The Loves Of My Life

Monday, February 23, 2026

Bacation

Hello friends, long time no write!

While Olive has been on bacation with her family, apparently I have too - from my blog. I’ll give you the scoopie poop soon!

See you back here later this week ❤️

Cyndi

Sunday, January 25, 2026

As I was enjoying my most recent copy of Brighter (a magazine for women affected by cancer) I stumbled across an article by Lauren Candies Tarpley, a breast cancer survivor. Her piece, The Mental Game of Survivorship celebrates her hard-fought road to remission. She is now 5 years out from her diagnosis-day and reflects on what life feels like to go from Lauren, to Cancer Lauren, and then - slowly - trying to find her way back to just.....Lauren.

And there it was. Me. Right there on the page. I, too, was once Cyndi. Then I became Cancer Cyndi. The difference is - unlike Lauren - my cancer won't ever fully let me unbecome Cancer Cyndi. So instead of focusing on survivorship as a finish line, I've had to reshape that idea into something longer, messier, and more real: surviving while living with cancer.

This is a story of how I went from being me....

to polycythemia vera....

and now also, myelofibrosis (MF -1)

Turns out, just like ultrarunning, cancer is not primarily a physical game. Not surprisingly, it's a mental one too.

I've known this about ultra running for a long time. Your mind will absolutely lie to you. It will say, "You're done. You can't go another step." And your job is to say, "Cute option" - and keep going until you fall down, throw up or get heat stroke. Sounds fair, right? The body gets the final say only when you stop listening to the drama coming from your brain.

Then cancer entered the chat.

Suddenly the question became: who's in charge now?

My body or my mind?

Cyndi....or Cancer Cyndi.

The lines blur real fast, my friends.

Before all this, Cyndi used to think she'll live forever - like most human beings think. We causally ignore the looming reality of death because honestly, it really improves the vibe. It makes life feel infinite, and that's a wonderful way to live - even though the only guaranteed thing about being born is that we will, in fact, die.

And then an oncologist ruins your day.

I remember my diagnosis-day as it's forever etched in my memory, filed under "Shocking News". So here's my unsolicited advice to anyone newly diagnosed.

Sit with it for about 30 days. Process it. Stay as calm as possible, because clarity does not visit chaos. Share your story only with people who can hold it gently - who will protect it, not poke at it. When you're ready, tell the ones who've earned the right to know. Not everyone gets access to your most sacred, fragile truth.

I learned the hard way that when we hand our tender stories to people who do not know how to hold them, they drop them. Or stare awkwardly. Or are not our people for our story. Not everyone is.

Anyway. Cyndi transitioned to Cancer Cyndi - and that in itself brings difficult and beautiful life lessons with it.

Brutiful (Brutal and Beautiful) life lessons

From the beginning, I knew 2 things:

1. Cancer would not define me.

2. Pity would not be invited into my story.

And yet, pity shows up anyway. You can see it bloom in people's eyes the moment you tell them you have an incurable cancer. I get it. It's instinctual. You've just become a walking reminding of everyone's worse fear. Suddenly, you've been relocated - by others - into a strange corner of the universe : the place where people actually die.

I used to say things like, yeah but it's treatable for a period of time or I'm told I have some time. But now, I realize I don't know anything more than anybody else does about the ultimate prognosis. And my oncologists are noncommittal at the most. Nobody truly knows.

That's how you go from Cyndi to Cancer Cyndi - when you tell others and let the cat out of the bag. It's part of the gig. But here's the good news. When you tell the right people - the ones who love you, hug you, check on you, and laugh with you - you're still just Cyndi. I'm Cancer Cyndi when I speak of my labs, treatment and/or updates to them. Otherwise. Just Cyndi. Always.

Cancer has taught me that people have an extraordinary capacity for grace. We don't always know what to say. I don't always know what to say. We don't always get it right. But most people are doing the best they can with the tools they have. And this - this understanding - might be my greatest takeaway.

We are all carrying something.

If I can sit with someone in their pain without hijacking their story....if I can shine a little light when theirs is dim....that's when I quietly thank cancer for the lesson. Cancer Cyndi shows up in those moments - not to lead, but sit beside. Sometimes cancer brings gifts wrapped in terrible packaging.

