Say It Ain't So

 

289 and FM121
Busy intersection in Gunter 

We've had the most amazing pleasure of living in Gunter for over 5 years now. In my opinion, it's been one of the best moves I've (we've) made. I love having cows as neighbors. I love the unpredictability of which of my farm animals have gotten into some unexpected mischief while I went to town (people still say that out here). I love getting on the mower and spending some time thinking only about the 10 feet in front of me. I love the quiet of outside, the sound of nature outside and that I feel like I'm a part of it all. I love running and biking on country roads where dogs will chase you and that's part of the deal. I love having a barn. I love all the lessons that the farm animals teach. 

And now, I love it that Gunter is getting a traffic light. Our first one. It's much needed, as the population out here has grown, and the main intersection in town has gotten very busy at times - and dangerous. The light will save lives. I've avoided that intersection at all costs for awhile, yet soon, I will travel through that area knowing that it's a much safer place for everyone involved. 

It’s happening here. A real light in Gunter.

Wait, what, there's more?

The road only stays “okay” for awhile.

We are also getting a road that's paved. What?! For over 5 years, we've only had dirt/gravel roads that take us out into the world. It's a repetitive cycle of huge holes to dodge, then the county comes and fills the holes, and then the holes are there again. Holes that you could lose a cow in. Cows need to be careful not to leave their pastures and get lost in these holes in the road, which takes us to the main road (289 or 121). I mean look at this.....

It’s flat, the craters are gone and it’s 
starting to be a real road now.
Not yet paved, but prepping for that.

It's a slow process, but we are getting a paved road. The county and city does nothing quickly, but they get full credit and all the gold stars for starting the road project and working on it, seemingly whenever they feel like working on it. Prior to this improvement, no matter which way we turned out our OWN gravel road from our house:

We are responsible for our own gravel road 😃

Once we turn off our own little gravel road, we do have pavement for about a quarter of a mile before we hit that janky county gravel road again to proceed to what I like to call, a main road. So it goes like this: Pull out of the garage, drive on gravel road to a paved road. Then shortly after you think, "I love this paved road", the paved road turns to gravel road with pot holes (keep small children away from this road or you may lose them, too). Then once you bob and weave the craters, you do eventually get to the main road which is only about 1/2 mile away but takes a fair amount of time to maneuver getting there.

What I'm trying to say is, no matter which way we turn to get out to the main road to go somewhere in the world, our choice was either a county road that was rocky and holey or a county road that was rocky and holey. I say county road because we are just outside of the city limits, and it's maintained by the county. So it seems the county and the city have come together to pave some of this road. I'm beyond elated. I don't know what I'll do if I'm not dodging and weaving my way up to the main roads. I will get back hours in my life and free up space in my mind whereby I have memorized the current hole patterns in the road. I'll never ask for anything else for Christmas again. I pinky promise. 

Wow, a traffic light and paved roads. The increase in my taxes is well worth these treats of real roads and safety. Thank you Grayson County and the City of Gunter. From the bottom of my pocket book, I may actually be buying less tires and having the alignment corrected on my truck far less now, and I thank you.

I can actually drive straight now, but watch for trains 🚂 
Look at this almost-real road. I'm loving it!

I wanted to point out one more thing before I leave this topic. I used to be 'that person' who never understood how people could be hit in their cars on the railroad tracks. Now I completely understand how someone could be hit in their car going over a railroad track. We don't have levers that descend down with bright lights telling you to stop for the train. Nope. We have no lights flashing. Nope. We have a RailRoad Crossing X sign that reminds you that a train COULD go by. And trains go by all the time. If your music is turned up and you are thinking about 6 other things as you fly by on this soon-to-be paved road over the RR tracks, you can actually miss the train whistle and bad things can happen. Add in that the road is wide enough for 1 car and 1/4 of another car. It certainly keeps things exciting out here.   

Country Mouse City Mouse

We’ve figured out some farm hacks around here over the last 5 years, many of which I randomly post and somehow feel that I’m the first person to do a certain something. I’m not. I’m usually just happy to have implemented something that saves time or money. If I was to tell the former version of myself (I’ll call her City Mouse) about these exciting what-I-think-of-as-farm-innovations, I'm pretty sure city mouse would simply roll her eyes and judge, judge and judge me some more. But my former city mouse can judge all she wants, because the country mouse is doing things. City mouse had her day. Country mouse is who I was meant to be all along. I just had to go through the city to get to the country.

This has been waiting for me at Tractor Supply 
for 5 years. Country Mouse finally found it. 

So simple, right? Why did I not think of this before? An automatic dog water bowel for the chickens. Yes, for the chickens. They love it! Fresh water all the time, and it's plugged into the water faucet in the barn. Done and done. I mean, we did this for the horses, so why did it take so long for me to think about a version of it for the chickens in the barn. Otherwise, we are constantly filling up water bowls and containers for the chickens, esp during the summer months. I can't answer the question of why it took me 5 years to do this. I was probably busy chasing down sheep trying to escape, fence mending/moving and other silly silly misc activities which I have likely documented in this blog. But this is life-changing for David and I. Just like the paved road. 

Not so fly after all

Hope all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Remember the fly mask for Hope? It was somewhat helpful when she would keep it on, but fast forward to the flies bothering Hope's body. Why Dora does not have these same fly issues as Hope is a puzzle I'm unable to piece together. It was suggested by my farrier that I consider getting Hope a fly covering for her body. I can do that, I'm thinking. I mean, she wouldn't keep her fly mask on, but somehow I'm convinced she'll keep her fly dress on. Makes sense, right?

