I am happy to report that I am recovered, rejuvenated and back to my "regular" self. I enjoy walking the dogs, cooking dinner, sleeping in my own bed, and being part of my family, again. It's all very odd, looking back, it feels like I was in a time-warp. Almost like it vanished. Yet, in my mind, the memories are my constant reminder of the great adventure I had. I relish them all, I cherish them all. I want to do it again. Yes, I can say that now - openly. I get all excited "inside" just thinking about it. Maybe, I'll bike it this time? With a little different route? Or go hike the Appalachian Trail? Hike across New Zealand? There's just so many things to do.
For now, though, I am back at work. I am an OR RN at a surgery center, and enjoy what I do. I have really loved having all my friends, family and co-workers, go across America with me. It's as if we can talk about it, "as one". Remembering fun times, challenging times, all the while, being fascinated with it all! It's a common bond I have with the people around me. And I absolutely LOVE that.
I enjoy "bike" commuting to work, and am so very happy to be back at the yoga studio, again, where I feel "like everyone else". I look forward to picking an Ironman race to participate in next year, and settling into a new home that David and I intend to build, within the next year. So many fun and exciting things are happening. My daughter, Lauren, has a year more of Grad school, and I love watching her adult life, evolve.
The road calls me.......I will need to pick the "right" time, to go back out there. For the moment, I will need to lay low, and live life, as others do.
The wonderful company of Bob Stroller's, has generously offered to replace my Bob Running stroller. They know I gave mine away to a (much-deserving) family. I can now say that two wonderfully companies, have supplied me with the critical items I needed to succeed. FreeRide Bike Company in Mesa, Arizona, was my first "sponsor". I will never forget what they did for me - and when I needed it the most. The new wheels, liners and tubes held true the WHOLE rest of my journey. The "labor of love" and time, that they put into my running stroller, made ALL the difference for me. I simply cannot thank them enough.
After marinating on my trek for the last month, mostly unintentional, I have come to the conclusion of my:
Top 3 Most Memorable and Reoccurring Thoughts:
#3 Thought
I constantly find myself "thinking" how detached I am to the material things around me. I need "so little" to survive. The material things around me, esp at home, are now categorized as "keep" and
"no-need-to-keep", in my mind. I desire the things I have, in my home, to have more purpose. If they no longer "serve" me in life, I'd like to donate them, so that someone else may find value in them, or recycle them. Whether it be clothes, household items, or furniture, I find myself wanting to live a more minimal lifestyle. Other family members may not hold these same thoughts, as I do. So for now, I try to find 'balance', and not seem, all of a sudden, crazy.
#2 Thought
I often look back, and think about how I could go miles and miles, each day. I remember thinking, every morning, that "I can do this". My mind was made up. Everyday. And my body, followed. My thought process is now, forever changed. We can do anything we set our mind to. Oh yeah, it's easy to say that. But, I now know that it's absolutely TRUE. I can see right "through" people (and our excuses, reasons and justifications), when they doubt themselves. I now see - and hear it - all the time. And, all I can think of (screaming inside my own brain) is......"You can do it!'. But their mind is doubting it, so their body will follow the doubt. No matter what I say, about them being able to do something in particular.....they have to believe it, in their own mind. Mental strength is vital. Why do we not have a class on that, for children? To help teach them mental strength? Which provides for a strong physical being, in return?
I confess to excuses, reasons and justifications, myself......I just realize that I'm doing it, now. And when I am doing it.
#1 Thought
Complete Freedom. When I first began my journey, I never, ever, ever, thought about this topic. Sure, I thought about Freedom, and have always know how fortunate we are to be free. Yet, "Complete" Freedom was something I did not know existed. All my life, I have "answered" to others, and compromised with others. This includes when I was young, being directed by parents. Then, by teachers, and by co-workers and managers in a workplace setting, and by friends/family around me. There has always been a sense of "getting along" with others, making decisions based upon others, and unknowingly, living life with constant interaction with those around me. Everything from, "What's for dinner?", to "Can you come over this weekend", to "I need you to do FILL-IN-THE-BLANK at work". From simple, to complex, decision-making and interaction with others in my life. That is all I've ever known. And from all appearances, this is a normal life. It's what we all do, and have the privilege of doing. It is freedom. We are, in essence, making our own decisions, based upon what is going on around us. I never knew any different. I have never felt "bogged" down, or not able to make my own decisions. I have always been "free" to do as I wish, within a normal, and society-driven level.
Then, it happened. Complete Freedom. At first, I did not recognize it, as I had never "met" it before. I did not even realize it was happening, as it was a slow process, that evolved. The first few weeks on the road, I was with John. He was making the route, setting the miles. I was basing my decisions off of his. Then, as I began to travel, more and more alone, I began to feel it. It took awhile for me to realize it. Being alone, for days and days, is how it began. I would wake up in a different town each day, stopping at new places for food/drink every day, traveling non-stop, and meeting new people minute to minute. There was no one I was obligated to, but myself. No one depending on me, waiting for me, looking for me, or influencing/making decisions for me. Just me. I still had influence from family and friends back home, but due to my special circumstances on the road, it was 100% my choice, in regards to "everything", day to day. What to eat, where to stop, how long to linger in any particular area, which side of the road to be on, anything. Any decision, was my own. This has never happened before, in my whole life. Every day, I decided everything, on my own. Looking back, when I blogged about it, I wrote it as "taking care of myself, completely". It was taking all the time I had, to "take care of myself". I had Complete Freedom, but along with it, comes complete responsibility. I was okay with that. After all, I had the time......all the time in the world. I was living a life, on the road, of Complete Freedom. I "answered" to no one, I made all my decisions, based upon my needs. This was new. It was empowering. I now know, what it feels like. And am grateful, for that. I could have lived my whole life, and never knew, what it was like. But instead, I now know. It's a hard concept to explain, as I probably would have not understood it, myself, had I not lived it. It's hard to put into words. It's more of a feeling. It's one of my biggest "Take-Away's", from my trip. I absolutely love, love, love that I had the opportunity, to experience it.
I am back to living life, as we all do. Making our decisions, with others "in mind". It feels good. It feels normal. It's comforting.
I will always know what Complete Freedom feels like, though. I can't deny it......it was beyond words. It's "up there" with my other experiences from my trip: Kind, helpful people, beautiful countryside, fabulous weather, and Complete Freedom.
Forever Grateful,
Cyndi
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