Chicken Check

It's days like these that Cluckingham is right with the world. The 60+ flock is living large, surviving the heat, and laying eggs like it's Easter every day. 

Sugar blends right in, with many of the chickens larger than
her. Sometimes, I think Sugar considers herself one of them.

Whose the Boss

The flock has grown in number, as well as in the number of different breeds within the flock. 

What diversity looks like in our front yard.
Yes, there’s a hammerhead shark hanging on the fence. 
Long story. 

I've really taken more notice about whose in charge. For awhile it was Ginger and Butterscotch, as they were the first chickens we had - and were Rhode Island Reds who are naturals at taking charge. Once they aged and passed on, there was a cinnamon queen (Poppy) and an orpington (Butter) who both rivaled to keep everyone in line. Then, Poppy became a girl just living her chicken life, and several of the orpington's bounced to the top of the flock because they are naturally bossy. I'm talking to you Butter and Sunshine. 

Yeah, I even look bossy

Butter is SO bossy, that she keeps Sugar in line. Sugar knows to steer clear of that particular chicken. She don't play - and will peck whoever needs to be realigned. You will likely lose a feather or two. Sometimes, Butter will even sit on another chicken, if she feels like she needs to. 

Butter, Bossy Boots

So odd. One day, I came out to the barn in the evening for chores, and there she was, sitting on Sally. Sally was unsure what to make of this, and kept still. So, I'm pretty sure the orpington's have had an upheaval and have decided to take over Cluckingham. I've just noticed that more and more lately, exactly which breeds are in which order, i.e. whose the bossiest. 

Don’t let these 3 Buff Orpingtons fool you. 

From my experience, the Orpingtons, Rhode Island Reds and some of the Cinnamon Queens are born leaders. The followers tend to be the Ameraucana's, Ideal 236's, Polish and Silkies/Frizzles. 

The Not-Bold and The Beautiful Ameraucana’s

Many of the other breeds fall in between the leaders and followers. I’ll call them the blenders. They blend in and mix well with everyone. 

Turkins are da best. Inquisitive, vocal and smart!

Long Neck.
She’s a blender, go along and gets along. 

Young pullet, Santa Fe

And then factor in age. Age generally determines your place in the flock. The elders are top notch (unless they are hurt or sick) and the youngsters often have to eat last, and dance around their elders so as to not get in their way and risk having a feather plucked out. This pecking order is so apparent in the chicken world. Chickens don't mess around: here's the order, here's where you place in the chicken world, and every now and again - it might change. Until then, if you get out of line, Butter or Sunshine will let you know. 

Alexa, Wash the dishes

Ta Dah!

Almost done. Getting close......

Never mind, Alexa, can you believe I can actually wash my own dishes now. I have a sink, an oven and stove, and am thrilled at the thought of putting every thing back into the kitchen (from the living room and dining room). The floors need to be finished and there's no fridge in the kitchen, but who really needs cold things. It's only 100 degrees outside.

Crazy Town

Yet, I discovered it's not that easy to put everything back because: 1) the kitchen is now in a different configuration than it used to be and hours of thought needs to go into figuring what goes where, and 2) all the shelves need liners on them, and 3) the cabinet paint is so pristine, that you hate to mess anything up by actually using them.  

Step 1: Begin lining the cabinet shelves. Step 2: Stop and think about what's going to go in that particular cabinet, Step 3: Repeat. This in itself took an entire day. I did at least 6 hours of thinking, walking around and looking at my kitchen things, and doing more thinking. I could not bring myself to throw it all back in there willy nilly. Why you ask, because that's what I've done most every time I've moved into a kitchen before. I always did very little thinking and would just put things in their usual place I think they should go. It was different this time. 

Why? Because my subconscious did not want me to put anything in these brand new cabinets with fresh paint so smooth and clean. I think alot of my thinking time was adjusting to the idea that I am going to use this kitchen. I'm actually going to use the kitchen and I might mess something up. And it looks so nice right now. After a day of processing this, I finally begin to place my kitchen things back into the kitchen on lined shelves. I did it. I made the mental shift of knowing that it's okay that we will mess things up - although no one tries to. It just happens. It's life. After all, kitchen's will have snaccidents. 

Game Changer

It's the farm sink for me. It's changed my entire life. Why have I lived with two-sided kitchen sinks all my life when I could have one huge one. Everything literally fits in the kitchen sink now. Nothing dirty needs to be anywhere except in the sink. Even the sponge and Dawn. Everything. Even my little dogs can fit in there too, like it's their own pawsonal spa. No, they have not been in there yet, but I could literally wash them both at once and have room for me in there, too. This sink has changed my life, did I mention that? 

This was our first ever kitchen re-do, and my list of learning is as follows: 1) I enjoy living on the side of the road more than living in a house without a kitchen, 2) That picking out the countertop, back splash, cabinet colors, knobs/pulls, and lighting was not a skill I've developed in my lifetime and I must have missed that class somewhere along the way. I never signed up for Design 101. The struggle was real. There are people who love doing this. I'm not one of those people. I would give an audible 'ugh' every time I needed to pick something out for the kitchen. 3) Keeping my downstairs bathroom clean for people coming in and out of the house on a regular basis felt a little intrusive at times (I'll call this an unofficial complaint) and lastly, 4) Trust yourself. Pick out what you like. That's all that matters. 

I'll just say that each time our Contractor asked me about the tile design/placement options, or where to hang the pendant lights, or where to place the knobs on the cabinets, I obviously would have a blank stare on my face because he would always say to me, "Maybe you should call your husband and ask him." And I always did. Thank you, David. We can do hard things, but this is not a hard I like to pick. Luckily, you were there for me - and the Contractor. I'm sure he appreciated that more than we will ever know.