It’s a little tight, but just trying to get her to keep it on. 

Despite that, David and I needed to help Hope with the pesky flies that torture her daily. So we bought her a fly dress. It's a mesh cover that protects much of her body from the flies. This is going to be great, I just know it. 

After dressing Hope for prom, she looked beautiful and we sent her back out to the pasture to show it off to her friends. And darned if she didn't have it on for even a full day, and pulled that dress off. Maybe she was mad we didn't get her the matching shoes or necklace, but either way, the velcro and buckles are no match for Hope. I guess she'd rather have the flies bothering and biting her than wear a dress. Seems silly to me, but we tried. Fly dress fail because that mare is not having it. 

Which reminds me. David and I are continually trying to fix farm things that we are convinced we can fix. Yet, we are shown over and over that our 'Farm Will' will not be done. We can try and try, and push our own will and desires on the Graves Farm. But nope, not everything is meant to be. But we keep trying. Just like these two outside dogs, Whisper and Winston. 

Whisper (white), Winston (black)

When the storms come, they both fit their big bodies through the doggie door into the laundry room and squeeze into the back closet and hide together. Thank goodness Levi (head guard dog) stays on duty even in the storms, while his associates ride out the storm in the closet. David and I just roll with it, and allow them to feel safe when they need to feel safe. I mean, who doesn't like a laundry room that smells like wet dirty farm dog(s). 

Be My Eyes

So I have this app on my phone called Be My Eyes. It's fairly new to me.

Have you heard of it? It's an app that connects the visually impaired with volunteers who are willing to take a FaceTime call and assist with issues that a visually impaired person might have in their day. For example, if someone who is blind needs help around the house (what color is this sweater? I can't find the so-in-so in this kitchen drawer) they can call on their phone using this app and a volunteer can help them. The call comes through similar to a FaceTime call and you can see what they are trying to show you, but they cannot actually see you. Duh, Cyndi. I signed up and got my first call from someone the other day. My phone lit up with "You have a call from Be My Eyes". I answered it, and I could see that the person on the other end of the line was holding up something for me to see. The man immediately begins asking questions about this piece he is holding up for me:

Lauren is texting, and I’m trying
to figure out the size of this thing. 

He was holding up some sort of metal hole saw/cutter drill thingie and was asking me what I thought the size of it was. Hummmmm, my first Be My Eyes call and it's a man asking me about power tool accessory. Of course, he can't really tell if he's holding it up in front of his camera on his phone because he can't see well enough to know that. So after I stutter a bit, I ask him to move it up some, now turn it around to the right, okay stop there. Okay, now hold your phone closer to it. All the while he's asking me the size of this Lenox round hole cutter. He says he's trying to place all the various sizes of his hole saw cutter kit pieces back into each other (for storage) and this particular one is not fitting, and if he knew the size, he could figure out how to get them all back in the case where he keeps them stored. I'm thinking 1) did he open the case and they spilled out, 2) did he use a power tool and drill a hole in something, 3) that for me to try and guess the size or dimension of any power tool is not my speciality. Okay, I say, slowly turn it around, and I'll look for the size on the side of it. He attempts to do so, but since he cannot tell if the tool is in my view of vision, we are both trying to communicate to get the answer he's wanting, bantering back and forth. So what do I do next? I find David. He'll know. He knows power tools, drills bits and things like that. "David! I need you to help us please" all while David is looking at my phone like it's a meteor from Mars. 'Why is this person holding this metal hole cutter and asking these questions'. David is completely and uttering perplexed. I tell David we are this man's eyes, and he's asking what size this metal hole cutter is. David, still confused, asks the man to turn the piece a certain way and after a few more turns by the man's hand, there's the size, engraved on the side of the hole cutter. But the man just keeps turning the piece. Wait! Turn it back the other way. The man does. David quickly takes a screenshot of the tool, and at the same time, I get a text from Lauren. BUT, we can now tell this man the size of this hole cutter. Turns out, this man had ordered one and had it delivered, but is unsure if it's the right size because it's not fitting in with his other sizes to fit back in his tool case. 

Something so simple, is so hard when you can't see. David, I, and the man on the phone all agree on the size of this hole cutter, and the man is now understanding that he may have received the wrong size in the mail, and so on, and so on. He says he'll now call the company he ordered it from and go from there. He had his answer. We say our goodbyes, and hang up. David looks up at me with the look of WTFrick was that all about. After I explain, he remembers I have this app on my phone and that visually impaired persons may call at any time and ask any random questions. I, on the other hand, am amazed at the genius who thought of this App and that people like me can help others at any time. They in their house, I in my house. I bet there's a gazillion other App's that help people in many ways I cannot even imagine. The world never ceases to amaze me. I look forward to what the next question will be. Hopefully it’s a question about chickens, or clothes, or something I might know something about. 

Put ice on everything

This is the one piece of advice I would give as my takeaway from my close encounter with school nursing. I really thought I was going to be a school nurse. I had even gone to HR to get my badge and do the things. I had ordered a School Nurse book that arrived that same day. But another interview that very same day changed all that. 

The thing about nursing is there's so many options right now, which is a wonderful thing. I've been looking at a couple of options lately as I lean towards a return back into the workforce. I've been taking an intentional work break for about 6 weeks now. I'm very used to the every-day-is-Saturday routine, and although I'm not sure I really want to give that up, I have been interviewing. Practicing interviewing is what I tell myself. But the thing is, people want to offer jobs. So, at a same day interview with Cook's Children's, I knew I would be putting the school nurse opportunity on hold. I just knew it during the interview, and felt like it's where I was meant to be. Luckily though, I still have about 2 more weeks of Saturdays, as I don't start until Aug 30th. And after all those YouTubes of school nursing, I now have a good understanding of what they really do. They do everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. It's no joke. I had no idea what all they do. And it's everything. 

