I can "put it all out there". My thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, my words. It's an outlet to share my inner self. In my day-to-day world, I find myself using my filter, choosing my words, and sometimes limiting who I am, to the world. I made a breakthrough at work the other day regarding who I am - and why I do (or don't) - do things. I was asked if I was attending the work holiday party. Granted, this question was asked in the Operating Room where a grouping of people are all being asked. I replied, "No, thank you". When I was asked Why? I paused and replied, "There is no Why", and fell silent. As if I had put a silent Period on the end of my statement. It was not sarcastic, negative or insulting. Just plain and straight, innocent and unassuming. I did not feel as if I owed anyone, including myself, an explanation. I have always felt the need to give a reason, an excuse or an answer. But all of a sudden, I walked through a new place, a new door, one which took me somewhere new, where I didn't owe a justification for my action. Why haven't I gotten here earlier in life? (there's that self-critical behavior). Some people have already arrived there, but not necessarily me, and that's okay. I'm here now, and I'll be staying here long-term, in the land of: I Am Enough. I've been working on getting there, thanks to Brene Brown. After all, she's my favorite author who inspired me (years ago) of what it's like to live a wholehearted life.
I'm on a journey of Me. I'll be making different choices when it comes to justifications. Wow, that feels good.
Be your bee-ewe-tiful self. After all, if your not you, who will be you.
Still finding me,
Cyndi
What's interesting is that this "hen" - who may be a rooster - is non-aggressive. It's not rooster material, and it does not have protective tendencies that roosters have. It acts like a hen. David and I have both heard of hens who make the cock-a-doodle-do type of sound, or at least it says so in my Chicken Book. So since this particular chicken is not aggressive and seems to get along with everyone, "it" has privileges to stay, for now. It's already bad enough that Daisy is destined for the smoker, but to be even considered a rooster is "life-changing" - if you know what I mean. I do not have the heart to say "yes" to sending these two meat chickens to the smoker. We have never done that, and that's not the kind of farm we are. I'm not saying it will never happen, but if my vote counts, it's to 'live and let live'. Daisy and Lily are allowed into the barn/coop quarters at night, and have a routine to free range (because we make them do so) during the day. They are not natural forgers, and just prefer to hang out instead. All our other egg laying chickens free range willingly. They love it! It's natural to them. But Daisy and Lily are not that - and this is new to us. Which is why we have contemplated what to do. The answer? We keep them as they are. They follow me around the yard, and are curious creatures. My gentle giants have a place on the farm.
How is the positive dog training coming along? Tula, Lauren's visiting puppy, is doing well with it. She'd do even better if I was more of a master at the positive training. Tula and I go every Sunday at 1:30 pm to the dog training center to be further educated on it. I learn SO much every time I go. It's like overload in my brain, and I find it hard to remember all their tips, words and examples. There's so much to it. Right now, we are in the class Manners I. If we have to repeat it, it will be my responsibility. I think I'm okay with repeating it, and I really don't know what we have to do to "prove" our worthiness to go onto Manner II? I know what I want. I want to press the Easy button and have it all done. But nope, there's more to it than that. And let me tell you how easy it is to mess it all up.
Example:
Problem: Your puppy dog jumps up on you (or other people).
Solution: Ignore them. Turn the other way. Since "you" are the reward, they do not get the reward when they behave poorly (jumping up on you). Even saying "no" to them is attention/reward from you, and your dog is fine with that. So, stay quiet/ignore the jumping, and wait until they have all four paws on the ground, then you can pet/talk to them. And, you should ask them for a positive behavior from them, such as "sit" at this time.
How have I messed this up, you ask? It seemed so simple. But I was not considering the psychological thought process of a puppy/dog. I was asking for a "sit" when Tula was still in motion. Which leads her to think: I jump up, I sit, then I get my reward (attention from my person). WRONG. The jumping up part is now in their thought process. Jump, sit, reward. Boy, did I mess that up. So, I will change, ever-so-slightly, what I do. I will ignore her jumping up on me - until she has all four paws on the ground. Then ask for her "sit", then love on her. This one tiny thing makes a huge difference in how your dog 'sees' things. This is only one of the many things I need to consider when training with the positive reinforcement theory. Timing is everything! Giving a treat at just that right moment. Making the proper action at just the proper time. It just seems like the word No would solve all of this, doesn't it? Not to mention faster response and "learning". I kinda like the idea of using a combination of the two methods. I wonder what results that would produce? I try not to be too self-critical of my abilities regarding this situation, yet being responsible for another person's dog has been enlightening to me.
Speaking of, while listening to an audiobook today on my run, I realized how easy it is to be so self-critical - to the point where I sometimes have this need to explain and justify my decisions and actions. That's what I love about blogging. I can "put it all out there". My thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, my words. It's an outlet to share my inner self. In my day-to-day world, I find myself using my filter, choosing my words, and sometimes limiting who I am, to the world. I made a breakthrough at work the other day regarding who I am - and why I do (or don't) - do things. I was asked if I was attending the work holiday party. Granted, this question was asked in the Operating Room where a grouping of people are all being asked. I replied, "No, thank you". When I was asked Why? I paused and replied, "There is no Why", and fell silent. As if I had put a silent Period on the end of my statement. It was not sarcastic, negative or insulting. Just plain and straight, innocent and unassuming. I did not feel as if I owed anyone, including myself, an explanation. I have always felt the need to give a reason, an excuse or an answer. But all of a sudden, I walked through a new place, a new door, one which took me somewhere new, where I didn't owe a justification for my action. Why haven't I gotten here earlier in life? (there's that self-critical behavior). Some people have already arrived there, but not necessarily me, and that's okay. I'm here now, and I'll be staying here long-term, in the land of: I Am Enough. I've been working on getting there, thanks to Brene Brown. After all, she's my favorite author who inspired me (years ago) of what it's like to live a wholehearted life.
I'm on a journey of Me. I'll be making different choices when it comes to justifications. Wow, that feels good.
Be your bee-ewe-tiful self. After all, if your not you, who will be you.
Still finding me,
Cyndi
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Let's Do Some Updating
Happy Post Thanksgiving! If having way too much food around at all times AND being off work isn't enough, we had our sweet daughter, Lauren, in town for 4 days. We were thrilled to have her here for the holiday, but her puppy (Tula) was even more excited to have her Dog Mama here. They are bonded beyond belief, and only have eyes for each other. So with that, here's the scoopie poop:
Lauren is moving back to the Dallas area at the end of December, as she has taken a job here, instead of the original plan of going to Houston. Either way, it's a win-win. Houston has a fabulous library system, and Lauren was to be a Youth Librarian there. But after much thought, she has decided to take a Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area instead. She's super excited to 1) move back to Texas, and 2) have her puppy back - and be near family again. We are looking forward to her being close again, and I will have my yoga partner back, as well as a fellow running partner. Colorado has been good to her, and I know it will be a experience she'll always remember.
As Tula awaits her Dog Mama to come back, David and I are doing the best we can to be surrogate dog parents. Tula and I are still going to Manners Class at What A Great Dog training facility in Frisco. It's a completely positive reinforcement discipline used to train your puppy/dog. I have blogged about this new-to-me training method previously, and am happy to report I've come a long way in my own progress. Tula can only be as good as I am, as she relies on me to train her. And I'm not that good. So she rides the struggle bus, along with me, as we go through this journey of learning good dog manners together. It's a team effort, and since there's no "I" in team (there is a "me" though) it's either we're both succeeding - or we're both screwing it all up. I'll leave it as: we are a work-in-progress. I definitely have more work to do, but I will tell you, I can regurgitate the proper actions verbally, but actually doing them is another story. I do know one thing, that when it rains dog treats from my fingers, Tula is a perfect puppy pupil. Attentive and willing to do most anything. Unfortunately, I can't live my life with my dog-treat bag hanging from my waist band. That's a real thing, by the way, and I'm "that lady" with her bag of treats hanging from the waist band of my sweat pants. It's not a good look. But I do what I have to do - when I'm at dog school.
Now what about those new baby chicks I got awhile back, you ask? We had purchased 6 mystery chicks a couple of months ago, because the people who sold them to us said, "Well, we think they are (make up any name) breed, or (make up another name) breed. Yeah, we're pretty sure they will be one of those breeds". WRONG. It only took a matter of (short) time to realize they did not know what they were talking about. And it's not like we are experts on baby chickens either, so between all of us involved, no one knew what-the-heck breed these chicks really were. Fast forward 2-3 months, and waa-laa, we learned several things. 1) 4 of them were roosters. Now, you know the Sheriff (my husband, David) does not have many rules in life, but one of his rules is: No Roosters. Period. Away those 4 go, to a new home that allows roosters. 2) The 2 remaining chicks began to divide their cells at such a fast pace, they were hot to the touch. This is true, I promise. If you were to pick up one of these sweet chickens, you would think they were running a fever. They feel like they are literally on fire. Their cells are dividing and growing at a incredible pace. Why? Because they are cornish hens. Beautiful, huge, white cornish hens. Huge, short, wide legs. Ginormous bodies, waddling around on these short, fat legs. They are meat chickens. Just like the majority of chickens that people eat every day. The problem is, I have named them. Daisy and Lily. How could I possibly eat them?! They don't forage for food, they enjoy the food provided for them, and they will lay very few eggs. They are the kindest and sweetest chickens you can imagine. Gentle giants. The smaller (yet older) chickens boss them around! To add a twist of irony to this dilemma, is David got a new Big Green Egg and he'd love nothing more than to cook these tasty delights on it. I am sick about this. It's a predicament that's weighing heavy on me. Do we really eat them? Do I let them just continue to grow and grow until they burst? Because they get bigger all the time. This "update" will go unsolved. It's like watching a Dateline that doesn't find the perpetrator. This will continue to be a mystery of what we'll do. David is off work Friday to cook a brisket, and I have a hunch that there will be more than red meat on his new smoker. I feel nauseous.
I'll turn to a happier bit of news. David and I have the opportunity to travel to Honduras in February for a mission trip. One World Surgery Center is able to provide surgeries to the people (in need) in Honduras based on volunteers and donations. It is located on a 24/7 well-guarded ranch, along with an orphanage. I will volunteer as a Operating Room Registered Nurse, while David will volunteer for what they call "General" duties such as cooking, assisting in the surgery center, assisting in the orphanage, or many other general duties such as mowing, painting (or such) that is needed at the time we are there. I'll definitely blog each day I'm there so you can come along with me!
As we all fall back into our usual routines after this wonderful holiday, I realize how much I love routine in my life. I'm one of those people who can eat the same things each day, go to bed at the same time each day, and become way too set in my ways. So in my effort(s) to be more mindful, I stay turned for opportunities to grow. This helps me not be so stuck in my ways. I do enjoy thinking outside of my 9 dots. It's good for my brain, my mind, my soul and my spirit. Whether it's asking my daughter the specific reasons I should change my internet browser to Google Chrome (because she thinks it's the bomb), or not using the sentence "well it's not broken, so my iPhone 5 is just fine", or recognizing when I'm saying something "old people" say - or resisting change, esp when it comes to technology. I have many opportunities for self-improvement. As each year passes, I have to remind myself to be more objective. It's easy to start closing my world down a little at a time as each year passes. I want to be better, and open myself up, instead. This definitely requires extra effort on my part. Did I mention I'm a work-in-progress?
Stuck on my Safari internet browser,
Cyndi
Lauren is moving back to the Dallas area at the end of December, as she has taken a job here, instead of the original plan of going to Houston. Either way, it's a win-win. Houston has a fabulous library system, and Lauren was to be a Youth Librarian there. But after much thought, she has decided to take a Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area instead. She's super excited to 1) move back to Texas, and 2) have her puppy back - and be near family again. We are looking forward to her being close again, and I will have my yoga partner back, as well as a fellow running partner. Colorado has been good to her, and I know it will be a experience she'll always remember.
As Tula awaits her Dog Mama to come back, David and I are doing the best we can to be surrogate dog parents. Tula and I are still going to Manners Class at What A Great Dog training facility in Frisco. It's a completely positive reinforcement discipline used to train your puppy/dog. I have blogged about this new-to-me training method previously, and am happy to report I've come a long way in my own progress. Tula can only be as good as I am, as she relies on me to train her. And I'm not that good. So she rides the struggle bus, along with me, as we go through this journey of learning good dog manners together. It's a team effort, and since there's no "I" in team (there is a "me" though) it's either we're both succeeding - or we're both screwing it all up. I'll leave it as: we are a work-in-progress. I definitely have more work to do, but I will tell you, I can regurgitate the proper actions verbally, but actually doing them is another story. I do know one thing, that when it rains dog treats from my fingers, Tula is a perfect puppy pupil. Attentive and willing to do most anything. Unfortunately, I can't live my life with my dog-treat bag hanging from my waist band. That's a real thing, by the way, and I'm "that lady" with her bag of treats hanging from the waist band of my sweat pants. It's not a good look. But I do what I have to do - when I'm at dog school.
Now what about those new baby chicks I got awhile back, you ask? We had purchased 6 mystery chicks a couple of months ago, because the people who sold them to us said, "Well, we think they are (make up any name) breed, or (make up another name) breed. Yeah, we're pretty sure they will be one of those breeds". WRONG. It only took a matter of (short) time to realize they did not know what they were talking about. And it's not like we are experts on baby chickens either, so between all of us involved, no one knew what-the-heck breed these chicks really were. Fast forward 2-3 months, and waa-laa, we learned several things. 1) 4 of them were roosters. Now, you know the Sheriff (my husband, David) does not have many rules in life, but one of his rules is: No Roosters. Period. Away those 4 go, to a new home that allows roosters. 2) The 2 remaining chicks began to divide their cells at such a fast pace, they were hot to the touch. This is true, I promise. If you were to pick up one of these sweet chickens, you would think they were running a fever. They feel like they are literally on fire. Their cells are dividing and growing at a incredible pace. Why? Because they are cornish hens. Beautiful, huge, white cornish hens. Huge, short, wide legs. Ginormous bodies, waddling around on these short, fat legs. They are meat chickens. Just like the majority of chickens that people eat every day. The problem is, I have named them. Daisy and Lily. How could I possibly eat them?! They don't forage for food, they enjoy the food provided for them, and they will lay very few eggs. They are the kindest and sweetest chickens you can imagine. Gentle giants. The smaller (yet older) chickens boss them around! To add a twist of irony to this dilemma, is David got a new Big Green Egg and he'd love nothing more than to cook these tasty delights on it. I am sick about this. It's a predicament that's weighing heavy on me. Do we really eat them? Do I let them just continue to grow and grow until they burst? Because they get bigger all the time. This "update" will go unsolved. It's like watching a Dateline that doesn't find the perpetrator. This will continue to be a mystery of what we'll do. David is off work Friday to cook a brisket, and I have a hunch that there will be more than red meat on his new smoker. I feel nauseous.
I'll turn to a happier bit of news. David and I have the opportunity to travel to Honduras in February for a mission trip. One World Surgery Center is able to provide surgeries to the people (in need) in Honduras based on volunteers and donations. It is located on a 24/7 well-guarded ranch, along with an orphanage. I will volunteer as a Operating Room Registered Nurse, while David will volunteer for what they call "General" duties such as cooking, assisting in the surgery center, assisting in the orphanage, or many other general duties such as mowing, painting (or such) that is needed at the time we are there. I'll definitely blog each day I'm there so you can come along with me!
As we all fall back into our usual routines after this wonderful holiday, I realize how much I love routine in my life. I'm one of those people who can eat the same things each day, go to bed at the same time each day, and become way too set in my ways. So in my effort(s) to be more mindful, I stay turned for opportunities to grow. This helps me not be so stuck in my ways. I do enjoy thinking outside of my 9 dots. It's good for my brain, my mind, my soul and my spirit. Whether it's asking my daughter the specific reasons I should change my internet browser to Google Chrome (because she thinks it's the bomb), or not using the sentence "well it's not broken, so my iPhone 5 is just fine", or recognizing when I'm saying something "old people" say - or resisting change, esp when it comes to technology. I have many opportunities for self-improvement. As each year passes, I have to remind myself to be more objective. It's easy to start closing my world down a little at a time as each year passes. I want to be better, and open myself up, instead. This definitely requires extra effort on my part. Did I mention I'm a work-in-progress?
Stuck on my Safari internet browser,
Cyndi
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Tula
Tula is an (almost) 7 month old Australian Shepherd puppy who has come to the farm to live with us. She is Lauren's (our daughter) little puppy who will live with us until she moves from Colorado back to Texas. Lauren has taken a new Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area, and will be making her way back to Texas around Christmas time. Until then, Tula is on vacation here at the farm.
This actually occurred a few weeks ago, but David and I have been finding our 'new' normal and figuring out how a (herding) puppy will acclimate at the farm. Or should that be, how we'll acclimate with her here at the farm. I'll start with telling you about Tula. She's sweet, smart, playful and has a great desire to please. She has bright eyes, soft fur, and a heart of gold. She's had prior training at the age of 4 months and knows commands such as Sit and Heel, with a sprinkle of Tula, Come and/or Stay that needs some further undertaking. Granted, this prior training was done in a older fashion of what I've come to understand as "negative" dog training. Wait, what? Telling a dog No is a bad thing? What if we never told our children No? I may be old-school, but I was under the impression that that's how you help a dog understand expectations. No, don't do this, Yes, do this. And then the dog figures it out......right and wrong behaviors. Insert record scratch noise here. Nope, sorry Cyndi, that's not how it's done these days.