No fridge yet. Not to worry. Only a 
week or two and it might be there. 
Don't let the fact that it's a little kitchen
convince you it's a quick process.

We are not at the finish line yet, but we are close. I'll take close. I mean, I'm washing my dishes in a biga$$ kitchen sink that I could probably bathe in. Irregardless, we are close enough and I'm walking into the finish line taking my time. I hear the music playing and the people cheering. I'm almost there.

9 months does a baby make

9 months and then typically human babies show up. 5 months for goats and sheep, 21 days for chickens. And now, it's been 9 months since Brooks was born. 

When your mom and dad are BOTH librarians 

We had a little fun at the farm this weekend with Brooks - and his mom and dad. Isn't it funny how we get relegated down the line after we have a child? I digress. Pops and Nana (that's us) enjoyed having a splash day with Brooks. Mama was close by and Daddy was documenting the moment. 

He may or may not attend kindergarten without
Mom. Luckily there are rules for that. 

We enjoyed time with the whole fam! Whenever I leave/they leave after seeing them, my mouth is sore from smiling so much. And I feel like I've just stared at Brooks the whole time. It's like watching a 1-man band in amazement, but it's Brooks. And everyone else in the periphery fades out. The best part is I get to shower and sleep that night. Grandkids are the best. Next life, I'm doing that first. 

Cultivating patience

It's now been 1 week since my last day at work, and I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not retired yet, and will get back to work eventually, but I'm taking a break in the meantime. I'm feeling what it feels like to not work. This is new. 

It literally took ALL last week to feel like what it feels like to not work. For me, the highlight was that I found myself stopping something I was doing ALL the time and did not even realize it. Wait, maybe I realized it, but I always thought it was a part of life, period, the end. But turns out, it's not. What is it you ask? Rushing around. I quit rushing. Cold turkey. No 12 step program to quit all the rushing. No medications to stop my rushing tendencies. I just stopped rushing around when I didn't feel the need to do so anymore. If NOTHING else comes of this min-break from workie work, I've learned what it feels like to stop rushing about. And it feels supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

So the letting go of rushing was a biggie for me. Even though I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm not. I'm feeling like what it feels like to think: "Oh, if I don't do fill-in-the-blank today, I'll have time tomorrow to do fill-in-the-blank". Really? Put something off til tomorrow? Normally, I'll rush about and get it all done. But nope. That feeling of saying "but after this week, things will slow down a bit" magically drifts away. I've said that every week of my entire life, except for last week. 

As last week wrapped up and the rushing feelings began to subside, I set an intention to cultivate patience. I needed to practice being patient with myself as I begin to accept a slower-for-me pace in the greater picture of my life. Learning that 'today is enough', whatever it is I'm doing that day. Work brings about so much of our self worth, that when work was no longer there day to day, this was an opportunity to cultivate patience for these new feelings of uncertainty. I began to understand that there was no need to rush around, and instead, I could choose to stay deeper in the moment I was in. Then, the real ah ha moment hit:  why was I not doing this already, while I was working. There is no need to rush ahead. Wait, I'm pretty sure I always felt like there was. I'm still sorting these new feelings out. And when I do go back to work, I'm excited to have this new perspective to take with me. 

What's most odd about this last week? I became the kind of free that I've spent my who life pretending that I didn't want. I feel a new freedom deep down in my soul. I think I've denied wanting it because I didn't ever think I could actually have it. The last time I felt this free? When I was running across the U.S. and was only responsible for myself and no one else. It's a type of free that we don't often celebrate, as it's not something that we readily have access to. 

Even when I go back to work, I'm looking forward to taking these new feelings with me. I have a taste for them, and I really like how free feels. I couldn't have experienced this without David's support. He's my biggest cheerleader for allowing my soul to chase dreams, goals and live my life with the art of non-conformity. This reminds me of the time when my mom bought me a t-shirt in high school that had this printed on the front, "I walk to the beat of a different drummer". My mom knew me better than I knew myself. Yes, I was in the drum corp in band. But I don't think that's why she got me that t-shirt. 

Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, said it well: "We must do what we need to do. Those who disapprove will either come around or stop coming around. Either way, lovely." She goes on to say that it's hard to refuse to abandon yourself. But it's also hard to abandon yourself. It's all hard. And as we do - we all pick our hards. And the people I find are the people I was meant to find. And with them: I can be both held and free. 

That's the thing about Glennon, she inspires others to stay true to who they are, even when others disapprove, get mad or leave. She inspires me to set healthy boundaries and always refuse to be the energy supply for people who feel entitled to you, knowing that because of this, you will likely be seen as the problem. And that therein is then my reminder to not worry about what other people think. Glennon, so much deep thinking. 

See what happens when I have a week off work? Glennon Doyle arrives in my brain full force and reminds me to stay true. Be you. Or better yet, Bee Ewe. 

Wait, did you just say ewe?

I sure did. After all those heavy thoughts this past week, and a lot of learning going on, I got a very special call. Ring, Ring, Hello? Oh Hi Amy! What? Y'all are making some changes? Yes, of course we are ready to take our sheep back, and we'd love to! 

From l to r: Brooklyn, Grace, Willow,
Lulu and Belle

And just like that, 8 months later, Belle, Willow, Grace, Lulu and Brooklyn are coming home. 

Just saying

Always go with the choice that scares you,

Cyndi

Guess what. Chicken butt. Never gets old.

