Day 35 Happy 30th Anniversary

 

On this Day 35, Sunday, both David and I awoke in different cities. He in Houston and myself in Gunter. Houston was still without snow, where Gunter, on the other hand was covered in a blanket of pure white. 

There would be so much more snow to come

I breathed a sigh of relief that the little silkies and frizzles were now under the awning/deck on the front south patio. I posted in my blog yesterday about waking up today, Sunday morning at 5:45 am and heading out (in the snow) to place heat lamps all around. It's an odd thing to do when I'm about to leave the city later today, but it's so cold, that I cannot not do it. Safety vs reality of the situation. I pick reality of what needs to be done. I feel like I have not slept all night knowing I need to do this, and now's the time. 

So outside I go on this freezing cold Sunday morning, completely bundled up and feed everyone and placed the heat lamps 1) in Winston's area, 2) in the Little Girl Coop area, and 3) over the fav egg laying station in the barn. 

I'm often reminded of the rule of thumb: Never place a heater for farm animals that farm animals will get used to and rely on, and then the electricity goes out and everyone dies because they were not acclimated to the cold. 

This rule of thumb is in my face, online and in the books that tell you what NOT to do. Don't do it, they say, as you'll lose your animals. I consider this scenerio different. Firstly, my farm animals are used to the "normal" cold weather, as they have no heated areas for which to take refuge. Second, this cold weather is not normal, and I could lose some animals if I don't do something. Hence, heat lamps dispensed around. I've notified the caretaker, and Angela and Paul of this situation so that they can watch for any issues with it. For now, on this Valentine's Day, there are heat lamps around. Granted Whisper and Levi could care a less about a heat lamp, as their thick winter coat is awesomely wonderful. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today, 30 years ago, David and I drove to the McKinney courthouse. We knew we were ready to get married after dating for 3 years. I think my parents had given up hope that I might marry. We told no one. With rings that cost hardly nothing but yet seemed to overwhelm our own budget, we made our way to McKinney. The courthouse "walked" us through this process, and before we knew it, we were in front of a judge (who I don't remember) and were married. I had a white suit on (something I could also use for work because we're on a strict budget in 1991), and I don't actually remember what David was wearing. Looking back now, does it really matter what we had on? Not to us. We walked out the front door as Mr and Mrs Graves. So you know what we did? We drove to the DPS and stood in line to get my new drivers license with my new name on it. The DPS lady behind the counter kindly asked me to step back and stand on the line. Click!  There is was, a photo of me in my white suit which would be my wedding photo. I would carry my wedding photo in my wallet for a few years, every day seeing my smiling face, until the DL expired and I moved onto the next photo a few years later. This time, with me holding Lauren as a toddler on my hip. She's not in the DL pic, but I remember vividly the DPS lady having to reposition the camera to exclude Lauren in my DL photo. My DL photos tell my history of the last 30 years. I also remember how important I felt it was to have my hair "just right" for it. Silly me. 

Fast forward 30 years of ups and down, adventures and life things happening. Marriage is hard and I never found the book on what to do about it. We just kept at it through thick and thin. David is a "stayer" and I'm (fitting for me) a "runner" - but in a marriage kind of way. Whenever things got tough, I wanted to run away. David wanted to stay. I learned it's a good thing to have a "stayer" in a marriage who is always there to tell the "runner" that it's all going to be okay. I was scared sometimes of David's compassion, commitment and loyalty, probably because of my own self-worth issues whereby I might not actually deserve all this goodness. There's probably a lot of psychological things under neath all that, but with time and maturity, I found my voice and realized I deserve all of the goodness life would give me, and I then desired to give this goodness back into the world. It was a process of a 28 year old coming into her own, finding her way, dropping old life skills and gaining new ones. The skills I learned as a child needed an overhaul as an adult. With age would come wisdom. I just had to figure out who I wanted to be, and grow towards that, all with David by my side. We did it, Sweetie! You stayed, I didn't run (well, I ran, but not away from us). You allowed me to spread my wings and fly, all while you stayed steadfast and strong. You were always the rock. You still are. Lava ewe, my sweets. 