David Update

Dante (of Tender BBQ) has been a friend of David's for some time. When Dante opened his first Tender BBQ restaurant, one of the things David did was make a Texas flag for the wall of his new restaurant. 

Seems there are particular dimensions for flags.
How much red, white and blue areas.
How big the star is. 
There’s rules to follow for it to be right
and look right. 

Then, David made another one for the Frisco location. Now, Dante is about to open up his newest location of Tender BBQ and David finished the flag for that location. 

It’s 4 X 6 foot 

It’s hard to tell how this will all blend in, but Dante always makes his restaurants look amazing, warm and welcoming. 

This is something David absolutely loves doing. Making things, esp for other people. I find it fascinating how one minute he's making a flag from wood, then another time he's doing flower arranging, and then stained glass, and wait, a Christmas wreath, and the list just goes on and on. He's artsy fartsy and I love that about him. When Lauren was growing up, David was always painting murals on the walls of her bedroom with the theme of her choice. And this weekend, David is starting a bedroom mural for Jeni's little Vince. I'm not sure what the topic of choice is, but we'll see soon enough. 

Also coming up next week, David heads back to Houston for his PET scan and MRI at MD Anderson. As you likely know, this will continue every 2-3 months for awhile. We are grateful for this follow up, and David readily moves through this process as it's his life line and compass in life. 

The thing about cancer is it's a guessing game. Many cancer patients live scan to scan, knowing that it's those followups that keeps oneself on course. You can go rouge and see what happens. I mean, people do that because it's easy, and staying on course can be costly and tedious. I, myself find the rouge option appealing, yet know what that means therefore I also stay on track with my cancer care. David and I were just having this conversation recently that taking care of oneself with cancer weaves a path in your daily life. Whether it's medications, scans, follow ups, or self care, cancer requires you to be on-guard full time. And at the same time, gives you a false sense that you are who you once were before cancer. It's tricky like that. Labs and scans look good, until they don't. We are endlessly hopeful for David's scans to be clear. We find it nearly impossible to think otherwise.

And in other news, David recently decided it was time for he and I to take country and western dance lessons. Yep, he sho did. David signed us up for real dance lessons at a real dance studio and there we were - learning to two step. Fast, fast, slow slow. Turns and all. We have rolled up the rug in the living room, propped it up in a corner, and pushed the furniture to the side. Our living room is now a dance hall. We turn on Willie or Garth and 2 step around the house in the evening. This dancing stuff is not as easy as it seemed. David's biggest obstacle is finding the beat. Mine is being a follower to his lead. It's a new team effort that had we tried this about 15 years ago, it could have been grounds for divorce. Now, it brings us together in a new way that strengthens our bond and encourages us to cheer each other on. And, since Dante is getting married soon, and his 'western themed dance' reception will be our first public dance appearance, we are getting ready to actually dance at a wedding reception (30 years later). Until then, we keep practicing. Trying not to step on each others feet, fall, or step on a dog. 

As you know, this means our living room went from housing our kitchen things TO a dance hall. Although our kitchen is still not officially complete (it's close!) - at least the kitchen has all it's kitchen things back in the kitchen. I'm still finding I cook less, but have come to embrace the idea of cooking less. I'm fine with cooking less. Or maybe even not at all. When everyday is a Saturday, aren't Saturday's meant for eating out? 

After

After

 

I’ll remind you of the before pics just for funsies. 

Before. Not too awful, right? 

Before. I wasn't a big fan of the fridge placement prior. 

In summary, I, too, have an oncologist appt coming up. Lauren and Ryan each have a birthday coming up. I'll start work again. My Ironman triathlon in Augusta is coming up next month. Brooks will turn 1 in October. David's season of UT football will start soon and he plans on being at the games as usual. We are all having a blast living this great life. You are. I am. And we are all actually doing it together. Thanks for coming along for the ride with us. We have many wonderful things on the horizon, and I know you do too. But first, let's see what this moment brings.

Much love to you,

Cyndi

Question of the day:

David bought new lighters at the store. Then, once home and opened, I noticed this. I’m not sure if his new labeling system should be offensive to me. 

Everything Happens

There's a couple of books by Kate Bowler titled, Everything Happens For A Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved and No Cure for Being Human that I've been devouring. OMGoodness. These books hit me hard in my own little life as first, Kate has Stage IV colon cancer and second, her 'cancer viewpoint' (although slightly different than my own) is powerful, intriguing and thought-provoking. I saw so much of her cancer-journey life in my own cancer-journey life. Everything from what people say to those of us with cancer, to why some people suffer and others are spared. Her review of conventional wisdom that's not that wise after all really hit home for me. 

Aristotle believed that everything happens for a reason. Whether you are spiritual, atheist, new-age-y or believe in God (or your higher power) Kate had so many, many words regarding this adage of 'everything happens for a reason' and how each of us coin it in our own life and beliefs. Kate's belief in God had her perplexed that if God is good, fair and powerful then why is this (cancer) happening to her. Or to anybody for that matter. Seems like a bit of a garbage deal, right? Kate goes on to say if all the people she's ever loved don't count enough to you (God), could you at least make a little exception for her. If not for her, then for them. Believing in God and having bad things happen in your life can be quite a struggle that people have to iron out.