 

 

Change is a good thing

8 months later....

It was Nov 2020 that David's diagnosis landed upon him, and I can now see David circling back to himself. It's been quite the journey. When I look back, I can see all the new coping mechanisms we added to our skills toolbox, and how clearly David pushed through it all without complaint or doubt. And now, fast forward to post recovery of cancer treatment, and he's living life and making up for lost time when reality took him away from himself. He's back. He's making limitless to-do lists each weekend. It's not just a piece of paper with black marks on it. No, it's his record of how far he's come. Health is a crown, and he's wearing it proudly. 

So here we are, full circle. I've seen this coming, as his transition has been a daily practice of baby steps. It warms my heart to see him back doing the things he loves to do - and wants to do. It was easy to take life for granted before 2020. Now we know that everything we do and experience is a gift. His mantra of 'you don't get it til you get it' aluminates from his soul and has changed the lens from which he sees. His new level of self-awareness has boosted his life to one of knowing that any morning could be the last time you brush your teeth. And with that said, let's do things. What are we waiting for. 

There's hiking....

Hike Life

There's kayaking.....

Doesn’t get better than this

Then there's work (painting, lots of painting)

Never a shortage of painting opportunities 

There's never a lack of things to do on a farm. The fact that David can do these things again is the miracle. We took it all for granted. Now we know better. One of my favorite things we've been doing together is our bike rides, and each time we are out riding I look over at him and can't believe that we are there together doing these things again. God is good. No, wait, God is great. We give it all to Him.

Horse Play

One of the things that's been amazing is watching David with the mini horses. 

Hope needs him. Men have not been good to her in
her harsh past life. 

He is so good with the mini’s, and he doesn’t even know it

Dora and Hope are like any other farm animal that is struggling with fly season. It's awful this year - and started early. And what's odd is how Dora's body handles flies vs Hope's body. We are able to control the flies with Dora by sprays and ointment as needed. That, along with the hundred fly traps in the barn. Hope, on the other shoe, is easily harmed by them, and we have to watch for sores and hot spots and treat them early. David and I decided on a fly mask for Hope, and it's working well, as the flies were really working hard on her sweet face. 

David has been spending time with both Dora and Hope, and has found his own way with each of them. It's so beneficial for both David and I to take time with the mini's. There are each very gentle and sweet in their own way. Hope and Dora adore each other and have developed a very tight bond with each other.

Hope looks like a horse superhero
with her fly mask on. She so fly.

It's like The Golden Girls minus 1. They fuss sometimes, and then the next minute, they are grooming each other. I'm so glad they have found their way to each other in life. They each have something to give in their relationship. It's a privilege to be able to care for them, as I learn more from my farm animals than I could ever possibly list. Forgiveness, resiliency, and being in the moment. What trust looks like, how to exercise patience, and just how important it is to play. 

So let's play

Maybe is always All In!

Ever since we took the wild Mallard ducklings to Hagerman Wildlife Refuge weeks ago, we were smitten with everything about the place. We recently took our kayaks out there and enjoyed some quiet time on the silky smooth waters watching birds of every shape, size and sound. There we were, in the middle of their world. 

Are you sure this is safe

Dogs are allowed there, as are boats on the water, and fishing and hunting is allowed. The fishing and hunting part is so hard for me to wrap my head around, but it's true. The place is open 365 days a year from dawn to dusk. There's hiking trails and plenty of mosquitos. 

Of course, we took The Littles. It was their first time in a kayak, and while Maybe is a natural adventurer, Sugar needed a little time to decompress from the excitement and had to have a mid-kayaking nap in the shade. 

💤 

This was one of our July 4th adventures. We ventured out on new-to-us county roads this weekend, and we also released turtles to new homes with a total rehoming turtle count of 17. Trying hard over here to give the fish in our pond a fighting chance to survive. 

Hell's Kitchen

Yeppers, we are still in no-kitchen mode.

Drying over here 

It's a slow process, so it seems anyway. Yet, if the moon, stars and sun line up properly, we will have countertops installed this week. The cabinets are painted and are now dry. The drying took about as long as it took me to run across the state of Tennessee. And just about as hot, as we actually had to open the windows a few days and nights in the process. 

We are ready for you

The countertop guy has our quartz ready for install, and we are ready because that also means that our kitchen sink will be installed and then I can stop washing the dishes in the shower or bathroom sink. I think what I've realized is that it's not just about not having a kitchen or kitchen sink. It's that the breakers/fuses to the kitchen outlets (which are turned off until the electrician comes to install the outlets, which is not soon) are those same breakers that are attached to my laundry room light, some outlets in there - and the dining area, too. So when dusk comes and it gets dark, I better have my flashlight to do laundry or to see things in the dining area. It's a mini $hit show for sure. I remind myself daily that it's worth the wait. I've been thinking about just selling the house and moving somewhere where there's a kitchen and lights. But I think that's just my impatience shining bright. Simmer down, Cyndi.

Whose singing a new tune

Turns out, I gave my 2 weeks notice last week. As a recap, it was over 3 years ago that I went from working for the doctors in the operating room to working for them in their medical office/practice. And as of Friday, I will no longer be doing that. I could go on and on and tell you why and sound bitter and whiny. So instead I will tell you that I realized that I was wrong to have made that career change. And since being wrong feels just like being right, in the moment, I thought I was right, when I was actually wrong.

