After a second round of cold weather, I began being asked by friends and family, quite frequently, "How are the animals doing with these freezing temperatures for days at a time?". I must first say that I'm always touched that others are thinking about the safety and well-being of farm animals. It's easily assumed that they are all okay. We see them in the pastures while driving by in our warm, toasty cars. We see the horses in the fields as it's raining, and they just stand there. For hours. The cattle have the same expression on their faces whether it's cold or hot. How do they do it? Who suffers and who tolerates it well?
Before I begin my journey with an update on our animals, I will re-iterate how many, and what we have. In the front pasture, we have three ewe/sheep (who are all around the 1 year old mark), and two Great Pyrenees (Livestock Guard Dogs/LGD). In the back pasture, we have three full size donkeys. They are in separate pastures due to the fact that the donkeys sometimes run/chase after the sheep. The donkeys appear to do this mostly for fun and play, but we decided to not take any risks, and separated them in separate pastures. It works out well. Both of these pastures have access to shelter/cover for them all. We have a large run-in shed (20X26) for the donkeys, with the back wall facing the north so that north-wind does not bother them. The sheep and LGD's have access to the barn, which has a pen for them - all together. They do not get full-run of the whole barn, as they actually have a large-size "doggie-sheep" door they use to go inside the barn, into a fenced pen area inside the barn. Their pen has plentiful straw for the sheep, and two large dog beds for our protectors. And they all know whose place is whose in the pen. The sheep do not sleep on the dog beds, for some reason. Which is a good thing, as the dogs really deserve those comfortable places for all the hard work they do.
We house two chicken coops inside the barn as well. When we first moved here, we had the chicken coops outside like normal people do. We discovered that extreme cold, rain and/or harsh sunshine during the summer were all reasons to place these coops inside the barn, and allow the chickens to free range on their own accord. They come and go out of the barn on their own. If they want to be inside (for any reason), they can do so. And at the same time, those chickens who wish to free range, can go outside and eat bugs, dust bathe and do chicken things. They come and go from the barn through several smaller openings that allow them to do so. They use their coops mainly for 1) sleeping at night, or 2) egg laying time. We have two coops because our community of chickens have included smaller, younger pullets that need time to adjust to the larger flock. So, we have a big girl coop and a little girl coop. Introducing new chickens to the flock is a process. Currently, we have 10 chickens. They are all hens, as rooster are not allowed by the Sheriff (my husband). When we have accidentally gotten a rooster (as a baby chick) they have grown up to be quite a disruption. So any accidental roosters we had, have found new homes (Thank you, Preston Trail Farms!), and they go on to live healthily, happy lives. With that said, our recent new additions, Daisy and Lily were not only meat chickens, but one was a rooster, and they now live on another farm. We have since gotten 4 new pullets (girl chickens) who will grow up to lay eggs. We named them Peaches and Creme, and Sugar and Spice. Peaches and Creme have joined the flock nicely, although not old enough to be egg layers yet.....but soon . Sugar and Spice are only 2 months old and will join the flock outside when weather permits. Until then, yes, they live inside a shower in a bathroom in our house. They have shavings, food, water and a perch, just like all the chickens before them have done. Until they are older and fully-feathered, it's best to keep them somewhere warm - and that's where we do it. In a shower. It's easy to clean, easy to access them (hold them!), and get them accustomed to our "way" here on The Graves Farm. The chickens that come through the house/shower route are often the chickens you are able to go pick up in the yard. They are tame, sweet and enjoy the love of people. Or at least tolerate people holding and petting them. When people visit and realize some of the chickens don't mind being picked up and held, those are the ones raised in our shower inside the house. Mind you, we do not shower in that shower while they are in there. It's strictly a chicken holding place, until young chicks grow up enough to be outside.
In addition to the sheep, LGD's, donkeys and chickens, we have 8 or 9 barn cats. Why am I not certain on the actual count? It's because we have one (sometimes two) barn cats that just appear. Sometimes they are around so much, we even name them. Then, we might not see them again for awhile. The barn cats that are permanent fixtures are: Fi, June Bug, July, Finn, Kitty, Smokey, Sweet Pea and Preston. There have been other cats that come and go, but we never know whose they are or where they came from. We have one big boy cat hanging around lately, taking up residence whom we named Boots. We see him now and then. But overall, most of these cats have been "gifted" to us. Friends or family who have a cat that they need to "get rid of" for various reasons. It's like a community of House-cats Gone Wild. People (they ask first) bring their cats here, and we give them a wonderful place to stay. They are well fed, have plenty of water, and find the abundance of cat beds and kitty climbers in the garage and barn enticing. They are all smart kitties. So smart, they learn how to come in the doggie door and into the house. That leads them into the laundry room, which is now called Cat Land. The door to the house (from the laundry room) is kept shut, as we do not want to live in Cat Land ourselves. But the laundry room provides a safe haven for any kitty who desires the next-best-thing to being inside a house. The laundry room has cat food, cat beds and water as well. They really only use it when it's cold, as when the weather is warm, and they enjoy sleeping outside.
Lastly, we have our two "inside" dogs, Bridgette and Maybe. They now live in Cat Land as well, as since that door is shut full-time now, there are actually no animals inside the house (except in the laundry room). The house is always much cleaner now since this has occurred. No animals in the house. It works for us.
Now, let's talk about this freezing weather for days on end. How is everyone doing?
1) The LGD's: Levi and Whisper are big dogs with lots of dog hair. Layers and layers of fur. That particular breed is meant to live outside and guard livestock. They are awesome. Period. Their fur coats provide the warmth they need, but I will say these cold temperatures have put them to the test. They have their dog beds available to them for comfort and warmth, in the pen area of the barn. They are protected from rain, sleet, and wind. They are up most of the night guarding the parameter of our property, making sure no predators cross the fence line. They are diligent and loyal. They protect the sheep instinctually. We could not have all our ancillary animals (chickens, barn cats and sheep) without them. They are the reason everyone else is alive and stays safe. They are churning through this winter, but I know nicer weather would make their lives more comfortable. Hang in there!
2) The sheep: Belle, Eve and Cotton have grown out their wool coats. They love this cold weather. I assume they think it's refreshing. The summer is so brutal for them, that this is a walk in the park. They stay outside much of the time, but if it's really cold and windy, or cold rain, or both, they are smart creatures and come inside their pen area in the barn (same area the dogs have their dog beds). This is their safe place - and their protection from the elements. We keep plenty of straw down for them to snuggle in if they do happen to be cold. It's hard to tell if they are cold? We have friends who also have sheep, and they have told me they already lost 2 of their sheep to this cold weather. So since I'm new to having sheep, all I can do is provide warm options for them, and a place to get out of the wind and rain, if they want to. And usually they do. They only like warm rain. Kinda like me.
3) The donkeys: Pumpkin (Mama), Papa and Baby (Pickles). These full size donkeys are amazing. Smart, funny, and full of personality. They play, love and communicate their needs well. They too, have grown out their coats. In the summer, they are pristine and smooth. In the winter, they have longer, scraggly hair, which they will shed in the Spring. We had a new shelter, a Run-In shed as it's called, built for them before this winter came. It's plenty big for them to get under, and they do. It's three-sided, with plenty of room for all three of them to get under when the north wind blows, or rain comes, or it's just plain cold and they want to settle into their straw. It's a place they can call their own.
4) The chickens: Ginger (head hen), Butterscotch (her right-hand man/hen), Pebbles, Pepper, Sunshine, Butter, Peaches, Creme, Sugar and Spice are all resilient. These girlz, wow. They are hardy, bright and a great flock of chickens. Everyone gets along, for the most part. They love free-ranging, and put themselves to bed at night - on their own. When dusk falls, they head to the barn to roost on their own special spots for the night. In this cold weather, they poof out their feathers and somehow use that technique to keep themselves warm. They don't often choose to go to the very inside of their coop, where it seems it would be the warmest place. Nope, they are fine with the cold temperatures. They have surprised me the most, in these frigid low teens of temps. They manage it just fine. Simply amazing. The biggest thing I've noticed is they lay less eggs in the winter. I'm told the reason for this is because there is less daylight hours, and that is needed for their egg production. We still get eggs each day, just less now that in the summertime.They require very little with this cold weather. We shut the barn doors more now with the colder weather, and shut all the barn windows to keep the draft down in the barn. That helps a lot!
5) The barn cats. Our community of cats is full of every personality you could imagine. Overall, they do well with each other. Some prefer the garage area, some prefer the barn and some prefer the laundry room. 5 of them are consistently in the laundry room during these cold spells. They go in and out through the doggie door, mostly sleeping inside on the cat beds we have placed strategically. This cold weather is not appealing to them. But they are all making it. In the garage, we have several heated cat beds available. Fi has claimed one, as July has claimed another. They all figure out what works best for them. We give them plenty of "warm" options.
