I really, really, really wanted to go about 15 more miles. It became a no-win situation. Go in the rain/storm.....or stop short of what I wanted to do today. Camping in the rain sounded awful. I was excited about camping down near the river in Gladstone. But it was not meant to be. I had all my supplies for tonight and tomorrow, everything was ready. Except the weather. So instead, I will get up extra early, and make those miles up way faster, than I could have (doing them in the rain, slowly, due to visibility with oncoming cars/trucks). Self-compassion. It's okay, Cyndi. It's just so hard for me to sit still, or stay in one place too long. And that's a hard concept to convey to others.
It did give me a chance to talk to David, though. I am in town (Amherst), and have cell service. If I was back out on the road, I doubt I would have that around here.
David and I have each adapted to a "new normal" in our lives. I was SO homesick when I left, but eventually adjusted, and accepted my time away from home and family. I had to do that to stay mentally strong, and not worry. But this brings up a situation whereby we will need to re-adjust again to our "old-normal". Oh, I have no doubt we will do that, and quicker than I'll realize. But I live a life of "abnormal", right now. I accept that. What I do each day, my thoughts, my activities and my mindset is not something that is always readily understood. Luckily, you guys know what I do, and most of the time, why I do it. I can't believe I'm talking about my "transition" back into my real life. Yet, it will take some time to let go of some of my "new" behaviors I have living on the road. And by myself, living only concerned with my ability to care for me. Its a full-time gig, out here. I took for granted the give and take of a relationship, and what we do for each other. Now, I live my life trying to figure out the logistics, each day, of "caring for myself" out here. And it takes a lot of time to do that. I didn't realize that part ahead of time, before this started. Luckily, I learned from the best....my partner, John. He's a master at this. My success in this trek stems from his knowledge. Thank you, John. I know we haven't been together in a long time out here, but your constant phone support is always helpful and appreciated.
I will continue blogging, after I get home, to document my ability (or inability) to re-join my family, my work, and a regular life. I'll have obstacles, but I'm thinking it should blend well overall. I have such mixed emotions. I love it out here. I have loved everything about this (except the cold rain). I learned more about myself, than I ever expected to. I denied that I would.....but there was more to "me" than I even knew about. I know I'm talking like I've already finished, but I think these thoughts are creeping up as the finish nears. To me, it's not an accomplishment, as much as it's something that I just wanted to do. I just wanted to go across the U.S. on foot. I'm not done.......but I'm getting there.
See you tomorrow, right here!
Cyndi
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