Once I made amends with myself about staying somewhere that I knew better about, I gave myself a little self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The administration at this practice showed me who they were from the beginning.....I just didn't believe it. Yes, I know better, therefore I will do better and move on. When someone shows you who they are, you should believe it, and Oprah preaches this day in and day out. Instead, I denied it, but my intuition and knowing saved me, and I finally listened. I'm going to move forward in life and consider it failing forward. Hopefully, I will make a better choice next time. The hardest part for me is that the doctors there are amazing and talented. I will miss most of them. 

I'm now holding myself accountable for this chapter in my life, and they will hold themselves accountable for their own selves. I'll stay in my lane and look ahead at what life will bring. Do I know what that is? Do I ever know what that is? No, not really. That's what makes life such an adventure. I'm excited about the discovery of what's next, the hope, and listening to my heart and my inner knowing - and following that. I'm busy over here embracing the person I'm becoming, and I can because it's my business (thank you, Tabitha Brown). Onward, my friends. What's the first thing I did once I gave my notice? I signed up for an Ironman triathlon in Augusta, Georgia. I'm feeling like myself again, and between David and I both feeling ourselves these days, we are cruising on the Autobahn of Life. After all, at my last visit with my own oncologist, my numbers are looking a little better, even though I had to have a phlebotomy. It's all part of the polycythemia vera process. I'm feeling good, and that's what matters at this moment. 

I'll leave you with little Brooks learning to clap his hands. 

Watching children learn is like being able to see straight through to their little brain and watch their neurons firing away. He's now learning to pull up to a stand, and I hope Lauren and Ryan are eating their Wheaties to keep up with this little guy. 

Skies not even the limit,

Cyndi

Most grateful 

 

Have you herd

Who knew that goat and sheep herding for Tula was in the cards. 

Marie and Tula working it out

Turns out, it's not. I mean, it could be. But it's not going to be after all. 

We tried 😎

Here's the dealio. Here on the farm, we've taught Tula not to chase the sheep and goats, or the chickens or ducks. We've intentionally pushed against her natural herding instinct for her whole 4 years of life. Now, we're trying to convince her it's okay to chase the goats, and move them to a different location. Tula looks up at me like, Have you lost your mind? Yeah, I know, for 4 years I've told you not to do this, and now I'm telling you to do this. She's so confused. We stopped. We called it it, and called it a day with herding. But OMGoodness did I learn ALOT. These people know herding, they know dogs and they know so many things I don't know. In our 3 sessions, they taught me 1) those people are not my people, but I really like them, 2) details regarding the ins and outs of training a dog to herd and that it takes forever, and 3) that Tula can be a pet and farm dog without having an exact job. That sounds odd to even say that, but in my mind, I was pretty sure that Tula needed a job to fill a void in her smart mind. It's always interesting when someone else puts words together that seemingly gives you permission to let go of an idea. That's exactly what Marie (sheep/goat herding coach and judge) did. Maybe Marie knew she was doing that - or maybe she didn't. Either way, my mindshift is that Tula is our companion and is allowed to enjoy life without a job, and that's okay. I was probably overly focused on finding her a job, and now I know she's fine without one. Somehow I thought Tula, as an Aussie, would be happier with a job. But it's just not necessarily so, according to Marie, anyway. They taught me that it's really more about obedience training for Tula, and with further training, she can be obedient and still do some of things around the farm that's beneficial for everyone. Perfect. 

Our pack

And, Tula can then look up at me with her bright eyes, and I can give commands that helps her use her brilliant mind and body. Together, we can stimulate that smart little brain of hers - just in a different way. She's by far the smartest dog we've had in the family. We'll just tap into that in a little different way. Thanks Marie at Alamar Farm for teaching me what sheep and goat herding is all about. I've always wondered about that. I mean, David and I have always herded the sheep around here ourselves, and I can tell you, it's not an easy task. Now we know. 

What's the dealio in the kitchen

I'm here to tell you that the kitchen has a ways to go. 

The cabinets are in 🤩

You know how this goes. It sounds like such a great idea, and then all of a sudden, it gets real, real fast. The demo of the kitchen started around May 24th, if I recall correctly. We had taken everything out of the kitchen and placed it in the dining room and living room. There was an abundance of stuff in our kitchen, I mean, who knew. We are leaving Week 4 now (feels like more, trust me) and feeling like we live in a house without a kitchen on some kind of permanent basis. We are estimating that it'll be 4 more weeks. It's hard to say, but this last week was a delay as the contractor had to special order the flooring. We can't move forward without the floor fixed first. There's an order to all this business. 

Floor corrections and painters are next up

Turns out finding the same flooring to fix the wood floor was not as easy as it sounds. We had a commercial type of flooring placed 5 years ago at our initial renovation of the home, and it's not like you can just go up to Home Depot and grab it. Same with the stain. It's okay though. In the long run, what's a couple of months without a kitchen. So what if I forget how to cook. That's not necessarily a bad thing, right? 

Whatever happened to the ducklings? 

Speaking of learning alot. As the mallard ducklings approached 3 weeks old, David and I started researching how best to release them. At first, we thought we'd release them to our own pond. Turns out, after talking to Texas Parks and Wildlife extension, we were told releasing wild mallards to our own pond where there's existing (boy) drakes, not to mention turtles the size of Montana in the pond, we were advised to take them to a rescue in Hutchins. We were referred to Rogers Wildlife Rehabilitation in Hutchins who then told us they are 3 weeks out from taking more ducklings because they are so full. They, too, told me not to release them to our pond, and to call the Game Warden of Grayson County. Turns out we need a permit to be raising and keeping wild ducks. Remember the Migratory Bird Treaty Act? You know the one that protects migratory birds of certain species (of which mallards are included). Turns out we need a permit to be incubating and keeping wild mallards. We are also supposed to "mark" the ducklings appropriately (there rules for this) and then keep them safe for the rest of their life. That, or release them ASAP so they stand a chance of surviving in the wild. The Game Warden told me to take them to Hagerman Wildlife Refuge and release them. He said the sooner the better, as they stand a better chance of survival. Otherwise, they will not learn how to survive if we raise and feed them. 