Most importantly........how do we keep all our animals water sources from freezing?! Water is key for all our animals. We have invested in heated buckets and de-icer's in existing water buckets. These devices turn on and off automatically, to ensure the water in the bucket(s) does not freeze. It does not necessarily heat the water, but it keeps it from freezing. Magic. We have these in each pasture, in the barn, and in the garage, so that no one is without water during freezing times. This has made our life SO much easier. It took having a electrician to come out and assist us with new GFI plugs and other necessary adjustments, but is an investment that will pay-off each winter. As far as food goes, we do have to feed more during the winter, as nothing is growing for the animals to eat. We buy round bales of hay for the donkeys, alfalfa square bales for the sheep, and grain for everyone. This is only necessary during the winter months. We find this pretty easy to manage overall. Once you get a system in place, it runs itself with daily maintenance.
I'll close with one last thought. My favorite times of the day are morning and night feedings in the barn - even when it's 20 degrees out there. The love is overwhelming. No where else I'd rather be.
Ewe puuuurfect as ewe are,
Cyndi
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Surrender
As I age, I find myself doing "old people" things. I recognize it, I feel it, and I wonder if there's many more times I'm doing "old people" things and not even realizing. Granted, as a mid-50 year old women, I am entitled to the classification of older-age, if you will. I may not have fallen in full-force, but I am certainly on the cusp enough to know that other's perception (of myself) can be that of a "older' person.
I'm not taking about old-people things like eating applesauce, taking naps, collecting coins or playing cribbage. Or driving 20mph when he speed limit is 60 (with the blinker on), failing miserably at the self checkout at the grocery store (oh, and have coupons), or general complaining. I'm talking about the interaction with society, others around us (young adults, etc) and technology. We are all going to move slowly, misplace things and not remember as well as we used to. That's life. But, how am I reacting to real-life around me? Technology - am I accepting of it? People - am I tolerant of others?
Yesterday, as I was attempting to install my additional Home Google Mini (we have one set up, and use it frequently), and the install did not go as planned. Installing and setting up the second one was not like the first. There's other criteria necessary, like modem setting changes. Well, I don't have access to change the settings in my modem. Rise Broadband does. And if they do make these changes necessary for my new Mini, there are other unintentional consequences that may ensue. So, what to do. Throughout this process with embracing technology, I have a knee-jerk reaction to say, "Forget it, it's too difficult" or "It's too hard" when things get confusing. So, I made a conscious decision to stick with this setup of my additional Mini til the bitter end. It would be too easy to say, "Nevermind!".
Fast forward.......I rode this out til the end, even calling Google Help to ask about it. They were the ones to confirm my suspicions regarding the necessary modem changes. Google is aware that their product requires it, and that many people do not have the access to do that. First, that was wonderful to hear a company say that they are aware of the limitations, and not blame it on something or someone else. Very refreshing - thus creating more respect for Google in this process. Unfortunately for me, Rise Broadband will not be making changes to my modem and the Mini gets returned to the store. The moral to my story is : I used this technology project as one of learning. I tried to embrace this process, and follow the necessary steps needed to see it through. That's not always the case for me. So, even though the additional Mini set-up process did not get completed, I considered it a success. I rode it out.
I have found myself doing this more and more lately. No, I'm certainly not a expert at it - or an expert at anything, really. I found that I am good at fighting against my own nature. I can learn to adapt to new technology, and the more I do this, the better off I may be in keeping up with society. I will need to continue learning what's appropriate, what's safe and what's relevant. I have a wonderful example of two "older-people" technology mentors. First, my aunt and uncle. Every time I visit them, we catch up on life happenings, then immediately they ask, "Tell me something new you like - and use - on your iPhone.". They sit eagerly, like little sponges, awaiting my in-service on something new and useful for them. And it's almost like a competition for them to know more than the other one knows. They don't like to be texted in a group text, they like a "personal" text only, please. My sweet aunt has now passed, but I still see her sparkling eyes looking into mine, searching for knowledge in regards to her magnificent iPhone. She has granddaughters - who are teenagers - who she would do anything for to keep up with them regarding their phone skills. Their desire to stay current on technology is inspiring. That's the attitude I want to emulate. And I think about them when I struggle with technology. What would they do? Second, is my Dad. He's a social media king of sorts. He uses his computer on a regular basis, and when something is not-quite-right, he seeks help and assistance. Since he lives in an area with other seniors all around him, he barters his computer fixes with other things. I'll teach you tennis lessons, if you can help me fix my computer. Or better yet, he can simply go up and take a computer class, taught by another retiree who enjoys doing so. It's like a Senior Barter System. I'll assist you, you assist me. They do for each other. My dad also seeks out new technology not only on his computer, but via social media. He's an avid Facebook-er, reads blogs, checks his email regularly, and many other things, I'm sure. Just keeping up with each Windows update is a chore for anyone. And he knows when it's time to do so. Go Dad! Now, if I could get a iPhone in his hands, he would never look back and surpass us all with his new phone skills. His potential with technology is endless, and his computer skills are evident of this. Now, if I can get the flip-phone out of his hands, there will be no limits on what might happen next.
As I look to older-age people for inspiration regarding technology, I'll need to continue to surrender myself to it. Surrender my reluctance, my fear and my own push-back to it. I really want to embrace it, so that I can stay current. But it's harder as you get older to do so. Surrender, Cyndi. Let it all go, quiet that chatter in your head that says "don't do it". It's a fight against my old-age self. Don't be afraid of the shaming and teasing from young adults as you try your hardest to figure it out. Stay strong. Keep searching and trying new things. And Cyndi, don't forget to ask young adults how they do things, what they use, and how they use a particular app. Keep growing your knowledge! Surrender to it, and it will come easier. I'm trying.
I'll close with this......
My Observations on Young vs Old People Things:
1) Any young adult who says they hate society is considered a hipster. But when Gramps complains about the hip-hop music, he's old.
2) There is no way as a young adult you would let your bff or boyfriend wear matching clothing, but when maw-maw and paw does it, it's cute.
3) A young adult is weighed down with just carrying their phone, while Grandma's purse is the gateway to Narnia.
4) Old people put on glasses to look at their phone......or set the font to extra-large. Young people just shake their head. Little do they know it will catch them eventually. We never think it will.
5) Old people send out "joke emails" or "news emails", young people Snap and Insta. Even texting is iff-y.
6) Older women wear nicer sandals, but don't get a pedicure. Guilty.
7) Young people have nicer phones. And have probably never used a flip-phone. Much less that box phone that's still in your trunk.
8) Panty lines. Need I say more?
It's freeing, exhilarating - and a challenge - to get older. My motto will be surrender. That's the only way I can make it through. Just surrender to it, Cyndi. Embrace it, lean into to. Every day is a gift.
Here's to educating myself with young peoples knowledge,
Cyndi
I'm not taking about old-people things like eating applesauce, taking naps, collecting coins or playing cribbage. Or driving 20mph when he speed limit is 60 (with the blinker on), failing miserably at the self checkout at the grocery store (oh, and have coupons), or general complaining. I'm talking about the interaction with society, others around us (young adults, etc) and technology. We are all going to move slowly, misplace things and not remember as well as we used to. That's life. But, how am I reacting to real-life around me? Technology - am I accepting of it? People - am I tolerant of others?
Yesterday, as I was attempting to install my additional Home Google Mini (we have one set up, and use it frequently), and the install did not go as planned. Installing and setting up the second one was not like the first. There's other criteria necessary, like modem setting changes. Well, I don't have access to change the settings in my modem. Rise Broadband does. And if they do make these changes necessary for my new Mini, there are other unintentional consequences that may ensue. So, what to do. Throughout this process with embracing technology, I have a knee-jerk reaction to say, "Forget it, it's too difficult" or "It's too hard" when things get confusing. So, I made a conscious decision to stick with this setup of my additional Mini til the bitter end. It would be too easy to say, "Nevermind!".
Fast forward.......I rode this out til the end, even calling Google Help to ask about it. They were the ones to confirm my suspicions regarding the necessary modem changes. Google is aware that their product requires it, and that many people do not have the access to do that. First, that was wonderful to hear a company say that they are aware of the limitations, and not blame it on something or someone else. Very refreshing - thus creating more respect for Google in this process. Unfortunately for me, Rise Broadband will not be making changes to my modem and the Mini gets returned to the store. The moral to my story is : I used this technology project as one of learning. I tried to embrace this process, and follow the necessary steps needed to see it through. That's not always the case for me. So, even though the additional Mini set-up process did not get completed, I considered it a success. I rode it out.