I begin to understand that Kate being diagnosed with cancer at 35 years old and a small child in her arms is vastly different than my (and David's) situation, hence why her views are a bit different than my own. What Kate and I DO have in common is how the community reacts to those with cancer. Bottom line: there's no cultural script or language that allows others to communicate with those who have cancer. There's just not. It's uncomfortable. Period. I had blogged early on that no one can say anything 'wrong' to myself or David, when it comes to ourselves having cancer. I welcome all words and feelings from our caring communities of friends, families and quite frankly, anyone. I still feel that way 110%, as I feel that people’s intentions to say something is pure (and brave). What Kate points out is that people are unsure what to say (to her regarding her cancer diagnosis and her health) and therefore other's intentions of sweet and kind words can come across as desperate attempts at reasoning why some people get cancer. Yeah, I noticed she takes this way more seriously than I do, but I do notice it when it happens to myself. People ponder is it something I've done, something I was exposed to, does it run in the family, and so forth. People want answers, it's just who we are as human beings. 

A common theme when someone has cancer is how we (because I'm guilty of this in my own life) are attempting to talk with a friend or family member who have cancer and say things to them whereby we’re really just trying to make ourselves feel better. It's just such an uncomfortable situation anyway, and when someone says the ole 'everything happens for a reason' line, I don't know if I've every really believed that per se. Is it really cause and effect? Or is it more like in the book, The Secret, that we should just believe things enough that we can incubate our own life and draw it to us. Just think harder, incubate faster and the cancer will be gone. Or we can try to pray ourselves out of it. Or maybe life is just uncaring and the universe is cruel. There's so many ways to spin this. Kate points out so vividly in her book that there's no cure to being human. We don't get to graduate from it. We are stuck with genuine uncertainty. And that's where we will stay. In life, with happy and terrible things all around us. Thank you, Kate for bringing some new thoughts for me to mull over. I'm still living with my usual mojo of enjoying every day. Every day that I get up and brush my teeth is the best day ever. Yes, cancer cracks you open to everyone's pain and that's a perk of having cancer. I may not be able to see all of Kate's many sides of cancer from over here, but I'm not 35 with a small child. I've had a wonderful life, and do not have a tiny human depending on me. My tiny human is now grown with a tiny human of her own. Kate's books are raw, yet funny - and real. Reading about her outlook on cancer further clarifies and solidifies my own outlook on life with cancer. My take on life is: Everything Happens For A Reason. I just keep moving forward, one step at a time. Nobody every promised me a certain lifespan. I'll take what I get. 

Sheepishly Me

 

I had no idea I'd be this excited to have our 5 sheep back.

Grace with daughter, Brooklyn

When I hear my ewes baaaaaaa because they are so spoiled, it warms my heart. They look up at me with their rectangle pupils and it's like a direct channel to their soul. Their eyes reflect love, trust, peace and  harmony. There's just something about them that are unlike any other animal. Yes, they want treats, but they also want my touch. They love to be loved primarily by having their faces gently stroked -  some of the ewes more than others. But they know me, just like my dogs know me. I just love them so much. I missed them. 

Counterclockwise: Grace, Brooklyn, Lulu, Willow 
and Belle behind the feeder

David (aka Lamb Dad) actually made noises recently of: when we are getting our next ram, Tres? See, he's already named him, too. The thing about sheep is though, they are tricky, puzzle solvers. Yep, if there's a way out of the fence, they'll find it. That was our biggest issue before going to Houston for David's cancer treatment. The sheep are going to try and escape because it's just what they do. They check every gate multiple times a day to see if we accidentally left it open which we do far too often. So a huge thank you to Amy and Cody for taking such great care of them, and blessing us with them when they could have freely kept them as their own.

Lava ewe ❤️

I'll keep you posted, but Lamb Dad says he'll start looking for a ram in Oct/Nov. We'll see what happens. I mean, we already know everything happens in life. So who knows how it will all go down. 

Brookie Baby

Okay, everything’s happening in the Cannon household, too. Brooks is making everything happen lately. He's just about 10 months old and we are already talking about his 1 year old birthday celebration at the farm in Oct. What?!

Entered in the 2033 Olympics 
in Egg Eating Creativity 

I had the pleasure recently (while on my work break) of watching Brookie a day or so while his day care was closed for staff training. 

Enjoys his wagon time

The dogs were not as smitten to be there as I was.
But our floors were being done, and the dogs
had to come along for the fun.

Let’s just say the dogs were not a fan of a crawling baby. They stayed far away. Maybe actually stayed by the front door for 2 days waiting for us to leave. She has no patience for a baby. After all, whose going to eat all the chicken poo in the barn if we are not there. 

Brooks neurons are firing fast and furious and I feel like I can see his synapses happening in real time. 

He's nonstop playing and his favorite toy is not a toy. It's a plastic coffee cup lid.

All I need is a bottle and a lid. 

He loves a rinsed out yogurt plastic container. Or a small plastic bowl. No toys needed, just open the tupperware cabinet and he's in it. Ryan and Lauren will need to get their roller skates out soon to keep up. They'll need to add more carbs in their diet, and keep every single thing in their house waist up and above. Things are about to get wild. The word No will mean absolutely NOthing. He'll use it only to say back to them. Never mind the little side curl grin on my face and the giggle sound that just escaped my mouth. I was just thinking that he needs a brother to wrestle with, that's all. His day care brothers will do for the mean time though.  

