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| Little Lolo 👧🐇💕 |
Many moons ago, in a land far away lived a little girl, LoLo (Lauren) who was seen by a modeling agency representative at a playground in Hawaii while playing in the warm sun. This person, who stated they were a representative of a model agency in Honolulu gave me their card and said they were interested in my little LoLo for modeling there in the Islands. Skeptical, but not overly so because that was almost 30 years ago and deviant behavior was far less than it is now, I did call the agency. After a review process and interview, they decided to place Lauren with their agency. We would acquire a Labor Permit/Card so that she could 'work" and thus begin the Go-To's. Back then (not sure how it works now) you would be called by the agency to attend a particular Go-To at a studio location, whereby a retail store had already picked out the models (from the agency's photo files) that they wish to see and then evaluate in person for possible use in their advertisements. It was an exciting time, and Lauren ended up modeling for Liberty House (a large department store in the Hawaiian islands), JC Penney as well as other retail places that happen to be looking for a red haired, blue eyed girl for their ads. She started this process at an early age, and continued this until we moved back to the mainland when she was 5 years old. I remember my younger sister calling me up on the phone and telling me she had gotten a flyer for JC Penney (she lived on the mainland in Mississippi at the time) and telling me that Lauren was in it.
Turns out, all the photos taken at a photo shoot were kept on file, and could be pulled again, and used when a particular outfit or photo was to be placed in an ad. Although the photos were taken in Hawaii, they ended up in many other ads and locations in the U.S. Funny how this world works. We ended up living in Hawaii from when Lauren was 2 - 5 years old, all while she attended a Montessori School at a church on the beach. David and I both worked for EDS at the time and had been transferred over to Oahu and lived in Hawaii Kai (city on that island) for around 3 years on a TDY duty.
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| Lauren and Kyle, BFF’s in Hawaii |
We still have amazing memories from that experience. Hawaii holds a diverse group of people, yet mostly dark-skinned cultures, so we as white-skin people were seen as outliers. Nonetheless, we were fairly well-received despite the color of our skin as residents of the state of Hawaii. I am so grateful for the experience to live in such a beautiful state, and experience the beaches, mountains, lush rain forests, and all that Hawaii has to offer. You are stunning, Hawaii, just amazingly stunning. Thank you for having us.
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Look at you now, Lolo, a precious child of
your own, with another on the way 🥰 |
Hip Hopping Down the Cow Trail
As Easter approaches, I look forward to all that encompasses this joyful holiday. It is a special time to glorify and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. And along with our religious celebrations, what I enjoy about this holiday (like other religious holidays) is that it's also a time for the Easter Bunny to arrive. And while the two (Easter and Bunny) have been shown to have very little association with one another, the experience of both, bring together the same type of feelings we often feel at Christmas and Santa's arrival. They are like peanut butter and jelly, as traditions develop in unison and the background behind it is not always crystal clear.
So why are we hopping down the cow trail and not the bunny trail? It's because everything went sideways on the land lease next door where our cows were to live. We had gotten our 2 cows for the land, Fern and Blossom who didn't appear to be full-on miniature cows but okay. Then, the owners of the 22 acres next door had some requests of us that appeared in the lease that we were not willing to sign off to. Such as full liability of what occurs on the land, all insurance and costs involved, and the fence modifications needed, and I could go on but I won't. We ended up telling them we will not be leasing the land and that was that.
As Fern and Blossom warmed up to us, if you are cow people, you know what cows need. They needed more room than we could give them and they would knock over our flimsy not-cow-worthy fence, and they begin to boss around the livestock guard dogs, and we realized that cows and visitors did not always mix well together. And now what? After much discussion and some agony, we decided to sell them at the auction that our other neighbors take their cows to. And so David and Ed (neighbor pasture owner) loaded up these 2 young girls. Turns out, someone paid quite a bit for them, and David and I begin to wonder if we're in the wrong business. Should we buy and sell cattle? I think we had gotten a great deal for our sweet heifers, as the price of heifers was running high at the time of our sale.
The profit did not leave us without feeling the pangs of the absence of Fern and Blossom. We may have shed a tear or two. Yet, we knew without more land, we are not cattle owners and do not have the appropriate place for them. We knew what we needed to do but that doesn't make it easy. I will forever remember what it feels like to brush Fern, and her show me love back. Cows can be very friendly and kind. But they are big and can be unpredictable. And with tiny human visitors on a regular basis, we felt the need to put safety first and know they need more land and friends of their own.