If you're ever close by, this is a magical place

I could not take the ducklings myself that particular day, and actually I don't remember where I was that particular evening either, but David collected the ducklings and drove them to Hagerman Wildlife Refuge to set them free. 

Even though David found it difficult (in the tall grass) to watch them pitter-pattering away, these ducklings scooted away like a boss. It was as if they knew exactly where they were going, even though they've never been there. Kind of like the first time you take your kid to a candy store. They just instinctually know what to do. 

Turns out, there are TONS of birds and fowl at Hagerman. It's a refuge for millions of migratory birds and ducks. The Game Warden had said, Just go drop them off. Like I do that all the time - or that people can do that all the time. I had no idea that I could drive in and drop off wild things. But what I think what he was saying is, "Please let those wild ducklings go now, thank you". And then promptly sent me a flyer/handout for 'what to do when wild ducks attempt to lay eggs in people's yards or swim in people's pools'. I'm thinking part of his job is to teach people like me what not to do. He's basically saying 1) contact them if there are eggs abandoned from wild (protected) ducks, and 2) follow the guidelines for what they suggest to keep those said ducks from hanging around suburbia homes. Consider myself educated. Check. The learning never stops around here. 

You so fly

This time, it's not Suga Suga you so fly. This time, it's that there's so much rain, water, no wind and lots of farm animal poop around that the flies are having a hay day. This is universal, and I know it's not just here. But it does seem like all the flies ARE here. 

With that said, since I can halter the mini horses, I am able to spray them for flies, brush and groom them and basically take the kind of care they need each year when it's heavy fly season. Now the donkeys, they are a whole other story. I struggle every year. And we always make it through. 

Mama & Papa 

These donkey donks are not only rescue donkeys and were living here on the property when we arrived in Gunter, but they are in fact (as people say) simply donkeys being donkeys. That means they do what they want, when they want and how they want. It's just what donkeys do. 

Sweet Mama

Sweet Mama donkey is all about the love, the brushing and the treats. I can groom her forever. She's all about that, and will stand still on her own. No halter, no restraints.....just brushing please. But as soon as she smells any insecticide/pesticide whether it's in a spray, pour-on or ointment.....she's out. No thanks. 

 

I’ll be over here, thank you

Proud Papa donkey is all about independence. He'll allow pets if he feels like it. He loves Mama donkey more than anybody or anything in this world, except for treats. Treats are his thing, besides Mama, of course. They lovingly lay their heads on each other, and get highly upset and agitated if they are apart for any reason at all. 

David and I's fly defense this year for them were some newly purchased lower leg mesh covers. They work great. If you can get them on the donkey. David and I went full-court press on them and pinned them tight (up in the barn) so we (I) could reach in and place these much-needed covers on each leg. David held them together (penned) while I carefully placed these covers on the lower region of each of their legs, all while chanting to God out loud, the whole time. Something like, Please God, Please God. 

Success, and now the flies can't get to the coveted area of lower leg flesh which the flies love to eat. Yes, Papa did take off 3 out of 4 of his leg covers over the next week, but I figured having one leg protected was better than none. Mama being the sweet thing she is, left her leg covers on, and continued to allow me to put ointment and spray on her (reluctantly mind you) to keep the flies at bay. 

I was "that" mom recently and called the vet to ask what more I could do to help with this fly situation (they create sores on horses, cattle, donkeys, etc) and Dr Shelton gave me several nice alternatives, and said they are about 15 years old (give or take) and that they'll live until about 30-35 year old. He said that many people do nothing, and wait out fly season. Donkeys are tough, he says. What he doesn't know is that it's very hard for my tender heart to watch flies devour my donkeys, for a couple of months every year. 

Fast forward to a conversation with David about the donkeys having 20 more years of life. How can we take care of these beautiful creatures as we age. People do it all the time. Then, the idea of giving them a new home, just as we had done with the sheep became a lightbulb moment above our heads. David and I's cancer diagnosis has us right-sizing our lives. We are trying hard to take care of our business ahead of time, so that no one else will need to do that for us. It's not like we are stepping off the curb tomorrow. But one never really knows, and reality has SNUC up on us and David and I both understand that we have cancers that are 1) not curable (me) and 2) highly likely to reoccur (David). We are eliminating many things in our life, and find that we still have tons of things left. It's a process. We feel like the responsible and right thing to do is take our life down to a more manageable size. 

David and I made the difficult decision to find the donkeys a new home. Yes, I cried. For days I mulled this over, just as we had done with the sheep. As we searched for answers, we fell upon 4-5 families that were fighting over Mama and Papa donkey. These people are what I like to call Donkey People. I had no idea about this, but quickly found out people are looking for full size donkeys. They want them with cattle, for pets, and for training of new horses to show them whose boss and calm them down. Donkey's purpose in life was so much broader than I ever knew. And people know precisely what they want their donkeys to do for them. They are great protectors from predators, we know that for sure. But so many other things as well.

We ended up picking Tanya, a cattle and horse lady in Aubrey. She was looking for a couple of donkeys (for a couple of reasons, actually) and has been a Donkey Lady her whole life. She knows how to get them to move, care for them and knows a donkey's personality like they were her own children. She can drive a 20 foot gooseneck trailer like a boss. She's a badass ranch lady who was raised as such. 

