Day Three - Three Things

Bloghap, Blogcident and Blogaster

Before I begin, I just wanted to apologize for the post yesterday, as it posted, then reverted back to a rough draft, and then a repost again of the final post. Geezz, seems my finger hit the 'revert' button. Any IT group would tell me it was user error. Their right. It's me. I'm her. It was a ID10T error. Thank you for your patience. Now if I could just find that 'revert' button on my life for a minute, I'd probably hit it, too. 

Keep your sunny side up

David shared with me this morning the 3 things that travel through his mind while the radiation machine sings its song, all while he's lying flat on his back staring up at the radiation machine sunny side up. He's not one to start a conversation like this regularly, but he did, and it warmed my heart to hear words from his soul that he often times keeps hidden from the outside world. (Thank you for sharing, David 💖 and I'll share the share, Sweetie). So, he reviewed these 3 things with me and on Day Three it seems appropriate to make a note of them. He started first with:    1) His primary fear (at this point) is actually not the diagnosis of cancer, and not the fear of treatment, but of the possibility of reoccurrence later on. He goes on to say that the unknown of the reoccurrence is what bothers him the most. SNUC is reported as an aggressive and fast growing cancer that is known to reoccur. Living life with a certainty of reoccurrence, along with the uncertainty of when it will strike is like a storm that follows you around waiting for the day you forget your umbrella and rain jacket. It's a dark cloud above you that no matter which way you walk/run/jump, it stays right above your head lurking. No one with cancer gets the Guaranteed Freedom Pass but some cancer's risk of reoccurrence is higher than others. David is hoping for the pass.    2) Secondly, David said he has a personal goal of dodging the need for a feeding tube. Granted, many cancer patients in treatment will need a feeding tube to see them through, esp for head and neck cancer patients whose radiation is directed all around their throat area. A friend who also recently had a head and neck cancer/treatment compared his swallowing to the feeling of swallowing knives. He opted for the feeding tube when the time came, and had good reviews about how it helped him. Granted, nobody wants one, that is, until it's absolutely needed. And you don't want to wait until it's absolutely needed because you don't want to wait too long. But in David's mind, he's going to do his very best to stay hydrated, as dehydration is your first class ticket to a feeding tube.     3) And thirdly, David said he thinks about hope. He hopes that this cancer treatment is his one and only. No one ever knows for sure, but he's holding out hope for that - and many other hopes and dreams as well. But he says that as the radiation machine's ticking and tocking noises flow into his ears, he lays there with great hope that this process will be what he calls his One and Done. He's holding onto hope tight, as we all are. Even Dr Hanna, his medical oncologist who knows SNUC inside and out said, "I'm hopeful that this radiation and chemotherapy will knock out all remaining microparticles of your cancer, and leave you with a life of seeing this all in the rear view mirror". If Dr Hanna has that hope, we will cling to it tight as well. And we thank Dr Hanna for giving that hope to us. There's peace inside hope. 

What's up, buttercup

Today's activities included only two appointments. What?! Only 2 today - and a sneak peek into tomorrow shows only one appt - his radiation. All the initial appointments and baseline measurements of eye sight, hearing, and oral/mouth/teeth have been completed. With exceptions here and there, our future plans are radiation every day, chemo once a week and follow up appts weekly with his radiation oncologist and his chemotherapy oncologist. They will make sure he's doing alright and guide us in his care to see him through this. We have the initial directions and instructions on how to mange what's coming up, but I think we all know this is a slippery slope. Still in week one over here and living the high life. Caution Caretaker Thoughts Ahead: But I see the edge of the slippery slope, and will watch my step carefully. I'm new at this, and my ego (not my friend) tries to create doubt about my ability to take care of the Future David. It's like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. You can do it....no you can't....yes you can.....don't listen to them. To combat that, I'm like a sponge over here soaking up everything David says after his appointments, looking at all the paperwork, and listening to every word. I'm watching him care for himself with his self-care routine/rituals written neatly on the mirror. And I'm constantly thinking about the people who have paved the way before us. They have already been in our shoes here on cancer island. I think about the caregivers I've known, and set my intention to be like those who were positive and strong. Doubt is also not my friend, and while we are in the calm before the storm, I stay calm just knowing that God is here and watching over us. 