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| ❤️❤️ |
How's Angel and Willow doing?
Awesome! Can you believe it? It's still hard for me to wrap my brain around what all happened, and then that Willow can heal and feed her surviving lamb, Angel. In turn, Angel is a strong and happy lamb who enjoys playing with her cousins, Red and Purple. It's truly a miracle that we are a witness to every day. It's like watching God at work, right in your front yard.
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| Angel, Red and Purple |
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| Such long legs and love those high heels |
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| I can never get enough of watching them |
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| Red and Purple |
Yes, the lambs are growing up fast and getting big. Their curiosity of their life around them is a reminder of what it's like to live like no one is watching or judging you. They remind me to be me. And that's the thing about a farm......all my animals teach me to live as if this is the moment we are to live in. Not what's for dinner later, but what's happening right now. Not what I'll do tomorrow, but what I'm doing right now. And as I reach down to gently stroke a chicken's feathers, or rub my horse's neck, or scratch a livestock guard dog's belly, I'm reminded of what it feels like to feel the touch of someone who loves you. I look in their eyes, and I see them accepting of my love. Many of the animals have an audible sound they may chose to make to communicate their love back. I feel like a researcher who's watching and documenting all my different animal's reactions and love language. They each have their own. One thing stays the same, I look into their eyes and smile at them. Sometimes, they smile back.
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| I always love your smile, Penny |
Brooks Love Language
NanaPops, in the mind of 2 year old Brooks, is actually one word. It encompasses the love of a grandmother and grandfather, all at the same time.
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| Analysis of bunny cookie in progress |
What I've discovered that is not in any book I've read, is that the love of a grandchild is unlike any other love there is. There's marriage love, parental love and even the love of our friends, family and animals. But none of these is like grandparent and grandchild love. There are areas in my brain that are activated when I am around Brooks such as the feeling of a super-power bond with such amazing strength that why a super hero grandparent not been created is beyond me. There's some kind of magical emotional empathy that happens when interacting with a grandchild. There's merit to why we don't have grandchildren first. I mean, their little voices are so innocent and their reactions so pure. The world does not deserve these children.
What I'm currently doing, before Lauren and Ryan move in our house with Brooks (coming soon in May) is enjoying my Nana time before I have to switch to full-time-more-like-a-parent mode. From the looks of it, life is different with a grandchild when they visit vs when they live with you. I'll have to report back to you on this eventually, but it seems that there's more rules to follow and rules to enforce when an adult child and grandchild live with you. I don't know this for certain, because I'm new at this. I'm merely speculating at this point, yet, I do ponder this often. And since I am unsure of the answer, I am enjoying my grandparent-visit mode until I learn what grandparent-live-with mode is like.
Oh, my heart quivers, as he hollers, Nana! Nana? So for now, it's Easter cookie eating and playing at the park to his hearts content.
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| The innocence of a cookie and the park |
Changing gears
With Easter season upon us, many people discuss death (and resurrection) quite candidly. What I know is that death is more easily discussed when it's someone else's death or dying. But our own......ooof. There's only a handful of people that I speak candidly with about dying, and these are folks who know that they are going to die yet not necessarily actively dying at this moment (did that even make sense?). Anyway, I was listening to a podcast with Michelle Obama recently who spoke about how her own mother talks of death and how Mrs Obama processes that. Her mother isn't actively dying, per se, but instead wanting to prepare her family if she were to die. I could hear the usual push-back that humans give to other humans who desire to not talk about their death. Yeah, I know it all seems morbid, but that's just because we are conditioned to think it's morbid. Death is the only certain thing we know will happen once we are born. I think it's important to talk about, yet I'm on the fence about whether someone can really prepare others for their death.
I used to be that person who didn't think she was going to die. Yep, that was me. I now understand that I would not be able to see death like I do now, if not for our cancer diagnosis(s). I get many questions about our cancer(s) and I'm happy to review them:
Let's start with David. His cancerversary is in Nov, and he was diagnosed with Sinonasal Undifferentiated Carcinoma (SNUC) in 2020. He's not yet been diagnosed as cancer-free despite surgery, chemo and radiation. I do think one day that his medical oncologist at MD Anderson will gift him a cancer-free crown to wear, but not yet. They've made noises about 'maybe after 3 years of clear PET scans', but he's not there yet.
I, on the other hand, besides my skin cancer, have a blood cancer called polycythemia vera. It falls in the category of Myloproliferative Neoplasms (MPN's). My cancerversary is in Sept and I was diagnosed in 2020, a mere 3 months before David would be given his own cancer diagnosis.
