Day 10 Still standing

Whatever makes your soul happy, do that

While David is out and about at MDA or resting in the apartment, I'm making my way in this new world called Houston. I've been able to get out and run with the Littles, using my cart so that I can take them on longer distances. 

Trying to chew herself free

When they get tired, they get to ride. Their milage is pretty high right now for small dogs. Maybe is 10 years old and doesn't run as far as she used to, but she really enjoys the ride. Maybe can run a total of 3-4 miles out of 10 miles I may run. Sugar is 3 years old and runs more than she should. I put her in the cart. She asks to get back out. It's back and forth and, although disruptive with the running process, we both get a good work-out. 

Sugar has several locations in the cart that she enjoys 

Usual positions when not running 

Sugar can typically run about 5 miles of the 10 miles we may go. 

Maybe is usually on the other side, as well

While they enjoy a good run, they also enjoy taking a walk and smelling all the smells. This is great, except the change from walking on country roads in Gunter to walking on side walks in a hustling and bustling city is frightening, at least for Sugar who is already a little broken from a previous life (before we adopted her). 

And the “ just checking if you’re there,  mom“ position 

Let's see, she's scared of:

These things make scary sounds

These large buildings have large noises coming from some of them, and Sugar is not a fan. Just as she's trying to dodge the rumbling noises coming straight at her as a personal attack, this blows by her:

Why why why is it here and there and everywhere 

Besides the tran/train thingie on the flattened railways in the road, the buses fly by with a flowing whoosh, and sometimes an occasional brake squeal. Her only saving grace is that, her kryptonite, 18-wheelers are not on these same streets we run. Yet, there's something new to look out for:

This is never good

Sugar will propel herself about 2 inches off the ground to not allow one paw to touch this foreign object that is constantly arising on the sidewalks. That, or she quickly attempts to go around it with 98% accuracy. 

The first dodge over to the side was because of one of those crazy buses going by, then a manhole cover comes along......geez....just trying to run over here. 

Since we now live in the heart of the Texas Medical Center district, there are plenty of bright sounding (and looking) ambulances zooming by, much like ants at a picnic - they are everywhere, every time you look around. There are also an incredible amount of care-flight choppers in the air with noise pollution that rivals the industrial sounds of generators, air conditioners and ginormous electrical boxes/units (see above) all that generate what is needed for these monstrous multitude of medical facilities.

All five of the dog's senses are on high alert and highly in tune when we are out and about. They are adjusting, yet Sugar is lagging a little behind in her adjustment. Surprise, surprise.

Sugar Pie Honey

The background of Sugar is unknown. After adopting her as an adult, she would not eat dog food - wet or dry. She was tiny and needed to gain some weight. I knew then I was "one of those dog owners" that fed their dog people food. After the vet looked at her teeth and cleaned them (dental procedure while asleep) we found out her chompers were more like squishers. She has minimal ability to chew dry dog food, and even when it's softened and/or canned dog food presented, she says, No thanks, I'd rather starve.  

So our life changed, trying to figuring out what people-food she would eat. Cheese, any meat cut up in the tiniest of bites, and more cheese. Her diet is that of a 2 year old. No veggies please. We have fine-tuned how and what we feed her now, and it's inconvenient, but do-able.

The next challenge was her attachment to me. It took about 6-12 months for David to even be able to pick her up. When I would go to work, she would await my return:

Waiting here

And here

And then here

Sometimes she waits here

Or here, as she knows I'll be driving up into my spot

And now that I'm working from home, she's in my lap much of the day. Our co-dependency issues may likely never resolve. I'm beginning to think that even therapy can't fix us. 

Sweet Maybe

Her saving grace is Maybe. Maybe was raised by us as a puppy and is seemingly a normal dog. Food-motivated in her old age, but fairly normal. Maybe shows Sugar how to be a real dog, and Sugar has come a long, long way. But the road is long.