Break time's up, People

As much as David has encouraged me to hang out at home, and I have for a month and love it, I begin to look out in the world at what nursing jobs are dangling out there. Yes, it took me almost a full week to adjust to being home, but after that, every day was a Saturday. I get lost in the days and mostly know what day it is by whether David is working or not. What I know for sure is that it's really cool and fun not to work. Yet, I did begin to dabble in resuming, interviewing and that sort of thing just because. I don't have a set reason, I just did. Then, something showed up that my sister (and her daughter, Kris) had suggested and encouraged......school nursing. 

I happened to apply for a school nurse position with absolutely zilch experience in school nursing. Then, called in for an interview with a group of administrators from the school who I instantly liked. There I was sitting in a board room of the high school and answering round robin questions. What would be the most challenging thing for you in this position, they asked. Uh, that I'm not a school nurse and have a huge learning curve. This questioning went on and I answered questions which I found entertaining and actually almost fun. After all, I need to practice interviewing, right? So why not make it fun. Then, before I knew it, the interview was over and I was back in my car jiggity jig, driving back home replaying in my mind some of the things I had said in the interview. A audible giggle would escape my mouth here and there in the car. Thinking of how the interviewers would scribble madly on their mandatory Interview Form when I said this or I said that. It would surprise me each time, and draw my attention to the person scribbling something on their paper to the answer of a question just asked of me. It was almost like a game. They ask something, I say something, and some of them scribble. I did not feel nervous, after all I was practicing, right.

Wrong. You see, it's real after all. It's not just practice. Their scribbles added up to a call back to me (after all the candidates were interviewed) and I was kindly offered the school nurse position by the assistant principal of the high school. I'm still waiting for the call back for them to say they were just kidding and it was practice after all. But I've not received that call. Instead, I'm going in for fingerprints tomorrow, background check and maybe eventually if they see I'm not a criminal, a new hire appt. Huh. Maybe working at a high school during the insurgence of covid cases rising again seems a bit illogical. But here I am.

Little Girl Town

Okay, enough about work things. Let's talk chickens. We all know how much I love my little girlz. I decided not that long ago to allow the silkies and frizzles to leave their fenced area and move about the world (free range). They still have access to their Little Girl Area readily, and they do so. Yet, they get to investigate other areas like the barn, the side pasture and the intersanctum as well. Here’s just a few whose out and about in life these days. Covid means nothing to them. 

SaltNPeppa

Tiny yet mighty

Frankie, best silkie mama ever

These sweeties still head back to their own coop nightly to roost (in their Little Girl Area). They do not sleep in the barn with the big girlz. Not yet anyway. My 2 youngest silkie pullets are growing up, and their brother (the rooster) was taken to the feed store to be sold there. I almost kept him for breeding and considered raising more bantums, but decided it's not really what I want to do right now. So, all my chickens are technically hens (or young girlz, pullets). You know us, we accidentally get a rooster here and there. For now, we are rooster-free.

Kitchen Aid

We are almost at the finish line. I'll try to make this the last time I fuss review the kitchen re-do. 

Worth the wait

Here's my list of why I might not remodel a kitchen in the future:

1) each time a subcontractor would finish what they were doing (painting, flooring, etc) they either created more work for us via either addt clean up needed or we'd need to fix something they inadvertently messed up in the process of doing their job they were there to do.  

2) delays, lots of delays for us with subs

3) additional expenses for unexpected things like black mold, flooring complications and plumbing and electrical hiccups (due to older house)

4) unexpected arrival of workers and/or no arrival of workers

5) I'm not sure I'd have the patience necessary to move through it all again knowing what I know now. 

My list of why I would remodel a kitchen again:

1) It's SO worth it. 

Only a few remaining items left such as trim,
paint touch up, and ice for the fridge 😍

Interestingly enough, I'm not really doing alot of cooking these days. Imagine that. Yet, I'm enjoying the kitchen immensely. I missed you, kitchen.

Heading to watch a youtube on school nursing, just in case.......

Cyndi

Chicken Check

It's days like these that Cluckingham is right with the world. The 60+ flock is living large, surviving the heat, and laying eggs like it's Easter every day. 

Sugar blends right in, with many of the chickens larger than
her. Sometimes, I think Sugar considers herself one of them.

Whose the Boss

The flock has grown in number, as well as in the number of different breeds within the flock. 

What diversity looks like in our front yard.
Yes, there’s a hammerhead shark hanging on the fence. 
Long story. 

I've really taken more notice about whose in charge. For awhile it was Ginger and Butterscotch, as they were the first chickens we had - and were Rhode Island Reds who are naturals at taking charge. Once they aged and passed on, there was a cinnamon queen (Poppy) and an orpington (Butter) who both rivaled to keep everyone in line. Then, Poppy became a girl just living her chicken life, and several of the orpington's bounced to the top of the flock because they are naturally bossy. I'm talking to you Butter and Sunshine. 

Yeah, I even look bossy

Butter is SO bossy, that she keeps Sugar in line. Sugar knows to steer clear of that particular chicken. She don't play - and will peck whoever needs to be realigned. You will likely lose a feather or two. Sometimes, Butter will even sit on another chicken, if she feels like she needs to. 

Butter, Bossy Boots

So odd. One day, I came out to the barn in the evening for chores, and there she was, sitting on Sally. Sally was unsure what to make of this, and kept still. So, I'm pretty sure the orpington's have had an upheaval and have decided to take over Cluckingham. I've just noticed that more and more lately, exactly which breeds are in which order, i.e. whose the bossiest. 