David once drew this as a symbol of our relationship.
He is always there waiting for me, as I fly around 
adventuring, always flying back home. 

Let's do this some more, babe, with as many years as God will grant us. That's where we are at now, finally. Letting God decide our destiny and placing our own will(s) aside, and allowing God's will be done. We've been practicing that for some time now, trusting in God and walking His story for us. I find life so much better that way. I tried for far too long in life, attempting to hold onto the reigns that were not mine to hold. It feels good to Let Go and Let God. It's a real thing, and I want to live no other way than that.

Speaking of God

It's the good Lord that brought me safely back to Houston through the freezing temps, icy roads, sleet, snow and driving rain. Sunday was a beating on the roads and I45 had mostly one lane available to be safely in for well over 200 miles. I never touched over 50 mph, and mainly stayed between 37-42 mph for the whole trip from Gunter to Houston. I'd say my average speed was 40 mph for the whole trip, and that my be exaggerating some. It took double the time to get here, but I made it with God by my side. Actually carrying me most all the way. 

This was actually the best it ever got

There were too many accidents to count, way too many cars in a ditch just sliding off the road with no control over the situation. Just sliding. I stopped at Buc-ee’s  thinking the side roads would be more well-traveled there, and then found myself struggling to walk into the store because the parking lot was an ice skating rink. I get back in the truck and realize I have to keep going. It's only going to get worse. Keep going. 

As I traveled the icy highway, I was listening to an audio book to take myself to another place, beside this horrid position I had willingly placed myself in. 

So well written

I originally started reading the physical book, Educated by Tara Westover, which was given to me by Lauren. I was unable to put the book down as it’s one event after another in the life of Tara. She tells her story like I’ve never heard one told before. I wanted to listen to it as I moved down I45 at a snails pace, with my fingers numb from holding the steering wheel so tight. Turns out, her story fit perfectly with the stress I was feeling while in my truck and driving in conditions that were beyond my control.  Tara’s life, the horrible events, the brainwashing, and how she saw it through was beyond what my brain could hold. But I kept listening. That book would see me through the trip back to Houston. Every muscle in my entire body was tense from the road  - and the book. And once I did eventually lay down in bed that night, I would feel as if I had exercised beyond what my body could actually do. I can’t ever remember feeling that way and not having exercised. My entire body had been so tense for so long that my muscles were exhausted. 

I prayed constantly, aloud, along with friends and family praying for my safe arrival and just before 9 pm, I pulled up to the apartment. I couldn't believe it myself. Tears were in my eyes. We did it. My life is a witness to His work, to His grace and to His life. I'm doing none of these things and He's doing everything. My gratitude is endless, and I have peace and trust in all I do knowing it's going to be okay. 

The Low Down

After making it back to Houston, David and I sat, talked and caught up. We reflected on the week, and he told me his appts for radiation and chemo were cancelled on Monday and Tuesday due to the upcoming snow and sleet here in Houston. It would arrive here throughout Sunday night and into Monday morning. He catches a break to heal for a couple more days, while the snow has everyone staying at home. What does this mean? That we now go into the next week, extending his treatments past the 6 weeks, and back to 7 weeks now. Back and forth this has gone. Now, we are for sure going to be into the 7 weeks after all. The physical side of it is daunting, but the mental side of it for David is damaging to his psyche. What was once his last week is not. There will be more now. We go to bed, laying our heads down saying prayers of thanks for all that was bestowed upon us. Happy Valentine's Day, Happy 30th Anniversary and Happy Let's-Keep-This-Train-Going Week! I'm ready to binge some more on Marrying Millions. Yep, that's what we need right now, some mindless tv, watching other people having their own set of trials and tribulations. Later. It's bedtime now.

Happy Valentine's Day! 

C

From short hair

To long hair, you’ve been there - all in at all times 💕