It all went down around 9 pm on a weeknight recently. The air was still, the weather called for 100% chance of mosquitos - and the barn was lit up like a shining star in the sky. They were coming for the donkeys on this late night. Tanya (and her mom, also a cattle lady) pulled her 20 ft gooseneck trailer into the pasture like she was driving a small riding mower. Easy peasy. She backed it up to the barn and hopped out. She asked if David and I wanted to do this - or her. We picked us. 

We had meticulously rearranged the barn (earlier that day) for this very moment. We had moved the horses out to the back pasture and welcomed the donkeys up to the barn area. Mama and Papa were very inquisitive about all this hub bub. When the time came, David and I corralled them into the barn, and hustled them towards to other side of the barn where an open trailer door was awaiting them. The donkeys came to a screeching halt, like there has hot lava ahead inside that trailer and they knew it. Mostly because it was a step-up into the trailer. No, thank you, they said. We don't do step-ups. 

David and I tried and tried to cox them into the trailer several times and using what we thought, were different ways. Mama and Papa were in complete disagreement with all this. Yep, it was going to take Tanya to make this magic happen. And sure enough, she got her cattle prod out and boom, the donkeys were in the trailer. In my self awareness of the moment, I could feel her watching (us) the city slickers trying to get their spoiled donkeys into her trailer. She was patient with us. Tanya has a soft heart. We've learned alot about her in a short period of time, and could not have picked a better place for our special donkeys. God sent her to us, I know no other way to explain it. The other people lurking in the background on my phone asking for Mama and Papa faded away quickly. In our one evening adventure with Tanya, I learned more about donkeys, as well as driving a huge truck with a 20 ft trailer with a cattle prod on hand at all times. She's a cattle kind of women. The donkeys will help her with protection for her cattle - as well as pasture pets for the family. They have a pig that I swear lives inside their house. She talks about Toots like I talk about Brooks. I have complete confidence the tradition of spoiling these sweet but fierce donkeys will carry on. Thanks, Tanya for showing me what a strong women with a soft heart looks like. 

It wasn't the next day, but day after that, that my heart hurt the most. I found myself looking around for the donkeys and saving my banana peels for them. This is going to take awhile. In my mind, I will carry the donkeys with me in the same sweet spot in my heart as I hold the sheep. And the goats. And. And. And. These animals will never leave me. I will forever carry them in my heart and soul.

Watching myself from outside myself

Something I've noticed lately is how my self awareness is growing, the more I practice it. I can actually see myself having conversations with people, like I'm watching from above and seeing it from an angle I've not seen before. I find myself thinking about what I'm saying - or what I'm going to say. I find that I'm super curious and just wanting to absorb information, esp from others where I find the topic interesting or new. I've definitely become more aware of the energy in a room, and take note of it more readily. I watch people more intently as they move or talk. It's like I can see myself in my own life, happening right before my very eyes. 

It's this self awareness and realization of what's going on around me that is moving me towards the continuation of the right-sizing of the farm. I don't feel in control of it happening. It's more like I'm watching it happen before my very eyes. I don't necessarily have reasons for everything I'm doing in regards to it. It's just happening. I trust that my intuition is guiding my decisions, because these decisions and actions are unfolding almost on their own, and with such ease. Somehow, that makes it feel intentional and true. I don't feel a need to find excuses or reasons for everything I do. I find myself doing things that feel like they need to be done. And with that said, I'm filled with a sense of knowing that I'll find out in the future why I'm doing what I'm doing now. Time will answer everything that I need to know. 

It's like a new realm I've somehow stepped into. A new level in the universe that has engulfed me. As if I'm going somewhere, and will find out when I get there. And somehow I'm okay with that. And even more oddly enough, I don't question it. I just notice it. 

This frame of mind I'm in now is allowing me to make changes that seemingly are meant to be. Whether it's on the farm, at work, or simply in my thoughts - I'm incredibly settled and at peace about the decisions and activities around me, even those that are volatile and unsure. Life hasn't always felt like this. Maybe the best way to express it is that I feel more connected as a whole in the world, rather than separate. Like I'm part of the sunrise and it feels good. Maybe Eckhart Tolle (love his book, A New Earth) has taken up residence in my brain and helping me awaken to a more conscious life. 

Oddly, this all relates to the donkeys. That not everything is meant for me. And the records that play in my head may not be the reality around me. I just need to trust my intuition and I've been listening to it more and more lately. I wished I'd had a class in high school titled that: Trust yourself and listen to your intuition. I wonder if I'd have taken that class - or had the capacity to take that message in. I might have found my voice sooner, played small less and turned inward more for decisions. I rode all the others trains before I found this new one called self awareness. Whew, glad I'm on this train better late than never. 

Little Brookie

Someone turned 8 months old!

Happy boy 🥰

It's so fun watching him grow and learn, and grow some more. 

He shines his light bright

He's in that sweet spot. He babbles and coos right now, and is unable to say the word No. He can't get too far away, as he's crawling and reaching for things within reason. He's all smiles and goes wherever you take him. Yep, that sweet spot. 

If we could freeze time just for a while to really enjoy this. If only. But what's around the corner is what makes life exciting. For now, it's the calm before the not calm ( I don't want to use the word storm, and scare Lauren). I am soaking in the beauty of it all. Brooks babbles and noises always brighten my day. Always. 

What the road said

I recently bought a new children's book, What The Road Said for a couple of gifts. 