Living with blood cancer means redefining "normal". For me, it's been baby steps. What is my 'now' normal? Yes, the treatment is not kind to a body. Accepting that my fingernails may not survive. Managing the urge to hide my hands. Fighting imposter syndrome. It's a mental game of reminding myself that this journey is not linear. It's messy, bone-aching - and sometimes I don't even recognize myself in it. And still - my mind protects me in ways I can't see. When things don't make sense, it's my mental game that carries me through. The mental muscle I work on every single day. That's when I stay rooted in Cyndi....and let Cancer Cyndi ride in the backseat. She's allowed to come along - she just doesn't drive.

Time has a way of softening sharp edges. I don't let the hard days win - though some days they definitely try. And I'll say this: I've lived a beautiful life. A full one. And however many days or years I have left, I'll take them with grace - and just enough chaos to keep things interesting.

I want to dance in the barn. Channel bad bitch energy. Chase my feral little dogs. And buy more chickens. And guess what? I can.

I may never shed the label of Cancer Cyndi - but I'm okay being both. She reminds me that life isn't infinite....and that I should absolutely buy those chickens.

And keep my mental edge sharp.

Side Note: Cancer Disneyland 🎢

Cancer Cyndi heads back to MD Anderson in March. Texas Oncology has been dropping phrases like "your numbers look good" and "your treatment is keeping you stable". Who knows....I may stay in Myelofibrosis-1/MF-1 (bone marrow failure) for a undetermined period of time (MF-2 is stem cell transplant go-time). And right now? This is my sweet spot. I'm in it. I know I'm in it. And it feels really, really good.

Pixie Pie 🐾

Someone else is living their sweet-spot era - Pixie.

Snuggle bugs
And like me, her wounds are still healing

While Pix had her left eye removed recently (her right eye exited the chat earlier) she and Cricket stayed at the main house tucked away safe and sound so her stitches could heal properly without a WWE-smackdown dog style. And now BOOM - they are back home in my little cabin and I'm beyond happy! I missed them so much, and so did Theo (well, Olive calls him Peo but that's a different story).

Pixie is no longer in a permanent wink 😉 Granted, she could not see out of that left eye anyway, but once it started going sideways, it was time. She's now rocking a permanent eye close look 😌

~~Peo~~ Theo and Pixie have developed a special relationship which involves self care. Isn't it sweet?

Well, until it gets rough - and it does. Their love is but a prickly pear......sweet - and thorny tough.

But really, I think she feels better with her eyes removed. Less pain, less issues with eyes she can't protect. Plus, she's come out of her shell and runs around here (and into things) like she has not a care in the world. Her eyes were so terrible - and I'm glad she's rid of them. My lil Pixie Pie sleeps with us.....right next to Theo, of course.

Blue, and also Blue, and Blue, and Blue

I've taken in my next foster crew: four Rottie-mix puppies

Me: But can I do this

Yes, 4 rottweiler-mix puppies who were recently weaned from their mama. My assignment? Keep them safe, happy, alive, and fed while they grow of age to be spayed/neutered so that they then may be adopted. Foster folks such as myself give these animals a chance to get out of the shelter (while they need more time to age into 'altering' age) and receive attention and socialization that will hopefully benefit them when it comes time to putting their best paw forward for an adoption.

Fur-nado Factor over here

One of them were named Blue, as he has one blue eye and one brown eye. Turns out, 2 of the puppies do! One has their blue eye in the right eye, and the other in their left eye.

Blue

And Blue

When Brooks was here, he decided to name them all blue - and I get that. They are like little ants running around here and it's hard to tell who's who. So now.....they are all Blue. Honestly? Fair.

Residence in the shed

Their own little AirBnB with a tiny yard, a doggie door,
and two heaters and heat lamps for comfort

I've had them for a couple of weeks (2? 3?) Time has lost all meaning. All I know is it's time for them to return on Tuesday, and I don't even know if I can get out of my property with all this snow and ice. So we'll see if they go back or not? They are all scheduled for surgery that day 🙀 Weather-permitting.

Me: Driving them to Fort Worth
in a tractor if I have to

These pups are officially twice as big as they started and ready to go find their furever families. But can I get them there? First up, corralling them be like herding cats. And add in this weather......pray for me.

Yep, Me

So this weather....

Why? Just....why?

My chickens hate it. My donkeys are unimpressed. The goats are surviving on grit and side-eye.

Everyone has heated water, shelter and plenty of food - but unless you're in a heated barn, this is just rude. We'll get through it. All of us. Humans and animals alike.

But also - can it please stop now?

I'm done talking about it. Someone make it go away.

