Day 9 Birth Day

He's rubbish at turning lights off but awesome at shining his light

Happy Birthday, David! Look at you, showing us all what fighting the cancer fight looks like. I am inspired by your bright light each day, knowing you will shine it on everyone at MD Anderson all day long today. 

The day started as I drove around that area looking for a donut shop at 5:30 am. David has dropped the old "isn't there a donut shop around here" line several times lately. Diabetes is not friends with donuts, and since diabetes is David's close friend, donuts usually aren't. And, since the last set of lab results showed a good baseball batting average number for David's sugar level, it's time to buckle that belt a notch on sugar. Despite that, it's his birthday and even though he did not eat this morning, we packed his bag with breakfast and lunch for his busy day with treats (that he will likely just carry around and feel good that he has them). I'm going to guess he'll eat his turkey sandwich on sugar-free bread later on. He'll snack on the blackberries. And the donut and kolache will come back home in his lunch bag with some bites missing. Sometimes it's just the fact that it's in there is all that matters. It is your birthday after all. 

As we befriend the uncertainty of the day and week, David looks like he's heading out for a casual outing to Home Depot except he's got a lunch packed for it. He's got his comfy sweat pants on and his only DIY project is how to build a wedge pillow tower in bed. 

There’s a method to this madness 

His wedge pillow mountain is key for keeping the reflux and nausea at bay after chemo. Chemo = Burps. That sounds odd but this secret has been revealed to us now. Chemo equals many other things too, but it starts by getting you so out of sorts you don't want to eat or drink. That full-feeling will return along with the nausea and reflux. The radiation will continue to beat up his mouth and throat, so together it's a recipe for sleep and dehydration. We have been avoiding the 'sleep not drink' recipe as much as possible because nobody likes how dehydration makes you feel. Hydration is everything. I know I said sleep is everything but scratch that for a minute. ZzzzTown is easy to get to these days but WaterVille needs to be the first stop. 

We are stocked up on supplies as instructed. We've made our Target Run and Done. The instructions, directions and recommendations are all in our possession. And even though we think we are ready for this weeks excitement, it's like opening a white elephant gift at the holiday party. Wonder what we'll get.

Midday delight

Turns out for lunch, that myself and the Littles (Sugar and Maybe) decide to run up to the MDA building that David is at to met him for a birthday "lunch" outside between his appointments. 

We sit outside in the garden gazebo area that's very nice. There's many areas to sit and relax outside of MDA. Turns out, we share this area with panhandlers that pose as patients. 

Maybe and Sugar wait for food to drop

We enjoy our time together and then it's time we both get back to our things. He with his appointments, and I run back to the apartment to get back to work. He is still driving himself to his appointments so he'll drive home later on this afternoon after all the birthday fun is complete at MDA. It's nice that MDA is close enough for me to walk or run there. There is ample parking there and David typically drives each day and parks in the parking garage. There's a certain amount of parking fees that MDA covers for patients, and he generally only has a small, if any, amount to pay each day. 

These are littered through the apartment like confetti 

Let whatever you do today be enough

As David moved through his lab draw, radiation, radiation oncologist appt, chemo then radiation again, he did so with seeming ease. My favorite part of the day is when he comes home and tells me all the people/employees that he spoke with, what their names were, who he encouraged, who he assisted with directions inside MDA (it can be confusing), and how he's working on remembering so many names in each department. He teasingly pits the radiation dept employees against the chemo dept employees. He talked with the doctor about fishing and bbq, who he said only then really "perks up" and desires to chat. He makes having cancer treatment look easy. But really what he's doing is making something hard look easy. He laughs that "in 12 hours he better get the bucket ready beside the bed". He's performing his self care like a 16 year old teenage girl does. He smiles. He's had a great birthday not blowing out the candles on a cake but instead, shining his bright light on all those around him. After a 7 am - 5 pm day at MDA, he's ready for some down time and reflection. It'a a part of the day that allows us to celebrate the small successes. To listen to one another, and bask in our faith and trust in the Lord. We recognize that every day is a special occasion, this one included.

Birthday boy

Front Row Joe

As a special birthday treat, we are going to show a snipet of David's birthday day in the radiation dept and chemo dept - and take you there.

For David, his radiation includes lying still with a mouthpiece in and (for head and neck cancer patients) your very own custom-made mask on for about 15-30 minutes each day. Pretend for a minute that you're 10 years old again and on the soccer team. You remember the one called The Lady Bugs and every part of your uniform except the shin guards is neon pink. There was the coach on the sidelines who yelled at all the participants for 45 minutes straight. Yep, that's the tech in the room. He/she does raise their voice a bit because The Beatles is playing a little loud today over the speakers in the radiation room. They realign David as needed, just like the soccer coach: You're not looking at the ceiling properly. Be still. Very good, Mr Graves, yes, stay like that. Except there's no clapping involved in the radiation room.

As bumpin' as the radiation dept is, the infusion room/suite is quite the opposite. It's like going into a yoga studio. People intentionally moving about, no loud music, calming and rhythmic beeps from the IV infusion pumps all chanting their mantras. You may have the luxury of a recliner or a stretcher, depending on how long you'll be there. David has had both of those options thus far. You can read a book, nap, or turn inward and quiet your mind. Whatever that looks like may be different on any given day. Today, David brought his book.

Self Talk

Now we wait, again. As the hands of time keep moving, so do the side effects from his treatments. It's a slow build so far, but a windup that does not stop. The dry eyes, the headaches, the scratchy throat, the woozy tummy, the stiff jaw (jaw exercises are a must) and the myriad of other changes that creep up like a cheetah on its prey. Quietly and precisely. It's all a matter of time, my pretty. The goal is talking yourself off the ledge before you get there. Try and stay focused on not getting lost in your head about it, but instead just being. The good news is the physical side regarding the management of side effects is pretty straight forward. Here's the list of suggested items to buy and have, including over-the-counter and prescription necessities, and here's how best to use them.  The emotional side of managing this is quite different. Have you gathered all the techniques you need in your Coping Skills Toolbox? Have you etched a strong mind to push through? Have you gotten all your memos and permission slips written to your self? Have you befriended discomfort? Have you grown so much that your fear doesn't fit you any longer, like that old pair of jeans? The one thing I know for sure is something will grow from what we are going through - and it will be us.

As this extra special birthday closes and night falls, we continue to celebrate the life we have. Yes, I'm secretly brewing my potions to blend for David in the NutriBullet blender. What I've discovered is that learning to make potions is a vital skill not only in witchcraft, but in also creating remedies for illness and diseases. My new alter ego created for me, Cybil may not be wearing a long, black cloak all while weighing dried nettles and crushing snake fangs, but instead discovering magical healing potions and reciting prayers. I'll use my newly founded witch hood, pretend cauldron and bountiful apothecary all for good. 

Cybil 

Happy Birthday, David! We all love you! 

Thank you for gifting us with your bright light,

Cyndi