(Another) New Chapter

Baa Baa Bye

Oh my heart. We sold 5 of the lambs, who by the way, are on the cusp of 3 months old. We weaned them from their mama's and from the bottle (Cricket and Bandit). We are fortunate enough to have several buyers for them, and actually picked the buyer who we thought would be less likely to eat them. Or sell them for food. It's true. Let's see, you have sheep, you breed them, you sell them. Does it matter what happens after they leave the property. If you're me, it does. Yes, they may be eaten, that's what meat sheep are for. Not everyone sees them as pets, Cyndi. You're probably thinking about now, "Is she ready for this kind of thing? To sell her livestock?" I suppose the answer to that is kindof. I kept having second thoughts. But I can't keep all the animals we reproduce. We are reproducing to sell them. And then I circle around this whole thing again. But I did it! They loaded up  our 5 lambs and drove away.

The crew who were sold, from l to r:
Oliver, Bo-Skeeter, Cricket, Bandit and Shane

Maybe more coffee will help

No, it makes it worse. I told each lamb Goodbye: Shane, Bo-Skeeter, Oliver, Bandit AND Cricket. We ended up selling Bandit and Cricket after all. Why? When the time came to get Bandit fixed, we bowed out. For whatever reason, we did. And Cricket? She needs a new home where she doesn't know all the escape routes. She's sneaky. She knows where to go to eat all the chicken food, find the good forbes, and is independent enough to not feel the cling to the flock (most of the time). A new home will reacquaint her with 'staying with the flock'. It's like that kindergartener whose mom needs to send the child to school to learn the rules and follow instructions. Sometimes, it's better served for others to do that, than ourselves. Ditto. We let Cricket run this joint and it was nobodies fault but our own. I can tell you one thing: they will likely breed her and not eat her. She throws twins.


In my defense, the moon was full

I sold the silkie chicks, too. Knowing full-well they ARE going to eat them. They said so. We all know silkie chicks are a commodity, pulling in a higher price for these Louis Vuitton chickens. They are special in the chicken world, and we happen to have silkie hens who hatch them quickidy-quick. We are expecting another batch to hatch by the end of this month.

Frankie and the 2 Dot's
and Charlotte building her web, again

I have answers

When the buyers saw the silkies, they began right away telling us how 'tender and tasty' they are, even though they are small. They are delicious. Then, they acted like we should have known this already. No, didn't know that. Thanks, though. All the silkie chicks are sold, with the exception of one being given to Jeni, David's middle daughter. She has 3 kiddos along with a backyard chicken setup. They are adding a silkie chick for flair.


The Shake Out

To tally up things, we are down to 5 sheep/lambs (Belle, Grace, Lulu, Willow and Brooklyn). They are beautiful and wonderful, and will all likely be bred next year. The 3 mini horses/shetland ponies (Dora, Hope and Faith) are rocking the horse world! The farrier came and gave them their pedicure, and I was able to have them haltered and ready to go. This was a first. #proudhorsemom
Our 3 goats (Chia, Petunia and Dottie) are friendly (and fatter, can I say that these days?) than ever. Love them. Mama and Papa donkey are living it up bouncing between two pastures of (very dry) grass like a boss. Hopefully they won't fall into the gaps of the dry earth and plunge into the middle of the earth (need rain please). The donkeys were in a recent Facebook video on the Celina Public Library page. They make all donkeys proud. Lucy and Marley are guarding the sheep like they've been doing it forever. Levi and Whisper are collecting social security with a part-time gig watching the chickens/barn cats. All 4 guard dogs are the REAL reason every farm animal is alive. Period. And we thank them - so grateful. Lastly, the chickens. The experimental chicken farm has morphed into the regular flock and all is well in the chicken world. After counting them last night as they all roosted......the total not counting all the eggs being sat on waiting to be hatched is (drum roll): 40



Adding wedding cake to my Amazon cart

Happy announcement alert! Lauren and Ryan went to Santa Fe, NM and married - Congrats! Their little baby boy, Brooks, is due in early October. As Lauren grows bigger in her belly and seemingly no where else on her body, I imagine the 3 pm slump hits hard for her each day. The heat is not a friend to pregnant people. Congrats you two! Love you and watching y'all raise a child will bring so much joy to everyone. If you hear me snickering over here, just ignore me. What did you say? He keeps taking his diaper off? He's talking back to you? What? He put what in his ear? 4 words for you: It's okay to cry.

Keep these smiles in your pocket.
You'll need then here and there.

Aren't they cute! Hurry up baby Brooks, we have so much to do.



PV State of Mine

I'll need to shine a light on a little back story in regards to this one. It all started back in 2015 with a crossing of the US on foot. I had a bright idea that I would blog about it to let family and friends know I was okay out there. Then, after that, it took time to realize I enjoyed blogging and after moving/creating a farm in Gunter, Texas, the blogs really started again. I have a lot of words - so why not write them down.

Fast forward over 4 years now, and a chronicle of the life on our farm is forever cemented on this site. If I ever need to know When did this happen? When did the happen? When did we get the goats? When did Belle have her lamb? I can go back and look. It's like a virtual diary and history for easy access.

As I will most certainly continue to blog about The Graves Farm, I will also incorporate a new personal chapter of my life. A diagnosis of polycythemia vera. Over the last year (couple of years even), I've been on a journey of lab values out-of-whack, lesions in my back biopsied, MRI's and CT's, loop recorder implanted (heart monitor) and various other testing. It's given some definitive answers and some not-so-definitive answers over the years. No big deal, the hand I was dealt was do-able. Take Eliquis? Okay. Check up every 6 months? Okay. More imaging needed periodically? Okay. Labs again? Okay. Another bone marrow biopsy? Well, alright.