Penny and Dutch are the only fans of this nonsense

The sun will come out, tomorrow....

Cyndi

These bada$$ security doggos turn 5 this coming Sept.
They are the literal BEST.

Sunday, January 4, 2026

How did life get this good

This morning, I took a slow, chilly walk around the property - the kind where your jacket is zipped to your chin, hood up, hands buried in pockets like your smuggling snacks. The animals were moving about peacefully, completely at ease - as if they'd all collectively agreed: Yes. This is the good life.

I was having a moment of being in awe of my surroundings. It was quiet in that special way where you can still hear everything. And the realization that I have everything I could ever need or want, right here, was overwhelming. In this very moment, I feel a sense of fulfillment that I've never felt before.

My heart felt calm. My mind felt clear. And somewhere between the mist in the pasture and the dew soaking in my boots, it hit me - I don't need a single thing more than what's right here.

In this season of my life, every cup is full.

Soul Cup: overflowing

Love Cup: sloshing

Support Cup: refilled without asking

Emotional Cup: shockingly stable

All. The. Cups. Full.

How did life get this good? Because I truly could never have imagined a life that looks like this. I feel worthy of it, as I have prayed for this beautiful gift of worthiness, that has been absent in my life for far too long. I stopped walking, stood there in the pasture like a statue in a painting, and prayed in gratitude - for worthiness, because I finally feel it. For safety, because I feel that too. And for the reminder that even when I can't see what's ahead, God already has the blueprint drawn up and ready.

And that is where I'm most grateful. I've been carried here, shown the way with opens doors and trusted myself to walk through them. Look at me trusting myself - and my decisions, like a big girl does. Look how far you've come and how much you've grown. Self-trust has been a healing journey for me and an area of focus I've needed to come face to face with for many years. I no longer abandon or betray myself, but instead trust myself to be there for me. This is where I'm most proud of my healing work. Self-trust and self-love have become my best friends these last couple of years. In the dark of night. In the light of day. They are there for me.

And here we are - all my farm animals, dogs and cats here with me, living in this most gorgeous place that we've been granted. It's my wildest dream come true.

I then take that next sacred pause - the kind you file away as a Core Memory - and froze this moment in my brain like a framed portrait, then slowly and with intention, continue on to finish my walk with dewy boots and a lump in my throat. Total disbelief that this is actually my life. Yet here I am. And knowing my family and friends are there, woven into it all - just makes it sweeter. How did life get this good. I know the answer actually, as I know who the author of my story is. And it's definitely not me.

#nanalife

Now, onto the slightly less poetic but equally important moments:

This was all a little much

Olive recently found herself in a very large, very noisy, very splashy bath tub better know as the Allen Natatorium. She was deeply suspicious. Brooks on the other hand, was thrilled. We all know he is a thrill-seeker at heart. We survived. No injuries. No ER visits. It was a win for us all. And no, Olive did not want her eyes to get wet.

Back on the farm, Brooks drove his own tractor so long, that it ran outta juice and needed to be towed back for further charging.

Olive prefers riding with Sugar, princess-style

Of course we were out in the far back pasture at the time, therefore the process to get it back to the house felt like an episode of Blippi: Boys With Tractors. And of course needed to be done with little to no sun light for best little-boy-practice fun. The towing? His favorite part.

The towing of his tractor was likely the most fun

He loves everything about being out here....

FFA ‘show' animal already picked out

#farmboy

Olive on the other hand.....

Babies over barn

Play-dough over Pasture

Lauren has quite the extremes with these two
and somehow she still looks 12 years old

Please don't get me wrong, Olive loves it out here in different ways....

“Sorry, baby” when she hits a big bump 😂

Definitely will hold a chicken - and kiss it 💋

Also, must kiss barn cat, Kitty 😽

So as Olive and Brooks enjoy life out here, I don't think they truly realize that they may very well be living in it sooner rather than later. As I've settled into my new little cabin house - and the Main House awaits them, life may look a little different for them eventually. Maybe in May or June? And #nanalife is about to level up in a big way. Let's do it. Time is ticking.

New findings at the farm

As I was haltering my horses the other day in preparation for my farrier, Dustin to come and trim their feet, I had a idea pop in my head.

Hope has always had the iconic Chaka Khan hair which I love, but seems wildly impractical.

Before

After

omgoodness, so much easier now!