I have found myself doing this more and more lately. No, I'm certainly not a expert at it - or an expert at anything, really. I found that I am good at fighting against my own nature. I can learn to adapt to new technology, and the more I do this, the better off I may be in keeping up with society. I will need to continue learning what's appropriate, what's safe and what's relevant. I have a wonderful example of two "older-people" technology mentors. First, my aunt and uncle. Every time I visit them, we catch up on life happenings, then immediately they ask, "Tell me something new you like - and use - on your iPhone.". They sit eagerly, like little sponges, awaiting my in-service on something new and useful for them. And it's almost like a competition for them to know more than the other one knows. They don't like to be texted in a group text, they like a "personal" text only, please. My sweet aunt has now passed, but I still see her sparkling eyes looking into mine, searching for knowledge in regards to her magnificent iPhone. She has granddaughters - who are teenagers - who she would do anything for to keep up with them regarding their phone skills. Their desire to stay current on technology is inspiring. That's the attitude I want to emulate. And I think about them when I struggle with technology. What would they do? Second, is my Dad. He's a social media king of sorts. He uses his computer on a regular basis, and when something is not-quite-right, he seeks help and assistance. Since he lives in an area with other seniors all around him, he barters his computer fixes with other things. I'll teach you tennis lessons, if you can help me fix my computer. Or better yet, he can simply go up and take a computer class, taught by another retiree who enjoys doing so. It's like a Senior Barter System. I'll assist you, you assist me. They do for each other. My dad also seeks out new technology not only on his computer, but via social media. He's an avid Facebook-er, reads blogs, checks his email regularly, and many other things, I'm sure. Just keeping up with each Windows update is a chore for anyone. And he knows when it's time to do so. Go Dad! Now, if I could get a iPhone in his hands, he would never look back and surpass us all with his new phone skills. His potential with technology is endless, and his computer skills are evident of this. Now, if I can get the flip-phone out of his hands, there will be no limits on what might happen next.
As I look to older-age people for inspiration regarding technology, I'll need to continue to surrender myself to it. Surrender my reluctance, my fear and my own push-back to it. I really want to embrace it, so that I can stay current. But it's harder as you get older to do so. Surrender, Cyndi. Let it all go, quiet that chatter in your head that says "don't do it". It's a fight against my old-age self. Don't be afraid of the shaming and teasing from young adults as you try your hardest to figure it out. Stay strong. Keep searching and trying new things. And Cyndi, don't forget to ask young adults how they do things, what they use, and how they use a particular app. Keep growing your knowledge! Surrender to it, and it will come easier. I'm trying.
I'll close with this......
My Observations on Young vs Old People Things:
1) Any young adult who says they hate society is considered a hipster. But when Gramps complains about the hip-hop music, he's old.
2) There is no way as a young adult you would let your bff or boyfriend wear matching clothing, but when maw-maw and paw does it, it's cute.
3) A young adult is weighed down with just carrying their phone, while Grandma's purse is the gateway to Narnia.
4) Old people put on glasses to look at their phone......or set the font to extra-large. Young people just shake their head. Little do they know it will catch them eventually. We never think it will.
5) Old people send out "joke emails" or "news emails", young people Snap and Insta. Even texting is iff-y.
6) Older women wear nicer sandals, but don't get a pedicure. Guilty.
7) Young people have nicer phones. And have probably never used a flip-phone. Much less that box phone that's still in your trunk.
8) Panty lines. Need I say more?
It's freeing, exhilarating - and a challenge - to get older. My motto will be surrender. That's the only way I can make it through. Just surrender to it, Cyndi. Embrace it, lean into to. Every day is a gift.
Here's to educating myself with young peoples knowledge,
Cyndi
Monday, January 1, 2018
2018
I'm not one for New Years resolutions. I've never really been. Yet this year, my thoughts have been in full-gear, churning out lists of things I want to "get going" on. Is that the same as a resolution? I may have to give into the notion that it is. I'm not sure yet.
I was at yoga class yesterday, and the yoga instructor begin to tell the class how a word - or set of thoughts - speak to her, and after awhile, she recognizes it and acts on it. I thought that was a interesting way of recognizing how the universe and God is speaking to us. I think that happens to each of us, and when we are are open to "listening" then we are able to grasp it and utilize it in our own lives. My set of recurring thoughts lately are based on where my next steps will take me. This continuum is based on creating a life of ease, joy and contentment. Even though I may be late-to-the-game, I've finally realized I have the exclusive ability to chose many things around me in life. I used to just let things happen, let people in my life randomly, and deal with it based on my inability to set boundaries. Now, I notice I make a conscious effort to chose the kind of energy I would like around me. This in itself, has changed the way I look at life. It certainly reduces conflict, drama and ill-will within myself - and to others.
As I slowly began to recognize this journey, I notice who around me is authentic. Who around me really cares. I thought I knew, but I didn't really. I wasn't being discriminatory with my feelings regarding situations and people, therefore this led me down the rabbit hole of chaos. How did I figure this out? I think I finally got tired of my spirit being in chaos on a regular basis. It did not feel like I was living a wholehearted life, and looking after myself as I could. - or should. So 2017 brought about ways for me to deter the chaos, and move inward. I was more careful of who I let in my life. How much I told others. What excuses I made to them, or better yet, if I even gave excuses to others.
2017 brought me the ability to not have to give a Why. To not have to go places when I desire not to. To investigate why I'm feeling like I may not want to go, and process those feelings......instead of ignoring them. To have self-compassion for myself, and live life more freely. To practice moderation.
Now, in a new year I want to continue this lifestyle, as it feels good to do so. Yet, I'm ready for more. I don't necessarily know what "more" is. So, I begin meditating on it, and allowing myself to think through it until I come up with answers. I think we all do this instinctively, it's just that I've noticed myself doing this more and more.
According to an audio book I've been listening to, this is mindfulness. When we hone our skill of being keen observers of ourselves. Paying attention to what's occurring while it's happening. Paying attention without judgement, comparing or accessing. Just paying attention to what's happening at those moments, and feeling the feelings. Good or bad, just openness. What I find interesting about this, is Lauren (my daughter) and I had had a discussion on this not long ago. Whereby we can feel feelings, and not make a judgement on them to whether they are good or bad. That's the ability of being mindful. It's a heightened awareness of ourselves.
I place judgement on my feelings all the time. "I feel bad I'm thinking this", or "I feel awful feeling this way", etc. And to initiate the ability to not classify my feelings, moved me into a new realm. And it takes practice for me to do this. I find I need to remind myself to feel my feelings, to give myself permission to do so, and let it be.
It seems so complicated, but I found the more I do this, the more I want to do this. Yes, I fall back into my "old ways" as they are comfortable and I'm used to them. Ahhhhh, my mindlessness life was easy. Yet, I like the way being mindful feels. It's forgiving. It's almost like stopping time and watching what is happening around me. For me, that takes practice. My usual state of mindlessness kicks in far too often. My semi-awareness, habitual ways and inattention to my own feelings doesn't feel so good anymore. And, it often brings about suffering.
I look forward to a new year because it brings me additional time to practice my new skill of mindfulness. I've been using it to think about my career, where I work, who I work with, how I want to be, and who I want to trust in my life, etc. Even though it seems like a "door" shutting, it's actually a window opening. Bringing in fresh air, sunshine and a warm breeze. I don't have to be the same ole me. I can be a better version of myself - and I look forward to doing just that. I do get frustrated with myself, as some days I am not the best version of myself. And trust me, I recognize it when it's happening, it's like a bad taste in your mouth. I feel bitter and bad when I'm not being my best self. And this is where the cycle happens, where we beat ourselves up because our "best" was not good enough, and I judge myself, and loose my self-compassion. So, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again at life. IMPERFECT, yet knowing I Am Enough. I am enough without being what others desire me to be. Better yet, what I desire myself to be.
And with that said, that's what propels me to live life wholeheartedly. To be the best version of myself I can be at any given time. To practice mindfulness, and recognize when I'm being mindless. It helps me be a keen observer of my own life. And I like how that feels, so I think I'll practice that some more.
Here's to us being the best version of us,
Cyndi
I was at yoga class yesterday, and the yoga instructor begin to tell the class how a word - or set of thoughts - speak to her, and after awhile, she recognizes it and acts on it. I thought that was a interesting way of recognizing how the universe and God is speaking to us. I think that happens to each of us, and when we are are open to "listening" then we are able to grasp it and utilize it in our own lives. My set of recurring thoughts lately are based on where my next steps will take me. This continuum is based on creating a life of ease, joy and contentment. Even though I may be late-to-the-game, I've finally realized I have the exclusive ability to chose many things around me in life. I used to just let things happen, let people in my life randomly, and deal with it based on my inability to set boundaries. Now, I notice I make a conscious effort to chose the kind of energy I would like around me. This in itself, has changed the way I look at life. It certainly reduces conflict, drama and ill-will within myself - and to others.
As I slowly began to recognize this journey, I notice who around me is authentic. Who around me really cares. I thought I knew, but I didn't really. I wasn't being discriminatory with my feelings regarding situations and people, therefore this led me down the rabbit hole of chaos. How did I figure this out? I think I finally got tired of my spirit being in chaos on a regular basis. It did not feel like I was living a wholehearted life, and looking after myself as I could. - or should. So 2017 brought about ways for me to deter the chaos, and move inward. I was more careful of who I let in my life. How much I told others. What excuses I made to them, or better yet, if I even gave excuses to others.
2017 brought me the ability to not have to give a Why. To not have to go places when I desire not to. To investigate why I'm feeling like I may not want to go, and process those feelings......instead of ignoring them. To have self-compassion for myself, and live life more freely. To practice moderation.
Now, in a new year I want to continue this lifestyle, as it feels good to do so. Yet, I'm ready for more. I don't necessarily know what "more" is. So, I begin meditating on it, and allowing myself to think through it until I come up with answers. I think we all do this instinctively, it's just that I've noticed myself doing this more and more.