Don’t let these 3 Buff Orpingtons fool you. 

From my experience, the Orpingtons, Rhode Island Reds and some of the Cinnamon Queens are born leaders. The followers tend to be the Ameraucana's, Ideal 236's, Polish and Silkies/Frizzles. 

The Not-Bold and The Beautiful Ameraucana’s

Many of the other breeds fall in between the leaders and followers. I’ll call them the blenders. They blend in and mix well with everyone. 

Turkins are da best. Inquisitive, vocal and smart!

Long Neck.
She’s a blender, go along and gets along. 

Young pullet, Santa Fe

And then factor in age. Age generally determines your place in the flock. The elders are top notch (unless they are hurt or sick) and the youngsters often have to eat last, and dance around their elders so as to not get in their way and risk having a feather plucked out. This pecking order is so apparent in the chicken world. Chickens don't mess around: here's the order, here's where you place in the chicken world, and every now and again - it might change. Until then, if you get out of line, Butter or Sunshine will let you know. 

Alexa, Wash the dishes

Ta Dah!

Almost done. Getting close......

Never mind, Alexa, can you believe I can actually wash my own dishes now. I have a sink, an oven and stove, and am thrilled at the thought of putting every thing back into the kitchen (from the living room and dining room). The floors need to be finished and there's no fridge in the kitchen, but who really needs cold things. It's only 100 degrees outside.

Crazy Town

Yet, I discovered it's not that easy to put everything back because: 1) the kitchen is now in a different configuration than it used to be and hours of thought needs to go into figuring what goes where, and 2) all the shelves need liners on them, and 3) the cabinet paint is so pristine, that you hate to mess anything up by actually using them.  

Step 1: Begin lining the cabinet shelves. Step 2: Stop and think about what's going to go in that particular cabinet, Step 3: Repeat. This in itself took an entire day. I did at least 6 hours of thinking, walking around and looking at my kitchen things, and doing more thinking. I could not bring myself to throw it all back in there willy nilly. Why you ask, because that's what I've done most every time I've moved into a kitchen before. I always did very little thinking and would just put things in their usual place I think they should go. It was different this time. 

Why? Because my subconscious did not want me to put anything in these brand new cabinets with fresh paint so smooth and clean. I think alot of my thinking time was adjusting to the idea that I am going to use this kitchen. I'm actually going to use the kitchen and I might mess something up. And it looks so nice right now. After a day of processing this, I finally begin to place my kitchen things back into the kitchen on lined shelves. I did it. I made the mental shift of knowing that it's okay that we will mess things up - although no one tries to. It just happens. It's life. After all, kitchen's will have snaccidents. 

Game Changer

It's the farm sink for me. It's changed my entire life. Why have I lived with two-sided kitchen sinks all my life when I could have one huge one. Everything literally fits in the kitchen sink now. Nothing dirty needs to be anywhere except in the sink. Even the sponge and Dawn. Everything. Even my little dogs can fit in there too, like it's their own pawsonal spa. No, they have not been in there yet, but I could literally wash them both at once and have room for me in there, too. This sink has changed my life, did I mention that? 

This was our first ever kitchen re-do, and my list of learning is as follows: 1) I enjoy living on the side of the road more than living in a house without a kitchen, 2) That picking out the countertop, back splash, cabinet colors, knobs/pulls, and lighting was not a skill I've developed in my lifetime and I must have missed that class somewhere along the way. I never signed up for Design 101. The struggle was real. There are people who love doing this. I'm not one of those people. I would give an audible 'ugh' every time I needed to pick something out for the kitchen. 3) Keeping my downstairs bathroom clean for people coming in and out of the house on a regular basis felt a little intrusive at times (I'll call this an unofficial complaint) and lastly, 4) Trust yourself. Pick out what you like. That's all that matters. 

I'll just say that each time our Contractor asked me about the tile design/placement options, or where to hang the pendant lights, or where to place the knobs on the cabinets, I obviously would have a blank stare on my face because he would always say to me, "Maybe you should call your husband and ask him." And I always did. Thank you, David. We can do hard things, but this is not a hard I like to pick. Luckily, you were there for me - and the Contractor. I'm sure he appreciated that more than we will ever know.

No fridge yet. Not to worry. Only a 
week or two and it might be there. 
Don't let the fact that it's a little kitchen
convince you it's a quick process.

We are not at the finish line yet, but we are close. I'll take close. I mean, I'm washing my dishes in a biga$$ kitchen sink that I could probably bathe in. Irregardless, we are close enough and I'm walking into the finish line taking my time. I hear the music playing and the people cheering. I'm almost there.

9 months does a baby make

9 months and then typically human babies show up. 5 months for goats and sheep, 21 days for chickens. And now, it's been 9 months since Brooks was born. 

When your mom and dad are BOTH librarians 

We had a little fun at the farm this weekend with Brooks - and his mom and dad. Isn't it funny how we get relegated down the line after we have a child? I digress. Pops and Nana (that's us) enjoyed having a splash day with Brooks. Mama was close by and Daddy was documenting the moment. 

He may or may not attend kindergarten without
Mom. Luckily there are rules for that. 

We enjoyed time with the whole fam! Whenever I leave/they leave after seeing them, my mouth is sore from smiling so much. And I feel like I've just stared at Brooks the whole time. It's like watching a 1-man band in amazement, but it's Brooks. And everyone else in the periphery fades out. The best part is I get to shower and sleep that night. Grandkids are the best. Next life, I'm doing that first. 

