Good Morning! On this day, I awaken to a new beginning. A day that takes me back home to my loved ones. There will be no miles run, and a mind-set change that it is okay to not "get on the road" today. I sometimes have to give myself a permission slip, along with a big dose of self-compassion, to calm the desire to do otherwise. My heart is happy beyond belief to see David, as it's been over three weeks since I've seen his smiling face. My little vacation has been so wonderful, and I'm so grateful for every step.
John is back in Branford, as he wasn't able to make our final destination of Milford yesterday. He really wanted to, but his body did not allow it. He will continue, slowly, toward the bus station of his choosing. I say that, because I've tried to get him to stop, or take a taxi, go to a earlier bus station, or many variations of those things. But he says 'no' every time. He allows zero assistance. I told him today that David and I will come get him, take him wherever he needs to go. No, he says. I asked him to fly back with us and stay with us until he can get back home. No, to that as well. He's very strong-willed and determined, even if going only a few miles a day, to get to his bus station. He says he'll get there on his terms, and he will. I've know him many years, and this is how his mind and body works. I don't take offense to his refusal of assistance, as I understand it very well. He has no time constraints, no family waiting or work responsibilities, so he slowly gets to where he needs to go......now very slowly. His appetite is poor, he cannot tolerate the heat of the day, etc. Its only cold drinks (not warm) that he can tolerate. It's excruciating to watch and hear. But he's resilient, and will get himself there and stop, so that he can heal and get better. It's hard to understand his actions at times, but as endurance folks, it's what we set our minds to - and then do. Especially if there's no one else telling you otherwise. Bad decisions can even seem okay. The desire to make a certain goal is strong. Many times, stronger than our bodies. As I've mentioned before though, this is why he can get across the US. Sheer Determination. Unfortunately, his body has told him otherwise, and he'll go home and recoup. I'll be relieved to know when he gets on that bus! As each day passes, hearing his pain is heartbreaking. I will support his decisions, as I know he would - and does- all my decisions. He's my brother, and I want him to be okay.
Last night, I unpacked my cart. I discarded items no longer needed, and organized what I will be flying back home with. My most interesting thing I'm taking back with me, are the wheels from my cart. They are indestructible, and priceless. My cart is beat up, and had been modified (this crossing) to accommodate a storage box, etc. Which means without wheels and with those modifications, it's not very usable at all. There is a dumpster around here somewhere for its final resting place. I had gotten it off CraigsList for $25.00, and was proud to use it for this event. It served me well. But I'm taking the wheels home.....so when I want to go again.....well, you know. Those wheels will go on my "next" cart.
Unknowingly, yesterday, I would be stopping in a town that has everything. I mean every store under the sun. There was even a Whole Foods!! And within a short walking distance from this (very nice) Super 8, is the Connecticut Post Mall. This mall has a Target in it! Seriously, how did this happen? God is good. He's plopped me in a perfect scenario of gathering what I need to head home. He's put my heart at ease, His Will be done. I could not have planned this any better, as it wasn't me in charge. I know that my faith has lead me to this place and moment, and He's at my side to supply what I need. And has been, the whole way here, and will continue to be in my life. I am so grateful.
I did walk to Target last night, and bought a tote (to transport my wheels in, on the plane), a new pair of shorts and a top, and a new backpack I couldn't resist. It will replace the backpack that I had on the front of my cart displaying my intentions (walk/run) so that people would know there is NO baby in this cart, and what I'm doing. It made a huge difference, as only once did the police "check on me". I did so many things different on this crossing, and it made it more enjoyable and easy. Getting up everyday to go 30-40 miles is hard on your body, so to have a system in place to support that well, was key. It spurs me to know that if/when I tackle this adventure again, it doesn't have to be hard.
David's flight will get in this morning, and I'm about 65 miles away from LaGuardia airport. I asked the Front Desk guy if I could check out at 12, instead of 11 am today (so I won't have to tote my things elsewhere) and can wait here for him. The Front Desk guy said, "How's 12:30 sound?". My eyes almost teared up, as I'm already fragile. I thanked him, and said "Yes, that's wonderful!". God is good.
The sun is shining, it's about 67 degrees, and is the most comfortable weather you could ask for. I opened my motel window to let the fresh air in, and await my loving husband. It would be so easy for me to get to the airport, and not have David take the trouble to come all the way to NY. But whats interesting is, I know that this is a mission we are on together. And David is always 110% on board. And him not coming out here just wasn't an option. That's my baby, always there for me. Always.
I'll take him to Chipotle when he gets here. And cry again, just like I did when I left him 24 days ago.
All my best,
Cyndi
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