According to an audio book I've been listening to, this is mindfulness. When we hone our skill of being keen observers of ourselves. Paying attention to what's occurring while it's happening. Paying attention without judgement, comparing or accessing. Just paying attention to what's happening at those moments, and feeling the feelings. Good or bad, just openness. What I find interesting about this, is Lauren (my daughter) and I had had a discussion on this not long ago. Whereby we can feel feelings, and not make a judgement on them to whether they are good or bad. That's the ability of being mindful. It's a heightened awareness of ourselves.
I place judgement on my feelings all the time. "I feel bad I'm thinking this", or "I feel awful feeling this way", etc. And to initiate the ability to not classify my feelings, moved me into a new realm. And it takes practice for me to do this. I find I need to remind myself to feel my feelings, to give myself permission to do so, and let it be.
It seems so complicated, but I found the more I do this, the more I want to do this. Yes, I fall back into my "old ways" as they are comfortable and I'm used to them. Ahhhhh, my mindlessness life was easy. Yet, I like the way being mindful feels. It's forgiving. It's almost like stopping time and watching what is happening around me. For me, that takes practice. My usual state of mindlessness kicks in far too often. My semi-awareness, habitual ways and inattention to my own feelings doesn't feel so good anymore. And, it often brings about suffering.
I look forward to a new year because it brings me additional time to practice my new skill of mindfulness. I've been using it to think about my career, where I work, who I work with, how I want to be, and who I want to trust in my life, etc. Even though it seems like a "door" shutting, it's actually a window opening. Bringing in fresh air, sunshine and a warm breeze. I don't have to be the same ole me. I can be a better version of myself - and I look forward to doing just that. I do get frustrated with myself, as some days I am not the best version of myself. And trust me, I recognize it when it's happening, it's like a bad taste in your mouth. I feel bitter and bad when I'm not being my best self. And this is where the cycle happens, where we beat ourselves up because our "best" was not good enough, and I judge myself, and loose my self-compassion. So, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again at life. IMPERFECT, yet knowing I Am Enough. I am enough without being what others desire me to be. Better yet, what I desire myself to be.
And with that said, that's what propels me to live life wholeheartedly. To be the best version of myself I can be at any given time. To practice mindfulness, and recognize when I'm being mindless. It helps me be a keen observer of my own life. And I like how that feels, so I think I'll practice that some more.
Here's to us being the best version of us,
Cyndi
Saturday, December 16, 2017
My recent findings
During this time of adjustment to the care and upkeep of many farm animals, I've discovered many new things about myself. The last couple of years have been growing years for me. I've learned how to handle new situations more confidently, how to stay calm and make more appropriate decisions, and esp the ability to be compassionate regarding what other people are going through in life. So that's a big leap. From learning to care for a farm to a heightened self-awareness of other's feelings. I cannot take the credit for it. The only credit I can take is the ability I've been granted to be open to these experiences. It's God who has placed these experiences in front of me, for me to then pick up, observe and contribute positively to. What am I talking about? It's complex, and has taken even myself time to figure out it's happening.
In the last few years, there's many people in my life who have situations happening to them (as we all do, really). But some of these have made a greater impact on me, than others. Why? Because I have been able to closely relate to their feelings and have a greater understanding of the big picture. I have large, and small examples. But the few examples I'll illustrate, are the bigger events that help me understand there's many more I may be missing.
It starts like this. Like many, many families in this world, a member of my extended family had become addicted to alcohol, years ago. An Alcoholic, if you will. This is a cruel disease with little understanding for those who do not have it. I was the usual family member who desired to help and assist where I could. But in time, our family realized this disease must be managed by the affected person, with support from their loved ones. Everyone in the family had their own thoughts about how best to help. Jump in, stay away, watch from afar, give money, give emotional support, etc. But none of us could ever truly feel her pain of the addiction. What's it like to be addicted to anything? To be called in life by only one thing: Alcohol. It makes all your decisions for you. What's it like to not have enough willpower strong enough to beat it? Is there enough willpower to even overcome it? The myriad of complexity of finding success in beating any addiction cannot be put into words, as willpower cannot solve it alone.
Years later, unknowingly related, I was granted a compulsion to eat sweets. I don't just mean, "I want a cupcake", as I've always had a sweet tooth. Always. I mean MUST EAT SWEET, SUGAR THINGS NOW. AND EAT MORE AND MORE. I can't say how it began, but it did. My 'take-away' from that period of time that this was happening was: 1) Something is wrong with me because I can't say NO, and my impulse is too strong to stop myself. Who am I? 2) Is this a phase? I thought I was on-track of controlling my behavior with sweets. What's happening? and, 3) I was able to recognize that there was a problem, and this was different. My inability to control myself was gone. Numbing and comforting turned into obsessive, uncontrollable and shameful behavior.
And it was in that moment, I could FINALLY relate to the addiction my family member suffered. I understood in that moment, the inability to say No. There is no stopping yourself. There is only regret after it's done. Now, I do realize this is nothing like addiction to drugs and alcohol. Yet, this on-going experience was able to help me understand the "force" of addiction and how saying No is impossible. It was only cupcake (that always led to another, and another), but I know there's others who will say, "it's only one drink". Which leads to another. And another. The compulsion is there, with regret and shame coming to visit soon after.
Thank you, God, for putting this experience in front of me to give me a better understanding of how it must feel. I may never know exactly how it feels, but I now have a vivid understanding and feeling of how it might feel. And just that window into that particular feeling helps me find greater compassion and empathy for others with addiction. For a moment in time, I felt it. I really did. I get it now.
Then, another life-event happened in my life. A few years back, I was chosen to be blessed with a close encounter of a particular cancer, in which testing and oncology visits were required. Waiting time to hear results, discussions of what-could-be-next for me, prognosis, and life-changing words from the oncologist brought to life the feelings that millions of people also hear every day. Without going into too much detail, I will summarize it by saying it brought life to my life. How valuable our lives are. How quickly it can be taken away. The cloud that follows you, until you know a "yes or no" that things are okay. I remember sitting next to others in the oncologist office waiting room, looking at those struggling around me. Feeling their feelings. I remember sitting in the Infusion Room, knowing those around me were truly fighting cancer the best they could. I was merely getting a Iron infusion to assist with my situation. They were fighting for their lives. It brings a lump to my throat even now, and a tear in my eye. Yet, God put me there so I could feel their feelings, and understand others and what they are going through. And test me, to give me the opportunity for a test-run on what to do when tragedy strikes. I thought all the thoughts, I went through all the motions, and my "take-way" at the time was: Having a set amount of time left to live is a blessing. It is. It allows you to set your path. I would have never learned this without this experience. Thankfully, my diagnosis did not end with a expiration date. But I learned not be afraid of death. I learned what others felt, and how different we all look at life when given a time frame. And I enjoy talking to others with cancer and sharing our stories. When we survive any degree of cancer - or cancer scares - we are then able to help others know it's going to be okay, when it happens to them. We can tell each other, "It's going to be okay", even when we're not sure it is. Those words are priceless.
And my last example that I've been blessed with, is the ability to relate to my running-across-the-US partner, John. We had to cut our last trip short due to a health issue with his inability to swallow well. He had been struggling with this, and it got worse on our last attempt to run across the US (north to south, this time). We did not know what the etiology was, yet only knew it was impeding his ability to eat and drink. He went home to get some rest and see about getting better. I did the same, as I was not going to be staying out on the road alone, per a promise I had made to my family - and myself. I never delved into this throat swallowing issue much further, until it happened to me. Last Saturday, matter-of-fact. God works in ways I cannot explain. I was eating at a restaurant, and choked on something. Long story short, whatever it was, scratched my esophagus, and boom, misery began. It became extremely difficult to swallow, and to make things worse, I developed strep throat days later, as a coincidence. Double whammy! After antibiotics, an EGD, and other misc medications to help my irritated and inflamed esophagus, I'm struggling to swallow as these combinations of events begin to heal. Yet, now I know how John felt! I've once again been blessed to know what it's like. Otherwise, I was bouncing along in life without a clear understanding. Now I know. It's as if someone hit me with a stick, and said, "This is how it feels, silly girl".
Over and over, I have so many examples where I've been better able to understand the feelings of others, what they are going through, and how they may be feeling at a deeper level than ever before. My husband mentioned to me, "Maybe you are just open to it now". And he's right. I'm open to acknowledging that these events are happening, and how they relate to life and others. I have been so caught up in my own world, that I've been blessed with events that snap me out of it, so that I can relate to others on a deeper level. It's not about me, it's about me relating to others in a wholehearted way. It's about others, their feelings, their needs and their inter-most thoughts, fears and dreams. I'm so grateful to have experiences that move me in that direction, to living a life filled with more compassion and empathy. I must move through it so that I am able to see others moving through theirs. It's almost like living outside of yourself. Outside of your own body, and looking objectively at what's happening around us. It's as if I'm on a different plane of energy in life now. That, or I'm just aging, getting older, and maybe a little wiser. And, open to what's happening around me. To be able to acknowledge events, and find deeper meaning in them, has been a gift I'm happy to open.
