Just chicken things off my list

Approval of BESREMi

It was late one night recently that I woke up from my slumber and realized my soul was in a bit of chaos. I didn't know it before I went to bed, but waking up in the darkness will bring to you what's on your heart and mind. I laid in bed looking into the darkness wondering what would come of my cancer treatment option(s) and how that was going to all pan out. I begin to pray asking God to allow myself to accept what is to be. You see, I've spent much of my life pushing Cyndi's Will into the world with the results being less than desirable. I've learned that my Will is not always a good idea and the more I push what "I" think is best the more everything goes sideways.

I had been letting my oncology world work itself out with trying to control and/or tell people what I think they should be doing or how they should be doing it. My self awareness shows me that when I desire to do that, it's my way of trying to control a situation that I have no control over. Seemingly it (used) to make me feel better, but now when I try to control a situation out of my control, I realize it's nonsense. It's taken me a long time to get to this point. I often fight against this process because I've seen evidence of how the oncology world is very disconnected from what the patient(s) needs are. And for me to think I know exactly what my needs are doesn't seem 100% true either. And on top of that, I know that pushing my agenda can and has produced negative results. So finding a balance in this world of cancer can be tricky. Be your own patient advocate. Trust the doctors. Do your research. Collaborate with the doctors. Be open to information. And fight insurance companies in this process. 

So as I've prayed, and waited and trusted that 'all will be well' - the answer came to me without forcing my agenda (shock and awe for me). Texas Oncology sent me a message in my patient portal that said they had filed the appeal to my insurance company regarding the recommended treatment, and had received a message back: The appeal has been Approved. BCBS approved BESREMi for me through the appeal process submitted by Texas Oncology. 

I was cautiously (very) excited as Dr V at MDA had informed me of the risks involved with BESREMi, and that trying/trialing it does not mean I have to stay on it should it not "work" for me. So the second layer to this good news is knowing it's the best trial/option to see if my body will respond to this treatment. This is about the time I'm glad I did not force this process and instead, let the proper people handle this situation. I need to trust that my oncologist knows what's best and just because "I just want something to help me" is not always a good answer. And when I feel desperate about my cancer, pushing my agenda in a world that others know better, is not always a good idea. I'm feeling like this treatment is coming to me without me controlling every piece of the puzzle and letting it organically happen as it should. That is not an easy process to allow, but I've learned over time it's the best process to allow to happen for me. I have to remind myself regularly 'just let things go through the regular and normal chain of events and it will all sort itself out'. A nudge is okay here and there, but pushing that big, heavy ball up the hill by myself is just not necessary. I was rewarded with a new and seemingly wonderful cancer treatment option now. I'm so very grateful. And thankful for all of you who are cheering for me to get the treatment that's best indicated. We did it! This will be an example I will file away in my mind that reminds me to not push my own agenda, to try and not control every step, and let life (and what I need) find me instead. Our patience was our friend. 

Piggie Pie Prissy

It's almost time, y'all. Prissy is due any day now. Amy and Cody had taken Prissy to their farm and bred her with one of their pigs and just like that, little piglets are due any day. 

Look at those babies in her belly

Since then, Amy has told me they have sold all their pigs, and Prissy is the remaining pig on their farm. From one farm person to another, I get that. She had a few pigs getting too food aggressive - and pigs have sharp teeth - and they have 3 children. So now Prissy is the spoiled one who will be blessing them with more pigs very soon.

All grown up 💞

Birth announcement to follow soon, I'm hoping.

Shepherdess

This reminds me of a question Brooke had asked in the comments section. Where are Grace and Brooklyn? Because in the photos were Belle, Lulu and Willow only.

What I didn't realize was I had not given this update a few months back. I had met a man on Craigslist because apparently I meet many people there, and he was looking to buy Dorper ewes (female) sheep to breed with his Dorper ram. While not wanting to give up my sheep, I did sell him my 2 best breeding sheep. Grace throws twins each lambing season, her daughter, Brooklyn is prime and ready for lambing and will likely provide twins as well because it tends to run in the family. 

