Seasons of my life

I live at the corner of No-Time-to-Spare and Go-Man-Go. It's a place where my soul resides. A place I belong, feel good about, and enjoy residing. While my future imaginary house of Don't-Save-Anything has not come to fruition, I enjoy this corner where I currently live.
No time to spare is something my Nanny used to say, long ago. Not all the time, but sometimes when time was of the essence. Now, I enjoy living my life as if there's no time to spare. Because there's not.
No time in my life is spare time. Time is all I really have, with family, friends and with my farm and animals. I enjoy many other things as well, that occupy my time. Biking, running, swimming, yoga, gardening, blogging, surfing the net, emailing, working, walking, daydreaming, mowing, driving, shopping at the feed store, and don't forget sleep. I could go on and on, as we all could. Talking/connecting with my husband, and running/being with my daughter are two of my favorite pastimes. None of this is spare time. I have none to spare. I'm a time-sponge. I want to soak it all up.
I look at it as if I have a limited amount of time on earth. The only thing certain in life is death. Everything in between is Go Big or Go Home. Yes, I do like going home. And sometimes I'll take a nap when I get there. But time is my most valuable commodity. I can get more money. But I can't get more time. I desire to use it well.
Recently, I made a change in my work environment. A change of seasons, if you will. It was time, and I knew it. I have found over time, that in my life I've fallen into being who others wanted me to be. I followed the natural course of things. And great things happened. Mostly. But over time, I realized they were not necessarily great for me. They were maybe someone else's great things, and it seemed as if I was taking up the space that was meant for them and not standing in my own space. Like wearing someone else's shoes.
Walking away from what others told me I should do, and walk my own path has brought me into a new season in my life. I've enjoyed all seasons I've lived. All of them, yet some more than others. Now, my secret soul has guided me toward a understanding of deciding how I want to live. Work-wise and in my personal life. Just because a wide swath of people think one thing, does not mean it's what I should think. Understanding my own spirit, my path in life and my desires has been a new way of thinking these past few years. I'm giving myself permission to fall into my own life. I have a set of loves, dreams and idiosyncrasies. Tapping into this part of me has allowed me to speak my truth about what I love and who I am. This is my life. It doesn't matter what's lovely for others, what matters is does it fit me. I'm all about each person speaking their truth, and walking their own path.
I've been a work-in-progress in this chapter of the Book of Cyndi the last 5 or so years, and they have been growing ones for me. Walking away from what others think I should do, and live life doing what I desire to do. It's no longer about Most-this, and Most-that like in the high school yearbook days. It's about having the privilege to make my life. And re-make it. Which I have done multiple times. It has been frowned upon by people around me. Yet, I keep owning myself, and staying true. In my mind, I have a window that's open, with SO many things I desire to do, calling me. It's endless. I love it that there's more things in life I want to do and not enough time to do it all. It's like I get to live several lives, all in one lifetime. And I get to decide. If only I was more confident earlier in life to speak my truth. Be my authentic self. God has blessed me with this ability now, and I am most grateful. I'm at the edge of it all, at the beginning of owning my life. What I choose to do and not have to feel like I need to justify my actions. I'm just going to be me. Live my little life. And in my little life, I have no time to spare. Busy, busy. I don't want to wear other people's shoes. I want to walk in my own shoes. And being able to acknowledge that, was my first step, only a few years back. And what a huge step it was. It was like I woke up and decided not to live for what others expected and wanted for me, but to shed all that weight my soul carried and become simply me. I was there, waiting my arrival like a baby bird from an egg. I hatched and there I was. Ready for the world.
In this season of my life, my heart overflows with gratitude. Words that I'm choosing for this season are passion, love, authenticity, grace and spirit. I want to soak up every minute. Being me. Loving myself for who God has made.
The world will tell you how to live life if you let it. Don't let it. Living at the corner of Go, Man, Go and No-Time-To-Spare, there's so much opportunity awaiting me. My soul is screaming out: Be you. Let yourself live the life you desire. Sing your song. While I've struggled to find my footing at times, I'm thankful for solid ground. I continue to grow my spirit, and nurture myself. I know it will take a lifetime for me to learn and grow. Two steps forward, one step back, as going backwards is often the best way to move forward. That took me awhile to figure out.
And when my monkey mind tries to take hold of me, I've learned to use silence and solitude to teach me things I know, in ways I never thought to know them. Truly alone, I can listen to my life. Silence can be my anchor, along with moving meditation that assists me in quieting my mind and calming the waves that life brings.  Feeling calm when life is rocky and finding peace through it all is a gift. This ability has freed me to truly live. Picking and choosing what serves me. Singing my own song.

"You wander from room to room hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck"
-Rumi

Thank goodness I found it,
Cyndi