Granted, her 'before' pic was from a few years back, but it really represents her wild mane so well. And now, she's trimmed up tight, even has a little more weight on her (surprise surprise) and her little mohawk is so soft and adorable on her. Her fresh look shocked my farrier almost as much as the fact that I was the stylist.

Hope and I can do anything together. She's not a fan of the equine dentist or getting her feet trimmed, but who is? She did great with getting her haircut and even tolerated me with the scary sound of the scary clippers. She and I, we got a thing going on.

Oh!!! And something I always wanted happened......I got more chickens!

Whenever I want chickens, which I always do, I scream out to the universe SOMEONE TAKE MY MONEY - I NEED CHICKENS. And magically......

I know!!! They are silkie hens!!!

And blending in well, might I say 😎

I trimmed around their eyes, trimmed their
toes and kept them in a coop in the barn for
a day before I allowed them to roam freely.
They are doing wonderful!

Okay, so I know what question your asking......where did you find 8 adorable silkie hens?! Turns out, in Celeste, which is only 10 miles from me. There was this adorable young lady who offered them up on NextDoor and BOOM, I was there at her doorstep. You see, this was all meant to be. I've been wanting some more chickens because I always want more chickens. But this many silkies at once? Unheard of. It's a gift from me to me. Because I can have as many as I can care for - and there's always room for more in Cluckingham. That sounds a bit aggressive, but that's where I'm at in my chicken life right now. I've promised myself to keep things right-sized. 100 chickens is always reasonable, right?

Good news? These new lil girlz are blending in surprisingly well and are SO well adjusted. They are not skiddish or scared - instead they are friendly, docile, not-afraid, and seemingly therefore my big girlz have accepted them with open wings. My flock is so kind ☺ and I love that about them.

And wait, there's more fun farm news......

My Christmas gift from Lauren:

Sunflowers, chickens, my fav saying (Be Kind Or Leave)

Thank you, Lauren! I absolutely love it!!!

PupLand

What I'd also like to share today is the love of all my pups 💞 I have a wonderful Dog Pack and let's get into some of the intricacies of it all, shall we?

Sweet Maybe does rest alot
and that's okay, sweet girl.
Take all the time you need.
Before-shave pic.....

Maybe, 15 years old coming up in April.
After-shave pic and I somehow made her
eyebrows look like she's mad all the time.
Or she's tired of me shaving her. She'll
forgive me once I feed her dinner.

Moving on.....

The Go-With-Me-Everywhere Crew

Playtimes.....

And I can guarantee you that Maybe is the Puparee who will blow the whistle when she deems it necessary.

These two, Penny and Mia, absolutely adore playing. Well, Mia does.

And lastly, what Christmas looked like this year:

Dog Train, get on board, Theo

And just for the record, Crazy Char's selection of her Naughty or Nice sweater was completely appropriate. And Maybe being Santa this year? Just as appropriate. We had the most wonderful Christmas and I hope you all did as well. The weather, the love - it was all just purrfect.

Speaking of purrfect, my sweet little Pixie will be having her other eye removed on Wednesday. It's so unfortunate, yet her blindness does not allow her to be cautious of her surroundings like normal, and she's encountered an injury to her remaining (blind) eye that has the vet recommending that it also be removed. I was beyond sad to hear this news, but if not done, this type of thing may never stop for Pixie. She has no way to protect that remaining eye, so removal is necessary. Yes, I teared up when the vet informed me, but I completely understand it's in her best interest. It was such a hard surgery for Pixie with her first eye, and now she'll have to go through it again and that breaks my heart.

We'll see you through this, Pixie

Besides her kitty friend, Cricket,
Pixie enjoys Theo's company the most

As I count my blessings each day, I have one more to add......

I received a shed for which to utilize my outdoor
belongings - and a proper Tesla charger

This was a double bonus for me, as I have electricity in it - and my "real" Tesla charger installed safely inside (to keep it dry). I now just open the shed door and plug my car in. And now, it no longer takes 24 hours to charge my Tesla off my RV plug. Wait, that sounded very country, I think. Yes, I was charging my Tesla via my RV plug. But turns out, people do. Who knew. I feel more regular (air quotes) now having my Tesla charger that only takes 4 hours to charge it up. That's like Christmas every day for me. I'm so spoiled.

My next big project will be a new roof for
the old awning. But it works just fine for now.
It matches the weird wall 😏

Sometimes it's the big moments.

Other times it's the chickens, the tractors and the shed blocking the north wind.

Sometimes it's standing in a quiet pasture, realizing life is really, really good.