The book is thoughtfully and cleverly written by Cleo Wade and has become one of my fast favorites. She is a writer and poet, and this is her first children's book. Yes, it spoke to me as an adult. Her book reminds me that it's okay to be afraid or to sometimes wander down the wrong path. 

We love us some road time

The author encourages us to lead with kindness and curiosity, remembering that the most important thing we can do in life is keep going. One of my favorite lines in the book:

I said to the Road, Where do you lead?

The Road said, Be a leader and find out. 

As Cleo says, from my heart to yours, we take it one day at a time, 

Cyndi

Wait! I forgot to give a turtle trap update: 15 turtles were moved far away from us. We took them on a road trip to a special creek far away from our pond. And our fish in the pond thank us. 

And......more on Cluckingham next time 😊

Reconstruction

This is the term that best describes our life at this moment. Our little family is rebuilding after settling back home in Gunter. David’s been back to work, he's healing well, he's had his hernia fixed and (his words) he's feeling more like himself again. A new version of himself, he says, with a newfound sense of self. We are under reconstruction. 

This past week was partially spent in Houston with his follow up and PET scan at MD Anderson. Drum roll, please:

Praise Jesus 

Miracles happen each day, and we were blessed with one of our own this week. David's PET scan shows David as cancer free. The word grateful is not deep enough to express our feelings. I don't think there's a word that fits how we are feeling. I can try with overjoyed, jubilant and thankful. Those feel closest to what this feels like. Mostly though, we are feeling content and rejuvenated with the road ahead. Our eyes met, and without words, we knew what was next. Living life. 

The lens through which we see will never be the same. We are now cancer-jaded. Everything is awesome and things that used to be a big deal will never be a big deal again. Things will never be the same nor do we want them to be the same. This gift we are given every morning of awakening to a new day is met with an audible thank you. Our self awareness is soaring higher than ever, and cancer has gifted us all of this - and more. We receive the most brilliant gold medal every single day - the sun. The sun reminds us of the mountains we've climbed and the valleys we've visited. She's been there with us shining her light and reminding us we are deserving of her magnificent gold light through it all. We bask in her warmth. 

I didn't understand the power of the natural world to heal us and teach us how to live. Yet, each day here on the farm, we are reminded of its healing powers. The animals teach us how to be. They guide me toward my truth. I feel it each moment I am with them, as if they are showing me peace and understanding of the world around us. We are one. I love them all and their uniqueness. Each brings something special to our farm, and is a gentle reminder that everyone does. 

When life breaks you open, jump in

As David and I both attempt to stabilize and find our equilibrium health-wise, we have jumped into a new venture. Kitchen remodel. Yes please, I'd like my kitchen remodeled, but the time and mess that comes with it is trying hard to push me to my personal edge. Fine, challenge accepted. 

Before. Maybe it’s not so bad after all 🧐

What have we done 

My face watching them demo the kitchen 

First up, the demo of the entire kitchen. Wait, first before that, empty your kitchen belongings into your living room. 

What a shit show looks like

Then, try to find the foil. Or a baggie. Or the can opener. It's there somewhere. Breathe and keep looking. David and I had said we would be mindful about the placing all of the kitchen contents in the living room/dining room. But obviously, we were not. That, or too many senior moments happening. At this stage of the game, I can now officially hide my own Easter eggs and never find them all. 

Due to the inability to find some of the things I needed, I did rearrange and now am feeling a little better about it all. Just be careful of what you pick to use (plates, glasses) as the dust from the demo, along with the placing of insulation and new wallboards is like we live in the desert. There's not enough vacuuming that can cure this right now. I quit mopping too. It's just crazy dirty dusty. 

How do I cook, you ask? Let's see, I have the microwave (that will be placed in the new kitchen) set up and plugged in. I can use it. It's so new and quiet that when you turn it on, it doesn't even sound like it's on. That's new. I also have a little toaster oven and a toaster. It's great. I have every excuse in the book why NOT to cook. By the way, I had to move the toaster over and toaster to the guest room as it was getting too crowded in the dining area where I initially placed it. 

I have my coffee maker plugged in. No, it's not in a bedroom, it's near the kitchen area and I realized that makes no sense at all. Nothing in the kitchen works and it's empty, but something deep inside me tells me to put that coffee maker near the kitchen. So I did. Silly me.

Being without a kitchen sink is like being without your phone. You do everything with the kitchen sink. Wash your hands, your small dogs, your dishes, your chicken eggs, your hands again, fill the coffee pot, rinse food and fruit, and fill dog and cat water bowls. Mostly wash hands and wash dishes. I now wash my hands exclusively in the bathroom and wash the dishes in the shower. That's where I keep the Dawn dishwashing detergent and a sponge. You'd think it would be easy to wash the dishes in the bathroom sink, but it's not. Or I don't think so anyway. So I lay a kitchen towel outside the shower and waa-laa, dishes washed and easy to air dry. I mean, it beats washing them in the barn which I tried on Day 1. That's a no go. 

But where’s my food

After the demo, the furr down came down. I never knew it had a name. It's a furr down that holds the AC ducting. For us, they were not able to eliminate this, but they did make it smaller, then boxed it all in again. There's probably a technical name for that. Anyway, the what-was-once the pantry is no longer the pantry and will be cabinets and where the fridge will go now. The pantry will trade places with the fridge. New electrical outlets and plumbing changes happened. And then the drywall guy came and put in all new drywall because we had black mold on the old dry wall due to a (very) old water leak at one time. That's how the story goes, I'm told. 