Cultivating patience

It's now been 1 week since my last day at work, and I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not retired yet, and will get back to work eventually, but I'm taking a break in the meantime. I'm feeling what it feels like to not work. This is new. 

It literally took ALL last week to feel like what it feels like to not work. For me, the highlight was that I found myself stopping something I was doing ALL the time and did not even realize it. Wait, maybe I realized it, but I always thought it was a part of life, period, the end. But turns out, it's not. What is it you ask? Rushing around. I quit rushing. Cold turkey. No 12 step program to quit all the rushing. No medications to stop my rushing tendencies. I just stopped rushing around when I didn't feel the need to do so anymore. If NOTHING else comes of this min-break from workie work, I've learned what it feels like to stop rushing about. And it feels supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

So the letting go of rushing was a biggie for me. Even though I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not. I'm feeling like what it feels like to think: "Oh, if I don't do fill-in-the-blank today, I'll have time tomorrow to do fill-in-the-blank". Really? Put something off til tomorrow? Normally, I'll rush about and get it all done. But nope. That feeling of saying "but after this week, things will slow down a bit" magically drifts away. I've said that every week of my entire life, except for last week. 

As last week wrapped up and the rushing feelings began to subside, I set an intention to cultivate patience. I needed to practice being patient with myself as I begin to accept a slower-for-me pace in the greater picture of my life. Learning that 'today is enough', whatever it is I'm doing that day. Work brings about so much of our self worth, that when work was no longer there day to day, this was an opportunity to cultivate patience for these new feelings of uncertainty. I began to understand that there was no need to rush around, and instead, I could choose to stay deeper in the moment I was in. Then, the real ah ha moment hit:  why was I not doing this already, while I was working. There is no need to rush ahead. Wait, I'm pretty sure I always felt like there was. I'm still sorting these new feelings out. And when I do go back to work, I'm excited to have this new perspective to take with me. 

What's most odd about this last week? I became the kind of free that I've spent my who life pretending that I didn't want. I feel a new freedom deep down in my soul. I think I've denied wanting it because I didn't ever think I could actually have it. The last time I felt this free? When I was running across the U.S. and was only responsible for myself and no one else. It's a type of free that we don't often celebrate, as it's not something that we readily have access to. 

Even when I go back to work, I'm looking forward to taking these new feelings with me. I have a taste for them, and I really like how free feels. I couldn't have experienced this without David's support. He's my biggest cheerleader for allowing my soul to chase dreams, goals and live my life with the art of non-conformity. This reminds me of the time when my mom bought me a t-shirt in high school that had this printed on the front, "I walk to the beat of a different drummer". My mom knew me better than I knew myself. Yes, I was in the drum corp in band. But I don't think that's why she got me that t-shirt. 

Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, said it well: "We must do what we need to do. Those who disapprove will either come around or stop coming around. Either way, lovely." She goes on to say that it's hard to refuse to abandon yourself. But it's also hard to abandon yourself. It's all hard. And as we do - we all pick our hards. And the people I find are the people I was meant to find. And with them: I can be both held and free. 

That's the thing about Glennon, she inspires others to stay true to who they are, even when others disapprove, get mad or leave. She inspires me to set healthy boundaries and always refuse to be the energy supply for people who feel entitled to you, knowing that because of this, you will likely be seen as the problem. And that therein is then my reminder to not worry about what other people think. Glennon, so much deep thinking. 

See what happens when I have a week off work? Glennon Doyle arrives in my brain full force and reminds me to stay true. Be you. Or better yet, Bee Ewe. 

Wait, did you just say ewe?

I sure did. After all those heavy thoughts this past week, and a lot of learning going on, I got a very special call. Ring, Ring, Hello? Oh Hi Amy! What? Y'all are making some changes? Yes, of course we are ready to take our sheep back, and we'd love to! 

From l to r: Brooklyn, Grace, Willow,
Lulu and Belle

And just like that, 8 months later, Belle, Willow, Grace, Lulu and Brooklyn are coming home. 

Just saying

Always go with the choice that scares you,

Cyndi

Guess what. Chicken butt. Never gets old.

 

 

Change is a good thing

8 months later....

It was Nov 2020 that David's diagnosis landed upon him, and I can now see David circling back to himself. It's been quite the journey. When I look back, I can see all the new coping mechanisms we added to our skills toolbox, and how clearly David pushed through it all without complaint or doubt. And now, fast forward to post recovery of cancer treatment, and he's living life and making up for lost time when reality took him away from himself. He's back. He's making limitless to-do lists each weekend. It's not just a piece of paper with black marks on it. No, it's his record of how far he's come. Health is a crown, and he's wearing it proudly. 

So here we are, full circle. I've seen this coming, as his transition has been a daily practice of baby steps. It warms my heart to see him back doing the things he loves to do - and wants to do. It was easy to take life for granted before 2020. Now we know that everything we do and experience is a gift. His mantra of 'you don't get it til you get it' aluminates from his soul and has changed the lens from which he sees. His new level of self-awareness has boosted his life to one of knowing that any morning could be the last time you brush your teeth. And with that said, let's do things. What are we waiting for. 

There's hiking....

Hike Life

There's kayaking.....

Doesn’t get better than this

Then there's work (painting, lots of painting)

Never a shortage of painting opportunities 

There's never a lack of things to do on a farm. The fact that David can do these things again is the miracle. We took it all for granted. Now we know better. One of my favorite things we've been doing together is our bike rides, and each time we are out riding I look over at him and can't believe that we are there together doing these things again. God is good. No, wait, God is great. We give it all to Him.