The apartment here in Houston has been another challenge for Sugar. Something about one of the bedrooms and one of the bathrooms causes her to start shaking uncontrollably. There's a sound, or maybe a smell (we are not sure what it is for sure) that's familiar to her that brings back bad memories. This just our theory, but we know that she's definitely not comfortable with the environment and I imagine she looks forward to getting back to the farm. Maybe and Sugar no longer have free-will, and must be leashed to be taken out the front door. It's the rules. They both do well on leashes so we are good there. It's the free-will part they miss.

Ironically, the dog's de-stress activity happens to be the same as mine - being outside and moving. Our new version of free-will, as we call. So, we all three look forward to getting out the door and moving (mostly running) all while navigating new streets, new people and beginning to adjust to the new sounds. We enjoy the freedom to do so, and Adventure Land here in Houston never stops. 

Low Bar Lifestyle

As I rotate through the responsibilities of my life right now and carve out time for my passions and hobbies, I excel at the low bar lifestyle. I am seemingly eliminating all (what I deem) unnecessary self care and household duties. I'm setting the bar low so I may invest more time doing the things I really want to do. i.e. running, walking, cycling. It just so happens that a mask covers a large portion of the face which is always helpful when it comes to face self-care and makeup. I can wear the same clothes over and over because I never see the same people here in Houston. Leading a low bar lifestyle actually helps keep my priorities in line. 

As my road bike is back in Gunter on the trainer, I cycle to nowhere in the cold, winter-time weather. I do enjoy running and walking in the cold, though. Next to that, my favorite thing is anything outside on the farm. Cleaning the barn, caring for the animals, mending fences, anything outside and on the farm is my jam. As we move through this chapter, I am fortunate to have wonderful people caring for the animals and the barn until I can get back to that - and my barn therapy again. So very grateful.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful

Thank you, Brene Brown. I've long blogged that she's one of my favorite authors. She reminds me that courage is telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. This can be challenging, exposing yourself to the world. Brene says that owning our story ,and loving ourselves though that process, is the bravest thing that we'll every do. I read and reread her words and let them melt into my mind and soul. I need these words, and it's Brene and many others that contribute to my growth as a human bean. 

I, too, have my own personal trials and tribulations with cancer. This is where it gets tricky. Who is supposed to care for who. So it seems this will bounce back and forth. David and I tease about it, as it's our way of finding humor in a tough situation. We keep it light, yet we tackle the heavy when we need to. I'm feeling pretty good these days, I mean, I still do many thinks I want to do. How could I even complain? Anne Frank didn't complain. She's my inspiration, reminding me that complaining is a choice. I'm just a Girl On Fire, as Alisha Keys would sing. I feel strong, I feel safe. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a girl on fire, whose spark is all that is within me. I'm going to keep going, until I can't. And that's when I'll stop, when God decides it's time. He knows, and I trust that. I'm grateful every day I wake up, and a soft audible Thank You escapes my mouth. Then I rise, work and play all day. It doesn't get better than this. Well, maybe it can get a little better than right now, but I'm okay with right now.

How's the birthday boy

I think the best way to explain how David is feeling today is the post-birthday feeling from when you turned 21 years old. That next day: the headache, woozy stomach, nausea, dry eyes and the need to lay around all day sums it up. David is having a post 21-year-old-birthday-celebration feeling today. And that's okay. We'll take it! 

What's up, Buttercup?

The last two days of this week, Thursday and Friday are radiation only days, with a follow-up visit with his chemotherapy oncologist on Friday. Goals, you ask? Our goals are to keep David hydrated, not nauseated, and blood sugars under control. This along with the usual jaw exercises, fluoride stuff, lotion on skin, special cleansing products, eye drops and ointment, lots of tummy medicine, nasal rinsing, mouth rinsing, and I could go on, but it's all do-able right now. We haven't fallen off the slippery slope. I'll let you know when and if that happens. So far, we are staying in our lane and going nowhere fast. Exactly what you need to do in recovery. Me? Well, I'm getting out and running, taking care of my physical and mental health, and finding the time to see the beauty in it all. The self-awareness helps, as the more I practice that, the more it helps me realize that we will go through this, then we will move forward. Perfect, let's do that.

Cause I'm feeling myself today,

Cyndi