A New Settlement

There's no justice to the way tragedy visits us 

We all have unsettling and difficult times in our lives, some people more than others. When hard times fall upon us, that's when we are provided the privilege to determine if we move through it with an open heart and listening ears or stay true to our old ways. 

It's my turn to make this determination. Because as some know and others do not, here's a recent announcement David and I made to close family and friends:

Dearest friends, we wanted to share some information with you today. After much thought, discussion, reflection and loving consideration, we have made the decision to separate and divorce. We are much better friends to one another, and look forward to supporting each other as we always have in our lives. There are no sides, there is just us. You may find us sitting on the patio together, visiting with you  together, or sharing a meal together. We felt it important that you know so it would not come as a surprise when we have the opportunity to hug your neck sometime soon. Please also know that we are uncoupling amicably and with understanding and compassion for one another. 

Untying the knot is never easy, yet we will continue to strive to do right by one another. With grace and love, Cyndi and David

Cool Change

In this particular season of my life, I've began noticing how often one of my favorite songs, Cool Change by The Little River Band is coming through the speakers of my truck. It has always reminded me that spending time alone - and in nature - is healing, needed and often wanted. Each time I hear it, it's as if it's speaking to me directly. It's time for a cool change. 

Although many may not or will not understand why this decision has been made, I know that others will place their judgment, opinions and their own past experiences to mine, as it seems to be human nature to do this to one another and often times without even knowing we are doing it. And although many will want to know the nitty-gritty of the why's, I understand that it's mine to keep. And it's mine to share if I desire to do so. At this time, it's best for me to stay focused on myself. 

I've watched many folks around me in the last many years who've divorced and I've watched closely how they act and what they say. Many of whom I've taken a page out of their book on how to navigate the road ahead and how society around you will react. You see, many people see divorce as shameful and quite frankly, as failure. Yet, for me, I see how divorce can be healing and beneficial. I see it as a path back to me. 

This keep happening

It's the patterns and cycles that dictate the direction a relationship is steered. Many patterns are good for a relationship and others not-so-good. As I contemplated whether to stay or go in my own relationship, I had to recognize that I would be grieving either way. Because each path requires me to trade something for something else. I made the hard and difficult decision that leaving the relationship would then allow me to see where my choices and actions would match my core beliefs, values and true self. There were parts of me that I lost along the way in my marriage and I now know that they are not lost forever. 

Stay true

Once our decision was made, David and I agreed on many things and one of them was the salvage of integrity. We both desire the respect and dignity for not only ourselves, but for the other. Tearing each other apart is never beneficial for anyone. 

So as we stay true to ourselves, we also try very hard, and I mean very hard to treat each other with decency during the messy middle of a divorce. Sometimes we have to try to try and that's all we can do on a given day. Sometimes the emotions that are felt in a single day surpass a number that seems greater than the universe allows. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I'm the happiest I've ever been. Yet, all the time.....I know this is part of the process of letting go and grieving. It's hard no doubt. There is an ultimate goal of 'us' to stay friends, and anyone that's been through a divorce can tell you that this isn't an easy goal. We are trying to try, and attempting to talk through feelings as they arise. We don't have to agree. We just need to listen. We need to understand how each of us, all along, were experiencing this marriage very differently. We need to understand how our origin wounds affect our lives now. We need to understand that we ourselves may need to reparent ourselves and heal that inner child within us. We need healing and clarity and this new path gives me a way there. Inner work typically goes unnoticed and unrecognized. The self awareness it takes to recognize its necessary is a bill pill to swallow. 

So as we make our way in this new world, please bare with us. It's easy and hard all at the same time. Regulating emotions during hardship is a work in progress. Right now, I'm busy loving myself, dating myself and taking the crown and putting it back on my beautiful head. 

So what is the new settlement you speak of

I think what I call the new settlement is all of us, yes every last one of us (David, Lauren, Ryan, Brooks and Olive) are all settling in to our new physical and emotional places. We are figuring out what to say and what not to say. For as many years as this has been building, the actual rupture requires understanding and patience from us all. So much learning taking place. So many beautiful gifts we are receiving during this time. Gifts of grace to one another and learning that it's okay that we are where we are at in our lives. The practice of self-compassion is key. We are humans doing human things and we won't necessarily get it right the first, or second time we do things. But we keep trying to try. After all, faith functions best when we don't know what's around the corner. 

Broken crayons still color,

Cyndi