After hearing about some 'crazy' positive reinforcement dog training concept from not only my daughter, as well as co-workers, I poo-poo'd it (nice pun, huh?) and deleted that idea from my brain. I was convinced that since I've had plenty of dogs that have all turned out okay, that this "new" training idea was not for me. Then, I realized what I was doing. I was not receptive to this idea, and turned it away before even trying it - or considering it. I find as I get older that I can somehow justify this behavior. I can say, "No, thanks, I don't want to do fill-in-the-blank". It's as if I feel entitled to NOT have to try new things anymore because somehow my "old" way is still just as good. Kind of like the old adage: If it aint broke don't fix it. Time to reevaluate this, Cyndi. I can't start the old-person-hard-headed thing yet. I want to, but then I'm just setting my own self back in time. I've tried to tell myself I'll stay current, open-minded, objective and aware of new things as I age. How quickly this example shed a light on my need to improve, and stay true to being mindful of my thoughts and decisions. I was in auto-pilot mode when I shot down the positive dog training idea. That sounds like I would need to learn something new, that I don't care to learn. So, no thanks.
This situation of conflict brought about swirling in my soul, and chaos in my spirit. Should I try out this positive dog-training program? Should I revert to my old dog training ways? Why am I making this such a big deal? I know why. I have a puppy who is relying on me to help her be the best dog she can be.
Confession: I've been working on my mindfulness vs my mindlessness. It's so complicated, yet so simple. Mindfulness: A deliberate way of paying attention to what is occurring within oneself as it is happening. It is the process of attentively observing your experience as it unfolds, without judgement or evaluation". If I am to be mindful regarding this, I need to continue to develop deep attention to the present moment. Hence, I am utilizing this concept to have the awareness to see my own behavior regarding this dog training topic. I saw it! Right before my very eyes, when I am mindful, I am able to see what I'm doing. Dang it. It's easier to push it all away, and just say I'm not going to do this positive dog training thing. I'm going to do what - and how - I know in regards to training this puppy. And I did that. I said that. I put my foot down and said it out loud. "Not going to learn a new dog training technique". Period.
Yet, I didn't like the way it felt saying that. It's as if it tasted bad. Yeah, it felt good for a second after I said it, but then I knew better. If I am to be mindful of what I'm doing, I must be aware of all elements of it. Shutting down and rejecting this new opportunity of dog training was my example of mindlessness. Oh no! Just what I was trying not to do. I want to be less mindless and more mindful in my life.
I sat on my obstinance for a day. I let it brew inside me, and made every excuse why I made this decision. Then, I made my break-through. I paid attention to my thoughts, and the chatter in my head about it all. I observed my behavior as it all was occurring, and decided to be present in the moment. The old me would have plowed through with "not gonna do it". The new me wants to go somewhere new in life. Okay family, I'm boarding the train of Positive Reinforcement Dog Training. Okay then, I can't say the word 'No' to this puppy?! That's just crazy. Ooopppps, I didn't mean that. Or did I.
I proceeded to find a Doggie Day Care for Tula because David and I are both gone too long during the day to leave her crated. If we leave her out to roam the farm, she consistently herds the chickens, sheep and barn cats. Not a good thing. So we find a wonderful doggie daycare that specializes in positive reinforcement. That's a real thing, and apparently not hard to find, esp if I can find it.
Tula starts going to school each day. She plays hard all day, and there's even nap time from 12 - 2:30. By the way, you can't pick up your dog while they are napping (what universe do I live in?). The people there teach your dog a few chosen commands - with treats. They never say the word No. It rains treats at this Pet Resort.
Next? I signed up for a positive dog training class for me - and Tula, of course. But more for me. The name of this training center is called "What A Great Dog". For real. I've gone there twice now, for two group sessions with Tula. I'm in the moment while I'm there. I'm like a sponge, who is mesmerized by every word the Professional Positive Dog Trainer says. My mindfulness seems so natural there, as if I'm in a trance. Absorbing every action, word and movement around me. Like it's all happening in slow motion. I can't quit staring at the instructor, as if I can't believe what I'm hearing. Does this really work? I know one thing for sure.....I'm going to find out.
I better go buy more dog treats,
Cyndi
This actually occurred a few weeks ago, but David and I have been finding our 'new' normal and figuring out how a (herding) puppy will acclimate at the farm. Or should that be, how we'll acclimate with her here at the farm. I'll start with telling you about Tula. She's sweet, smart, playful and has a great desire to please. She has bright eyes, soft fur, and a heart of gold. She's had prior training at the age of 4 months and knows commands such as Sit and Heel, with a sprinkle of Tula, Come and/or Stay that needs some further undertaking. Granted, this prior training was done in a older fashion of what I've come to understand as "negative" dog training. Wait, what? Telling a dog No is a bad thing? What if we never told our children No? I may be old-school, but I was under the impression that that's how you help a dog understand expectations. No, don't do this, Yes, do this. And then the dog figures it out......right and wrong behaviors. Insert record scratch noise here. Nope, sorry Cyndi, that's not how it's done these days.
After hearing about some 'crazy' positive reinforcement dog training concept from not only my daughter, as well as co-workers, I poo-poo'd it (nice pun, huh?) and deleted that idea from my brain. I was convinced that since I've had plenty of dogs that have all turned out okay, that this "new" training idea was not for me. Then, I realized what I was doing. I was not receptive to this idea, and turned it away before even trying it - or considering it. I find as I get older that I can somehow justify this behavior. I can say, "No, thanks, I don't want to do fill-in-the-blank". It's as if I feel entitled to NOT have to try new things anymore because somehow my "old" way is still just as good. Kind of like the old adage: If it aint broke don't fix it. Time to reevaluate this, Cyndi. I can't start the old-person-hard-headed thing yet. I want to, but then I'm just setting my own self back in time. I've tried to tell myself I'll stay current, open-minded, objective and aware of new things as I age. How quickly this example shed a light on my need to improve, and stay true to being mindful of my thoughts and decisions. I was in auto-pilot mode when I shot down the positive dog training idea. That sounds like I would need to learn something new, that I don't care to learn. So, no thanks.
This situation of conflict brought about swirling in my soul, and chaos in my spirit. Should I try out this positive dog-training program? Should I revert to my old dog training ways? Why am I making this such a big deal? I know why. I have a puppy who is relying on me to help her be the best dog she can be.
Confession: I've been working on my mindfulness vs my mindlessness. It's so complicated, yet so simple. Mindfulness: A deliberate way of paying attention to what is occurring within oneself as it is happening. It is the process of attentively observing your experience as it unfolds, without judgement or evaluation". If I am to be mindful regarding this, I need to continue to develop deep attention to the present moment. Hence, I am utilizing this concept to have the awareness to see my own behavior regarding this dog training topic. I saw it! Right before my very eyes, when I am mindful, I am able to see what I'm doing. Dang it. It's easier to push it all away, and just say I'm not going to do this positive dog training thing. I'm going to do what - and how - I know in regards to training this puppy. And I did that. I said that. I put my foot down and said it out loud. "Not going to learn a new dog training technique". Period.
Yet, I didn't like the way it felt saying that. It's as if it tasted bad. Yeah, it felt good for a second after I said it, but then I knew better. If I am to be mindful of what I'm doing, I must be aware of all elements of it. Shutting down and rejecting this new opportunity of dog training was my example of mindlessness. Oh no! Just what I was trying not to do. I want to be less mindless and more mindful in my life.
I sat on my obstinance for a day. I let it brew inside me, and made every excuse why I made this decision. Then, I made my break-through. I paid attention to my thoughts, and the chatter in my head about it all. I observed my behavior as it all was occurring, and decided to be present in the moment. The old me would have plowed through with "not gonna do it". The new me wants to go somewhere new in life. Okay family, I'm boarding the train of Positive Reinforcement Dog Training. Okay then, I can't say the word 'No' to this puppy?! That's just crazy. Ooopppps, I didn't mean that. Or did I.
I proceeded to find a Doggie Day Care for Tula because David and I are both gone too long during the day to leave her crated. If we leave her out to roam the farm, she consistently herds the chickens, sheep and barn cats. Not a good thing. So we find a wonderful doggie daycare that specializes in positive reinforcement. That's a real thing, and apparently not hard to find, esp if I can find it.
Tula starts going to school each day. She plays hard all day, and there's even nap time from 12 - 2:30. By the way, you can't pick up your dog while they are napping (what universe do I live in?). The people there teach your dog a few chosen commands - with treats. They never say the word No. It rains treats at this Pet Resort.
Next? I signed up for a positive dog training class for me - and Tula, of course. But more for me. The name of this training center is called "What A Great Dog". For real. I've gone there twice now, for two group sessions with Tula. I'm in the moment while I'm there. I'm like a sponge, who is mesmerized by every word the Professional Positive Dog Trainer says. My mindfulness seems so natural there, as if I'm in a trance. Absorbing every action, word and movement around me. Like it's all happening in slow motion. I can't quit staring at the instructor, as if I can't believe what I'm hearing. Does this really work? I know one thing for sure.....I'm going to find out.
I better go buy more dog treats,
Cyndi
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Feeding Time
As I take refuge in the barn each day, normally in the mornings for feedings, and after work, I have come to realize that this is not just a chore I do, but a place of peace. I have established a ritual of feeding, so that all the animals know "their turn will come". Most wait patiently, having faith I will get to them soon. I love this about them. I try to take a page out of their book, knowing that if I also wait in life, I will be the recipient of just what I need.
I give my sweet barn cats fresh kitty food, with one cat in particular that gets "wet" cat food due to his difficulty with chewing hard food. The vet told us he also has colitis, and his gut may never be okay. We have tried everything to help him heal his tummy and colon issues including probiotics, antibiotics (to kill off the bad bacteria in his little gut), dewormer, amid varying his diet. He's of small statue and came to the farm not well. Thanks to the local vet, we have helped him feel somewhat better. I see him everyday as he allows me to pet and love him. But as a traditional barn kitty, he does not want to be picked up. No, thanks. He's my example of plugging along, even when your body is sabotaging you. An adult cat in a kitten-size body. He lives his best life, despite his tough beginnings in life, whereby his colon now wrecks havoc on him. But we are blessed to him now, and his calm spirit and sweet demeanor, despite his colon troubles, make him a wonderful addition to the barn. He literally gets along with everyone. Everyone. Sometimes, I just want to be him in life. Easy to get along with, well liked by all, and hang out all day. To have a cat that gets along with all the others is rare. We don't typically have any fighting, mind you, but some cats prefer other cat friends more than others. And he's my example of unity. He has no ill-will towards anyone. He's my pint-sized inspiration.
After I love on the cats, I move to feed my great pyrenees. My great protectors. If I could only tell them how much I appreciate them. Thank you Levi and Whisper for all you do. You constantly stand guard and protect the others. How can I ever repay you? My best attempt is to feed you well. I give all yummy leftovers (heated up) to them, mixed in their dog food. I talk sweetly to them, pet them, and provide them rewards from our own table. They are the reason everyone in the barn, and front pasture is safe from predators. They expend a lot of energy during the day and night, so eating well is a necessity.
Next up, my sweet sheep, who have been patiently waiting for their turn. They graze the pasture mostly, but they also get a certain amount of grain while in their pen. I pour the grain into their feeding pans, and you would think it was Christmas. Every time. It reminds me of when I get the yummiest food - at just that right time. Just digging in, not being able to eat it fast enough. They adore their grain time. And as a bonus, I'll add some alfalfa. Jackpot! Their little baaaaaa sounds warm my heart, and I realize how lucky I am to have them. God has put his trust in me, to provide for them all. And it's with great pleasure that I do.
Let's see. Whose next? Oh yes, the chickens! I make sure all their feeders are full, but also put down scratch for them on the barn floor. They can access it as they like. A chicken's best friend is fresh water. My two newest girlz to the flock have gotten so big. It takes time to incorporate other pullets/hens into a existing flock. Hierarchy is apparent. But so far so good, as it just takes time. What we found out is our two newest chicks, who have grown physically into "big chickens" are of the Cornish breed. Does that sound familiar? They are a meat chicken. Meaning they will not lay many eggs, and are better suited to be eaten. I mean, they are meaty! If you pick them up, you will know what I mean. And even though at only 4 months old, they are bigger than all my other chickens, they are gentle giants. They are literally pets. They follow you around, and are super friendly. They are not good forgers, and prefer to hang out in the barn - eat the food provided. That's fine with me. They are an accident, as the feed store we bought them from did not know their breed. Almost like they were mystery chickens. But now that they have developed and grown, we can see what kind they are. Chickens people eat. Daisy and Lily will live a luxury life on our farm. We will not be eating them. Love my chickens!
Now, onto my 3 beautiful donkeys who have been watching my every move. They know they will get something. But what? Well, first off, they basically will eat anything. But I try to give them fruit, carrots, alfalfa, old bread/tortillas, sweets of any kind or any leftovers I think they might like. They are not meat eaters, and prefer sweets if possible. Mints are a favorite of theirs. They have a sweet tooth....just like me. I take time to feed them whatever I have brought to them that day, and they readily trust me, knowing it's going to be good. They rarely reject my offerings. I pet them, love them, and tell them what good donkeys they are. Their personalities keep me entertained. I never in my life knew I would have donkeys. I absolutely adore them. They are kind to everyone who comes over, and are a fan-favorite for sure. We had a new barn/run-in shed built for them a few weeks ago in the back pasture, and knowing they have their own place allows me to sleep better at night. It's like a Donkey B&B. A place to call their own, stay warm and dry. Just knowing they have their own place calms any chaos in my spirit. I know they are okay, like all the rest of the farm animals. That's the only way I can truly lay my head and rest at night. Knowing all my sweet-peas (in the barn and pastures) are comfortable too. My heart is so tender when it comes to every one of them.
We have installed a Barn Cam (in the barn) and I have the privilege of watching them throughout the day on it, from my phone. I can check on them, see how their doing - or better yet - what they are doing, throughout the day. It allows me to be there, when I'm not there. After all.....there's really no where else in my day that brings the serenity and peace that my barn does.
Let your light shine,
Cyndi
Happy Birthday, Brooke!!! I hope you had lots of sweet treats as well.
I give my sweet barn cats fresh kitty food, with one cat in particular that gets "wet" cat food due to his difficulty with chewing hard food. The vet told us he also has colitis, and his gut may never be okay. We have tried everything to help him heal his tummy and colon issues including probiotics, antibiotics (to kill off the bad bacteria in his little gut), dewormer, amid varying his diet. He's of small statue and came to the farm not well. Thanks to the local vet, we have helped him feel somewhat better. I see him everyday as he allows me to pet and love him. But as a traditional barn kitty, he does not want to be picked up. No, thanks. He's my example of plugging along, even when your body is sabotaging you. An adult cat in a kitten-size body. He lives his best life, despite his tough beginnings in life, whereby his colon now wrecks havoc on him. But we are blessed to him now, and his calm spirit and sweet demeanor, despite his colon troubles, make him a wonderful addition to the barn. He literally gets along with everyone. Everyone. Sometimes, I just want to be him in life. Easy to get along with, well liked by all, and hang out all day. To have a cat that gets along with all the others is rare. We don't typically have any fighting, mind you, but some cats prefer other cat friends more than others. And he's my example of unity. He has no ill-will towards anyone. He's my pint-sized inspiration.
After I love on the cats, I move to feed my great pyrenees. My great protectors. If I could only tell them how much I appreciate them. Thank you Levi and Whisper for all you do. You constantly stand guard and protect the others. How can I ever repay you? My best attempt is to feed you well. I give all yummy leftovers (heated up) to them, mixed in their dog food. I talk sweetly to them, pet them, and provide them rewards from our own table. They are the reason everyone in the barn, and front pasture is safe from predators. They expend a lot of energy during the day and night, so eating well is a necessity.
Next up, my sweet sheep, who have been patiently waiting for their turn. They graze the pasture mostly, but they also get a certain amount of grain while in their pen. I pour the grain into their feeding pans, and you would think it was Christmas. Every time. It reminds me of when I get the yummiest food - at just that right time. Just digging in, not being able to eat it fast enough. They adore their grain time. And as a bonus, I'll add some alfalfa. Jackpot! Their little baaaaaa sounds warm my heart, and I realize how lucky I am to have them. God has put his trust in me, to provide for them all. And it's with great pleasure that I do.