Happy New Year, Y'all 🎉

Me heading into 2026

Mucho love,

Monday, December 8, 2025

Question Edition

Did you get moved into your little home?

I did! It took a hot minute (and maybe a snack break or twelve) but yes, I'm officially moved into my little dream home. I've got until May to grab the last few odds and ends from the main house, but really, if they weren’t important enough to grab on the first 20 rounds, do I really need it? I'll find out as the next few months roll around.

It's like a cozy corner, with hidden dogs

It's their chosen fav place

Behold, my one-bedroom one-bathroom (with a laundry room) palace.

And I love it!

The dogs love it. We all love it.

Just my size

My laundry room and bathroom - as one 😃

The house was built - literally built - by Josiah and his family. Even their extended family who flew in from Paraguay jumped in like it was a Mennonite episode of HGTV. They handcrafted my kitchen cabinets during their visit here. By hand. With actual tools. Not Allen wrenches and regrets like the rest of us.

This sweet Mennonite family still does business with a handshake and their word - something you don't encounter these days unless you mosey into Commerce, Texas. Fun fact: I live about 10 miles from Commerce. Yes, I'm officially "way out here", where the chickens probably outnumber the humans.

More dogs, of course, in a spot of their own

And honestly? My little home came with a bonus feature I didn't expect: getting to know some of the kindest, most capable humans I've ever met. Need plumbing? They can do it. Electricity? Easy. Building a home from scratch? They're like, "Hold my unsweet tea."

Whatever happened with my lil blind kitty?

Oh, buckle up for this one. The Humane Society of North Texas (whom I foster with) trusted me with a less-than-half-pound blind kitten with severe eye infections and furthermore informing me she would be blind, no doubt. Fast forward to today, and guess whose healthy, happy, curious, loving, playful - and (drum roll!) mine! 💖 Yep, you guessed right.

Theo is her fav doggo 💞

Let's pretend I didn't foster fail the first time she squeaked at me.

Her name started as Lady Bug but quickly got upgraded to Pixie because she's tiny, magical, mischievous, and has the navigation skills of a Roomba with a dent in it.

She's as dark as the darkest night, so
actually seeing her permanent wink is not easy

This little girl bumps into everything - walls, dogs, the air - but she does it with confidence, which I admire deeply. She had one eye removed, and keeps the other, even though she can't see out of it. Doesn't slow her down one bit.

She's living her best little bonk-filled life.

Surgery was a tough one

Yet with us all by her side -
and her own grit,
she made it through 😉
now with a permanent wink

We're bonded for life. Thick as thieves. She's my tiny little fearless (oozing chaos) muffin pie.

Not to worry, Cricket and Pixie will be joining me in my new place, too.

Where will all this go? That's a later problem.

And how are Penny and Dutch?

Thriving. Absolutely thriving. They are out here running their own nighttime security company.

Penny enjoying her raised bed

Just last night, at 3 am I awoke to frantic barking just outside my bedroom window. And now that I live next to one of the ponds, I realized that Penny and Dutch had something cornered at the pond. And based on the chaos soundtrack, The Littles and Mia decided it was a group project.

I threw on clothes, grabbed a flashlight and hustled to the pond - only to shine my light on a VERY annoyed raccoon floating in the water like a overstuffed ring-eyed pool noodle. It was trying to convince everyone it was the boss, but considering it was the only one in the pond, I'm not sure it's argument held up.

So I stood there watching The Littles get muddy and wet, knowing full-well they would be getting back in my bed. And then I thought, 'my LGD's have got this under control'. Penny and Dutch will figure this out. They got in this and they'll come up with a solution.

Me? I'm heading back inside, resisting the urge to get my 410 shotgun, but with 18 dogs zooming around the pond like toddlers hyped up on caffeine, the odds of friendly fire were.....not great. So I left it to the pros - Penny and Dutch.

The Littles watched me leave and were like, "Yeah, warm bed sounds better than raccoon drama."

I still don't know how that saga ended. But I trust the doggos. I was clearly the weakest link in that operation.

They deserve breakfast in bed every morning 💪

Am I still running?

Yep! Running? Yes.

Biking? A hard no during the winter. I don't winter-bike. I will never winter-bike. I am firmly a "my face shouldn't hurt from the weather" kind of girl.

Pre-run fun

Lauren and I ran a 5K while pushing Brooks in a stroller. Cause you know I'm all about pushing a stroller, although it's usually filled with dogs and not children.