I likey

David has deemed the black mold as the cause of our rare cancers. That was a moment we paused, to mull this over. Moving on, we can't let our yesterdays get in the way of our tomorrows. That has all been taken care of now, and supposably it's only in the kitchen. 

Things are happening over here 

We are having new cabinets made and they'll be ready next week. After that, they'll paint them. Then, the countertops, backsplash, other misc things that make a kitchen a kitchen. I've only gotten this far down this kitchen remodel road. Currently, I live at the corner of Can't Find Anything St and Wow, It's Dirty Ave. Note to self: Don't turn the ceiling fans on or you'll send it all flying around, again. 

Brookie Boy

Sweet Brooks is growing and learning and growing some more. He's the best. Unfortunately for his mom and dad, he contracted Hand, Foot and Mouth disease at day care. Yep, just when it was go-time for both Ryan and Lauren at work, and they each had work commitments that were extremely difficult to miss. I was then rewarded with watching Brooks for 2 days (last Wed and Thursday) because he could not go to day care with his little sores not yet scabbed over. 

It doesn’t get better than this

What fun! The first day I had him, we hung at home and went on a walk, drank bottles, played while practicing sitting up and reaching for toys. Played some more.

We ate food in a high chair and drank from a sippy cup. Okay, sorta drank from the sippy cup, but tried to, and played with it like a toy, realizing it had tasty juice in it. Yum. Then, played some more, repeat the whole process several times, and them mom and dad were back home jiggity jig. 

I spent the night in Fort Worth with them, and would watch Brooks one more day. This time, Brooks wanted to go to the Fort Worth Zoo. I said, Are you sure? He nodded his head Yes. So of course we went.

Not sure this is safe

Brooks was unsure about it all at first, but quickly adapted to the environment and his eyes took it all in. It was definitely zoo overload.  

We saw the flamingos, Texas Town (farm animals), penguins, monkeys, and more. I had him coated in sunscreen and his little hat, but as the ball of fire rose up higher, we had to take refuge back home. 

The End

It was all of 2 1/2 minutes in the car seat and he was fast asleep. The zoo will do that to you. I hadn't even backed up out of the parking spot yet.

I had so much fun! I would like to say Brooks did too. I bathed in him the kitchen sink (I should add that to my list of things I do in the sink - see above). 

Saving that piece of mac n cheese for later.

It took me a very long time to get the sunscreen off of him to a point that was acceptable. I think Lauren bought the kind of sunscreen with permanent zinc in it. That, or it's supposed to last for about a week, even with showering every day. Thanks, mom. 

Yep, we are this much fun!

I did end up getting Hand, Foot and Mouth as well. So did Lauren. But man, it was so worth it. We had a blast. 

Tula Tot and Suga Suga You So Fly

Tula came back home with me to Gunter, after my stay in Fort Worth. She's a lot. High energy dog barely covers the amount of energy she has. More like infinity amount of energy. So she's here at the farm - and has been many many times. This time, I think we are reevaluating the location of which she's going to stay. It's the farm for the meantime. So we are going to try something new with her. David and I took Tula to a Sheep Herding clinic this past weekend. 

Tula loves her toys. The squeakier the better.

We are going to give Tula a stab at seeing if her 'thing' is sheep herding. I sure used to need that for all those times the sheep or goats escaped through the fencing. Now, we'll see if Tula is a candidate for this new opportunity. Her personal training time starts tomorrow night, Thursday at 7 pm at the Alamar Farm training facility in Van Alstyne. We are told it takes about a month or so to determine if a dog has what it takes to sheep herd. 

Also, at the sheep herding clinic this past weekend, we were gently informed to not bring her in a harness, collar only. No shaving her for summer, let her hair grow. (She was shaved to cut down on the amount of hair in the house). And find her papers. She's AKC, and we are supposed to find her papers "in case she goes to trials in Oct". She'll need to have her registration number as an Australian Shepard. Whoa doggie. I'm just trying to get her there tomorrow night. I'll report back on her progress. 

Sugar, on the other hand, is finding the pant legs of the workers (who come for the kitchen remodel) tasty.  Ugh. She's a tiny dog who thinks it's okay to do that. This little broken girl is not a fan of all these people coming into the house uninvited. Let's just say she stays in my lap more than usual these days. Between Tula and Sugar, things are vibrating on a very high level with the kitchen remodel. They are closely monitored, fo sho. I've got crates for both of them during this busy time of people coming and going in the house. 

Having a waddle fun

The 6 ducklings are growing up. They are wild ducks and do not seem to desire taming of any sort. They are frantic out-of-their minds when you get close to them. They think, for sure, that they are being killed when you pick them up. That's probably best, as we will be reintroducing them to the big wide world once they are big enough. 

Quack’n big

Next up, the 8 chicks are becoming teenagers and are roaming with the big girlz. I'm beginning to see what their feathers are going to look like, and they are beautiful. 

I’ll be right here if you need me. Night night.

Bed Head

Lastly, the 4 little chicks are now separated from the 6 ducklings because we received some complaints that their roommates (ducklings) were too messy. I think the 4 little chicks follow The Home Edit. That messiness can go elsewhere is what I heard one of them say. I have since named 2 of the little chicks Clea and Joanna. 

Clea, Joanna, Marlow and Sutton
#HomeEdit

Alrighty-oh my friends, we did it. Place a big X on the calendar for the completion of cancer treatment and then a clear PET scan received. I'm telling you, it feels good. Will it come back? Maybe. Will we fret about it. The plan is no fretting. We've set our intention to live life. The fun never stops around here. Donut worry. Be happy. 

Be you, because everyone else is already taken,

Cyndi