Here's to unfortunate incidents that make us better people,
Cyndi
In the last few years, there's many people in my life who have situations happening to them (as we all do, really). But some of these have made a greater impact on me, than others. Why? Because I have been able to closely relate to their feelings and have a greater understanding of the big picture. I have large, and small examples. But the few examples I'll illustrate, are the bigger events that help me understand there's many more I may be missing.
It starts like this. Like many, many families in this world, a member of my extended family had become addicted to alcohol, years ago. An Alcoholic, if you will. This is a cruel disease with little understanding for those who do not have it. I was the usual family member who desired to help and assist where I could. But in time, our family realized this disease must be managed by the affected person, with support from their loved ones. Everyone in the family had their own thoughts about how best to help. Jump in, stay away, watch from afar, give money, give emotional support, etc. But none of us could ever truly feel her pain of the addiction. What's it like to be addicted to anything? To be called in life by only one thing: Alcohol. It makes all your decisions for you. What's it like to not have enough willpower strong enough to beat it? Is there enough willpower to even overcome it? The myriad of complexity of finding success in beating any addiction cannot be put into words, as willpower cannot solve it alone.
Years later, unknowingly related, I was granted a compulsion to eat sweets. I don't just mean, "I want a cupcake", as I've always had a sweet tooth. Always. I mean MUST EAT SWEET, SUGAR THINGS NOW. AND EAT MORE AND MORE. I can't say how it began, but it did. My 'take-away' from that period of time that this was happening was: 1) Something is wrong with me because I can't say NO, and my impulse is too strong to stop myself. Who am I? 2) Is this a phase? I thought I was on-track of controlling my behavior with sweets. What's happening? and, 3) I was able to recognize that there was a problem, and this was different. My inability to control myself was gone. Numbing and comforting turned into obsessive, uncontrollable and shameful behavior.
And it was in that moment, I could FINALLY relate to the addiction my family member suffered. I understood in that moment, the inability to say No. There is no stopping yourself. There is only regret after it's done. Now, I do realize this is nothing like addiction to drugs and alcohol. Yet, this on-going experience was able to help me understand the "force" of addiction and how saying No is impossible. It was only cupcake (that always led to another, and another), but I know there's others who will say, "it's only one drink". Which leads to another. And another. The compulsion is there, with regret and shame coming to visit soon after.
Thank you, God, for putting this experience in front of me to give me a better understanding of how it must feel. I may never know exactly how it feels, but I now have a vivid understanding and feeling of how it might feel. And just that window into that particular feeling helps me find greater compassion and empathy for others with addiction. For a moment in time, I felt it. I really did. I get it now.
Then, another life-event happened in my life. A few years back, I was chosen to be blessed with a close encounter of a particular cancer, in which testing and oncology visits were required. Waiting time to hear results, discussions of what-could-be-next for me, prognosis, and life-changing words from the oncologist brought to life the feelings that millions of people also hear every day. Without going into too much detail, I will summarize it by saying it brought life to my life. How valuable our lives are. How quickly it can be taken away. The cloud that follows you, until you know a "yes or no" that things are okay. I remember sitting next to others in the oncologist office waiting room, looking at those struggling around me. Feeling their feelings. I remember sitting in the Infusion Room, knowing those around me were truly fighting cancer the best they could. I was merely getting a Iron infusion to assist with my situation. They were fighting for their lives. It brings a lump to my throat even now, and a tear in my eye. Yet, God put me there so I could feel their feelings, and understand others and what they are going through. And test me, to give me the opportunity for a test-run on what to do when tragedy strikes. I thought all the thoughts, I went through all the motions, and my "take-way" at the time was: Having a set amount of time left to live is a blessing. It is. It allows you to set your path. I would have never learned this without this experience. Thankfully, my diagnosis did not end with a expiration date. But I learned not be afraid of death. I learned what others felt, and how different we all look at life when given a time frame. And I enjoy talking to others with cancer and sharing our stories. When we survive any degree of cancer - or cancer scares - we are then able to help others know it's going to be okay, when it happens to them. We can tell each other, "It's going to be okay", even when we're not sure it is. Those words are priceless.
And my last example that I've been blessed with, is the ability to relate to my running-across-the-US partner, John. We had to cut our last trip short due to a health issue with his inability to swallow well. He had been struggling with this, and it got worse on our last attempt to run across the US (north to south, this time). We did not know what the etiology was, yet only knew it was impeding his ability to eat and drink. He went home to get some rest and see about getting better. I did the same, as I was not going to be staying out on the road alone, per a promise I had made to my family - and myself. I never delved into this throat swallowing issue much further, until it happened to me. Last Saturday, matter-of-fact. God works in ways I cannot explain. I was eating at a restaurant, and choked on something. Long story short, whatever it was, scratched my esophagus, and boom, misery began. It became extremely difficult to swallow, and to make things worse, I developed strep throat days later, as a coincidence. Double whammy! After antibiotics, an EGD, and other misc medications to help my irritated and inflamed esophagus, I'm struggling to swallow as these combinations of events begin to heal. Yet, now I know how John felt! I've once again been blessed to know what it's like. Otherwise, I was bouncing along in life without a clear understanding. Now I know. It's as if someone hit me with a stick, and said, "This is how it feels, silly girl".
Over and over, I have so many examples where I've been better able to understand the feelings of others, what they are going through, and how they may be feeling at a deeper level than ever before. My husband mentioned to me, "Maybe you are just open to it now". And he's right. I'm open to acknowledging that these events are happening, and how they relate to life and others. I have been so caught up in my own world, that I've been blessed with events that snap me out of it, so that I can relate to others on a deeper level. It's not about me, it's about me relating to others in a wholehearted way. It's about others, their feelings, their needs and their inter-most thoughts, fears and dreams. I'm so grateful to have experiences that move me in that direction, to living a life filled with more compassion and empathy. I must move through it so that I am able to see others moving through theirs. It's almost like living outside of yourself. Outside of your own body, and looking objectively at what's happening around us. It's as if I'm on a different plane of energy in life now. That, or I'm just aging, getting older, and maybe a little wiser. And, open to what's happening around me. To be able to acknowledge events, and find deeper meaning in them, has been a gift I'm happy to open.
Here's to unfortunate incidents that make us better people,
Cyndi
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Cock-a-doodle-doo
It's true. One of the aforementioned white, beautiful cornish hens (who David has Big Green Egg plans for) is cock-a-doodle-dooing. Those two sweet hens were already on their way to the smoker because they are meat-chickens, and I mean they are meaty. But to make things worse, one (Daisy) is singing a song a rooster would sing. You know the Sheriff's rule......No Roosters.
What's interesting is that this "hen" - who may be a rooster - is non-aggressive. It's not rooster material, and it does not have protective tendencies that roosters have. It acts like a hen. David and I have both heard of hens who make the cock-a-doodle-do type of sound, or at least it says so in my Chicken Book. So since this particular chicken is not aggressive and seems to get along with everyone, "it" has privileges to stay, for now. It's already bad enough that Daisy is destined for the smoker, but to be even considered a rooster is "life-changing" - if you know what I mean. I do not have the heart to say "yes" to sending these two meat chickens to the smoker. We have never done that, and that's not the kind of farm we are. I'm not saying it will never happen, but if my vote counts, it's to 'live and let live'. Daisy and Lily are allowed into the barn/coop quarters at night, and have a routine to free range (because we make them do so) during the day. They are not natural forgers, and just prefer to hang out instead. All our other egg laying chickens free range willingly. They love it! It's natural to them. But Daisy and Lily are not that - and this is new to us. Which is why we have contemplated what to do. The answer? We keep them as they are. They follow me around the yard, and are curious creatures. My gentle giants have a place on the farm.
How is the positive dog training coming along? Tula, Lauren's visiting puppy, is doing well with it. She'd do even better if I was more of a master at the positive training. Tula and I go every Sunday at 1:30 pm to the dog training center to be further educated on it. I learn SO much every time I go. It's like overload in my brain, and I find it hard to remember all their tips, words and examples. There's so much to it. Right now, we are in the class Manners I. If we have to repeat it, it will be my responsibility. I think I'm okay with repeating it, and I really don't know what we have to do to "prove" our worthiness to go onto Manner II? I know what I want. I want to press the Easy button and have it all done. But nope, there's more to it than that. And let me tell you how easy it is to mess it all up.
Example:
Problem: Your puppy dog jumps up on you (or other people).
Solution: Ignore them. Turn the other way. Since "you" are the reward, they do not get the reward when they behave poorly (jumping up on you). Even saying "no" to them is attention/reward from you, and your dog is fine with that. So, stay quiet/ignore the jumping, and wait until they have all four paws on the ground, then you can pet/talk to them. And, you should ask them for a positive behavior from them, such as "sit" at this time.
How have I messed this up, you ask? It seemed so simple. But I was not considering the psychological thought process of a puppy/dog. I was asking for a "sit" when Tula was still in motion. Which leads her to think: I jump up, I sit, then I get my reward (attention from my person). WRONG. The jumping up part is now in their thought process. Jump, sit, reward. Boy, did I mess that up. So, I will change, ever-so-slightly, what I do. I will ignore her jumping up on me - until she has all four paws on the ground. Then ask for her "sit", then love on her. This one tiny thing makes a huge difference in how your dog 'sees' things. This is only one of the many things I need to consider when training with the positive reinforcement theory. Timing is everything! Giving a treat at just that right moment. Making the proper action at just the proper time. It just seems like the word No would solve all of this, doesn't it? Not to mention faster response and "learning". I kinda like the idea of using a combination of the two methods. I wonder what results that would produce? I try not to be too self-critical of my abilities regarding this situation, yet being responsible for another person's dog has been enlightening to me.