Let's see. Whose next? Oh yes, the chickens! I make sure all their feeders are full, but also put down scratch for them on the barn floor. They can access it as they like. A chicken's best friend is fresh water. My two newest girlz to the flock have gotten so big. It takes time to incorporate other pullets/hens into a existing flock. Hierarchy is apparent. But so far so good, as it just takes time. What we found out is our two newest chicks, who have grown physically into "big chickens" are of the Cornish breed. Does that sound familiar? They are a meat chicken. Meaning they will not lay many eggs, and are better suited to be eaten. I mean, they are meaty! If you pick them up, you will know what I mean. And even though at only 4 months old, they are bigger than all my other chickens, they are gentle giants. They are literally pets. They follow you around, and are super friendly. They are not good forgers, and prefer to hang out in the barn - eat the food provided. That's fine with me. They are an accident, as the feed store we bought them from did not know their breed. Almost like they were mystery chickens. But now that they have developed and grown, we can see what kind they are. Chickens people eat. Daisy and Lily will live a luxury life on our farm. We will not be eating them. Love my chickens!
Now, onto my 3 beautiful donkeys who have been watching my every move. They know they will get something. But what? Well, first off, they basically will eat anything. But I try to give them fruit, carrots, alfalfa, old bread/tortillas, sweets of any kind or any leftovers I think they might like. They are not meat eaters, and prefer sweets if possible. Mints are a favorite of theirs. They have a sweet tooth....just like me. I take time to feed them whatever I have brought to them that day, and they readily trust me, knowing it's going to be good. They rarely reject my offerings. I pet them, love them, and tell them what good donkeys they are. Their personalities keep me entertained. I never in my life knew I would have donkeys. I absolutely adore them. They are kind to everyone who comes over, and are a fan-favorite for sure. We had a new barn/run-in shed built for them a few weeks ago in the back pasture, and knowing they have their own place allows me to sleep better at night. It's like a Donkey B&B. A place to call their own, stay warm and dry. Just knowing they have their own place calms any chaos in my spirit. I know they are okay, like all the rest of the farm animals. That's the only way I can truly lay my head and rest at night. Knowing all my sweet-peas (in the barn and pastures) are comfortable too. My heart is so tender when it comes to every one of them.
We have installed a Barn Cam (in the barn) and I have the privilege of watching them throughout the day on it, from my phone. I can check on them, see how their doing - or better yet - what they are doing, throughout the day. It allows me to be there, when I'm not there. After all.....there's really no where else in my day that brings the serenity and peace that my barn does.
Let your light shine,
Cyndi
Happy Birthday, Brooke!!! I hope you had lots of sweet treats as well.
Monday, October 30, 2017
Loving Farm Life
Is what we have technically a farm? We have three ewes/sheep: Belle, Cotton and Eve (she was born New Years Eve). We have three donkeys (full size): Mama (Pumpkin), Papa and their 3 year old son, Baby (Pickles). We have eight chickens (hens): Ginger, Butterscotch, Pebbles, Pepper, Sunshine, Butter, Daisy and Lily. Six of them are laying eggs, while two are not yet of age. No roosters are allowed, per the Sheriff (that's David, my husband). We have few rules around here. But that's one of them. No roosters. We have 8 barn/garage cats: June Bug, July, Kitty, Smokey, Finn, Fi, Preston and Fern. Three of those are boys. They chase mice, and all get along surprisingly well. We have four dogs: 2 LGD (Livestock Guard Dogs) Great Pyrenees Levi (brother), and Whisper (sister). Then, we have our two indoor/outdoor wanna-be farm dogs Bridgette (Weimaraner) and Maybe (King Charles Spaniel). We do have a "visiting"puppy, Tula, who is a beautiful Australian Shepherd that is 6 months old. She is with us until December, when our sweet daughter, Lauren, will be taking her back to live with her. We are enjoying her immensely while we have her with us. And Tula loves ALL the farm animals. And herding them back to their appropriate places.
That brings me back to: Do we technically have a farm? I'm going to say yes. Some call it a Hobby Farm, or a Smallholding. Our production of farm products is primarily eggs, well, it's only eggs. We do not plan on eating the chickens or sheep. They have names, and we don't eat pets. We have a barn that houses the chickens, sheep and LGD's. We recently had a loafing shed built in the back pasture for our 3 donkeys to protect them from the sun, wind, rain or cold - or a combination of those things. They love it. It's a place of their own. They are in charge of guarding the back pasture. And boy, can donkeys guard their territory! They can tear up a coyote in a minute. Donkeys do this by creating a circle around the predator, then start stomping them and biting them. Now granted, our donkeys are kind and sweet to humans, and those animals "they know". So they are perfect pets - and guard animals. We adore them. They love being loved, petted, brushed and even hugged.
So is it a farm? Or a petting zoo? We have had a multitude of visitors (family, friends, co-workers) and have even had a public library "story time" held at our farm. So far, everyone has left with all their fingers in tact. All our animals enjoy visitors. Some more than others, and even a few of our chickens willingly allow others to hold them and carry them around. Belle, one of our sheep, is a fan favorite. She's all about being petted, and you would think she was a dog, rather than a ewe. We bottle fed her starting at Day 1, so she is extremely tolerant of people. We had to buy the other two sheep so that they could teach her how to be a sheep. She thought she was a dog for quite a while.
If you read a previous blog posting, you will know we built a structure for the sheep/LGD. I won't go into all the details that I've covered previously, but it was meant to solve the problem of the sheep eating the dog's food. Just so you know, that didn't solve that problem, and now we have this structure (a modified children's playhouse/2-story) area that the sheep and dogs both love. They love being under it, where there's plenty of room and shade. It's like their own little house with a basement. No one - except Belle - goes up the ramp to go upstairs. But I've come to expect the unexpected. I thought they would ALL go up the ramp to the upstairs portion. Nope. They like it down below. It's become their favorite hangout place in the pasture. It's known as The Belle Tower, and has a sign on it as such.
Have I always lived with so many animals? No, but I've always wanted to. Just ask my mom and dad. It does require a large time commitment, vet visits, hay/feed/food for each animal, cleaning, mowing, lots of petting and providing love to them all, but this "work" is truly a labor of love. The contentment in my life is indescribable. When I'm in the barn, I am in the moment. I'm enjoying what I'm doing at that very minute. My mind is not somewhere else. And trust me, I have a monkey-mind, which, by the way, yoga and moving meditation (running) helps keep "under control". Being in the barn, on the mower, in the pasture, brushing the donkeys, loving on the sheep, gathering eggs, all bring me to one place. And that's in the very moment I'm in. Very few things in life have provided this to me. This contentment is something I get no where else, at least not at this level. It's a place where I don't need to practice mindfulness - it just happens. I'm in the moment, absorbed, with the chatter in my head gone. And completely aware of my surroundings. I let go of my day, my week, my worries - right here on my farm.
So it is a farm. Come see! After all, one of our greatest rewards is sharing it with others.
I've missed blogging, it's been way too long since I have. I promise not to wait so long next time. I appreciate you listening to all my written words, and would write all night if I could. Because where do all these kitty cats sleep and live? Can any of the animals come inside the house? Will our sheep have baby lambs? How will I finish my run across the US? So many questions.
More soon.....Cyndi
That brings me back to: Do we technically have a farm? I'm going to say yes. Some call it a Hobby Farm, or a Smallholding. Our production of farm products is primarily eggs, well, it's only eggs. We do not plan on eating the chickens or sheep. They have names, and we don't eat pets. We have a barn that houses the chickens, sheep and LGD's. We recently had a loafing shed built in the back pasture for our 3 donkeys to protect them from the sun, wind, rain or cold - or a combination of those things. They love it. It's a place of their own. They are in charge of guarding the back pasture. And boy, can donkeys guard their territory! They can tear up a coyote in a minute. Donkeys do this by creating a circle around the predator, then start stomping them and biting them. Now granted, our donkeys are kind and sweet to humans, and those animals "they know". So they are perfect pets - and guard animals. We adore them. They love being loved, petted, brushed and even hugged.
So is it a farm? Or a petting zoo? We have had a multitude of visitors (family, friends, co-workers) and have even had a public library "story time" held at our farm. So far, everyone has left with all their fingers in tact. All our animals enjoy visitors. Some more than others, and even a few of our chickens willingly allow others to hold them and carry them around. Belle, one of our sheep, is a fan favorite. She's all about being petted, and you would think she was a dog, rather than a ewe. We bottle fed her starting at Day 1, so she is extremely tolerant of people. We had to buy the other two sheep so that they could teach her how to be a sheep. She thought she was a dog for quite a while.
If you read a previous blog posting, you will know we built a structure for the sheep/LGD. I won't go into all the details that I've covered previously, but it was meant to solve the problem of the sheep eating the dog's food. Just so you know, that didn't solve that problem, and now we have this structure (a modified children's playhouse/2-story) area that the sheep and dogs both love. They love being under it, where there's plenty of room and shade. It's like their own little house with a basement. No one - except Belle - goes up the ramp to go upstairs. But I've come to expect the unexpected. I thought they would ALL go up the ramp to the upstairs portion. Nope. They like it down below. It's become their favorite hangout place in the pasture. It's known as The Belle Tower, and has a sign on it as such.
Have I always lived with so many animals? No, but I've always wanted to. Just ask my mom and dad. It does require a large time commitment, vet visits, hay/feed/food for each animal, cleaning, mowing, lots of petting and providing love to them all, but this "work" is truly a labor of love. The contentment in my life is indescribable. When I'm in the barn, I am in the moment. I'm enjoying what I'm doing at that very minute. My mind is not somewhere else. And trust me, I have a monkey-mind, which, by the way, yoga and moving meditation (running) helps keep "under control". Being in the barn, on the mower, in the pasture, brushing the donkeys, loving on the sheep, gathering eggs, all bring me to one place. And that's in the very moment I'm in. Very few things in life have provided this to me. This contentment is something I get no where else, at least not at this level. It's a place where I don't need to practice mindfulness - it just happens. I'm in the moment, absorbed, with the chatter in my head gone. And completely aware of my surroundings. I let go of my day, my week, my worries - right here on my farm.
So it is a farm. Come see! After all, one of our greatest rewards is sharing it with others.
I've missed blogging, it's been way too long since I have. I promise not to wait so long next time. I appreciate you listening to all my written words, and would write all night if I could. Because where do all these kitty cats sleep and live? Can any of the animals come inside the house? Will our sheep have baby lambs? How will I finish my run across the US? So many questions.
More soon.....Cyndi
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Embracing The Unexpected
Just when I think I know, I don't. I've lived my life thinking that things were going to "go a certain way" or that I'm planning on a particular event, thing or action happening. And then......no.
I've been taught this lesson over and over in life, but yet I still try to force My Will on things around me. That's exactly what I did with the 2-story playhouse we built. I was sure I could get it to do what I intended and wanted it to do. But time has shown me that as hard as I try, it's going to be what it is without my permission. Turns out, it would be the dogs and lambs deciding who gets in the house-structure we built. Dogs below, and Belle upstairs. The great pyrenees love laying in the shade underneath it - and Belle is the only one going upstairs to mill around and nibble treats. So it's not SheepLand or a Guard Dog Tower after all. That's just what it "appeared" to be, or better yet, what I was trying to make it be - without knowing what would really happen in the natural progression of life in the pasture. Matter-of-fact, Belle loves it. She enjoys looking around, climbing upstairs via the ramp, milling around up there, and then the finale?! A big jump off the ramp, playfully, to come back down. She's like a kid out playing and enjoying herself. As if she's going somewhere new, and is ready to explore and play. Her lamb sisters are not quite as adventurous. They watch her, most likely baaaaaa-ing to tell her to 'Be Careful'! So now it's hard to know what to do. Fence it? And then the dogs cannot have their new favorite place, in the middle of the pasture in the shade? Or leave it as it is and let everyone enjoy it? It is a new place that provides shade, and they all love that. Sometimes I come home, and they are all laying underneath it enjoying the shade and breeze. It's a nice option between the front trees by our house, and the pond area down by the road. It's in that in-between area. "Just right", as Goldilocks would say.
I'm a bit perplexed, as I had expected this situation to solve my lambs-eating-dog-food problem. I thought it actually had. But the dogs and lambs have decided otherwise, and to use it for another purpose. To be together and enjoy it together. While I was thinking of a separation of sorts, they are thinking it's one more place they will relax and be together. How can I take that away from them? And now it will have yet, another new name. Since Belle is the only one who goes up in it.......I have deemed it The Belle Tower.
This may very well be (one of) my major themes in life. Embracing the unexpected. The secret I've found for myself is to not fight the old, but embrace the new. The only thing constant in my life is change. Every day. Sometimes I think "Can I just have a day to press the Easy Button?" Can I have this day be bland and uneventful? Or is that what I really want? Sometimes I think I want that, but yet I manage to stay busy instead. My family uses the term 'Go Man Go' when referring to me. Go Man Go does just that. I guess even when I have time to sit down and unwind, the activities I use to decompress consists of long walks, being in the barn piddling around, or working on my To-Do list (which I keep in my head). My reason for walking the dogs is for 'their' mental health. But is it? Or is it for my own?
To answer your question, I still have not figured out how to keep the sheep from eating the dog food. Bright side? I have lots of new shade that the dogs and sheep love to hang out in, in the middle of the pasture!
Ever since I've moved to the country, I learned quickly (and reluctantly) that embracing the unexpected is a daily fixture. I can come home from work and find new and different things have occurred that I never would have imagined. Swarms of bees on the side of my house, moving the queen inside our attic. Families of mice moving into our laundry room. Any one of our livestock animals NOT in it's proper pasture. Wasp nest the size of a football atop our house. Our master bedroom filled with wasps. Random dogs trying to take up residence in the pasture. Chicken attacks. Having a 1 day old lamb with no lamb knowledge. Scorpions in the house. Mice chewed up into sections, with their heads, middle or back end/tails left sprawled across the yard. Possums hissing at me in the barn. None of which are terribly horrible. I think it's the unexpected, time after time, that adds up to embracing the fact that "I never know what I'll experience" on The Graves Farm. So now, I expect the unexpected. What's going to happen today? And I've learned that whatever it is, I will handle it. It's part of my life now, and leaning into that just feels good.
I'm heading out for a run. And guess where my destination will be? I'll run up to next town, and arrive at Tractor Supply (Don't we all love that place?! Get'r Done!). Why? Because they have all their baby chicks for .50 cents each, and David has requested 4 more chickens (via chicks) to add to our flock. I'll meet him there, and we will welcome our new additions to the farm. I guess that means we'll need to come up with 4 new girlz names!
Fall is coming,
Cyndi
I've been taught this lesson over and over in life, but yet I still try to force My Will on things around me. That's exactly what I did with the 2-story playhouse we built. I was sure I could get it to do what I intended and wanted it to do. But time has shown me that as hard as I try, it's going to be what it is without my permission. Turns out, it would be the dogs and lambs deciding who gets in the house-structure we built. Dogs below, and Belle upstairs. The great pyrenees love laying in the shade underneath it - and Belle is the only one going upstairs to mill around and nibble treats. So it's not SheepLand or a Guard Dog Tower after all. That's just what it "appeared" to be, or better yet, what I was trying to make it be - without knowing what would really happen in the natural progression of life in the pasture. Matter-of-fact, Belle loves it. She enjoys looking around, climbing upstairs via the ramp, milling around up there, and then the finale?! A big jump off the ramp, playfully, to come back down. She's like a kid out playing and enjoying herself. As if she's going somewhere new, and is ready to explore and play. Her lamb sisters are not quite as adventurous. They watch her, most likely baaaaaa-ing to tell her to 'Be Careful'! So now it's hard to know what to do. Fence it? And then the dogs cannot have their new favorite place, in the middle of the pasture in the shade? Or leave it as it is and let everyone enjoy it? It is a new place that provides shade, and they all love that. Sometimes I come home, and they are all laying underneath it enjoying the shade and breeze. It's a nice option between the front trees by our house, and the pond area down by the road. It's in that in-between area. "Just right", as Goldilocks would say.
I'm a bit perplexed, as I had expected this situation to solve my lambs-eating-dog-food problem. I thought it actually had. But the dogs and lambs have decided otherwise, and to use it for another purpose. To be together and enjoy it together. While I was thinking of a separation of sorts, they are thinking it's one more place they will relax and be together. How can I take that away from them? And now it will have yet, another new name. Since Belle is the only one who goes up in it.......I have deemed it The Belle Tower.
This may very well be (one of) my major themes in life. Embracing the unexpected. The secret I've found for myself is to not fight the old, but embrace the new. The only thing constant in my life is change. Every day. Sometimes I think "Can I just have a day to press the Easy Button?" Can I have this day be bland and uneventful? Or is that what I really want? Sometimes I think I want that, but yet I manage to stay busy instead. My family uses the term 'Go Man Go' when referring to me. Go Man Go does just that. I guess even when I have time to sit down and unwind, the activities I use to decompress consists of long walks, being in the barn piddling around, or working on my To-Do list (which I keep in my head). My reason for walking the dogs is for 'their' mental health. But is it? Or is it for my own?
To answer your question, I still have not figured out how to keep the sheep from eating the dog food. Bright side? I have lots of new shade that the dogs and sheep love to hang out in, in the middle of the pasture!