Then, the day arrived. All this grooming of "you may have this" or "you may have that" transpired into a rare blood cancer called polycythemia vera.

Canceversary

So I'm going to deem my canceversary as August of each year. This has been culmination of months and months of getting to this point. It's referred to as PV for short, and is a member of the myeloproliferative neoplasms. MPN's as it's coined. Acronyms are helpful with all these long-named health conditions.

Let's not over-explain please

In an attempt to not covey inaccurate data or be redundant, I've copied and pasted a snippet from the MPN's website that helps explain what is going on around here:

Polycythemia vera (polly-sigh-THEE-me-ah-VAIR-Ah), or PV, is a rare, chronic blood cancer where the bone marrow produces too many red blood cells. You may also have too many white blood cells and platelets (blood clotting cells) in your blood, but having too many red blood cells causes most of the problems associated with PV. PV is part of a group of diseases called "myeloproliferative neoplasms," or MPNs.

Too many red blood cells can cause the blood to thicken. Thicker blood doesn’t flow normally through arteries and veins. Increased blood thickness and decreased blood flow, as well as abnormalities in your platelets and white blood cells, may increase your risk of blood clots. Blood clots can cause a stroke, heart attack, or blockage of an artery in your lungs or in a vein deep within a muscle in your arms or legs.

Polycythemia vera (PV) usually develops slowly. But as the symptoms get worse, they can take a toll on you and affect your daily life. In a very small number of people, PV leads to other blood diseases, such as myelofibrosis (a disease in which scar tissue develops in the bone marrow) or leukemia.

Faith Over Fear

When things like this happen in our lives, it's certainly not something we would pick or choose. Many people are told unfortunate news day in and day out. Hundreds of thousands of people don't have access to health care, while recently reminded by a friend of many people living in horrific conditions such as Seria, for example (and there are many others). The life lead here, when looking at the global picture, is golden. It's fitting to view this as a new "gift". Do I have dark moments in the night when sadness can settle in bed beside me? Yes, I do. Do tears roll from the sides of my eyes when I ask them not to? Why yes, they do. Yet, I have a health care team, resources on the internet, safety in my life, and most importantly - supportive family and friends. I've prayed a lot about this, as I also have been praying for many family and friends around me, as 2020 has been beyond-tough for those close to me - and for the world.

Thank you, Eckhart

It's been during this same timeframe that I've been listening to the 10 episode series podcast with Eckhart Tolle and Oprah regarding Mr Tolle's book, A New Earth. I tried to read the book awhile back, and was unsuccessful. If you try to read it, you too may understand what I mean. Yet, the podcast is amazing. Each episode outlines and reviews each chapter in his book. And, I listen to each episode at least 3 times to process, even jumping around to go back and re-listen at times. Enough of the gibberish, Cyndi, get to the point. The point is this book about awakening and being more conscious in your life happens to be exactly what I need at this time in my life. How God does this is beside me. Becoming (work-in-progress) awakened in my life, and practicing that has changed my lens from which I see. I'm still not sure if 1) being told I have this particular diagnosis or 2) reading/listening to this book/podcast has brought me to this place I am now at in life. Where is this place? It's at the corner of surrender and presence. I'm standing there. Everything at this corner is clearer, brighter, more beautiful and vibrant.

This will help you sleep better

It's true. Practicing being in the moment, practicing not looking back or forward, practicing enjoying the here and now. It's a real thing for me, and has brought me more joy than I ever knew possible. When I was first told I had PV, my mind was unsure and pushing it away. No, not me. I initially wondered what I would do. I can tell you what I did. I went through my bathroom, laundry room and closet throwing away/donating anything that even remotely didn't seem needed. Granted, I've worked on "less is more" for awhile now. It's not a new concept in my life, but now I'm taking it to a whole new level. Let's see.....I'll keep 5 shirts, 5 shorts, etc. It made me feel better, but more importantly, in control.

Silly Me

It was in the next few days that I woke up to the realization that I've never had any control. I thought I had some. No. A little? No, sorry. Wow, that's a big Ah-Hah for me. I know God is in control, all the time. I just do things to make myself feel like I am, because it feels good. #surrender  It was also in the next few days that tears came and went, without my permission. I made decisions like: not to get any new animals that would live longer than I would. Does that even make sense?! Once again, trying to set my own path.

Since today years old

My awareness showed me what I was doing, as no one needed to point it out to me. The recipe of my first couple of weeks (after the diagnosis) consisted of a sprinkling of irrational fears and a heaping scoop of nonsense. Luckily, there were many moments of clarity, and I was able to jump back on the track of "I got this!' And have not steered off it since. God has touched my soul and shown me that all is well. I'm happy to report that I have leaned into this journey. I'm ready to move with it, not against it. This in turn, has brought me peace. It's a peace I've not felt before.

I see you

I'm the first to tell you that even though I saw this train coming, even when my hematologist oncologist told me, Yes, you have PV. It's definitive. I felt like someone slapped me so hard even google wouldn't be able to find me. Yet, once I picked myself up and dusted off a little, it was a great relief to know what exactly was going on. To quote David, "You had a sparkle in your eyes when you came home from the appt". Thank you, COVID, for making people have to hear things by themselves and without their support systems. Yet, it makes us stronger, right? And David was right, the sparkle was in my eye(s). I felt it. Now I know. Now I move forward. There is power in knowing.

Next up?

The prognosis looks good, and treatment begins. I have already had one phlebotomy, which is where they "drain" your blood. There may be another drain next month. And so on. This is in an effort to fight the fact that a PV patient's blood is thick, sticky and over-abundant with red blood cells. The next year will reveal the progression of this PV of mine. This next month, September is Bood Cancer Awareness month. I think I'll order a PV shirt to show my support and create awareness for this little-know condition.


All is well with my soul,

Cyndi