I find it incredibly odd that both David and I were diagnosed with rare cancers in a matter of months from one another. His is aggressive with a possibility of cure, while mine is currently not curable but treatable for a period of time, along with an unknown progression. I am currently in treatment utilizing a drug called BESREMi, which is specifically for PV patients. So far, I'm doing well on the treatment and visit Texas Oncology every 2 weeks as if I'm going to see my family and say Hi. They are so good to me, take wonderful care of me and I appreciate them so much. I try to tell them, and they will just hug me and smile. Love them.
Thus far in my life, I've never heard of anyone I know having polycythemia vera. But then I came across this one day......
Remember her? A ground-breaking female sportscaster in 1975, who then paved the way for others to follow. And to see that she had passed on from complications of PV is enlightening. These little tidbits of information are things I never really thought much about. The impact of PV is a low number in the world, and that's the way many rare cancers are - adult and pediatric. There are many websites and supports groups for rare diseases and cancers, and there is support and love all around to embrace those who desire to seek it out.
What I know for sure is that being told you have a expiration date that is closer than you originally thought (because we all typically think we will live til we are 90 or more) is grounds for seeing life through a new lens. Self awareness increases, gratitude increases, and tolerating poor behavior by others becomes incomprehensible. It becomes logical to widdle your life down to those people that inspire you, lift you up, love you, and see you for you. It's also more rewarding to lift others up, love hard and work on the relationships that are most important. Cancer has been one of my most precious gifts.
And with the understanding that life is incredibly fragile, it's become easy to talk about death and dying. It's no secret that society has anxiety over death talk so I figure why not break the taboo in regards to talking about death. I feel like there is an art of conscious dying. If you google death and dying, the lists you receive are tasks related to making wills, arranging funerals, creating advance directives yet there's very little information about the emotional and mental health side of dying. The task list is easy. The emotional and mental health side of it is challenging as the 5 stages of knowing you are dying are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It seems only the last stage is a positive one to be in. I'm convinced death and dying can be better than that. We often times have birth plans for our babies that we speak of, so why not death plans that we speak of as well.
After all, knowing that you will be leaving for good provides you the opportunity to finish some of the things you've set out to do in your life. Hence, the expression of: live life like your dying. After all, no one escapes it. Steve Jobs said it so eloquently: It clears out the old, to make way for the new.
I'd like death discussions to become more desensitized with those around me, and to manifest comfort in reflecting on what death means to each of us. After all, we feel comfortable to talk about death around Easter time, and how Christ died for us, and the meaning surrounding his death. We pray about death and dying with God, when we feel it's needed. I find peace in trying to understand my loved ones thoughts on death as well. I don't want it to be a sad conversation, I really just want it to be an additional area of connection with those I love.
After all, talking about death is a disguised conversation about living.
It's egg season, too
Easter season brings along with it egg season. It's this time of year that the chickens ramp up their egg laying skills. The warmer weather and increase in sunlight are triggers for the chickens to lay eggs more often than during winter months. Also, molting season is coming to a close (with the exception of a few chickens) and the ability to get out further in the pasture and free range even more is a bonus for them all. I happen to like it because the barn is less dirty when the girlz are all out grazing and exterminating the land.
While out in the barn the other night, I noticed the way my girlz would look at me. So I snapped a few pictures so you can get an idea of what I see each night as I turn their nightlight on for them, and close the doors and windows so the draft will not bother them as they sleep. You can almost tell what they are thinking......
I love how they let me pet their soft feathers, talk to them as if they know what I'm saying, and allow my presence without concern. Well, most of them are without concern. Some just want me to leave them alone and let them get to bed.
I wish you all a Happy Easter along with the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. It's during these times that I feel so fortunate to watch our lambs thrive and grow, and the chickens become more active, and witness the grass grow long, green and lush while everyone enjoys the benefits that springtime brings. As the meaning of Easter brings warmth to our hearts and minds, it brings the physical warmth to our skin and bodies.
So as the life cycle continues and the mowers come out of the garage, and he water bowls are filled more often, and more eggs are laid, and the horses enjoy the fresh grass instead of hay (for awhile anyway, until they need to be rationed) - we celebrate this change in the season. Overall, the workload changes in various ways. Heated water buckets are put up, less straw is needed in the barn, and the windows in the barn are opened each day. There's always work to do on a farm, and every season brings change in regards to what type of work is needed. I wouldn't have it any other way.
The lamb has overcome,
Cyndi