Ever since I've moved to the country, I learned quickly (and reluctantly) that embracing the unexpected is a daily fixture. I can come home from work and find new and different things have occurred that I never would have imagined. Swarms of bees on the side of my house, moving the queen inside our attic. Families of mice moving into our laundry room. Any one of our livestock animals NOT in it's proper pasture. Wasp nest the size of a football atop our house. Our master bedroom filled with wasps. Random dogs trying to take up residence in the pasture. Chicken attacks. Having a 1 day old lamb with no lamb knowledge. Scorpions in the house. Mice chewed up into sections, with their heads, middle or back end/tails left sprawled across the yard. Possums hissing at me in the barn. None of which are terribly horrible. I think it's the unexpected, time after time, that adds up to embracing the fact that "I never know what I'll experience" on The Graves Farm. So now, I expect the unexpected. What's going to happen today? And I've learned that whatever it is, I will handle it. It's part of my life now, and leaning into that just feels good.
I'm heading out for a run. And guess where my destination will be? I'll run up to next town, and arrive at Tractor Supply (Don't we all love that place?! Get'r Done!). Why? Because they have all their baby chicks for .50 cents each, and David has requested 4 more chickens (via chicks) to add to our flock. I'll meet him there, and we will welcome our new additions to the farm. I guess that means we'll need to come up with 4 new girlz names!
Fall is coming,
Cyndi
Sunday, September 17, 2017
SheepLand Update
Just like most days in my life, I'm surprised by how much I don't know, don't see clearly or all-of-a-sudden figure something new out that I thought I would have known by now. For so long, I thought I knew so much. I thought I was certain about many things in life. But, the older I get, the more I realize I have so much more to learn from life. Sometimes it's the little things: For example, SheepLand. It seemed the perfect solution to our sheep-eating-dog-food dilemma. David and I took those 459 pieces of wood, screws/washers, posts and put them all back together in "our own" new configuration - more conducive for small livestock. Namely sheep. We were so happy for several reasons 1) We did not have to make ANY additional trips to Home Depot for anything. We used what we had, and somehow made it work. It is normal for us to make 16 extra trips to town, to gather "what we think we might need". That particular size screw, a piece of lumbar, or maybe just an excuse to back away from the project for a short while. But no. We resisted, and figured it out with the supplies we had. Go Us! 2) We made a ramp in which to maneuver to the second floor. (Training the sheep to climb the ladder wasn't a good option). 3) We finished without harm to ourselves or each other. Success! Our new design gives plenty of shade to the sheep - and dogs, too. A new shade option for everyone is always welcome.
Now granted, we have not fenced around our SheepLand yet. We wanted to give everyone free range to check it out. Kind of like a Pasture Open House. The chickens visited, the barn cats milled around it, and the dogs loved being right in the middle of the pasture (which is where we put this) and laying around - and under it, in the shade. The sheep seemed curious and enjoyed it, but unfortunately, the ramp was too slick for their little split-hoof high-heels. Click click.....oooopps. Belle looked like she was trying to walk up the ramp on frozen ice, and so we knew we would need to improve on the ramp issue.
In the meantime, we are living our life ignorant of the obvious. The lambs can't get upstairs........but the dogs can. Their paws allow them to reach the second floor. So wait. It's not SheepLand!? Are we really solving our problem by putting the dog food bowls upstairs where only the dogs can go? Why didn't we see this before? No fencing needed. And we are done? Was it that easy? (It was not "that easy" to build it, mind you). But the concept of using it for the dogs - instead of the sheep - never crossed my mind. Genius! This 2 story configuration provides plenty of shade underneath it (your welcome, my sweet sheep), and the second story is for the dogs. It's where they can eat in peace. Ohhhhhh, it's a Guard Dog Tower! Right smack in the middle of the pasture. It reminds me of a LifeGuard Stand at the beach. But with two Great Pyrenees in it, watching over their flock of sheep.
So far, the dogs are hesitant about their new location of food. I would even say they are not pleased about this. There will be an adjustment period, as everyone settles in and understands what's happening. They are not big on change. But with time, they will settle into their "new normal". With time.
I can't wait to paint 'Guard Dog Tower' on it. Good thing there's not an HOA out here. My biggest concern? That the chickens don't think it's a new chicken coop for them. I saw them eyeing it.
Still figuring out life,
Cyndi
Now granted, we have not fenced around our SheepLand yet. We wanted to give everyone free range to check it out. Kind of like a Pasture Open House. The chickens visited, the barn cats milled around it, and the dogs loved being right in the middle of the pasture (which is where we put this) and laying around - and under it, in the shade. The sheep seemed curious and enjoyed it, but unfortunately, the ramp was too slick for their little split-hoof high-heels. Click click.....oooopps. Belle looked like she was trying to walk up the ramp on frozen ice, and so we knew we would need to improve on the ramp issue.
In the meantime, we are living our life ignorant of the obvious. The lambs can't get upstairs........but the dogs can. Their paws allow them to reach the second floor. So wait. It's not SheepLand!? Are we really solving our problem by putting the dog food bowls upstairs where only the dogs can go? Why didn't we see this before? No fencing needed. And we are done? Was it that easy? (It was not "that easy" to build it, mind you). But the concept of using it for the dogs - instead of the sheep - never crossed my mind. Genius! This 2 story configuration provides plenty of shade underneath it (your welcome, my sweet sheep), and the second story is for the dogs. It's where they can eat in peace. Ohhhhhh, it's a Guard Dog Tower! Right smack in the middle of the pasture. It reminds me of a LifeGuard Stand at the beach. But with two Great Pyrenees in it, watching over their flock of sheep.
So far, the dogs are hesitant about their new location of food. I would even say they are not pleased about this. There will be an adjustment period, as everyone settles in and understands what's happening. They are not big on change. But with time, they will settle into their "new normal". With time.
I can't wait to paint 'Guard Dog Tower' on it. Good thing there's not an HOA out here. My biggest concern? That the chickens don't think it's a new chicken coop for them. I saw them eyeing it.
Still figuring out life,
Cyndi
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
My Regular Sheep Life
My "regular" daily issues and problems are so different than they used to be. This past weekend, I realized how much my life has changed. Picture this: I'm out in the backyard of a stranger I met on CraigsList, standing with my husband, looking at a large, 2-story wooden children's playhouse/swingset/slide configuration, trying to figure out how to take it apart and transport it to our front pasture in Gunter. It would seem likely we have grandchildren who would love this? But no. We are getting it to solve a problem we have.
I've googled my problem, read blogs and realize I am not alone in this dilemma. Our (three) sheep are eating our (two) Great Pyrenees dog food. The very dog that protects them, herds them from danger and watches over them 24/7. The sheep, who are not meat eaters, are devouring their dog food. Our dogs have actually tried to protect their food, by barking at the sheep. But the relationship between the three sheep and two guard dogs prevails, and the dogs finally say, "Yes, you may have it". The sheep are very persistent. It's a relationship unlike any other I've seen. The dogs instinctually guard and watch over them. The sheep respect the dogs, and "look" to them for guidance and cues on what to do. They have a bond that is unlike any I've seen in life. It's natural, and needed zero training to occur. Granted, the Great Pyrenees protect the chickens and barn cats as well, and they take their job seriously. It's what they live for. We appreciate them so very much! And we want them to be able to eat their dog food in peace. After all, they deserve it!
In our effort to keep the sheep from the dog food, we have tried everything we know of, including the things we read on helpful blog sites, and that we thought might "work". In the meantime, the sheep are eating ALOT of dog food. They are getting too big now, and it's something we have to stop. Despite what the rumor is about sheep.......they are smart. They are puzzle-solvers, creative thinkers and stronger (emotionally and physically) than we ever knew.
What makes this so difficult is that the LGD (Livestock Guard Dogs) and sheep are relatively the same size. What one can do, so can the other. The sheep can, and will get on their hind legs if they need to. The sheep will go through all shapes and sizes of doggie-doors. The sheep will bat their sweet eyes at their fearless leaders for a taste of their yummy food. And the dogs allow them to. That's Levi (brother) and Whisper (sister). The sweetest guard dogs ever. They love kids, being petted and brushed, and behind their fierce bark and "guard dog" presence they have........they are just big balls of love. They will tear apart a skunk in a minute. They do not allow any predator across the parameter of the fence line. They stay up all night making sure everyone else can sleep safely, after all, that's when the coyotes, foxes, raccoons, etc come out to eat. They scare the water meter readers, and anyone who comes to the property, as no one is exempt from their "Go Away" bark routine. The "Beware of Dog" sign is appropriate for them.
But it's Belle. Belle is our hand-raised, bottle fed, diaper wearing lamb whom we nurtured from the Day 1 rejection of her mother. Around-the-clock bottle feedings, 2 (or 3) panicked vet visits, and her living in our home for a couple of weeks with our indoor dogs, have created a cross between a lamb and a dog. She would walk down the gravel road to check the mail with us, like the inside dogs did. She bonded with the King Charles spaniel, as she was the same size and coloring. And Belle learned to do dog-things before she would ever do lamb-things. Ironically, through this process, we never allowed her to have dog food. For several months, she lived this life of not really knowing she was a lamb. We knew we would need to "fix" that.
So off we went, to buy her a couple of lamb sisters to teach her how to be a real lamb. We checked around, and found a farm in Mineral Wells that sell Dorper lambs/sheep. That's what Belle is, a Dorper sheep. David and I have only known one lamb in our life. Belle. And she rides in the back of the car with the (inside) dogs. She walks around with, us like the (inside) dogs do. She stays close to us, and comes when you call her. In her mind, I'm sure the thought she was "one of them" - a dog, of sorts. She was too young to be out in the pasture with the LGD's, so her life was in our front yard with our "regular" inside dogs (who come and go through the doggie-door into the laundry room). And so did Belle.
Hence, as Belle grew and got older, we knew we needed to teach her how to be a sheep, because we have successfully have her confused about what she really is. Since we were not doing a good job of teaching her to be a sheep, we would buy a couple of "real" lambs her age, who would show her how to eat grass, graze the pasture, and do sheep-things. So as mentioned, I called the Dorper sheep breeder, and we arrange to come buy two lambs. And of course, we would just put them in the back of the car, like Belle.
It was back in April, that we arrive at the Sheep Farm to pick up two more lambs. Belle is waiting back at the farm. Gary (who owns the sheep farm in Mineral Wells, Tx) has instructed me (on the phone) to bring a crate, to put them in, for the car ride back home. But I don't. I will just put them in the back of my SUV - like I do with Belle. We arrive to the sheep farm, and will take the "extra's". We pick a runt from a set of triplets (who got the least milk from her mama) and another random lamb that was considered a "extra" (i.e. not breeding material or possible good meat supplier). We are picking pets, not quality lambs. We pick the ones no one else wants. Gary says, "Where's your crate?". I don't have one, I tell him. I'll just put them in the back of my SUV. He looks at me like I have three heads on my shoulders. "What!? I told you to bring a crate! These lambs will kick-out your windows, and leap all over this car and cause you harm". I tried to explain that's what we do with our lamb.....and our dogs..... but I was too naive to realize these are wild, pasture lambs who have not been inside the house, raised on a bottle with people and dogs around, and that his lambs would not be able to travel in that same manner. Silly me. I felt like a 6 year old being scolded.
Luckily, he had an old crate he was willing to donate to us (it was so beat-up I wasn't sure it would even hold those "wild" lambs and we would all end up dead, in the car). He somehow was able to capture the lambs we "picked" and got them in the crate. That was fun to watch. It was even more fun driving home, wondering when the kicking, jumping and madness he mentioned, would ensue. Despite my tense shoulders the whole way home, we all made it alive. Knowing later......we might laugh about this adventure.
We somehow got these lambs in our pasture, and for the first time, we put Belle out with them. They knew what to do. They had been recently weaned from their own mamas. They knew to graze and how to be a lamb. But Belle? She just cried for us. We are her mama. She calls to us to come to her. This was not going to be easy. Maaaaaaaaaam, she cried. Over and over. It took time for them to incorporate Belle into their world. But they did eventually, and they did indeed teach her how to be a lamb, for the most part. She's still part dog. Part baby. Part our own child. But she lives in the pasture with her sisters, and they love her, too. Belle, Cotton and Eve are a herd now. Who happen to love to eat dog food.
If we are to be good shepherds of sheep, we must stop the madness of our sweet sheep eating dog food. This brings me back to the back yard of a man I do not know from CraigsList, buying his backyard wooded playhouse/swingset configuration. The good news? He put it together, and is going to take it apart, in order for us to take it away (his kids are too old for it now). It's going to be a great sheep house! 3 hours later, we have it apart and loaded on our trailer.
We unload the 459 pieces in our front pasture, where we will somehow re-build this configuration and make a separate SheepLand (similar to DisneyLand, but for sheep), in which they will reside much of the time, and where the dogs can still guard them, BUT the sheep cannot get to the dog food. This new area will be fenced 360 degrees mid-pasture, so the dogs can guard all sides. We will still let Cotton, Eve and Belle out to free range the whole pasture for much of the time, but it also allows the sheep to be confined to a fenced section of the pasture for themselves, while allowing the dogs to still do their job - and eat their own dog food. This new set-up will help control what, and how much, the sheep eat. Basically, it will give us more options for control of the sheep, esp when we go out of town or on vacation.
Obviously, this is a work-in-progress, as the 459 pieces of the 2-story playhouse are scattered about the pasture. We will need to make ramps up to the top portion, too. Sheep are good climbers, so they should do well with this. This new housing unit will give them plenty of shade as well as options for shelter.
And the dogs will get to eat their dog food in peace. I'll keep you posted on how this works out, as we have much work to do to accomplish this.
And now your asking yourself: Do we really need to build SheepLand in order to keep the sheep from eating the dog food? No, of course not. But that's how we do it at The Graves Farm.
Here's to a great Tuesday!
Cyndi
I've googled my problem, read blogs and realize I am not alone in this dilemma. Our (three) sheep are eating our (two) Great Pyrenees dog food. The very dog that protects them, herds them from danger and watches over them 24/7. The sheep, who are not meat eaters, are devouring their dog food. Our dogs have actually tried to protect their food, by barking at the sheep. But the relationship between the three sheep and two guard dogs prevails, and the dogs finally say, "Yes, you may have it". The sheep are very persistent. It's a relationship unlike any other I've seen. The dogs instinctually guard and watch over them. The sheep respect the dogs, and "look" to them for guidance and cues on what to do. They have a bond that is unlike any I've seen in life. It's natural, and needed zero training to occur. Granted, the Great Pyrenees protect the chickens and barn cats as well, and they take their job seriously. It's what they live for. We appreciate them so very much! And we want them to be able to eat their dog food in peace. After all, they deserve it!
In our effort to keep the sheep from the dog food, we have tried everything we know of, including the things we read on helpful blog sites, and that we thought might "work". In the meantime, the sheep are eating ALOT of dog food. They are getting too big now, and it's something we have to stop. Despite what the rumor is about sheep.......they are smart. They are puzzle-solvers, creative thinkers and stronger (emotionally and physically) than we ever knew.
What makes this so difficult is that the LGD (Livestock Guard Dogs) and sheep are relatively the same size. What one can do, so can the other. The sheep can, and will get on their hind legs if they need to. The sheep will go through all shapes and sizes of doggie-doors. The sheep will bat their sweet eyes at their fearless leaders for a taste of their yummy food. And the dogs allow them to. That's Levi (brother) and Whisper (sister). The sweetest guard dogs ever. They love kids, being petted and brushed, and behind their fierce bark and "guard dog" presence they have........they are just big balls of love. They will tear apart a skunk in a minute. They do not allow any predator across the parameter of the fence line. They stay up all night making sure everyone else can sleep safely, after all, that's when the coyotes, foxes, raccoons, etc come out to eat. They scare the water meter readers, and anyone who comes to the property, as no one is exempt from their "Go Away" bark routine. The "Beware of Dog" sign is appropriate for them.
But it's Belle. Belle is our hand-raised, bottle fed, diaper wearing lamb whom we nurtured from the Day 1 rejection of her mother. Around-the-clock bottle feedings, 2 (or 3) panicked vet visits, and her living in our home for a couple of weeks with our indoor dogs, have created a cross between a lamb and a dog. She would walk down the gravel road to check the mail with us, like the inside dogs did. She bonded with the King Charles spaniel, as she was the same size and coloring. And Belle learned to do dog-things before she would ever do lamb-things. Ironically, through this process, we never allowed her to have dog food. For several months, she lived this life of not really knowing she was a lamb. We knew we would need to "fix" that.
So off we went, to buy her a couple of lamb sisters to teach her how to be a real lamb. We checked around, and found a farm in Mineral Wells that sell Dorper lambs/sheep. That's what Belle is, a Dorper sheep. David and I have only known one lamb in our life. Belle. And she rides in the back of the car with the (inside) dogs. She walks around with, us like the (inside) dogs do. She stays close to us, and comes when you call her. In her mind, I'm sure the thought she was "one of them" - a dog, of sorts. She was too young to be out in the pasture with the LGD's, so her life was in our front yard with our "regular" inside dogs (who come and go through the doggie-door into the laundry room). And so did Belle.
Hence, as Belle grew and got older, we knew we needed to teach her how to be a sheep, because we have successfully have her confused about what she really is. Since we were not doing a good job of teaching her to be a sheep, we would buy a couple of "real" lambs her age, who would show her how to eat grass, graze the pasture, and do sheep-things. So as mentioned, I called the Dorper sheep breeder, and we arrange to come buy two lambs. And of course, we would just put them in the back of the car, like Belle.