My new Craigslist friend, Jose came to our farm from about an hour away. What I did not know was that we would listen to Jose's story out front of our house/garage, as he told of us a ATV accident his adult son had been in, and that his son has been in the hospital for several weeks now and he's beside himself with fear and concern over the condition of his son. Jose's pastor, Juan had come to the farm with him that day, as we lived aways away from them and Juan was helping soothe and console Jose. While we all stood outside talking about life, learning about his struggles, we learned about his little farm and sheep flock he was trying to grow. This seemed an appropriate pasture setting/home for Grace and Brooklyn, which would give them the ability to breed and lamb - together with one another - as they are very close. Grace was our flock leader. She's loud and proud. Her daughter Brooklyn was falling in line with the loud Baaa's and leadership qualities. Jose was also paying full price for our quality Dorper's, and it was nice that he had an appreciation and understanding of sheep quality. We had had others interested in our ewes, but everyone wants to underpay. We've never been big on money in regards to the selling of our farm animals, but we appreciated that Jose knew he was getting some good sheep to produce him some wonderful lambs. And it would take that for us to let Grace and Brooklyn go to a place who would appreciate them as well. 

After we finished our conversation together, and Jose and Juan got in the truck with our 2 sheep loaded up, they drove away down the gravel road all while I cried. I mourned his loss, I mourned our loss and my heart ached with all the deep feelings that comes with life. 

It took about 2 seconds for Grace to let everyone she's Lead Ewe,
Flock Leader, Loudest of Them All 🐑
With Brooklyn right behind her.......

I would later receive this (and other) photos of Grace and Brooklyn with Jose' small and growing flock of Dorper sheep. Turns out, Grace took the lead in his flock, surprise surprise. My heart eventually settled that we've decided not to breed our sheep (for the mean time) as Belle is too old, Lulu could breed, but Willow has always been of small stature and we probably would not breed her. So as Grace and Brooklyn go out in the world to have babies and lead another flock, we are left with silence. What we realized is that Grace and Brooklyn were very vocal. Very. Their Baa's were loud and hard. On the other hand, Belle, Lulu and Willow are docile, quiet and unusually kind for sheep whose Baa's are soft and few. And they are grandmother, mother and daughter who are all adults of which none bully the others. I'm not even sure who leads them. I think they all just stick together and have none of them telling the others what to do. It's a dynamic I've not seen in our flock before. Just 3 sheep who are deeply attached to one another and enjoy their lives together. 

And lastly though, I forgot to mention this......before they left, we gifted Jose's pastor, Juan with our rooster, John. We gave John to Juan. How fitting. Juan hopped into the front seat of the truck with John in his arms. We knew we would need to rehome this rooster, and found just the place. And off they went. 2 Sheep and a Rooster. Sounds like a children's book. I never got a picture of John.

Pond King

One of our favorite businesses that assists us with everything pond, is Pond King in Gainesville. They have assisted in stocking our pond with blue gill and catfish. They have the most humane turtle traps for rehoming turtles. They are there to answer any questions about your pond, for example if you have something unusual growing in it (weeds, brush, etc) that you can't get rid of, as those types of nonproductive growth sucks the water from your pond. And with this heat and high temperatures it's a good time to try and conserve your water in your pond as much as possible. 

Fast forward to our neighbors (and good friends!) Ed and Gina who do not live on the property next door, but their cows do. They put together an elaborate concoction of hoses (from a fire house who sold it) bought a pump, and began pumping the water from the creek (that runs behind both of our properties) onto their land in hopes of getting their grass to 'green up' and grow so the cows could have some natural food for which to eat in their hot summer. 

One day, Ed mentioned to David something about pumping that said creek water up into our pond. Our pond is lowering and losing water daily through evaporation. We do tend to worry about the many fish in our pond, but there's only so much we can do about this type of thing. Many peoples ponds are drying up and/or getting low. Mind you, that's hundreds of feet of hose, but not to worry, Ed has it. 

So much water and so many little fishies
coming into our pond from the creek.

The ducks belly's were full for days of these
new little fish visitors pouring into their pond.

Turns out, while I was at work one day, the two of them made all this magic happen. All of a sudden, our pond was receiving cool water with small fishes and lots of it. 

The 3 ducks danced and fluttered around every time 
the creek water started up.

