Moving forward to the New Year

It seems every year, I learn new and different things. This year was probably one of the biggest years for change, and we've had a lot of change in our 30 years of life together. Between the loss of David's parents, settling an estate, new lambs, chicken losses and gains, guard dog's surgery and continuing recovery, retirement from the OR into the medical office setting, new guard dog pups to train, Lauren's new-found love of biking (plus a myriad of change for her, certainly), constant care and movement of fencing for farm animals, new roofs on all the dwellings, as well as other plethora of day to day activities. I began my own death cleaning this year, and learned to love less clutter - and less noise around me. I know that this is what we all do in life. Other people's changes are different from mine, but just as impacting and important. We are all bouncing along this wonderful life together, each doing things in our homes to live life as best as we are able. With love and loss.
I've learned the impact of one's parents death(s) is varied and far reaching. The learning from it goes well beyond "what to do after a death of a loved one". It's a lot of rethinking, forming what if's, and maybe even some regrets along the hard road we call the grieving process. While life continues for us, and changes are happening, the end of life for others forms new pathways into ones thinking.
Simple questions arise like, Will I trust my adult child's judgement when the time comes that I need to hear hard things? Will I take other's advise when my decisions are not sound? And maybe most importantly, How will I know when it's time - to make a change or move?
It's so hard to realize a time will come for this type of thing. But it does, even though I can't see that far ahead in life. It's like it happens to others, but those kinds of things won't happen to me. As I age, I no longer believe that, because I know a time will come for "that" kind of change. The changes for 2018 are normal, regular life changes as we all have. I'm hoping in my lifetime - and when it's "time" - God will grant me the grace to know that a season of change is necessary.
My favorite thing about all this is it will be a surprise. So how can I be ready for a surprise? I've never known in my life where I would be in 10 years down the road. So planning for proper care at a late stage of my life seems perplexing and confusing. I didn't even know that in January 2018, what was about to fall in my lap in late 2018. How could I possibly construe and formulate a plan for "later on" not knowing my destiny. Where's the book on all this? And to make it even more difficult and complicated, each person whose of older age is so vastly different. There's no one path, and no "right" path.
So as I cool my jets on thinking about my own plans when an age strikes that requires me to seek assistance, I move forward. I'm ever changing and evolving as a person, as most of us are. I don't want to dig my heels down and define myself as "fill-in-the-blank". I want to be fresh, learning, and smile. I want to learn to listen to my intuition more regularly.......and trust it. I always want to learn to love myself more, because as I do, I learn to love others more.
With this evolution, I find I need to be more and more open to the things around me. Social media, 'current' phone etiquette, trendy and cool things that make living life easier, resetting my expectations on today's lifestyles, and listening to the younger generations. Now that's really how I learn things. Don't get me wrong, I still want to do things my way, the old way, the ways I've always known. But that only gets me so far. Speaking of learning, I've learned I need to be open to ways of doing things that are not necessarily comfortable - or may even seem illogical to me. But that's the way life works, and it's taken me years to see that I can sit back and say things like, Remember when the phone was attached to the wall to talk? Or, Remember when there were only channels 4, 5, 11 and 13 on the TV? Or one of my favorites, which I resist the urge to say (all the time), Remember when people answered the phone when it rang?
So now I find myself "sounding old". And by the way, I feel it when it happens, most of the time. Or I can tell by the look on others people's faces around me. Either way, I'm doing it. I want to learn new things everyday - and I hope I can continue to do that. I want to try and keep up, just a little bit, with this vast world of happenings.
It's a conflicting paradigm, though. One side of me says, "Yes, Keep up, Gurl!", while the other side of me says, "Go put a Closed sign on the gate out front of the property, and become a commune and never leave". Ah yes, I'm conflicted.
I'm picking the option of Keeping Up. I'm like a 2 year old chasing after a mom walking too fast. Wait for me! I'm just trying to keep up with life, keep myself in line, and manage all my sweet farm animals - all at the same time. Luckily, I have a life mate, best friend, kindred soul and husband who is compassionate and amazing. He wants me happy, as much as I want him to be happy. He's a wonderful artist, woodworker, and baker. He's my gateway into the world of growing old. And there's no one else I'd rather travel in time with.

Bring on the changes of 2019. I'll do my best.

Cyndi


Farm Update:
Due to the nature of a recovering dog and guard pups who are still young, heat lamps were placed in the barn to assist them with the cold winter temps.
The lambs are in the midst of weaning from their mama's (and us, from Little Grace). The lambs are now big enough to be secure and eat on their own, and become more and more independent.
Grace is down to 1/2 bottle am and pm. And cries for more constantly. Insert hurts heart to hear her cry.
All electrical heated water buckets are in place for the upcoming 20 degree weather.
Sugar is beginning to learn her name, as is Dixie and Davis.
This rain makes the farm a muddy mess.
The donkey's own updated barn is ready just in time for this cold and wet weather.
Last, all the chickens are healthy and happy - which, of course, makes me one happy chicken lady.