It was back in April, that we arrive at the Sheep Farm to pick up two more lambs. Belle is waiting back at the farm. Gary (who owns the sheep farm in Mineral Wells, Tx) has instructed me (on the phone) to bring a crate, to put them in, for the car ride back home. But I don't. I will just put them in the back of my SUV - like I do with Belle. We arrive to the sheep farm, and will take the "extra's". We pick a runt from a set of triplets (who got the least milk from her mama) and another random lamb that was considered a "extra" (i.e. not breeding material or possible good meat supplier). We are picking pets, not quality lambs. We pick the ones no one else wants. Gary says, "Where's your crate?". I don't have one, I tell him. I'll just put them in the back of my SUV. He looks at me like I have three heads on my shoulders. "What!? I told you to bring a crate! These lambs will kick-out your windows, and leap all over this car and cause you harm". I tried to explain that's what we do with our lamb.....and our dogs..... but I was too naive to realize these are wild, pasture lambs who have not been inside the house, raised on a bottle with people and dogs around, and that his lambs would not be able to travel in that same manner. Silly me. I felt like a 6 year old being scolded.
Luckily, he had an old crate he was willing to donate to us (it was so beat-up I wasn't sure it would even hold those "wild" lambs and we would all end up dead, in the car). He somehow was able to capture the lambs we "picked" and got them in the crate. That was fun to watch. It was even more fun driving home, wondering when the kicking, jumping and madness he mentioned, would ensue. Despite my tense shoulders the whole way home, we all made it alive. Knowing later......we might laugh about this adventure.
We somehow got these lambs in our pasture, and for the first time, we put Belle out with them. They knew what to do. They had been recently weaned from their own mamas. They knew to graze and how to be a lamb. But Belle? She just cried for us. We are her mama. She calls to us to come to her. This was not going to be easy. Maaaaaaaaaam, she cried. Over and over. It took time for them to incorporate Belle into their world. But they did eventually, and they did indeed teach her how to be a lamb, for the most part. She's still part dog. Part baby. Part our own child. But she lives in the pasture with her sisters, and they love her, too. Belle, Cotton and Eve are a herd now. Who happen to love to eat dog food.
If we are to be good shepherds of sheep, we must stop the madness of our sweet sheep eating dog food. This brings me back to the back yard of a man I do not know from CraigsList, buying his backyard wooded playhouse/swingset configuration. The good news? He put it together, and is going to take it apart, in order for us to take it away (his kids are too old for it now). It's going to be a great sheep house! 3 hours later, we have it apart and loaded on our trailer.
We unload the 459 pieces in our front pasture, where we will somehow re-build this configuration and make a separate SheepLand (similar to DisneyLand, but for sheep), in which they will reside much of the time, and where the dogs can still guard them, BUT the sheep cannot get to the dog food. This new area will be fenced 360 degrees mid-pasture, so the dogs can guard all sides. We will still let Cotton, Eve and Belle out to free range the whole pasture for much of the time, but it also allows the sheep to be confined to a fenced section of the pasture for themselves, while allowing the dogs to still do their job - and eat their own dog food. This new set-up will help control what, and how much, the sheep eat. Basically, it will give us more options for control of the sheep, esp when we go out of town or on vacation.
Obviously, this is a work-in-progress, as the 459 pieces of the 2-story playhouse are scattered about the pasture. We will need to make ramps up to the top portion, too. Sheep are good climbers, so they should do well with this. This new housing unit will give them plenty of shade as well as options for shelter.
And the dogs will get to eat their dog food in peace. I'll keep you posted on how this works out, as we have much work to do to accomplish this.
And now your asking yourself: Do we really need to build SheepLand in order to keep the sheep from eating the dog food? No, of course not. But that's how we do it at The Graves Farm.
Here's to a great Tuesday!
Cyndi
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Going backward is a good thing
I was given a book to read by Dr Pahlavan, of whom I work with in the OR. It was a book he thought might be of interest to me, and turns out, it is fast becoming one of my favorite books. On The Edge, by Alison Levine is coined as a leadership manual that provides insights from her various extreme environment experiences of Mt Everest and the South Pole. One of the reasons I love it so, is it's written with much candor. Her style of writing, and her ability to relate those experiences with leadership, and life in general, are relatable. Okay, you'd think I was selling this book! But no, just gushing about it.
I'm still reading it, but came upon the chapter titled Go Back Jack, Do It Again. This chapter screamed my name.....Cyndi! All those times you started over, re-did things, went back instead of forward or other various forms of backtracking in your life? It's okay. At the time, I didn't recognize that it was making me stronger, or better, or actually moving me forward. It sure didn't seem like it. Society and our own selves, are hard on us when progress does not appear to be forward-moving.
I have little - to no knowledge - of what it takes to climb mountains. This book details the procedures and requirements that are essential (and necessary) to reach the summit of Mt Everest. Specifically, I'll zone-in on the topic regarding the physical acclimation aspect on the body. After reaching Base Camp, climbers may move on to Camp I. They may stay there a day (or two), and possibly move on up to Camp II. Then, climb back down to Camp I, and sometimes even back to Base Camp to let the body recover, hydrate/eat and rest. This continual movement of upwards, back down, upward again, and back down again seems tedious. But completely necessary, as the body is adjusting to the air pressure differences, with the intention of becoming stronger - and better equipped - for each upward movement. Her point being: Going backward is necessary to go forward. On Mt Everest - and in life. Each time we start over, or backtrack, we are preparing ourselves for our next forward movement. It's making us stronger and better equipped for what's to come.
In my own life, I have been hard on myself for not always moving forward. This single chapter in this book has given me a new realization of something I may already have known. Yet, it has provided me a healthy dose of self-compassion. When I have retreated in life to a "lower elevation", I was in fact, setting myself up for my next move forward. Why does it have to take me so long to realize this? For whatever reason, I have tended to think that progress has to move in one particular direction, but that's simply not the case. This book has been my gentle reminder to understand when I think I'm losing ground, it could very well be that I'm strengthening my foundation. And an even greater reminder that I need to reward and encourage progress in all forms, not just the obvious ones.
I was discussing this with my daughter, and I liked how she phrased it as well, "moving in a new direction". There are times where I think I have learned more from her in my life, than I have taught her. What a wonderful gift of give-and-take we have with each other.
Speaking of the topic of progress.....there's one thing ultra-runners are proud of that I found interesting and intriguing when I first begin participating in long distance running. Whenever I was running in a ultra race (typically classified as any distance race longer than a marathon) and began conversing with fellow ultra runners, they always knew how many Ultra's they've completed, AND equally knew how many DNF's they have had. DNF = Did Not Finish. This means, for whatever reason, they did not finish a particular race. A DNF is then placed by the competitors name in the "results" portion of the Race Results for that particular race. Oh! That's new! In my previous marathon world, that would have "frowned" upon. But in the ultra world, it is a badge of honor. A DNF is not bad thing, matter-of-fact, it's there to teach you, and assist you with what to do different next time in order to be successful. A learning experience to put in your back pocket. Endurance sports of any type require regrouping, reenergizing, and repositioning yourself so you can then be stronger (and smarter) about ascending to the next level - and finishing that next race. Backtracking provides valuable experience to contribute to your next forward movement. This phenomenon in the Ultra World is one of my favorite things. I think that's why the chapter in the book (On The Edge) of "Go Back Jack, Do It Again" speaks to me. I am proud of my DNF's. There's always many lessons learned in them. They are the reason for many of my successes. And I'm most grateful for each and every one of them. I know them like the back of my hand. And it feels good to be proud of them.
Here's to ebbing and flowing,
Cyndi
I'm still reading it, but came upon the chapter titled Go Back Jack, Do It Again. This chapter screamed my name.....Cyndi! All those times you started over, re-did things, went back instead of forward or other various forms of backtracking in your life? It's okay. At the time, I didn't recognize that it was making me stronger, or better, or actually moving me forward. It sure didn't seem like it. Society and our own selves, are hard on us when progress does not appear to be forward-moving.
I have little - to no knowledge - of what it takes to climb mountains. This book details the procedures and requirements that are essential (and necessary) to reach the summit of Mt Everest. Specifically, I'll zone-in on the topic regarding the physical acclimation aspect on the body. After reaching Base Camp, climbers may move on to Camp I. They may stay there a day (or two), and possibly move on up to Camp II. Then, climb back down to Camp I, and sometimes even back to Base Camp to let the body recover, hydrate/eat and rest. This continual movement of upwards, back down, upward again, and back down again seems tedious. But completely necessary, as the body is adjusting to the air pressure differences, with the intention of becoming stronger - and better equipped - for each upward movement. Her point being: Going backward is necessary to go forward. On Mt Everest - and in life. Each time we start over, or backtrack, we are preparing ourselves for our next forward movement. It's making us stronger and better equipped for what's to come.
In my own life, I have been hard on myself for not always moving forward. This single chapter in this book has given me a new realization of something I may already have known. Yet, it has provided me a healthy dose of self-compassion. When I have retreated in life to a "lower elevation", I was in fact, setting myself up for my next move forward. Why does it have to take me so long to realize this? For whatever reason, I have tended to think that progress has to move in one particular direction, but that's simply not the case. This book has been my gentle reminder to understand when I think I'm losing ground, it could very well be that I'm strengthening my foundation. And an even greater reminder that I need to reward and encourage progress in all forms, not just the obvious ones.
I was discussing this with my daughter, and I liked how she phrased it as well, "moving in a new direction". There are times where I think I have learned more from her in my life, than I have taught her. What a wonderful gift of give-and-take we have with each other.
Speaking of the topic of progress.....there's one thing ultra-runners are proud of that I found interesting and intriguing when I first begin participating in long distance running. Whenever I was running in a ultra race (typically classified as any distance race longer than a marathon) and began conversing with fellow ultra runners, they always knew how many Ultra's they've completed, AND equally knew how many DNF's they have had. DNF = Did Not Finish. This means, for whatever reason, they did not finish a particular race. A DNF is then placed by the competitors name in the "results" portion of the Race Results for that particular race. Oh! That's new! In my previous marathon world, that would have "frowned" upon. But in the ultra world, it is a badge of honor. A DNF is not bad thing, matter-of-fact, it's there to teach you, and assist you with what to do different next time in order to be successful. A learning experience to put in your back pocket. Endurance sports of any type require regrouping, reenergizing, and repositioning yourself so you can then be stronger (and smarter) about ascending to the next level - and finishing that next race. Backtracking provides valuable experience to contribute to your next forward movement. This phenomenon in the Ultra World is one of my favorite things. I think that's why the chapter in the book (On The Edge) of "Go Back Jack, Do It Again" speaks to me. I am proud of my DNF's. There's always many lessons learned in them. They are the reason for many of my successes. And I'm most grateful for each and every one of them. I know them like the back of my hand. And it feels good to be proud of them.
Here's to ebbing and flowing,
Cyndi
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
I think I will
After thinking things over, I've decided to continue writing a weekly (or a variation thereof) blog. I have been thinking about this for awhile now. And the desire to do so propelled me to finalize this decision in my head.
So here I am, back home from my partial run across the US which included run/walking from Maine to (almost) New York. I was about 40 miles from the New York border when I traveled back home. I feel good about not being out on the road alone, due to my running partner needing to stop. Which brings me to my current topic I'm working on. I have many areas in my life I focus on improving, changing, or mulling over at any given time. It's like a myriad of topics which I juggle, which seems like a metaphor in life. We juggle so many things, all the time.
This topic pertains to my ability to handle saying "No". I said "no" to continue a journey across the US alone, for many reasons. But what's most important to me, was my new ability to say "no" and be okay with it. When I said "no" to myself (along with my family's request) regarding this decision, it had greater meaning in my life.
Sometimes saying "no" brings about guilt, unrest, self-judgement, or doubt. It can leave us feeling like we might disappoint others, or even ultimately, ourselves. Many times in my life, I have felt like I wasn't able to say "no" when I probably should have.
This all changed this past August. While out on the road run/walking, I listened to many Podcasts. One in particular was my favorite: Dear Sugars. You'll recognize one of the 'Sugars', as she's Cheryl Strayed who wrote the book Wild. (The other 'Sugar' is Steve Almond). In many of their Podcasts, they have a featured guest who contribute to the conversation, as well. They do a fantastic job at answering questions, from letters, that are written to them. It's usually topic-related, and there was one topic that spoke to me. The Power of No. The featured guest on this podcast was Oprah Winfrey. There are so many details I want to write down about this Podcast, but instead, I think it would be best for this information to come directly from the Podcast itself. There is a Part I and Part II! Oprah, along with Cheryl and Steve, give advice - and ways - they have improved their ability to say No, and more importantly: Why they chose to say No. I felt that Oprah's personal struggle in life to learn to say No was empowering. It changed how I looked at it......completely.
This new outlook on the simple ability of knowing when to say No, has changed the way I look at everything. Mostly, it has given me the permission slip I needed, to do so. It has assisted me in moving through what could have been a personal struggle, but instead, turned into a life lesson.
I learn so much from Podcasts! My favorites are, of course, Dear Sugars. I also enjoy Ted Radio Hour, Serial, Criminal and This American Life. I look forward to hearing what your favorite Podcasts are. They give me a wonderful listening alternative while driving (or biking/running) to work. Or quite frankly, anytime. I really like the variety offered on the Ted Radio Hour ones. It's limitless learning.
Here's to a wonderful Tuesday!
Cyndi
So here I am, back home from my partial run across the US which included run/walking from Maine to (almost) New York. I was about 40 miles from the New York border when I traveled back home. I feel good about not being out on the road alone, due to my running partner needing to stop. Which brings me to my current topic I'm working on. I have many areas in my life I focus on improving, changing, or mulling over at any given time. It's like a myriad of topics which I juggle, which seems like a metaphor in life. We juggle so many things, all the time.
This topic pertains to my ability to handle saying "No". I said "no" to continue a journey across the US alone, for many reasons. But what's most important to me, was my new ability to say "no" and be okay with it. When I said "no" to myself (along with my family's request) regarding this decision, it had greater meaning in my life.
Sometimes saying "no" brings about guilt, unrest, self-judgement, or doubt. It can leave us feeling like we might disappoint others, or even ultimately, ourselves. Many times in my life, I have felt like I wasn't able to say "no" when I probably should have.
This all changed this past August. While out on the road run/walking, I listened to many Podcasts. One in particular was my favorite: Dear Sugars. You'll recognize one of the 'Sugars', as she's Cheryl Strayed who wrote the book Wild. (The other 'Sugar' is Steve Almond). In many of their Podcasts, they have a featured guest who contribute to the conversation, as well. They do a fantastic job at answering questions, from letters, that are written to them. It's usually topic-related, and there was one topic that spoke to me. The Power of No. The featured guest on this podcast was Oprah Winfrey. There are so many details I want to write down about this Podcast, but instead, I think it would be best for this information to come directly from the Podcast itself. There is a Part I and Part II! Oprah, along with Cheryl and Steve, give advice - and ways - they have improved their ability to say No, and more importantly: Why they chose to say No. I felt that Oprah's personal struggle in life to learn to say No was empowering. It changed how I looked at it......completely.
This new outlook on the simple ability of knowing when to say No, has changed the way I look at everything. Mostly, it has given me the permission slip I needed, to do so. It has assisted me in moving through what could have been a personal struggle, but instead, turned into a life lesson.
I learn so much from Podcasts! My favorites are, of course, Dear Sugars. I also enjoy Ted Radio Hour, Serial, Criminal and This American Life. I look forward to hearing what your favorite Podcasts are. They give me a wonderful listening alternative while driving (or biking/running) to work. Or quite frankly, anytime. I really like the variety offered on the Ted Radio Hour ones. It's limitless learning.
Here's to a wonderful Tuesday!
Cyndi
Sunday, August 27, 2017
Life moves forward
I wanted to share an update you, so that you know John and I's whereabouts. John has made it to the bus station and taking the bus. He's doing well, and is considering finishing this trek after a few months off. There is no set date for this, but time will tell, as he says possibly in (later) Oct or November. He wants to rest, recoup and reevaluate.
I am back in Gunter, Texas and adjusting to life back home. With only being out on the road for 23 days, the adjustment was easier than I thought. I have spent the last couple of days unpacking, settling in, and finding my routine again. Washing dishes is brand new again. Having coffee when I wake up is a delight. And the ability to pick what your going to eat for your next meal is a privilege I cherish. I'm safe every night I sleep, and being back as a team with my husband is my favorite part. We have many animals to care for, and it really is much easier with two people to keep things flowing nicely. The barns stalls, the mowing, regular house maintenance, feeding and caring for our 3 donkeys, 3 sheep, 4 dogs, 5 barn cats, 6 sweet chickens and ourselves, are all part of our day-to-day life that we love. The quiet here (besides the animals voices) is fascinating and calming. It's something I never knew in in life, until we moved to Gunter.