Horse Play

One of the things that's been amazing is watching David with the mini horses. 

Hope needs him. Men have not been good to her in
her harsh past life. 

He is so good with the mini’s, and he doesn’t even know it

Dora and Hope are like any other farm animal that is struggling with fly season. It's awful this year - and started early. And what's odd is how Dora's body handles flies vs Hope's body. We are able to control the flies with Dora by sprays and ointment as needed. That, along with the hundred fly traps in the barn. Hope, on the other shoe, is easily harmed by them, and we have to watch for sores and hot spots and treat them early. David and I decided on a fly mask for Hope, and it's working well, as the flies were really working hard on her sweet face. 

David has been spending time with both Dora and Hope, and has found his own way with each of them. It's so beneficial for both David and I to take time with the mini's. There are each very gentle and sweet in their own way. Hope and Dora adore each other and have developed a very tight bond with each other.

Hope looks like a horse superhero
with her fly mask on. She so fly.

It's like The Golden Girls minus 1. They fuss sometimes, and then the next minute, they are grooming each other. I'm so glad they have found their way to each other in life. They each have something to give in their relationship. It's a privilege to be able to care for them, as I learn more from my farm animals than I could ever possibly list. Forgiveness, resiliency, and being in the moment. What trust looks like, how to exercise patience, and just how important it is to play. 

So let's play

Maybe is always All In!

Ever since we took the wild Mallard ducklings to Hagerman Wildlife Refuge weeks ago, we were smitten with everything about the place. We recently took our kayaks out there and enjoyed some quiet time on the silky smooth waters watching birds of every shape, size and sound. There we were, in the middle of their world. 

Are you sure this is safe

Dogs are allowed there, as are boats on the water, and fishing and hunting is allowed. The fishing and hunting part is so hard for me to wrap my head around, but it's true. The place is open 365 days a year from dawn to dusk. There's hiking trails and plenty of mosquitos. 

Of course, we took The Littles. It was their first time in a kayak, and while Maybe is a natural adventurer, Sugar needed a little time to decompress from the excitement and had to have a mid-kayaking nap in the shade. 

💤 

This was one of our July 4th adventures. We ventured out on new-to-us county roads this weekend, and we also released turtles to new homes with a total rehoming turtle count of 17. Trying hard over here to give the fish in our pond a fighting chance to survive. 

Hell's Kitchen

Yeppers, we are still in no-kitchen mode.

Drying over here 

It's a slow process, so it seems anyway. Yet, if the moon, stars and sun line up properly, we will have countertops installed this week. The cabinets are painted and are now dry. The drying took about as long as it took me to run across the state of Tennessee. And just about as hot, as we actually had to open the windows a few days and nights in the process. 

We are ready for you

The countertop guy has our quartz ready for install, and we are ready because that also means that our kitchen sink will be installed and then I can stop washing the dishes in the shower or bathroom sink. I think what I've realized is that it's not just about not having a kitchen or kitchen sink. It's that the breakers/fuses to the kitchen outlets (which are turned off until the electrician comes to install the outlets, which is not soon) are those same breakers that are attached to my laundry room light, some outlets in there - and the dining area, too. So when dusk comes and it gets dark, I better have my flashlight to do laundry or to see things in the dining area. It's a mini $hit show for sure. I remind myself daily that it's worth the wait. I've been thinking about just selling the house and moving somewhere where there's a kitchen and lights. But I think that's just my impatience shining bright. Simmer down, Cyndi.

Whose singing a new tune

Turns out, I gave my 2 weeks notice last week. As a recap, it was over 3 years ago that I went from working for the doctors in the operating room to working for them in their medical office/practice. And as of Friday, I will no longer be doing that. I could go on and on and tell you why and sound bitter and whiny. So instead I will tell you that I realized that I was wrong to have made that career change. And since being wrong feels just like being right, in the moment, I thought I was right, when I was actually wrong.

Once I made amends with myself about staying somewhere that I knew better about, I gave myself a little self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The administration at this practice showed me who they were from the beginning.....I just didn't believe it. Yes, I know better, therefore I will do better and move on. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe it, and Oprah preaches this day in and day out. Instead, I denied it, but my intuition and knowing saved me, and I finally listened. I'm going to move forward in life and consider it failing forward. Hopefully, I will make a better choice next time. The hardest part for me is that the doctors there are amazing and talented. I will miss most of them. 

I'm now holding myself accountable for this chapter in my life, and they will hold themselves accountable for their own selves. I'll stay in my lane and look ahead at what life will bring. Do I know what that is? Do I ever know what that is? No, not really. That's what makes life such an adventure. I'm excited about the discovery of what's next, the hope, and listening to my heart and my inner knowing - and following that. I'm busy over here embracing the person I'm becoming, and I can because it's my business (thank you, Tabitha Brown). Onward, my friends. What's the first thing I did once I gave my notice? I signed up for an Ironman triathlon in Augusta, Georgia. I'm feeling like myself again, and between David and I both feeling ourselves these days, we are cruising on the Autobahn of Life. After all, at my last visit with my own oncologist, my numbers are looking a little better, even though I had to have a phlebotomy. It's all part of the polycythemia vera process. I'm feeling good, and that's what matters at this moment. 

I'll leave you with little Brooks learning to clap his hands. 

Watching children learn is like being able to see straight through to their little brain and watch their neurons firing away. He's now learning to pull up to a stand, and I hope Lauren and Ryan are eating their Wheaties to keep up with this little guy. 

Skies not even the limit,

Cyndi

Most grateful