Winter is fun, they said

 

When I asked Alexa to play Cool Change, I actually did not mean bring freezing cold weather. Nonetheless, we have all had our fair share of cold, freezing temps, and ramifications of what damage a freeze can bring to our homes.

Firstly, signs on The Graves Fram that it’s much too cold…..

Sugar sits on a chicken warming pad
while we are in the barn

The ducks walk on the frozen pond

Dog food in the Frigidaire in the Tack Room
is now using the Warm setting, not Cold. 
All meals to LGD dogs are served warm,
as they are working hard in these cold temps

Paul has dinner on his perch as
he really wants to stay by his heat pad.
Yes, his perch is a saw horse from Home Depot

PJ's and Jackets on The Littles

Char spending quality time snuggled up in her chair

And so it's cold. Actually freezing. The heat lamps and heated water buckets are all placed around in the barn. Water is being carried from the house to the barn to the heated water buckets because all the water lines outside are frozen. But hey, we have water in the house. And after a number of days, we finally got hot water back. Thanks to Angela and Paul for letting us use their washer to wash some clothes - and for allowing us to shower/bathe using their hot water. No one likes a cold shower, and that was the only option at our house. And the water line to our washer was frozen so our dirty selves could just wear our dirty clothes I suppose. But no need, as thanks again to Angela and Paul for helping us out! Love you both. 

Where are we at now

Let's see. The water line behind the washer leaked water into the wall. I'm getting an estimate on that Tuesday. The septic system is still limping along, and I had one site evaluation today so that we can move forward with estimates for a new septic system. Those are my main freeze disasters. So no washing clothes - and minimal water use is the mantra these days. The less fluid we send to the septic tank, the less work it has to do. We are trying to extend it's life until I can get a new system installed. And this process takes time. But we'll get there! Brooks loves the idea of less bathes. 

Crazy thing is.....

Then there was a slight break in the weather. An actual day with sun and temps that felt 'okay'. The farm animals took advantage of this time by sunning themselves, getting outside and enjoying the break from the freezing temps for a day. 

Both Maggie and Baby enjoy the sun - for a day

How can I love a pig this much 💟
Mag Pie, You da best piggie ever

All warmth is appreciated 🌞

So as the animals were out and about for a short time, I tried to clean up the barn a bit. But really, the chickens are going to camp out in there again while this next freeze - and wet weather - descends on us again. Maybe this coming weekend I'll fluff it real good after these next few days of messy weather. The chickens never complain anyway. They really just want warmth and to stay out of a draft/breeze. That along with food, water and treats and they are set. Amazingly, they are still producing a good number of eggs. And I have been able to place them in my egg fridge and sell some again. 

I'm often asked how the animals are doing when the weather gets if-y. I'm happy to report everyone is doing as well as can be expected. I have lost 2 chickens in the past couple of weeks to the cold/freezing weather. It's hard to say why, but it's safe to say that some of my chickens aren't up to the lasting low temps. They just can't handle it either due to age or hardiness. And you know what I do with my deceased chickens, right? I provide a meal to the coyotes, who also need to eat. There's a special drop-off place I always take my deceased loved ones where I know the coyotes will look for a pickup meal each night. My loss is their gain. The life cycle is real. 

Sometimes I'm asked why the coyotes? Why not the pigs? If you've listened to Dateline, you may have been informed that a pig will eat a human body whole. Bones and all. A human body, just gone. Vanished inside a pig. 

I'm afraid if I feed my pigs my deceased chickens, then the live chickens who happen to mosey into their pig pen could be up for grabs. This is no bueno. Therefore, the moral of the story is: no deceased farm animal is fed to another animal that lives on the farm. I'm afraid if I ever did (which I won't), that situation has a high likelihood of developing a bad habit - not to mention developing a taste for friends. Something is off about that scenario. Way off.

What's it like....

Another question I get quite often, whether it's bad weather or good weather or any weather is: What's it like having 2 young children living in your home?

6 month old Olive is scooching 
backwards and can often be found 
under the couch.
She gives 'back it up'  all new meaning.