While I was away, David met Lauren in Amarillo to pick up her new Australian Shepherd puppy, Tula. This added a new dimension to the mix of the farm. How would the Great Pyrenees react? They are guard dogs who let nothing cross the parameter of the fencing. They are always "on duty" and keenly aware of their surroundings at all times. They ensure the sheep, barn cats and chickens are as safe as possible. Don't get me wrong, our 3 (rescue) donkeys are simply amazing at protecting as well. Donkeys are territorial and are masters at chasing down coyotes, foxes and bob cats - if those predators chose to confront the donkeys. Instinctually, the predators know better, as donkeys do not mess around. They are fast, diligent and will not hesitate to protect. Ironically, both our LGD (Livestock Guardian Dogs) and donkeys are all gentle and loving towards humans. Children and adults alike. Our guard dogs and donkeys may sound - or look - "scary", but they have the kindest spirits and desire human love and affection, above anything else. Well, treats are always welcome, too. But a human hand petting and hugging them is preferred.
Where was I? Tula, little 4 month old Tula. A true puppy with little manners yet. She is a work-in-progress with limitless potential. Smart, fun, sweet and with a love for everyone, including any and all farm animals. She is now with us until Tuesday, when I'll take her to the dog trainer. Our dog trainer keeps your puppy (minimum 4 months old, "bigger" dogs only) and trains on-site at her business/home until they have mastered all the basics. Your puppy spends the nights there, and no visits are allowed. No exceptions. The training timeframe is 2 - 4 weeks, depending on the demeanor and nature of your dog, and then YOU are trained on how to be the Pack Leader and take charge of your puppy-who-now-has-manners. And then it's up to you to incorporate and continue these skills your dog now owns. It's life changing. Your puppy no longer jumps up on people, eats when you give a command, "loads up" into their crate, no (minimal) barking, heels/sits/down and just all the things a 4 month old puppy needs to know at a critical learning point in their life. I'm a big fan. It's life changing for not only your puppy, but for the family. We have two success stories of a Catahoula and Weimaraner who have become their best selves because of this wonderful dog trainer.
So, as Tula awaits her training, unbeknownst to her, she enjoys running around on the farm. In the pasture, with the sheep, chasing chickens (bad girl), playing with the barn cats (who run from her) and loving on the Great Pyrenees, who have accepted her into their world. We did start the crate process with her, and she's accepted it well. So, as the farm is turned upside down by a 20 lb puppy, it keeps things exciting.
My mind continues to ponder "what next"? What are my plans? I'm a little lost and scattered, but I'll sweep up the pieces and put the puzzle back together again. Luckily, it's not a hard puzzle. It's pretty easy, with many options. I'll take time to mull it over, and see where life takes me. My immediate plans are to stay put. I went to yoga yesterday and feel wonderful and strong. I have lost a little weight, and will need to put a few pounds back on. It's hard to stay ahead of the calories when moving 30-40 miles a day. Over and over. I'll go for a run tomorrow, and then I want to get on my bike and ride. Then, yoga again, then, then, then. All in the comfort of my home. Work? I'm not sure of my work status, as I'll need to contact them to see what they have in store for me. I had asked for 3 months off, and so now that's very different. I'm flexible, and will see what happens.
On this beautiful Sunday, I wish you a day filled with love and grace. The lens I look through has changed. I continue to grow and work on myself, in this journey of life. It's forever ebbing and flowing. I am most grateful for a upclose and personal viewing of the New England states. I never knew how amazing it was.......and now I know, and have that movie in my mind, and heart, to forever keep.
I want to thank my family for supporting me, and encouraging me in life. David has loved me, for me always. He is my biggest cheerleader. He is my forever love in life, and we will care for each other til our last breath. And it's such a amazing thing to feel and know that. Lauren has been raised with a Mama who hasn't always been "like the other" moms. She always has a smile on her face whenever I'm desiring to "go out in the world" and explore. She knows me well. Probably the best. She can hear in my voice how I am, and the string from her heart to mine is always there. It tugs and pulls, but never breaks. That string between our hearts is a forever gift from God, between a mother and daughter.
And I so appreciate you for following along with me, supporting me, and listening to my many words. And when things don't go quite as planned, I'll make a new plan. After all, it's not Cyndi's Will be done, but God's Will be done.
Happy Sunday!
Cyndi
I am back in Gunter, Texas and adjusting to life back home. With only being out on the road for 23 days, the adjustment was easier than I thought. I have spent the last couple of days unpacking, settling in, and finding my routine again. Washing dishes is brand new again. Having coffee when I wake up is a delight. And the ability to pick what your going to eat for your next meal is a privilege I cherish. I'm safe every night I sleep, and being back as a team with my husband is my favorite part. We have many animals to care for, and it really is much easier with two people to keep things flowing nicely. The barns stalls, the mowing, regular house maintenance, feeding and caring for our 3 donkeys, 3 sheep, 4 dogs, 5 barn cats, 6 sweet chickens and ourselves, are all part of our day-to-day life that we love. The quiet here (besides the animals voices) is fascinating and calming. It's something I never knew in in life, until we moved to Gunter.
While I was away, David met Lauren in Amarillo to pick up her new Australian Shepherd puppy, Tula. This added a new dimension to the mix of the farm. How would the Great Pyrenees react? They are guard dogs who let nothing cross the parameter of the fencing. They are always "on duty" and keenly aware of their surroundings at all times. They ensure the sheep, barn cats and chickens are as safe as possible. Don't get me wrong, our 3 (rescue) donkeys are simply amazing at protecting as well. Donkeys are territorial and are masters at chasing down coyotes, foxes and bob cats - if those predators chose to confront the donkeys. Instinctually, the predators know better, as donkeys do not mess around. They are fast, diligent and will not hesitate to protect. Ironically, both our LGD (Livestock Guardian Dogs) and donkeys are all gentle and loving towards humans. Children and adults alike. Our guard dogs and donkeys may sound - or look - "scary", but they have the kindest spirits and desire human love and affection, above anything else. Well, treats are always welcome, too. But a human hand petting and hugging them is preferred.
Where was I? Tula, little 4 month old Tula. A true puppy with little manners yet. She is a work-in-progress with limitless potential. Smart, fun, sweet and with a love for everyone, including any and all farm animals. She is now with us until Tuesday, when I'll take her to the dog trainer. Our dog trainer keeps your puppy (minimum 4 months old, "bigger" dogs only) and trains on-site at her business/home until they have mastered all the basics. Your puppy spends the nights there, and no visits are allowed. No exceptions. The training timeframe is 2 - 4 weeks, depending on the demeanor and nature of your dog, and then YOU are trained on how to be the Pack Leader and take charge of your puppy-who-now-has-manners. And then it's up to you to incorporate and continue these skills your dog now owns. It's life changing. Your puppy no longer jumps up on people, eats when you give a command, "loads up" into their crate, no (minimal) barking, heels/sits/down and just all the things a 4 month old puppy needs to know at a critical learning point in their life. I'm a big fan. It's life changing for not only your puppy, but for the family. We have two success stories of a Catahoula and Weimaraner who have become their best selves because of this wonderful dog trainer.
So, as Tula awaits her training, unbeknownst to her, she enjoys running around on the farm. In the pasture, with the sheep, chasing chickens (bad girl), playing with the barn cats (who run from her) and loving on the Great Pyrenees, who have accepted her into their world. We did start the crate process with her, and she's accepted it well. So, as the farm is turned upside down by a 20 lb puppy, it keeps things exciting.
My mind continues to ponder "what next"? What are my plans? I'm a little lost and scattered, but I'll sweep up the pieces and put the puzzle back together again. Luckily, it's not a hard puzzle. It's pretty easy, with many options. I'll take time to mull it over, and see where life takes me. My immediate plans are to stay put. I went to yoga yesterday and feel wonderful and strong. I have lost a little weight, and will need to put a few pounds back on. It's hard to stay ahead of the calories when moving 30-40 miles a day. Over and over. I'll go for a run tomorrow, and then I want to get on my bike and ride. Then, yoga again, then, then, then. All in the comfort of my home. Work? I'm not sure of my work status, as I'll need to contact them to see what they have in store for me. I had asked for 3 months off, and so now that's very different. I'm flexible, and will see what happens.
On this beautiful Sunday, I wish you a day filled with love and grace. The lens I look through has changed. I continue to grow and work on myself, in this journey of life. It's forever ebbing and flowing. I am most grateful for a upclose and personal viewing of the New England states. I never knew how amazing it was.......and now I know, and have that movie in my mind, and heart, to forever keep.
I want to thank my family for supporting me, and encouraging me in life. David has loved me, for me always. He is my biggest cheerleader. He is my forever love in life, and we will care for each other til our last breath. And it's such a amazing thing to feel and know that. Lauren has been raised with a Mama who hasn't always been "like the other" moms. She always has a smile on her face whenever I'm desiring to "go out in the world" and explore. She knows me well. Probably the best. She can hear in my voice how I am, and the string from her heart to mine is always there. It tugs and pulls, but never breaks. That string between our hearts is a forever gift from God, between a mother and daughter.
And I so appreciate you for following along with me, supporting me, and listening to my many words. And when things don't go quite as planned, I'll make a new plan. After all, it's not Cyndi's Will be done, but God's Will be done.
Happy Sunday!
Cyndi
Friday, August 25, 2017
Everything is Good
As John travels back via bus, I flew home last evening. The morning yesterday started with contentment, along with a sliver of wonderment of "is this really happening"? It was not, and is not, a feeling of something bad, rather, just the opposite. It was a feeling of how doing-the-right-thing-for-me feels good. Yes, it takes time to change my mind-set from moving down the road each day, to packing up to head back home. Just as it took time for it to evolve in the reverse, as well. In order to endure events such as these, it's primarily mental. Your body will follow your mind. Self talk and having the proper mindset is key to success. Once this process begins, it's a train that keeps moving. So for me, after processing this new situation, I wasn't sad about what was happening, as much as I needed to take time to readjust my mind, and change gears back to what was the right thing to do. I feel at peace with my decision, and know that what's important is for John to get better, and for me to rejoin my family.
With that decision made, I can then look forward to what that brings me in life. There may have been a time in my life when I would have made a different decision. When I would have been a little more selfish, reckless and vain in making this kind of decision. Luckily, life has shown me a different path, one which allows courage and vulnerability to reign over the incessant need to complete a task for my own personal satisfaction, and not consider the feelings of those who love me. I've learned there's more to this life of mine. I'm not willing to risk what I have so freely. I'm welcoming logic into the equation, and it feels good.
You know the truth by the way it feels. And that's what I was feeling yesterday morning as David flew into the LaGuardia airport, rented a car, and zoomed about 65 miles to come find me. I was feeling settled, relaxed and happy that I am now mature enough (finally) to make a decision that I know is right for me. My bags are packed, and around noon, John texts me that he's in the area (as he had not been able to make it to our destination the night before), but he's been walking and is now coming into the town of Milford, and we will meet and say "See you later". He will continue to head to the bus station on foot. This is who John is. One more day, he says, and he too, be sleeping in his own bed. We talk, laugh, and know this is all okay. John is strong, and he's hard to crack. I'm so proud of him to be able to step away from this journey, and care for himself. It's impressive.
I hug him, knowing we will text and watch to make sure each other makes it to our final destination. There's a bond of trust we have. Unlike any other. Get better, John!
I head back over to the Super 8 motel, who has been most kind to me by allowing me a late checkout while David makes his way to Milford. I take my bags down to the Front Office and check out, and within minutes, David comes in the front door, smiling, eluding happiness that I have missed SO much! We hug, and hug, and hug some more! The Front Desk guy watches with amazement. As if he's watching a movie. He has no idea what this moment brings, but yet knows there's something unusual and special about it. I see him smiling as he watches David and I greet each other in bliss. It was pure joy to see David walk through those doors. He has come to take me home. I still find this amazing. I could get to the airport, on my own as it's not too far. Yet, David and I are a team in life, and the love we have lends to going above and beyond. He's there to ensure my safety, and take the journey home WITH me. It's only been 24 days since I have seen him, but it feels like a lifetime.
At this point, we both are ready to grab something to eat, and will need to head back to the airport. I already knew I wanted to go down the street to Chipotle. And we did, and it was magical. It was as if it were only him and I in the restaurant. Laughing, catching up, and ready to get back to the farm. He's been so very busy these last 3 weeks. It's time for us to share this life again, and make our life whole. So, off we go back to the airport, in the NY traffic. I'll just say that once we got the car rental returned, inside the terminal, and to our gate, we knew we had done it. Success! Now, we wait. The flight is delayed, and will not leave until 8:45. We did eventually leave NY on that plane (Thank you, Southwest!! We LOVE you!), and land at Lovefield just before midnight. The drive to Gunter was fast with zero traffic. I was so ready to be home, and so was David. It's now 1:30 am. First?! To the barn!!! My heart is filled with joy, love and relief to see all my babies there. It was like a show, where everyone is there, listening to each others voices, with love bouncing off the barn walls. Belle, awwhhhhh Sweet Belle, my little bottle-baby lamb. She was literally jumping for joy. Bouncing around, and calling out Maaaaaaa, Maaaaaaaa! The chickens who were roosting for the night all came out of their coops to say hello. The donkeys peered in over the barn gate, waiting for the touch of my hand on their faces. Every barn cat was walking about, as they are one big cohesive group of kitty-love. This is where I belong. I'm home.
Now it's time to get to bed. Our own bed. A shower at home, and to bed we go. It was lights out. And I mean, lights out.
There's no place like home. Dorothy got that right. The memories of my trip play like a movie in my head. And it's such a happy movie. How grateful I am for everything. Thank you for being there for me, through the ups and downs, of this trip. There were very few "downs" and 99% "ups". I'll never forget all the wonderful people I met along the way. I remember your faces out on the road, and the generosity of your spirit. God is Good. My heart is bursting with joy.
All my love, all my light,
Cyndi
With that decision made, I can then look forward to what that brings me in life. There may have been a time in my life when I would have made a different decision. When I would have been a little more selfish, reckless and vain in making this kind of decision. Luckily, life has shown me a different path, one which allows courage and vulnerability to reign over the incessant need to complete a task for my own personal satisfaction, and not consider the feelings of those who love me. I've learned there's more to this life of mine. I'm not willing to risk what I have so freely. I'm welcoming logic into the equation, and it feels good.
You know the truth by the way it feels. And that's what I was feeling yesterday morning as David flew into the LaGuardia airport, rented a car, and zoomed about 65 miles to come find me. I was feeling settled, relaxed and happy that I am now mature enough (finally) to make a decision that I know is right for me. My bags are packed, and around noon, John texts me that he's in the area (as he had not been able to make it to our destination the night before), but he's been walking and is now coming into the town of Milford, and we will meet and say "See you later". He will continue to head to the bus station on foot. This is who John is. One more day, he says, and he too, be sleeping in his own bed. We talk, laugh, and know this is all okay. John is strong, and he's hard to crack. I'm so proud of him to be able to step away from this journey, and care for himself. It's impressive.
I hug him, knowing we will text and watch to make sure each other makes it to our final destination. There's a bond of trust we have. Unlike any other. Get better, John!
I head back over to the Super 8 motel, who has been most kind to me by allowing me a late checkout while David makes his way to Milford. I take my bags down to the Front Office and check out, and within minutes, David comes in the front door, smiling, eluding happiness that I have missed SO much! We hug, and hug, and hug some more! The Front Desk guy watches with amazement. As if he's watching a movie. He has no idea what this moment brings, but yet knows there's something unusual and special about it. I see him smiling as he watches David and I greet each other in bliss. It was pure joy to see David walk through those doors. He has come to take me home. I still find this amazing. I could get to the airport, on my own as it's not too far. Yet, David and I are a team in life, and the love we have lends to going above and beyond. He's there to ensure my safety, and take the journey home WITH me. It's only been 24 days since I have seen him, but it feels like a lifetime.
At this point, we both are ready to grab something to eat, and will need to head back to the airport. I already knew I wanted to go down the street to Chipotle. And we did, and it was magical. It was as if it were only him and I in the restaurant. Laughing, catching up, and ready to get back to the farm. He's been so very busy these last 3 weeks. It's time for us to share this life again, and make our life whole. So, off we go back to the airport, in the NY traffic. I'll just say that once we got the car rental returned, inside the terminal, and to our gate, we knew we had done it. Success! Now, we wait. The flight is delayed, and will not leave until 8:45. We did eventually leave NY on that plane (Thank you, Southwest!! We LOVE you!), and land at Lovefield just before midnight. The drive to Gunter was fast with zero traffic. I was so ready to be home, and so was David. It's now 1:30 am. First?! To the barn!!! My heart is filled with joy, love and relief to see all my babies there. It was like a show, where everyone is there, listening to each others voices, with love bouncing off the barn walls. Belle, awwhhhhh Sweet Belle, my little bottle-baby lamb. She was literally jumping for joy. Bouncing around, and calling out Maaaaaaa, Maaaaaaaa! The chickens who were roosting for the night all came out of their coops to say hello. The donkeys peered in over the barn gate, waiting for the touch of my hand on their faces. Every barn cat was walking about, as they are one big cohesive group of kitty-love. This is where I belong. I'm home.