Speaking of, while listening to an audiobook today on my run, I realized how easy it is to be so self-critical - to the point where I sometimes have this need to explain and justify my decisions and actions. That's what I love about blogging. I can "put it all out there". My thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, my words. It's an outlet to share my inner self. In my day-to-day world, I find myself using my filter, choosing my words, and sometimes limiting who I am, to the world. I made a breakthrough at work the other day regarding who I am - and why I do (or don't) - do things. I was asked if I was attending the work holiday party. Granted, this question was asked in the Operating Room where a grouping of people are all being asked. I replied, "No, thank you". When I was asked Why? I paused and replied, "There is no Why", and fell silent. As if I had put a silent Period on the end of my statement. It was not sarcastic, negative or insulting. Just plain and straight, innocent and unassuming. I did not feel as if I owed anyone, including myself, an explanation. I have always felt the need to give a reason, an excuse or an answer. But all of a sudden, I walked through a new place, a new door, one which took me somewhere new, where I didn't owe a justification for my action. Why haven't I gotten here earlier in life? (there's that self-critical behavior). Some people have already arrived there, but not necessarily me, and that's okay. I'm here now, and I'll be staying here long-term, in the land of: I Am Enough. I've been working on getting there, thanks to Brene Brown. After all, she's my favorite author who inspired me (years ago) of what it's like to live a wholehearted life.
I'm on a journey of Me. I'll be making different choices when it comes to justifications. Wow, that feels good.
Be your bee-ewe-tiful self. After all, if your not you, who will be you.
Still finding me,
Cyndi
What's interesting is that this "hen" - who may be a rooster - is non-aggressive. It's not rooster material, and it does not have protective tendencies that roosters have. It acts like a hen. David and I have both heard of hens who make the cock-a-doodle-do type of sound, or at least it says so in my Chicken Book. So since this particular chicken is not aggressive and seems to get along with everyone, "it" has privileges to stay, for now. It's already bad enough that Daisy is destined for the smoker, but to be even considered a rooster is "life-changing" - if you know what I mean. I do not have the heart to say "yes" to sending these two meat chickens to the smoker. We have never done that, and that's not the kind of farm we are. I'm not saying it will never happen, but if my vote counts, it's to 'live and let live'. Daisy and Lily are allowed into the barn/coop quarters at night, and have a routine to free range (because we make them do so) during the day. They are not natural forgers, and just prefer to hang out instead. All our other egg laying chickens free range willingly. They love it! It's natural to them. But Daisy and Lily are not that - and this is new to us. Which is why we have contemplated what to do. The answer? We keep them as they are. They follow me around the yard, and are curious creatures. My gentle giants have a place on the farm.
How is the positive dog training coming along? Tula, Lauren's visiting puppy, is doing well with it. She'd do even better if I was more of a master at the positive training. Tula and I go every Sunday at 1:30 pm to the dog training center to be further educated on it. I learn SO much every time I go. It's like overload in my brain, and I find it hard to remember all their tips, words and examples. There's so much to it. Right now, we are in the class Manners I. If we have to repeat it, it will be my responsibility. I think I'm okay with repeating it, and I really don't know what we have to do to "prove" our worthiness to go onto Manner II? I know what I want. I want to press the Easy button and have it all done. But nope, there's more to it than that. And let me tell you how easy it is to mess it all up.
Example:
Problem: Your puppy dog jumps up on you (or other people).
Solution: Ignore them. Turn the other way. Since "you" are the reward, they do not get the reward when they behave poorly (jumping up on you). Even saying "no" to them is attention/reward from you, and your dog is fine with that. So, stay quiet/ignore the jumping, and wait until they have all four paws on the ground, then you can pet/talk to them. And, you should ask them for a positive behavior from them, such as "sit" at this time.
How have I messed this up, you ask? It seemed so simple. But I was not considering the psychological thought process of a puppy/dog. I was asking for a "sit" when Tula was still in motion. Which leads her to think: I jump up, I sit, then I get my reward (attention from my person). WRONG. The jumping up part is now in their thought process. Jump, sit, reward. Boy, did I mess that up. So, I will change, ever-so-slightly, what I do. I will ignore her jumping up on me - until she has all four paws on the ground. Then ask for her "sit", then love on her. This one tiny thing makes a huge difference in how your dog 'sees' things. This is only one of the many things I need to consider when training with the positive reinforcement theory. Timing is everything! Giving a treat at just that right moment. Making the proper action at just the proper time. It just seems like the word No would solve all of this, doesn't it? Not to mention faster response and "learning". I kinda like the idea of using a combination of the two methods. I wonder what results that would produce? I try not to be too self-critical of my abilities regarding this situation, yet being responsible for another person's dog has been enlightening to me.
Speaking of, while listening to an audiobook today on my run, I realized how easy it is to be so self-critical - to the point where I sometimes have this need to explain and justify my decisions and actions. That's what I love about blogging. I can "put it all out there". My thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, my words. It's an outlet to share my inner self. In my day-to-day world, I find myself using my filter, choosing my words, and sometimes limiting who I am, to the world. I made a breakthrough at work the other day regarding who I am - and why I do (or don't) - do things. I was asked if I was attending the work holiday party. Granted, this question was asked in the Operating Room where a grouping of people are all being asked. I replied, "No, thank you". When I was asked Why? I paused and replied, "There is no Why", and fell silent. As if I had put a silent Period on the end of my statement. It was not sarcastic, negative or insulting. Just plain and straight, innocent and unassuming. I did not feel as if I owed anyone, including myself, an explanation. I have always felt the need to give a reason, an excuse or an answer. But all of a sudden, I walked through a new place, a new door, one which took me somewhere new, where I didn't owe a justification for my action. Why haven't I gotten here earlier in life? (there's that self-critical behavior). Some people have already arrived there, but not necessarily me, and that's okay. I'm here now, and I'll be staying here long-term, in the land of: I Am Enough. I've been working on getting there, thanks to Brene Brown. After all, she's my favorite author who inspired me (years ago) of what it's like to live a wholehearted life.
I'm on a journey of Me. I'll be making different choices when it comes to justifications. Wow, that feels good.
Be your bee-ewe-tiful self. After all, if your not you, who will be you.
Still finding me,
Cyndi
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Let's Do Some Updating
Happy Post Thanksgiving! If having way too much food around at all times AND being off work isn't enough, we had our sweet daughter, Lauren, in town for 4 days. We were thrilled to have her here for the holiday, but her puppy (Tula) was even more excited to have her Dog Mama here. They are bonded beyond belief, and only have eyes for each other. So with that, here's the scoopie poop:
Lauren is moving back to the Dallas area at the end of December, as she has taken a job here, instead of the original plan of going to Houston. Either way, it's a win-win. Houston has a fabulous library system, and Lauren was to be a Youth Librarian there. But after much thought, she has decided to take a Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area instead. She's super excited to 1) move back to Texas, and 2) have her puppy back - and be near family again. We are looking forward to her being close again, and I will have my yoga partner back, as well as a fellow running partner. Colorado has been good to her, and I know it will be a experience she'll always remember.
As Tula awaits her Dog Mama to come back, David and I are doing the best we can to be surrogate dog parents. Tula and I are still going to Manners Class at What A Great Dog training facility in Frisco. It's a completely positive reinforcement discipline used to train your puppy/dog. I have blogged about this new-to-me training method previously, and am happy to report I've come a long way in my own progress. Tula can only be as good as I am, as she relies on me to train her. And I'm not that good. So she rides the struggle bus, along with me, as we go through this journey of learning good dog manners together. It's a team effort, and since there's no "I" in team (there is a "me" though) it's either we're both succeeding - or we're both screwing it all up. I'll leave it as: we are a work-in-progress. I definitely have more work to do, but I will tell you, I can regurgitate the proper actions verbally, but actually doing them is another story. I do know one thing, that when it rains dog treats from my fingers, Tula is a perfect puppy pupil. Attentive and willing to do most anything. Unfortunately, I can't live my life with my dog-treat bag hanging from my waist band. That's a real thing, by the way, and I'm "that lady" with her bag of treats hanging from the waist band of my sweat pants. It's not a good look. But I do what I have to do - when I'm at dog school.