Sit down, no more questions

As mentioned (above) before I went off on a different tangent, Day Three consisted of 2 appointments. Radiation and then audiology. The audiology appt was the one that was missed on Monday (Day One) that was so jam packed. It's done now though. And radiation went, uh, let's just say, okay. As the days progress and David's getting in the flow of the radiation department, he's noticing a few key nuggets there. First, the fewer questions you ask the better off you are. 1 question per day is tolerable, and 2 questions is two too many questions. He's creating a databank in his head of who the nice tech's are there and who the not-so-nice ones are. He's learned you are not to be late there. They don't do well with late. And late is considered anything later than 15 minutes BEFORE your appt. Note to self: arrive 30 minutes early every.single.time. They even wrote their direct phone number on a card for him to call if he's 'going to be late'. The funny part about that was that they wrote it in black sharpie with big bold numbers like a 1st grader practicing their numbers. Clear, concise and large. I'm surprised they did not pin it on his shirt and send him home. They probably know he won't be able to see it as well....with time. His left eye is a little wonky after only a few radiation sessions. They have been around this block a time or two. The radiation department reminded me of the tiny Key West airport we were trapped in years ago, and after about 8 hours of waiting to board a plane that never arrived, the attendant got on the Loud Speaker and announced for everyone to "Sit Down! No more questions!". He had had enough of the whole 18 inpatient passengers asking over and over what the status was. And everyone sat down. No one asked any more questions. The plane arrived about 2 hours later and it was silent the whole time. David has learned to stay in his lane during radiation. Do as they ask and try not to ask a question. 

Run Wild

While discovering what it's like to learn a new city, I found that running around the area is one of my favorite ways to learn the street names, find restaurants and see what is nearby. Our apartment complex backs up to the Bayou Greenways, and it is one of many options to move about the area.I can go straight out of the apartment and over to the trail system lickity split. 

And the bonus of it all is the porta-potty right there AND I can recycle my things in that blue waste bin right at the entrance ramp to the concrete trail system. 

So many wonderful things about the Bayou Greenway. Well, except maybe the tents with people sleeping in them under the bridges. I'm never sure if I should say Hi or what. I don't know what the protocol is when I pass them in their home. So I say Hi because it's what I want to do. 

I typically take Maybe and Sugar with me to run (and the running cart) so they can ride when they get tired of running. How are they doing with this move? The story I tell myself is as long as they are with us, they are okay. It's not an option for them to stay at the farm on their own, so the apartment life is something they are adjusting to, like we are. They are great car riders so they go everywhere with us, as they wait in the car patiently for us to return whenever we go in a store or restaurant. If I ever thought Sugar was attached to me at the hip, this temporary move to Houston has created a brand new co-dependency relationship for us. I'm feeling like that's not a good thing but luckily there's therapy for that. 

Din Din

By far one of the best things that we've done in Houston so far was Date Night on Day Three. We went to Tiny Boxwoods restaurant. They have expanded to several locations in the Houston area with extensions of this amazing place calling their satellite locations Tiny #5, etc. We ate dinner like kings and queens and topped off the meal with their ever famous choc chip cookies (with ice cream and choc sauce). Please believe me when I say the BEST choc chip cookie e.v.e.r. I don't know how they do it, but they do it so well. Luckily, you can buy their cookie dough and try it at home. That will likely be in our future. Thank you to Dr P and Danielle who treated us to this extravaganza and while living in Houston themselves some time ago, found this place to be a personal favorite of theirs. We appreciate them sharing it with us, and they were there with us in spirit as we dined and relaxed on the patio. It was magical. 

Brooks Baby

We are, of course, missing our new grandson, Brooks. He turned 3 months old already. Mom and dad are busy trying to live life, work and keep a tiny human alive. We miss you guys!

Little Bo Peep

I'm happy to give an update on our 5 sheep who are doing fabulous. 

Luckily, Bo Peep is not looking after them, and our friends who have them are the most amazing people that we appreciate and adore. The horses are settling over at the farriers place for which we are most grateful.

The caretaker we hired to come and feed (morning and night) at our farm for the chickens, guard dogs and barn cats has everything under control in the barn. We also have someone hired who is rebuilding our front deck this week, and also having a flag pole installed on the property as well. Life is still moving forward on the farm. I plan on driving back to check on things this weekend, while David stays in Houston and catches up on some work. I'll be taking back things we didn't need here in Houston and trading it for some of the things we do need in Gunter.  And my primary goal for this weekend will be to dispense heart worm preventative medication to everyone. It's a monthly ritual, and this weekend is the weekend for it. 

While we finish the week strong, we are sending you all love and peace in your lives. I know you have many things happening in your own life, and we are hoping that you are able to stay safe, feel loved and know that we are thinking of you all. 

Grace and peace,

Cyndi