Now it's time to get to bed. Our own bed. A shower at home, and to bed we go. It was lights out. And I mean, lights out.
There's no place like home. Dorothy got that right. The memories of my trip play like a movie in my head. And it's such a happy movie. How grateful I am for everything. Thank you for being there for me, through the ups and downs, of this trip. There were very few "downs" and 99% "ups". I'll never forget all the wonderful people I met along the way. I remember your faces out on the road, and the generosity of your spirit. God is Good. My heart is bursting with joy.
All my love, all my light,
Cyndi
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Day 24 - Finishing up
Good Morning! On this day, I awaken to a new beginning. A day that takes me back home to my loved ones. There will be no miles run, and a mind-set change that it is okay to not "get on the road" today. I sometimes have to give myself a permission slip, along with a big dose of self-compassion, to calm the desire to do otherwise. My heart is happy beyond belief to see David, as it's been over three weeks since I've seen his smiling face. My little vacation has been so wonderful, and I'm so grateful for every step.
John is back in Branford, as he wasn't able to make our final destination of Milford yesterday. He really wanted to, but his body did not allow it. He will continue, slowly, toward the bus station of his choosing. I say that, because I've tried to get him to stop, or take a taxi, go to a earlier bus station, or many variations of those things. But he says 'no' every time. He allows zero assistance. I told him today that David and I will come get him, take him wherever he needs to go. No, he says. I asked him to fly back with us and stay with us until he can get back home. No, to that as well. He's very strong-willed and determined, even if going only a few miles a day, to get to his bus station. He says he'll get there on his terms, and he will. I've know him many years, and this is how his mind and body works. I don't take offense to his refusal of assistance, as I understand it very well. He has no time constraints, no family waiting or work responsibilities, so he slowly gets to where he needs to go......now very slowly. His appetite is poor, he cannot tolerate the heat of the day, etc. Its only cold drinks (not warm) that he can tolerate. It's excruciating to watch and hear. But he's resilient, and will get himself there and stop, so that he can heal and get better. It's hard to understand his actions at times, but as endurance folks, it's what we set our minds to - and then do. Especially if there's no one else telling you otherwise. Bad decisions can even seem okay. The desire to make a certain goal is strong. Many times, stronger than our bodies. As I've mentioned before though, this is why he can get across the US. Sheer Determination. Unfortunately, his body has told him otherwise, and he'll go home and recoup. I'll be relieved to know when he gets on that bus! As each day passes, hearing his pain is heartbreaking. I will support his decisions, as I know he would - and does- all my decisions. He's my brother, and I want him to be okay.
Last night, I unpacked my cart. I discarded items no longer needed, and organized what I will be flying back home with. My most interesting thing I'm taking back with me, are the wheels from my cart. They are indestructible, and priceless. My cart is beat up, and had been modified (this crossing) to accommodate a storage box, etc. Which means without wheels and with those modifications, it's not very usable at all. There is a dumpster around here somewhere for its final resting place. I had gotten it off CraigsList for $25.00, and was proud to use it for this event. It served me well. But I'm taking the wheels home.....so when I want to go again.....well, you know. Those wheels will go on my "next" cart.
Unknowingly, yesterday, I would be stopping in a town that has everything. I mean every store under the sun. There was even a Whole Foods!! And within a short walking distance from this (very nice) Super 8, is the Connecticut Post Mall. This mall has a Target in it! Seriously, how did this happen? God is good. He's plopped me in a perfect scenario of gathering what I need to head home. He's put my heart at ease, His Will be done. I could not have planned this any better, as it wasn't me in charge. I know that my faith has lead me to this place and moment, and He's at my side to supply what I need. And has been, the whole way here, and will continue to be in my life. I am so grateful.
I did walk to Target last night, and bought a tote (to transport my wheels in, on the plane), a new pair of shorts and a top, and a new backpack I couldn't resist. It will replace the backpack that I had on the front of my cart displaying my intentions (walk/run) so that people would know there is NO baby in this cart, and what I'm doing. It made a huge difference, as only once did the police "check on me". I did so many things different on this crossing, and it made it more enjoyable and easy. Getting up everyday to go 30-40 miles is hard on your body, so to have a system in place to support that well, was key. It spurs me to know that if/when I tackle this adventure again, it doesn't have to be hard.
David's flight will get in this morning, and I'm about 65 miles away from LaGuardia airport. I asked the Front Desk guy if I could check out at 12, instead of 11 am today (so I won't have to tote my things elsewhere) and can wait here for him. The Front Desk guy said, "How's 12:30 sound?". My eyes almost teared up, as I'm already fragile. I thanked him, and said "Yes, that's wonderful!". God is good.
The sun is shining, it's about 67 degrees, and is the most comfortable weather you could ask for. I opened my motel window to let the fresh air in, and await my loving husband. It would be so easy for me to get to the airport, and not have David take the trouble to come all the way to NY. But whats interesting is, I know that this is a mission we are on together. And David is always 110% on board. And him not coming out here just wasn't an option. That's my baby, always there for me. Always.
I'll take him to Chipotle when he gets here. And cry again, just like I did when I left him 24 days ago.
All my best,
Cyndi
John is back in Branford, as he wasn't able to make our final destination of Milford yesterday. He really wanted to, but his body did not allow it. He will continue, slowly, toward the bus station of his choosing. I say that, because I've tried to get him to stop, or take a taxi, go to a earlier bus station, or many variations of those things. But he says 'no' every time. He allows zero assistance. I told him today that David and I will come get him, take him wherever he needs to go. No, he says. I asked him to fly back with us and stay with us until he can get back home. No, to that as well. He's very strong-willed and determined, even if going only a few miles a day, to get to his bus station. He says he'll get there on his terms, and he will. I've know him many years, and this is how his mind and body works. I don't take offense to his refusal of assistance, as I understand it very well. He has no time constraints, no family waiting or work responsibilities, so he slowly gets to where he needs to go......now very slowly. His appetite is poor, he cannot tolerate the heat of the day, etc. Its only cold drinks (not warm) that he can tolerate. It's excruciating to watch and hear. But he's resilient, and will get himself there and stop, so that he can heal and get better. It's hard to understand his actions at times, but as endurance folks, it's what we set our minds to - and then do. Especially if there's no one else telling you otherwise. Bad decisions can even seem okay. The desire to make a certain goal is strong. Many times, stronger than our bodies. As I've mentioned before though, this is why he can get across the US. Sheer Determination. Unfortunately, his body has told him otherwise, and he'll go home and recoup. I'll be relieved to know when he gets on that bus! As each day passes, hearing his pain is heartbreaking. I will support his decisions, as I know he would - and does- all my decisions. He's my brother, and I want him to be okay.
Last night, I unpacked my cart. I discarded items no longer needed, and organized what I will be flying back home with. My most interesting thing I'm taking back with me, are the wheels from my cart. They are indestructible, and priceless. My cart is beat up, and had been modified (this crossing) to accommodate a storage box, etc. Which means without wheels and with those modifications, it's not very usable at all. There is a dumpster around here somewhere for its final resting place. I had gotten it off CraigsList for $25.00, and was proud to use it for this event. It served me well. But I'm taking the wheels home.....so when I want to go again.....well, you know. Those wheels will go on my "next" cart.
Unknowingly, yesterday, I would be stopping in a town that has everything. I mean every store under the sun. There was even a Whole Foods!! And within a short walking distance from this (very nice) Super 8, is the Connecticut Post Mall. This mall has a Target in it! Seriously, how did this happen? God is good. He's plopped me in a perfect scenario of gathering what I need to head home. He's put my heart at ease, His Will be done. I could not have planned this any better, as it wasn't me in charge. I know that my faith has lead me to this place and moment, and He's at my side to supply what I need. And has been, the whole way here, and will continue to be in my life. I am so grateful.
I did walk to Target last night, and bought a tote (to transport my wheels in, on the plane), a new pair of shorts and a top, and a new backpack I couldn't resist. It will replace the backpack that I had on the front of my cart displaying my intentions (walk/run) so that people would know there is NO baby in this cart, and what I'm doing. It made a huge difference, as only once did the police "check on me". I did so many things different on this crossing, and it made it more enjoyable and easy. Getting up everyday to go 30-40 miles is hard on your body, so to have a system in place to support that well, was key. It spurs me to know that if/when I tackle this adventure again, it doesn't have to be hard.
David's flight will get in this morning, and I'm about 65 miles away from LaGuardia airport. I asked the Front Desk guy if I could check out at 12, instead of 11 am today (so I won't have to tote my things elsewhere) and can wait here for him. The Front Desk guy said, "How's 12:30 sound?". My eyes almost teared up, as I'm already fragile. I thanked him, and said "Yes, that's wonderful!". God is good.
The sun is shining, it's about 67 degrees, and is the most comfortable weather you could ask for. I opened my motel window to let the fresh air in, and await my loving husband. It would be so easy for me to get to the airport, and not have David take the trouble to come all the way to NY. But whats interesting is, I know that this is a mission we are on together. And David is always 110% on board. And him not coming out here just wasn't an option. That's my baby, always there for me. Always.
I'll take him to Chipotle when he gets here. And cry again, just like I did when I left him 24 days ago.
All my best,
Cyndi
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Day 23 - Milford, please
As the rain fell throughout the night, I awoke in a cute motel room, still with the soft sound of sprinkling raindrops. As the rains cleansed everything outdoors, it seemed a metaphor for my own feelings. The sadness and misfortunes I had felt, now seemed silly. In the whole grand scheme of my life, this has been a blessing. Seeing things I've not seen, going places I've never been, but mostly it was about the realization that not everything is going to be as I imagine it to be. There is no place in this process for pity party's or regret. I'll happily take what I've been given, and move forward. There's so many opportunities in front of me. But before I get to those, I take a look back at the last 23 days.
What I knew in my mind before I flew out to Maine, was that no journey of this type is ever the same. And how true that would turn out to be. My main take away for myself personally, was my ability to manage my needs better, then I had on my previous West/East crossing. This has enabled me, for the last three weeks to be able to relax, breathe, and enjoy myself so much more. In essence, this trip has wiped the slate clean for the cumbersome and time-consuming things I had done on my previous trip. I wanted this trip to be easier, so that I could enjoy it more. It could be that I had just gotten a little older, and handle things differently. I did make a concerted effort this time, to not focus on those many tedious efforts from before, but rather to focus on what was going on around me. For me personally, that is my biggest Takeaway. To not get hyper-focused on the little details that don't really matter, but instead, look around and relish life. This is something that I will keep with me in my daily life. A gentle reminder always in my pocket.
I also have a new appreciation for the New England states. Their beauty, the people, the beaches, the vast Atlantic Ocean, and the plentiful shoulder on Route 1. I've honed my camping skills, I'm great at finding secret places to sleep, and my ability to eat banana and peanut butter for multiple meals a day is a plus. I may not have found quesadillas a common denominator in this area, but I did substitute grill cheeses, and found that to be an excellent option I've never really explored.
As my mind is making the shift from the road to back home tomorrow, I can't help but think of the many things that I want to do there. There's always a 1000 things to do on the farm, but the first item on my agenda is to go love on every animal. I may even sleep in the barn. I look forward to Lauren's visit to Texas in September, as I'll be there to see her. And just getting back into a regular day-to-day routine will be a privilege. No matter where I am - on the road or at home - life is good. So it's a win win situation.
I also look forward to John getting back home and getting himself settled as well. There's comfort in that, probably for both of us. As for my plans tomorrow? I made the decision to not go the miles in the morning, despite what my ultrarunner self says to do. Instead, I'm going to unpack my cart, get cleaned up, maybe even sleep in, and have coffee with my breakfast. I'll be ready to hop in the car when David arrives, and we are going to enjoy the day in New York until our flight later tomorrow evening. It will be like a date in New York, for the day. Yep, who am I, you ask? My internal self fights a battle to want to go run those miles. But I'm going to go somewhere new tomorrow, new to me. Happiness is not the finish line. It's the journey, and part of my journey will be spending the day tomorrow, with my sweet husband who came all the way from Texas to come and find me, and take me back home. My heart is filled with excitement to be able to hug his neck.
This partial crossing feels more like a vacation then anything else. I've chosen today to go off Route 1, here and there, and go into the towns, look at the shops, and eat yummy food. The weatherman not only predicted my mood, but my day today by saying the rain will clear to bring a beautiful sunny comfortable day. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. What more could I want for my last day?
Thanks for being with me, supporting me, and loving me through this journey.
It's not over yet, close, but not yet,
Cyndi
What I knew in my mind before I flew out to Maine, was that no journey of this type is ever the same. And how true that would turn out to be. My main take away for myself personally, was my ability to manage my needs better, then I had on my previous West/East crossing. This has enabled me, for the last three weeks to be able to relax, breathe, and enjoy myself so much more. In essence, this trip has wiped the slate clean for the cumbersome and time-consuming things I had done on my previous trip. I wanted this trip to be easier, so that I could enjoy it more. It could be that I had just gotten a little older, and handle things differently. I did make a concerted effort this time, to not focus on those many tedious efforts from before, but rather to focus on what was going on around me. For me personally, that is my biggest Takeaway. To not get hyper-focused on the little details that don't really matter, but instead, look around and relish life. This is something that I will keep with me in my daily life. A gentle reminder always in my pocket.
I also have a new appreciation for the New England states. Their beauty, the people, the beaches, the vast Atlantic Ocean, and the plentiful shoulder on Route 1. I've honed my camping skills, I'm great at finding secret places to sleep, and my ability to eat banana and peanut butter for multiple meals a day is a plus. I may not have found quesadillas a common denominator in this area, but I did substitute grill cheeses, and found that to be an excellent option I've never really explored.
As my mind is making the shift from the road to back home tomorrow, I can't help but think of the many things that I want to do there. There's always a 1000 things to do on the farm, but the first item on my agenda is to go love on every animal. I may even sleep in the barn. I look forward to Lauren's visit to Texas in September, as I'll be there to see her. And just getting back into a regular day-to-day routine will be a privilege. No matter where I am - on the road or at home - life is good. So it's a win win situation.
I also look forward to John getting back home and getting himself settled as well. There's comfort in that, probably for both of us. As for my plans tomorrow? I made the decision to not go the miles in the morning, despite what my ultrarunner self says to do. Instead, I'm going to unpack my cart, get cleaned up, maybe even sleep in, and have coffee with my breakfast. I'll be ready to hop in the car when David arrives, and we are going to enjoy the day in New York until our flight later tomorrow evening. It will be like a date in New York, for the day. Yep, who am I, you ask? My internal self fights a battle to want to go run those miles. But I'm going to go somewhere new tomorrow, new to me. Happiness is not the finish line. It's the journey, and part of my journey will be spending the day tomorrow, with my sweet husband who came all the way from Texas to come and find me, and take me back home. My heart is filled with excitement to be able to hug his neck.
This partial crossing feels more like a vacation then anything else. I've chosen today to go off Route 1, here and there, and go into the towns, look at the shops, and eat yummy food. The weatherman not only predicted my mood, but my day today by saying the rain will clear to bring a beautiful sunny comfortable day. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right. What more could I want for my last day?
Thanks for being with me, supporting me, and loving me through this journey.
It's not over yet, close, but not yet,
Cyndi
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Day 22 - The Plan
I feel like a broken record. I say it most days, "That was my favorite day!". Then, I realized that I do love most every day. It's like falling in love over and over. Today is no exception, as the 30-something miles to Clinton, CT was spectacular. I saw the Atlantic Ocean off and on all day, and when I didn't see it, I smelt the beach smells, watched the excitement of the tourist in their beach attire, and passed marina's full of boats. It never rained, although cloudy off and on, which is a nice bonus. I crossed enormous bridges, with convenient pedestrian paths. As I pass through each town along the way, they each have their own personality. In a car, I may not recognize it, but on foot, I see and feel it. New London? Quaint, but only near the water, Waterford? A nice regular town with the convenience of a variety of stores, Old Lyme? Prefers their local people, Old Saybrook? (my favorite of the day) welcomes tourists and caters to most anything you'd like to have, with upscale Inn's and fancy Cabins along the water/beaches, Westbrook? the step sister town with very little tourists opportunities, and not happy to have you passing through, and then my destination, Clinton. I'm staying at the Clinton Motel, just as you come in town. It's a nice, small, 18 room, single story, older motel. They have updated (at least) my room, and I imagine the others as well. There's no furniture or mattresses, except in the motel rooms. It's very clean and tidy! The lady who checked me in immediately recognized me. "I've see you several times today. On my way to work, when I ran errands earlier, and now your here. That was fast!". She had quite a few questions, and then wanted to give me a discount because "I've worked so hard today ". She provided me cold water, and sent me to my room to clean up and rest. I will do that. The room she assigned me has a king bed in it, an updated bathroom, and what I thought was a cute comforter. It's as if I'm staying in someone's Guest Room. I like it. I shower and unpack a bit, getting my things ready for tomorrow. The plan will be to get to Milford, and we have motel reservations at the Super 8 there. It will be another 30-something mile day. Even though John is not feeling well, his 2 mile/hour pace gets him here eventually, and he's just fine with that. He knows he'll be stopping soon. I hesitate to discuss his health issues as it doesn't seem appropriate. Between being a nurse, and HIPPA rules I live by, I will leave his personal information out. He plans on making it to the bus station himself. That's John. I offered him a ride when I do leave too, and he will not take it. He will get there on his own, and I know that about him. He accepts very little assistance from anyone, and figures things out on his own. It's just his personality, which makes him a perfect US crossing partner. But this trip has not served him well. He knows he can't finish, but really wants to touch into NY. His desire to hold true to that goal, and his determination under difficult conditions inspires me. I respect him for being able to say he needs to stop this crossing, and take care of himself.