Now what about those new baby chicks I got awhile back, you ask? We had purchased 6 mystery chicks a couple of months ago, because the people who sold them to us said, "Well, we think they are (make up any name) breed, or (make up another name) breed. Yeah, we're pretty sure they will be one of those breeds". WRONG. It only took a matter of (short) time to realize they did not know what they were talking about. And it's not like we are experts on baby chickens either, so between all of us involved, no one knew what-the-heck breed these chicks really were. Fast forward 2-3 months, and waa-laa, we learned several things. 1) 4 of them were roosters. Now, you know the Sheriff (my husband, David) does not have many rules in life, but one of his rules is: No Roosters. Period. Away those 4 go, to a new home that allows roosters. 2) The 2 remaining chicks began to divide their cells at such a fast pace, they were hot to the touch. This is true, I promise. If you were to pick up one of these sweet chickens, you would think they were running a fever. They feel like they are literally on fire. Their cells are dividing and growing at a incredible pace. Why? Because they are cornish hens. Beautiful, huge, white cornish hens. Huge, short, wide legs. Ginormous bodies, waddling around on these short, fat legs. They are meat chickens. Just like the majority of chickens that people eat every day. The problem is, I have named them. Daisy and Lily. How could I possibly eat them?! They don't forage for food, they enjoy the food provided for them, and they will lay very few eggs. They are the kindest and sweetest chickens you can imagine. Gentle giants. The smaller (yet older) chickens boss them around! To add a twist of irony to this dilemma, is David got a new Big Green Egg and he'd love nothing more than to cook these tasty delights on it. I am sick about this. It's a predicament that's weighing heavy on me. Do we really eat them? Do I let them just continue to grow and grow until they burst? Because they get bigger all the time. This "update" will go unsolved. It's like watching a Dateline that doesn't find the perpetrator. This will continue to be a mystery of what we'll do. David is off work Friday to cook a brisket, and I have a hunch that there will be more than red meat on his new smoker. I feel nauseous.
I'll turn to a happier bit of news. David and I have the opportunity to travel to Honduras in February for a mission trip. One World Surgery Center is able to provide surgeries to the people (in need) in Honduras based on volunteers and donations. It is located on a 24/7 well-guarded ranch, along with an orphanage. I will volunteer as a Operating Room Registered Nurse, while David will volunteer for what they call "General" duties such as cooking, assisting in the surgery center, assisting in the orphanage, or many other general duties such as mowing, painting (or such) that is needed at the time we are there. I'll definitely blog each day I'm there so you can come along with me!
As we all fall back into our usual routines after this wonderful holiday, I realize how much I love routine in my life. I'm one of those people who can eat the same things each day, go to bed at the same time each day, and become way too set in my ways. So in my effort(s) to be more mindful, I stay turned for opportunities to grow. This helps me not be so stuck in my ways. I do enjoy thinking outside of my 9 dots. It's good for my brain, my mind, my soul and my spirit. Whether it's asking my daughter the specific reasons I should change my internet browser to Google Chrome (because she thinks it's the bomb), or not using the sentence "well it's not broken, so my iPhone 5 is just fine", or recognizing when I'm saying something "old people" say - or resisting change, esp when it comes to technology. I have many opportunities for self-improvement. As each year passes, I have to remind myself to be more objective. It's easy to start closing my world down a little at a time as each year passes. I want to be better, and open myself up, instead. This definitely requires extra effort on my part. Did I mention I'm a work-in-progress?
Stuck on my Safari internet browser,
Cyndi
Lauren is moving back to the Dallas area at the end of December, as she has taken a job here, instead of the original plan of going to Houston. Either way, it's a win-win. Houston has a fabulous library system, and Lauren was to be a Youth Librarian there. But after much thought, she has decided to take a Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area instead. She's super excited to 1) move back to Texas, and 2) have her puppy back - and be near family again. We are looking forward to her being close again, and I will have my yoga partner back, as well as a fellow running partner. Colorado has been good to her, and I know it will be a experience she'll always remember.
As Tula awaits her Dog Mama to come back, David and I are doing the best we can to be surrogate dog parents. Tula and I are still going to Manners Class at What A Great Dog training facility in Frisco. It's a completely positive reinforcement discipline used to train your puppy/dog. I have blogged about this new-to-me training method previously, and am happy to report I've come a long way in my own progress. Tula can only be as good as I am, as she relies on me to train her. And I'm not that good. So she rides the struggle bus, along with me, as we go through this journey of learning good dog manners together. It's a team effort, and since there's no "I" in team (there is a "me" though) it's either we're both succeeding - or we're both screwing it all up. I'll leave it as: we are a work-in-progress. I definitely have more work to do, but I will tell you, I can regurgitate the proper actions verbally, but actually doing them is another story. I do know one thing, that when it rains dog treats from my fingers, Tula is a perfect puppy pupil. Attentive and willing to do most anything. Unfortunately, I can't live my life with my dog-treat bag hanging from my waist band. That's a real thing, by the way, and I'm "that lady" with her bag of treats hanging from the waist band of my sweat pants. It's not a good look. But I do what I have to do - when I'm at dog school.
Now what about those new baby chicks I got awhile back, you ask? We had purchased 6 mystery chicks a couple of months ago, because the people who sold them to us said, "Well, we think they are (make up any name) breed, or (make up another name) breed. Yeah, we're pretty sure they will be one of those breeds". WRONG. It only took a matter of (short) time to realize they did not know what they were talking about. And it's not like we are experts on baby chickens either, so between all of us involved, no one knew what-the-heck breed these chicks really were. Fast forward 2-3 months, and waa-laa, we learned several things. 1) 4 of them were roosters. Now, you know the Sheriff (my husband, David) does not have many rules in life, but one of his rules is: No Roosters. Period. Away those 4 go, to a new home that allows roosters. 2) The 2 remaining chicks began to divide their cells at such a fast pace, they were hot to the touch. This is true, I promise. If you were to pick up one of these sweet chickens, you would think they were running a fever. They feel like they are literally on fire. Their cells are dividing and growing at a incredible pace. Why? Because they are cornish hens. Beautiful, huge, white cornish hens. Huge, short, wide legs. Ginormous bodies, waddling around on these short, fat legs. They are meat chickens. Just like the majority of chickens that people eat every day. The problem is, I have named them. Daisy and Lily. How could I possibly eat them?! They don't forage for food, they enjoy the food provided for them, and they will lay very few eggs. They are the kindest and sweetest chickens you can imagine. Gentle giants. The smaller (yet older) chickens boss them around! To add a twist of irony to this dilemma, is David got a new Big Green Egg and he'd love nothing more than to cook these tasty delights on it. I am sick about this. It's a predicament that's weighing heavy on me. Do we really eat them? Do I let them just continue to grow and grow until they burst? Because they get bigger all the time. This "update" will go unsolved. It's like watching a Dateline that doesn't find the perpetrator. This will continue to be a mystery of what we'll do. David is off work Friday to cook a brisket, and I have a hunch that there will be more than red meat on his new smoker. I feel nauseous.
I'll turn to a happier bit of news. David and I have the opportunity to travel to Honduras in February for a mission trip. One World Surgery Center is able to provide surgeries to the people (in need) in Honduras based on volunteers and donations. It is located on a 24/7 well-guarded ranch, along with an orphanage. I will volunteer as a Operating Room Registered Nurse, while David will volunteer for what they call "General" duties such as cooking, assisting in the surgery center, assisting in the orphanage, or many other general duties such as mowing, painting (or such) that is needed at the time we are there. I'll definitely blog each day I'm there so you can come along with me!
As we all fall back into our usual routines after this wonderful holiday, I realize how much I love routine in my life. I'm one of those people who can eat the same things each day, go to bed at the same time each day, and become way too set in my ways. So in my effort(s) to be more mindful, I stay turned for opportunities to grow. This helps me not be so stuck in my ways. I do enjoy thinking outside of my 9 dots. It's good for my brain, my mind, my soul and my spirit. Whether it's asking my daughter the specific reasons I should change my internet browser to Google Chrome (because she thinks it's the bomb), or not using the sentence "well it's not broken, so my iPhone 5 is just fine", or recognizing when I'm saying something "old people" say - or resisting change, esp when it comes to technology. I have many opportunities for self-improvement. As each year passes, I have to remind myself to be more objective. It's easy to start closing my world down a little at a time as each year passes. I want to be better, and open myself up, instead. This definitely requires extra effort on my part. Did I mention I'm a work-in-progress?
Stuck on my Safari internet browser,
Cyndi
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Tula
Tula is an (almost) 7 month old Australian Shepherd puppy who has come to the farm to live with us. She is Lauren's (our daughter) little puppy who will live with us until she moves from Colorado back to Texas. Lauren has taken a new Children's Librarian position in the Dallas area, and will be making her way back to Texas around Christmas time. Until then, Tula is on vacation here at the farm.
This actually occurred a few weeks ago, but David and I have been finding our 'new' normal and figuring out how a (herding) puppy will acclimate at the farm. Or should that be, how we'll acclimate with her here at the farm. I'll start with telling you about Tula. She's sweet, smart, playful and has a great desire to please. She has bright eyes, soft fur, and a heart of gold. She's had prior training at the age of 4 months and knows commands such as Sit and Heel, with a sprinkle of Tula, Come and/or Stay that needs some further undertaking. Granted, this prior training was done in a older fashion of what I've come to understand as "negative" dog training. Wait, what? Telling a dog No is a bad thing? What if we never told our children No? I may be old-school, but I was under the impression that that's how you help a dog understand expectations. No, don't do this, Yes, do this. And then the dog figures it out......right and wrong behaviors. Insert record scratch noise here. Nope, sorry Cyndi, that's not how it's done these days.
