The answers lie inside you

Ancient Sanskrit scripture repeatedly teaches me lessons that are universal, yet so very basic. They remind me of things I've learned, and nudge me to refocus on them. Here are some of my favorite reminders for myself in 2020:

You will receive a body.

This one hits home in a new way this year. The body I have received is now in need of some repairing and upgrading. 2019 has taught me to cherish the body I've been given. Its flaws, idiosyncrasies, strength, resilience and ability to heal and repair itself. It breaks down, and then builds itself back up. Even though during breakdown periods, I must stop doing the things I love to do, I am now able to prepare myself mentally for the down-time that is often associated with the repair and healing phases. Likely, this wisdom has come with age, as well as listening to the teachings from books, scriptures, podcasts, among other sources. If I could tell my 23 year old self something, it would be to appreciate the little things your body can do, the hard things your body can do, and respect and treat it like a temple.


There are no mistakes, only lessons

There should have been a lesson/class on this in high school, or at least in college. Mistakes are power. They allow me to retry, do things differently, brainstorm new things/ideas, and put myself out there (again) when fear knocks on my door and tells me otherwise. Granted, mistakes give my Ego the opportunity to beat me up, bring me down, instill more fear and often times top it all off with a giant serving of shame. Shame is hard to speak, but I found I must speak it, to dissolve it. Age (and many mistakes later) has brought me the understanding to know my mistakes are the gateway to learning. When I focus on the learning side of it, then the mistake was merely a tool to take me to the next place I'm needing to go. It's like a detour sign that takes me through the mountains, cold and rain storms to bring me to a place of peace and understanding, coupled with the ability to try again. The mistakes never stop in life, and the lessons just keep coming over and over. With my ultra running, I see it as a Win or Learn. I never lose, I just keep learning how to navigate things in a different, and hopefully, better way. Building blocks that allow me to keep moving forward in a productive manner. The other scripture that goes with this one? A lesson will be repeated until it is learned. Is that not the truest words ever spoken?

Others are merely mirrors of you

Okay, so some days, I play a game at work that helps me in my job. I'm a Triage RN at a medical office, and patients do not call the office because they want to say Hi. They call because they are sick, still sick, feel bad, have an emergency, mad, frustrated and a thousand other emotions that are likely related to an illness or disease process. They are typically not their best self when they call. And I answer their call, to hear their woes and become their gateway to where they need.....the doctor (or medical advise and comforting). So on the hard days I have, the days I'm not feeling my best, the days my patience is wore and jagged, I find I play a 'game' which I call "Just Like Me". I smile and answer the call and immediately think that this person is just like me. And really, they are in many ways. I can hear their pain and vulnerability. They are just like me. We are mirrors of one another, and I have the privilege of assisting them in their time of need. This opens my mind to compassion, caring and desire on those days when it does not come naturally. Luckily, I don't find that I play this game regularly, as I'm generally able to feel the connection with the patients on a regular basis and provide the natural good and true emotions needed. But on those certain days, I need this friendly reminder that yes, others are merely mirrors of ourselves. Mirrors of you and me. When I'm in line at a store, all those around me are mirrors. Driving on the road, eating at a restaurant and anywhere I may be, the others around me are mirrors. I learn from them, I try to pass kindness onto them, and I recognize they too, have a special and unknown story underneath the surface.

Your answers lie inside you

This is so freaking deep, that there's multitudes of books about this. For me though, it's a scripture that has become a mantra. Look inside, Grasshopper. Dig deep, Sweet Pea. Go inward and search for the answer, Cyndi. Think and think some more. What is your intuition telling you. Are you getting it confused with fear? Is other emotions standing in the way of finding the answer inside you? Is society pushing you to feel a certain way? Can you restrain from societal ways and find what you need inside yourself? Yes, I've come a long, long way, baby. And most times I find these answers inside me while on a moving mediation. Cleaning the barn quietly, or on a country road methodically running, or even simply closing my eyes and listening to myself breathe, am I able to listen to what's really inside. That's where it's all at. That's where I find who I really am in an authentic fashion. The real me, with answers inside, waiting for me to find them. #workinprogress


You will forget all this

You can remember it whenever you want. Amen. Life has a tendency to pull me away from its true meaning. Moving through all the chapters of life, I find that life's meaning can seem to change page to page. It's a story that I get to unfold, read and write every day. As I age, I'm able to hold a better focus on what's important. I certainly don't always get it right. Life tries to pull me, and I find myself better equipped to handle the pressures it brings. The wisdom, which is likely derived from all those life lessons already learned seem to be easily forgotten at times. I often need to learn some again, or try to remember them in vulnerable moments. Although I may no longer have "same day delivery" with all the information my brain holds, life is there to help me remember when I need it the most. It all seems to boil down to change, and how I manage that aspect of life. There's no better representation in my own life of that than here on the farm, of constant learning and growth. Around here, change is the only constant - and in my life in general, actually.