The ducks were in fish heaven, as tiny fish poured into our pond with the water. The ducks would eat all they could, while enjoying the refreshing water source. 

It's funny how one might think that a neighbor pumping creek water out and onto their property might need a permit or something like that to do such a thing. And then as soon as you're asked if you'd like that same water pumped into your pond, you're like Hell Yeah. What permit. 

Eggtastic

So you ask how the egg sales are going. I get this alot. Are you making money? Are you still selling eggs? 

Every now and then, someone enjoys placing
the Sold Out sign off kilter.
Only fitting, as the fridge is off kilter too.

This egg collection is a manual process. We clean and stamp the eggs, place in egg cartons and take the eggs up to the Egg Fridge at the front of the property, which can all be time intensive. All for $2.50 a dozen. Still $2.50/dozen no matter the price at the store. I live off a small road that is not considered 'well-traveled'. Yet, the egg customers have grown over the years and I have many dedicated folks who buy my eggs. There's even a laminated note I placed in the fridge (next to my change box that keeps quarters handy for people to make change) that ask the customers that if they take the last dozen, to please place the Sold Out sign on the outside of the fridge. And they do. 

Sometimes I will recognize people who stop to buy the eggs. Other times I don't. Sometimes people will write notes to me expressing their enjoyment of the eggs or would like to order a certain amount of them. Often times I will place eggs in the Egg Fridge for customers with their name on them for pickup. And then I have customers whom I’ve never met that write me the sweetest notes just because…..

The Martinek Ranch is located a few miles
away from us, and houses the workers in
trailers. Many families and folks who 
are employed - and live there - buy our eggs.

It’s an amazing feeling and certainly a blessing to share our fresh eggs with the community. The money I do receive generally goes back into feed and treats for the chickens. After all, it’s important to keep them happy and healthy. 

Luckily, I married a man who (in my own mind) says ‘I don’t know where this chicken came but she’s awesome and needs lots of friends”. 

It’s okay to want what you want 

1st True Love

Can we rest a minute

And off they go, getting stuck behind things,
knocking things over, as chaos
ensues when these two play.

Ballerina. There’s been 2 so far. 

The first Ballerina, Goldie, was Buddy’s first true love. He was completely unable to control himself with her, and would play with her until he threw up. 

Then, it happened. Goldie lost most all her air. She sprung a leak and Buddy was so very very sad. 

Ooops, sorry, that's Brooks being sad. 
Wrong one.

Just look at that sad face. He's so sad,
he had to go sit in the chicken water.

Since Buddy’s facial expressions are often hard to read and seemingly always the same, but we could sense the sadness in the loss of his best friend. 

Not long after we lost Goldie, his first ballerina, David surprised Buddy with a new ballerina friend, Pinkie. 

Love at second sight

Buddy was overjoyed and fell hard for Pinkie.

Luckily, we have been able to define parameters around when they get to play and when Pinkie is placed away to rest for a bit.

Originally, the gold ball was to be for Brooks. But the ball never made it to Brooks as Buddy took possession of it immediately. I’m sure Brooks would understand, as Brooks and Buddy‘s relationship is quite special in itself. You see, there is Nana, Pops, and Buddy. We come as a trio in Brooks life. Buddy adores Brooks and Brooks adores Buddy. It’s heartwarming to watch. But since we can’t have Brooks over nearly as much as we would like, Buddy settles for his current ballerina, Pinkie until his true bestie comes to visit. 

Brooks will FaceTime us often……to speak to Buddy.

Subtle, very subtle 

As I move through life, listening to other's stories, it seems I’m learning that there’s no glory except straight through your own story. I often feel my story is your story with the difference being the details of the story. It’s like we are all doing hard things together. I often listen to my coworkers, friends or relatives and feel their story and suffering. No one is exempt. My story continues as I received my MRI and CTA results back telling me that I’ve had only subtle changes in my brain, and I took that as a win for us all. All bits of good news matters and these results gave me another year pass to the neurologist. I asked for a 2 year pass, but seems I was a little greedy. 1 year it will be. Thank you, next.

I’ll leave you with this…..

"Dye Purr"

It’s okay to wear the diaper on your head. It’s okay. 

You do you,

Cyndi