After hearing about some 'crazy' positive reinforcement dog training concept from not only my daughter, as well as co-workers, I poo-poo'd it (nice pun, huh?) and deleted that idea from my brain. I was convinced that since I've had plenty of dogs that have all turned out okay, that this "new" training idea was not for me. Then, I realized what I was doing. I was not receptive to this idea, and turned it away before even trying it - or considering it. I find as I get older that I can somehow justify this behavior. I can say, "No, thanks, I don't want to do fill-in-the-blank". It's as if I feel entitled to NOT have to try new things anymore because somehow my "old" way is still just as good. Kind of like the old adage: If it aint broke don't fix it. Time to reevaluate this, Cyndi. I can't start the old-person-hard-headed thing yet. I want to, but then I'm just setting my own self back in time. I've tried to tell myself I'll stay current, open-minded, objective and aware of new things as I age. How quickly this example shed a light on my need to improve, and stay true to being mindful of my thoughts and decisions. I was in auto-pilot mode when I shot down the positive dog training idea. That sounds like I would need to learn something new, that I don't care to learn. So, no thanks.
This situation of conflict brought about swirling in my soul, and chaos in my spirit. Should I try out this positive dog-training program? Should I revert to my old dog training ways? Why am I making this such a big deal? I know why. I have a puppy who is relying on me to help her be the best dog she can be.
Confession: I've been working on my mindfulness vs my mindlessness. It's so complicated, yet so simple. Mindfulness: A deliberate way of paying attention to what is occurring within oneself as it is happening. It is the process of attentively observing your experience as it unfolds, without judgement or evaluation". If I am to be mindful regarding this, I need to continue to develop deep attention to the present moment. Hence, I am utilizing this concept to have the awareness to see my own behavior regarding this dog training topic. I saw it! Right before my very eyes, when I am mindful, I am able to see what I'm doing. Dang it. It's easier to push it all away, and just say I'm not going to do this positive dog training thing. I'm going to do what - and how - I know in regards to training this puppy. And I did that. I said that. I put my foot down and said it out loud. "Not going to learn a new dog training technique". Period.
Yet, I didn't like the way it felt saying that. It's as if it tasted bad. Yeah, it felt good for a second after I said it, but then I knew better. If I am to be mindful of what I'm doing, I must be aware of all elements of it. Shutting down and rejecting this new opportunity of dog training was my example of mindlessness. Oh no! Just what I was trying not to do. I want to be less mindless and more mindful in my life.
I sat on my obstinance for a day. I let it brew inside me, and made every excuse why I made this decision. Then, I made my break-through. I paid attention to my thoughts, and the chatter in my head about it all. I observed my behavior as it all was occurring, and decided to be present in the moment. The old me would have plowed through with "not gonna do it". The new me wants to go somewhere new in life. Okay family, I'm boarding the train of Positive Reinforcement Dog Training. Okay then, I can't say the word 'No' to this puppy?! That's just crazy. Ooopppps, I didn't mean that. Or did I.
I proceeded to find a Doggie Day Care for Tula because David and I are both gone too long during the day to leave her crated. If we leave her out to roam the farm, she consistently herds the chickens, sheep and barn cats. Not a good thing. So we find a wonderful doggie daycare that specializes in positive reinforcement. That's a real thing, and apparently not hard to find, esp if I can find it.
Tula starts going to school each day. She plays hard all day, and there's even nap time from 12 - 2:30. By the way, you can't pick up your dog while they are napping (what universe do I live in?). The people there teach your dog a few chosen commands - with treats. They never say the word No. It rains treats at this Pet Resort.
Next? I signed up for a positive dog training class for me - and Tula, of course. But more for me. The name of this training center is called "What A Great Dog". For real. I've gone there twice now, for two group sessions with Tula. I'm in the moment while I'm there. I'm like a sponge, who is mesmerized by every word the Professional Positive Dog Trainer says. My mindfulness seems so natural there, as if I'm in a trance. Absorbing every action, word and movement around me. Like it's all happening in slow motion. I can't quit staring at the instructor, as if I can't believe what I'm hearing. Does this really work? I know one thing for sure.....I'm going to find out.
I better go buy more dog treats,
Cyndi
This actually occurred a few weeks ago, but David and I have been finding our 'new' normal and figuring out how a (herding) puppy will acclimate at the farm. Or should that be, how we'll acclimate with her here at the farm. I'll start with telling you about Tula. She's sweet, smart, playful and has a great desire to please. She has bright eyes, soft fur, and a heart of gold. She's had prior training at the age of 4 months and knows commands such as Sit and Heel, with a sprinkle of Tula, Come and/or Stay that needs some further undertaking. Granted, this prior training was done in a older fashion of what I've come to understand as "negative" dog training. Wait, what? Telling a dog No is a bad thing? What if we never told our children No? I may be old-school, but I was under the impression that that's how you help a dog understand expectations. No, don't do this, Yes, do this. And then the dog figures it out......right and wrong behaviors. Insert record scratch noise here. Nope, sorry Cyndi, that's not how it's done these days.
After hearing about some 'crazy' positive reinforcement dog training concept from not only my daughter, as well as co-workers, I poo-poo'd it (nice pun, huh?) and deleted that idea from my brain. I was convinced that since I've had plenty of dogs that have all turned out okay, that this "new" training idea was not for me. Then, I realized what I was doing. I was not receptive to this idea, and turned it away before even trying it - or considering it. I find as I get older that I can somehow justify this behavior. I can say, "No, thanks, I don't want to do fill-in-the-blank". It's as if I feel entitled to NOT have to try new things anymore because somehow my "old" way is still just as good. Kind of like the old adage: If it aint broke don't fix it. Time to reevaluate this, Cyndi. I can't start the old-person-hard-headed thing yet. I want to, but then I'm just setting my own self back in time. I've tried to tell myself I'll stay current, open-minded, objective and aware of new things as I age. How quickly this example shed a light on my need to improve, and stay true to being mindful of my thoughts and decisions. I was in auto-pilot mode when I shot down the positive dog training idea. That sounds like I would need to learn something new, that I don't care to learn. So, no thanks.
This situation of conflict brought about swirling in my soul, and chaos in my spirit. Should I try out this positive dog-training program? Should I revert to my old dog training ways? Why am I making this such a big deal? I know why. I have a puppy who is relying on me to help her be the best dog she can be.
Confession: I've been working on my mindfulness vs my mindlessness. It's so complicated, yet so simple. Mindfulness: A deliberate way of paying attention to what is occurring within oneself as it is happening. It is the process of attentively observing your experience as it unfolds, without judgement or evaluation". If I am to be mindful regarding this, I need to continue to develop deep attention to the present moment. Hence, I am utilizing this concept to have the awareness to see my own behavior regarding this dog training topic. I saw it! Right before my very eyes, when I am mindful, I am able to see what I'm doing. Dang it. It's easier to push it all away, and just say I'm not going to do this positive dog training thing. I'm going to do what - and how - I know in regards to training this puppy. And I did that. I said that. I put my foot down and said it out loud. "Not going to learn a new dog training technique". Period.
Yet, I didn't like the way it felt saying that. It's as if it tasted bad. Yeah, it felt good for a second after I said it, but then I knew better. If I am to be mindful of what I'm doing, I must be aware of all elements of it. Shutting down and rejecting this new opportunity of dog training was my example of mindlessness. Oh no! Just what I was trying not to do. I want to be less mindless and more mindful in my life.
I sat on my obstinance for a day. I let it brew inside me, and made every excuse why I made this decision. Then, I made my break-through. I paid attention to my thoughts, and the chatter in my head about it all. I observed my behavior as it all was occurring, and decided to be present in the moment. The old me would have plowed through with "not gonna do it". The new me wants to go somewhere new in life. Okay family, I'm boarding the train of Positive Reinforcement Dog Training. Okay then, I can't say the word 'No' to this puppy?! That's just crazy. Ooopppps, I didn't mean that. Or did I.
I proceeded to find a Doggie Day Care for Tula because David and I are both gone too long during the day to leave her crated. If we leave her out to roam the farm, she consistently herds the chickens, sheep and barn cats. Not a good thing. So we find a wonderful doggie daycare that specializes in positive reinforcement. That's a real thing, and apparently not hard to find, esp if I can find it.
Tula starts going to school each day. She plays hard all day, and there's even nap time from 12 - 2:30. By the way, you can't pick up your dog while they are napping (what universe do I live in?). The people there teach your dog a few chosen commands - with treats. They never say the word No. It rains treats at this Pet Resort.
Next? I signed up for a positive dog training class for me - and Tula, of course. But more for me. The name of this training center is called "What A Great Dog". For real. I've gone there twice now, for two group sessions with Tula. I'm in the moment while I'm there. I'm like a sponge, who is mesmerized by every word the Professional Positive Dog Trainer says. My mindfulness seems so natural there, as if I'm in a trance. Absorbing every action, word and movement around me. Like it's all happening in slow motion. I can't quit staring at the instructor, as if I can't believe what I'm hearing. Does this really work? I know one thing for sure.....I'm going to find out.
I better go buy more dog treats,
Cyndi
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