So how did all the changes on the farm shake out

Wonderful! Let's talk about it.



Chia, and her kids Petunia and Dotty are living their goat life. Chia is by far one of the best farm animal moms we've had. Her dedication to them is inspiring. These 3 sweet goats will be the only goat population for now. We have reached goat nirvana with 3. I think about Nona and Twizzler often. Their rambunctiousness is now being well served in a large herd on a lot of acreage.




I'll call this quadruplet grouping the quietest sheep herd ever.
From l to r: Belle, Lulu, Grace and Licorice
Their docile nature allows visitors the opportunity to pet and love on them. Belle and Grace were (once) bottle babies, so they are extra friendly to people in general. They graze the pasture, and they also welcome guests with open hooves. The fact that they will run to greet you is reminiscent of a friendly dog. Their kind Baa's and their calm souls make us want lambs just like them.
And since David has been wanting baby lambs for most of 2019, we are going to go pick up a ram for these ewes on this coming Saturday. Round 2 of lambing is about to start. 2020 will most likely bring more of these amazing sheep to the pasture. That's the plan, at least. Sam #2, we are coming for you.




Our (barn) cat population is one that we adore. We try and stay steady number-wise with them, but strays do appear here and there. This stray, Blackie, came to us with a wound on his head that made you NOT want to touch him, whatsoever (not that he would let anyone near him anyway, as he appeared feral upon his unexpected arrival). As my prior blogs noted, we did catch him and got him to the vet for proper care. After a recovery period, we are happy to say his wound is completely healed, with his hair all grown back now on his forehead. He's now super friendly, happy, beautiful and is at home in the Tack Room of the barn. Love him - and all the great cats we have out here.





Let's talk chickens. These are only some of my Experimental Chicken Farm girlz. I'm holding strong at 21 of them, along with my regular flock still at 13. So, 34 chickens. They are growing up, and I'm waiting to see when they will start laying eggs. They need to be more around 5-6 months old, so we still have a little more time to wait while they continue to mature. They roost/sleep in the Belle Tower at night, but during the day, they come up to the house/barn area and mingle with the flock in the barn area. Everyone is getting along well, with no rooster noises yet. All hens thus far. The joy I receive from seeing these 34 chickens free ranging in the yard is a dream come true, and one that I never knew I had. I mean, I really am a chicken lady. My love for them is ridiculous and unexplainable. They just make me so happy.





After I lost Snow White and Coco (2 of my silkies), I went searching on CraigsList for silkies. I found a lady in Denison who was selling her flock of 8 silkies. She had several roosters and hens and was raising and selling them prior, but life changes had forced them to sell their silkies, and focus on other areas of their life. Enter me in this picture. Yes, please, I'll take your 8 silkies - roosters and all. And upon a discussion with the Sheriff, we decided to move forward with allowing roosters on the farm, in a separate contained fenced area. For their safety - and for the review of how this is all going to go down. Surprisingly, the silkies are doing well. This bantam breed is a docile chicken, and the roosters are small, too. So lets give it a try. We already have portable fencing, an (extra) small coop not being used, and feeders. We shall put all of that to good use. Here's a closer look at some of them:





Here's a couple of the silkie hens, Chompchi, Dorothy and Dorothy. There's one more Dorothy around, too. I prefer to call them the 3 Dot's. Chompchi is the grey little one there, who looks a lot like the rooster, Post.





This is Post (Malone). He's head rooster, and a little larger than the others. He does crow in the morning, although since they are a smaller breed, it's not a super loud type of crowing. I find it endearing.





And then, there's Frank (aka Nugget). He's a white silkie rooster who has been previously picked on by the others. He's lost all his feathers on his back, and is relegated to low chicken on the chicken totem pole. I decided to keep him in a separate fenced area, next to his friends, but now they are unable to pick on him anymore. We are going to allow him time to heal. He's shown here with his "friends", but has since been placed next door to them, with his own little coop. I've not heard him crow. I've only heard Post crowing, out of the 3 roosters in this group.


Doing the chicken math, this is 13 + 21 + 8 = Just enough.


In summary, the changes have all been productive and good. While we miss those who left us, we are left with a certain amount of peace. An important factor in all of this is rightsizing. David and I must be able to care for everyone, the property (and ourselves) in a proper way. Having a good mix and the "right" number of animals is key. Although not pictured today, the donkeys and mini horses are doing very well. We are back to a balance that is more appropriate for what we can manage well. Lesson learned. Hopefully, I'll remember that lesson. We ebb up, and flow back down here on Lovebird Ln.





Here's wishing you all Happy Holidays, and the continued opportunity to grow and prosper in 2020,

Cyndi


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship" - Louisa May Alcott