So with that said, here's the plan, at least for me:
David wants to fly out, rent a car, and come pluck me off the side of the road. Then, we fly back home together. This will happen Thursday, assuming he can find me. Just kidding. Fugitive Cyndi will show herself. I could turn my satellite device off and make it a game. He wouldn't like that. I know, I could get to the airport myself and fly back home, similar to John going to the bus station. But David is making it easy for me, to get me there himself. It does almost sound like he would need to come get me, or I would keep making up excuses on why I need to go "just a little further". I might say something like: I accidentally passed NY, I'll go ahead and head to Philly. Okay, im not going to do that, and Fugitive Cyndi will be so happy when she sees her sweet husband!
So your next question is this: Will you run/walk on Thurday, or stay put and await your ride? I haven't decided, but I will either 1) Stay in Milford and wait for him to drive there from the airport, and pick me up, or 2) get up EARLY Thursday morning and run/walk to the NY line. It would be close to 40 miles, but I would give it a try before David gets to me from the LaGuardia airport. And then have him meet me there, just inside the NY state line. They are both great options! I think I'll decide tomorrow night, after I get settled in Milford.
As I enjoy my evening, I think about how pretty the Atlantic Coast is, and how all this is right here for everyone to enjoy. Why have I not thought about vacationing up here?! I'm so lucky to have seen all these New England states, and throughly enjoyed them all.
As my time winds down up here, I'm allowing myself to get excited about what's to come at home. As unexpected as it is that I'm heading home early, I'm making lists of things (in my head) I want to do around the farm. Lauren is coming to Texas in Sept, and I'll get to see her after all now! Who knew?!
I appreciate my family looking out for my best interest, and voting for my safety first, over adventure. Because I may not be the most responsible one in the group, and certainly could be considered a risk-taker of sorts. I have a lot of love to be grateful for. And as I've mentioned before, my future-self will thank me. But it's hard to see into that crystal ball right now.
Thanks for continuing to support me, and I'm going to see what else Connecticut has to offer, before I head out of here on Thursday. I'm really looking forward to seeing David! Good thing I have him to look out for my best interest. He's my everything, my love and my forever cheerleader.
Let's enjoy a little more first,
Cyndi
So with that said, here's the plan, at least for me:
David wants to fly out, rent a car, and come pluck me off the side of the road. Then, we fly back home together. This will happen Thursday, assuming he can find me. Just kidding. Fugitive Cyndi will show herself. I could turn my satellite device off and make it a game. He wouldn't like that. I know, I could get to the airport myself and fly back home, similar to John going to the bus station. But David is making it easy for me, to get me there himself. It does almost sound like he would need to come get me, or I would keep making up excuses on why I need to go "just a little further". I might say something like: I accidentally passed NY, I'll go ahead and head to Philly. Okay, im not going to do that, and Fugitive Cyndi will be so happy when she sees her sweet husband!
So your next question is this: Will you run/walk on Thurday, or stay put and await your ride? I haven't decided, but I will either 1) Stay in Milford and wait for him to drive there from the airport, and pick me up, or 2) get up EARLY Thursday morning and run/walk to the NY line. It would be close to 40 miles, but I would give it a try before David gets to me from the LaGuardia airport. And then have him meet me there, just inside the NY state line. They are both great options! I think I'll decide tomorrow night, after I get settled in Milford.
As I enjoy my evening, I think about how pretty the Atlantic Coast is, and how all this is right here for everyone to enjoy. Why have I not thought about vacationing up here?! I'm so lucky to have seen all these New England states, and throughly enjoyed them all.
As my time winds down up here, I'm allowing myself to get excited about what's to come at home. As unexpected as it is that I'm heading home early, I'm making lists of things (in my head) I want to do around the farm. Lauren is coming to Texas in Sept, and I'll get to see her after all now! Who knew?!
I appreciate my family looking out for my best interest, and voting for my safety first, over adventure. Because I may not be the most responsible one in the group, and certainly could be considered a risk-taker of sorts. I have a lot of love to be grateful for. And as I've mentioned before, my future-self will thank me. But it's hard to see into that crystal ball right now.
Thanks for continuing to support me, and I'm going to see what else Connecticut has to offer, before I head out of here on Thursday. I'm really looking forward to seeing David! Good thing I have him to look out for my best interest. He's my everything, my love and my forever cheerleader.
Let's enjoy a little more first,
Cyndi
Day 22 - To Clinton, CT
I awoke in my room at the Hampton Inn this morning, to what would seem like the most normal hotel stay I've had yet. I will get to go downstairs and have coffee with my banana and peanut butter. My clothes are all clean, and I'm ready to move down the road today. The first challenge will be to find the pedestrian bridge to cross the Gold Memorial Bridge over the Thames river. This bridge is actually two bridges, composed of a north and south span. The south span has a pedestrian and bike portion, and it's just a matter of finding that entrance to it this morning in the dark. My Maps app keeps telling me to go around, and acts like I can't go across the bridge. I did Google it, and talked to some local people to know that I will be able to cross it on foot.
I'll leave the comfort of my hotel room, and head out the door in the dark. The sun is normally coming up by now, but the clouds are keeping it dark. I have my lights, both flashlight and blinking light ready and going. I head down the sidewalk toward I95 where it has joined Route 1 and begin trying to figure out how to get to the pedestrian bridge. Is it above? Below the car bridge? It's so dark I can't really tell. I'm going back-and-forth on Bridge Street, looking for the so-called little pathway that will take me to the pedestrian portion. After I've passed by the little green sign that says 'To Pedestrian Bridge' three times unknowingly, I finally see it after the third time. I was happy and relieved, to say the least. Now it's time to go get up on that bridge and get across to New London. That was a large river, and very busy down below. I made it to the other side, zigzag'd through New London and got back to Route 1. I have two more bridges today, that supposedly have pedestrian paths on them as Route 1 will join I95 at those junctions. I heard there is a ferry option around that area too, but I'm hoping just to be able to get across the bridges on my own.
John made his final plans on how he will walk to the bus station that he is choosing. We will both be making it into New York - or close to New York - before we both head off the road. I have spent the last day or two thinking about this moment. I've come to realize how fortunate I have been to be able to see the New England states up close and personal. I am at peace with heading back home as well, with no regrets. It's interesting, because after a couple of weeks on the road, the homesickness subsides, and a new strong survival instinct kicks in. You are able to push aside those feelings of missing home, and focus on making it day to day. There's so much to do to take care of yourself, route planning, watching for turns/detours, sleeping/camp/motel planning, among a myriad of other things you never expect to encounter. So as I have moved through these different stages over the last 22 days, I learned many new things each and every day. It makes you realize how strong and resilient we are as humans, and clearly see the instinctual kindness of human beings.
I notice as I move down the road today, I'm not in any hurry, even more so than on any other day. Today, I just want to enjoy the day, enjoy what's around me, and just let myself take my time. This is gorgeous country, and I have no certain time I have to be to Clinton today. It's as if I'm out on a walk, with never ending beauty, and no responsibility whatsoever. I'm just going to take time to breathe.
Happy Day!!
Cyndi
I'll leave the comfort of my hotel room, and head out the door in the dark. The sun is normally coming up by now, but the clouds are keeping it dark. I have my lights, both flashlight and blinking light ready and going. I head down the sidewalk toward I95 where it has joined Route 1 and begin trying to figure out how to get to the pedestrian bridge. Is it above? Below the car bridge? It's so dark I can't really tell. I'm going back-and-forth on Bridge Street, looking for the so-called little pathway that will take me to the pedestrian portion. After I've passed by the little green sign that says 'To Pedestrian Bridge' three times unknowingly, I finally see it after the third time. I was happy and relieved, to say the least. Now it's time to go get up on that bridge and get across to New London. That was a large river, and very busy down below. I made it to the other side, zigzag'd through New London and got back to Route 1. I have two more bridges today, that supposedly have pedestrian paths on them as Route 1 will join I95 at those junctions. I heard there is a ferry option around that area too, but I'm hoping just to be able to get across the bridges on my own.
John made his final plans on how he will walk to the bus station that he is choosing. We will both be making it into New York - or close to New York - before we both head off the road. I have spent the last day or two thinking about this moment. I've come to realize how fortunate I have been to be able to see the New England states up close and personal. I am at peace with heading back home as well, with no regrets. It's interesting, because after a couple of weeks on the road, the homesickness subsides, and a new strong survival instinct kicks in. You are able to push aside those feelings of missing home, and focus on making it day to day. There's so much to do to take care of yourself, route planning, watching for turns/detours, sleeping/camp/motel planning, among a myriad of other things you never expect to encounter. So as I have moved through these different stages over the last 22 days, I learned many new things each and every day. It makes you realize how strong and resilient we are as humans, and clearly see the instinctual kindness of human beings.
I notice as I move down the road today, I'm not in any hurry, even more so than on any other day. Today, I just want to enjoy the day, enjoy what's around me, and just let myself take my time. This is gorgeous country, and I have no certain time I have to be to Clinton today. It's as if I'm out on a walk, with never ending beauty, and no responsibility whatsoever. I'm just going to take time to breathe.
Happy Day!!
Cyndi
Monday, August 21, 2017
Day 21 Evening of change
Leaving the camp site this morning was interesting, as the State Park is truly off Route 1, but tucked back, well way back, nicely. Off course, I'll say. So after a little walk back to Route 1, I was on my way. Today was going to be extra special, as we make our way into Connecticut. Closer to a bus station for John. John is fiercely independent. He's been single his whole life, and relies on no one but himself. Even going maybe 2 miles an hour now, he insists on getting to a bus station on-foot. Sure, he could get a taxi. He would never do that, if you knew him, you would know it's not even an option. He'll get there, on-foot, in a few more days and will be heading out on a bus. I'll be flying back home, likely Thursday. Until then, I keep moving.
I found Connecticut to be very similar to RI! People here would probably beg to differ, but it continues to be gorgeous, green and lush. I enjoyed the day, relaxed, as I went through Westerly, Mystic and into Groton. The weather was mild and quite warm, but with a short day, and stopping to eat a nice sit-down lunch, I rolled in and headed to my motel, The Hilltop Express Inn. I had booked it online and it boosted of 24 hour front desk, breakfast included and sounded really nice. This is where the scary noises should be playing. Dun, dun duuuuuunnnnn. I first noticed the sign out front had a sign over it. Like it was a Howard Johnson or something, and now a temporary sign covers that, announcing The Hilltop Express Inn. I look up at the motel, and there's building materials ALL over the front porch. Okay, they are renovating it, no problem. I get to the front door and it's unlocked. A note on a post-it says "Check In at 3pm". Okay again, I'm early, so I'll just wait here and do a few things. I'll charge my devices, make my sun tea with my gallon of water I had just bought (I put a few tea bags in it, and let it sit outside for an hour or two.). While this is occurring, I'm inside the Front Office. It's not a Front Office really, it's torn up. Walls are being knocked down, lumber stacks everywhere, everything is covered in saw dust. There's what looks to be a make-shift breakfast area, with the toaster on the floor, plugged into a random outlet. There's more sawdust inside the toaster as well. What is happening? Where am I? This place can't possibly be open. I called the number I could find, and a man with English as his third language (for real), tries to tell me "no check in til 3". I tell him I'll wait here. He doesn't seem to understand anything I say. He hangs up frustrated with me, and I'm so confused. There's ONE truck in the parking lot, and one lone worker-man down the first floor hall, at the end, sawing/cutting something. I never see him, only hear him. There's a huge plastic sheet hanging to block the view of where the rooms really are, down that hall. It's like a bomb went off down the hall. I walk up the stairs thinking that's where the rooms are that he rents. He's already fixed those up, I'm sure. I go up there, and there's mattresses everywhere! No one is there whatsoever. I go back downstairs and wait for this man to arrive and will see if there's really a place for me to stay here tonight. He's got all my credit card data online already, and I hate to pay somewhere else again. Now it's 3:30 pm and no man. I call and there's no answer. It's getting creepier by the minute. I can't stay here, this is all terribly wrong. I find a piece of paper, write him a note, asking him to cancel my reservation and not charge me. Who knows what will come of that?! I call my bank and explain what just happened, so we can be watching in case he tries to charge my card. But now, I don't even care about that anymore, as I need to find a place to stay. I start looking around the area and find a Hampton Inn 2 miles away. I make a reservation as I'm walking to it. Success! I text John and tell him to do the same, and what had happened at the crazy motel.
If there's ever an opposite thing happen to me, it's this motel/hotel situation today. I stepped into the Hampton Inn, and smelled fresh cookies. There's coffee 24/7, and dinner of veggie lasagna is free to all guests. They have laundry facilities, and life is normal again. I was in the twilight zone at the Hilltop Express Inn earlier. I've not heard from anyone there, and feel creepy about the whole experience. Almost like it was a joke.
As I plan my day tomorrow, it looks like rain. The destination will be Clinton, CT and I'll be crossing the Gold Memorial Bridge in the morning, heading into New London. I've heard wonderful things about that town. Total mileage will be just over 30 miles, so I hope the rain is not too bad.
I did all my laundry, then made John give me his, and went and threw his in the wash after mine. I thought mine stunk....
Goodnight for now,
Cyndi
I found Connecticut to be very similar to RI! People here would probably beg to differ, but it continues to be gorgeous, green and lush. I enjoyed the day, relaxed, as I went through Westerly, Mystic and into Groton. The weather was mild and quite warm, but with a short day, and stopping to eat a nice sit-down lunch, I rolled in and headed to my motel, The Hilltop Express Inn. I had booked it online and it boosted of 24 hour front desk, breakfast included and sounded really nice. This is where the scary noises should be playing. Dun, dun duuuuuunnnnn. I first noticed the sign out front had a sign over it. Like it was a Howard Johnson or something, and now a temporary sign covers that, announcing The Hilltop Express Inn. I look up at the motel, and there's building materials ALL over the front porch. Okay, they are renovating it, no problem. I get to the front door and it's unlocked. A note on a post-it says "Check In at 3pm". Okay again, I'm early, so I'll just wait here and do a few things. I'll charge my devices, make my sun tea with my gallon of water I had just bought (I put a few tea bags in it, and let it sit outside for an hour or two.). While this is occurring, I'm inside the Front Office. It's not a Front Office really, it's torn up. Walls are being knocked down, lumber stacks everywhere, everything is covered in saw dust. There's what looks to be a make-shift breakfast area, with the toaster on the floor, plugged into a random outlet. There's more sawdust inside the toaster as well. What is happening? Where am I? This place can't possibly be open. I called the number I could find, and a man with English as his third language (for real), tries to tell me "no check in til 3". I tell him I'll wait here. He doesn't seem to understand anything I say. He hangs up frustrated with me, and I'm so confused. There's ONE truck in the parking lot, and one lone worker-man down the first floor hall, at the end, sawing/cutting something. I never see him, only hear him. There's a huge plastic sheet hanging to block the view of where the rooms really are, down that hall. It's like a bomb went off down the hall. I walk up the stairs thinking that's where the rooms are that he rents. He's already fixed those up, I'm sure. I go up there, and there's mattresses everywhere! No one is there whatsoever. I go back downstairs and wait for this man to arrive and will see if there's really a place for me to stay here tonight. He's got all my credit card data online already, and I hate to pay somewhere else again. Now it's 3:30 pm and no man. I call and there's no answer. It's getting creepier by the minute. I can't stay here, this is all terribly wrong. I find a piece of paper, write him a note, asking him to cancel my reservation and not charge me. Who knows what will come of that?! I call my bank and explain what just happened, so we can be watching in case he tries to charge my card. But now, I don't even care about that anymore, as I need to find a place to stay. I start looking around the area and find a Hampton Inn 2 miles away. I make a reservation as I'm walking to it. Success! I text John and tell him to do the same, and what had happened at the crazy motel.
If there's ever an opposite thing happen to me, it's this motel/hotel situation today. I stepped into the Hampton Inn, and smelled fresh cookies. There's coffee 24/7, and dinner of veggie lasagna is free to all guests. They have laundry facilities, and life is normal again. I was in the twilight zone at the Hilltop Express Inn earlier. I've not heard from anyone there, and feel creepy about the whole experience. Almost like it was a joke.
As I plan my day tomorrow, it looks like rain. The destination will be Clinton, CT and I'll be crossing the Gold Memorial Bridge in the morning, heading into New London. I've heard wonderful things about that town. Total mileage will be just over 30 miles, so I hope the rain is not too bad.
I did all my laundry, then made John give me his, and went and threw his in the wash after mine. I thought mine stunk....
Goodnight for now,
Cyndi
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