And our little mad scientist is always entertaining (and he’s got a cold that you can hear in this clip). He's curious, smart, and asks "why" 1001 times a day - and loves hard. I just love these 2  in a way that words could never express. Infinity. That's it, to infinity and beyond. 

And in other news

Since I'm new here in the divorce arena, I've learned a few things, well many things actually but one in particular is that people tell their divorce stories like new moms tell their birth stories. 

The major difference is that I've noticed divorcees tell their story and then want to put their divorce story on your divorce story. Kind of like a drag and drop. An overlay. People just want to be seen and validated and likely have not had either of these things happen. So there's a striving to connect in a way that what happened to them must have also been your same experience. Validate me please.

There's truth to that. All of us who have been through a divorce have been hurt. And we want to speak our pain, express our hurt, and find validation in it all. I've noticed that those around me who speak their divorce story just want to be heard. Each of our stories contain hard and difficult times, and even shame. Each of our stories are complicated, and contain content that we play like a record in our head. I'm learning to discern what in my story to speak - and what to keep in my pocket as my own. This is ever-changing esp when it comes to who I'm speaking with and what my safety level is with that person. The nitty gritty of a divorce is so private yet so public because it's likely happening to many other people. Why keep quiet about it then. Ahhh, so complicated.

I, myself have reached a new level in my own healing and I can feel it - and it feels a bit like leveling up. Like in Fortnite when you compete in Battle Royale matches and complete challenges. I've seen many a t-shirt on youngsters that say Level Up. And that's just what I've done myself. Maybe I need one of those t-shirts.

Dear Cyndi

You did it. You can feel it in your soul. You've reached a new place in your healing that has brought you to a calmer place. Almost like a wave of peace has come over your soul. All those feeling of feelings and days of ups and downs, of never knowing what a day will bring. Happiness or sadness? It was always a surprise. 

The days of ruminating are few now. You've learned to remind myself to think of the future and what good things are to come, rather than let your yesterdays serve you. 

You've learned the most valuable lesson yet and it's to ask yourself : What was your role? And you've placed a good many hours marinating on this important question. Accountability is key, and knowing you're not responsible for others being accountable, whether they ever choose to be or not. It matters not. What was your role, Cyndi? Where can you improve, and accept the things you've done and forgive yourself.  

In this new level of healing, you’re focusing on not allowing your mind to think about 'what if's' and instead ask yourself, What was your role in it all? That's where your healing expands. In those moments. 

You've learned during those moments that there's responsibility for both persons involved in every rupture. And taking an inventory of yourself, and what to do in the future, and what not to do in your future, is key. 

A big a-ha moment for you was learning the concept that there are people who have to see you as the problem, because if you are the problem, they aren't. Oooof. 

You now understand that when you are placed as the villain in this divorce story, you are not succumbing again to gaslighting, but instead understanding that that's how you'll always be seen. And you'll stay true you. You have grown to look past this, and that in itself is one of your biggest accomplishments. That, along with asking yourself......."what was your role". That one question is everything. Worry about yourself. Stay in your lane. Paddle your own canoe. That's where your healing begins and ends. Stay there, as it feels safe and warm. Hard, but safe and warm.

Stay salty because you can, 

Cyndi

And so it goes

As I move through my life, I have not become comfortable discussing my divorce story with others just yet. I do at times talk about it, but then I have a bitter taste in my mind and mouth after I have done so. This tells me I'm not ready yet for extended conversation about it. I say stupid things, feel uncomfortable, and I'm just not there yet to talk appropriately about it all. Probably because I'm still sorting it out myself. #skeeredtotalkaboutit

I've got bigger fish to fry right now. I need to get a septic system so we can all shower and wash clothes again. I need to get back in my cancer treatment routine now that the appeal for it has been approved. I'll continue enjoying the grand kiddos knowing it's a privilege to see them day in and day out. And continue nurturing my relationship and repairs with Lauren. There's so much awesome in life to enjoy, and anything otherwise is merely futile.

Liking the idea of staying salty,

Cyndi