Seeds

 

Here we are in March of 2021. Who knew we'd be still wearing masks, fighting covid, getting vaccines and talking about opening Texas again. So much going on in this little world in which I live, and knowing that, it heightens my awareness that there's so much more going on in this big'o wide world that I'm not able to comprehend it all. That I know. 

That topic has been on my mind for a few days now. Why? Because I can't even figure out what's going on in my own little world. I'm learning what it's like to come back home after cancer treatment and process what all happened. I'll call it reflection. 

Yet, I'll also call it seeds. We are God seeds, planted, sprouting, flowering and then seeds once again. Who we are is ever changing and new parts of us develop, grow, blow away, planted once again, and this evolution never stops. Yet, it's not just us. It's all of humanity doing this. And together, integrating, we are able to grow as one in this epic forgetfulness that we really are all one. Together. We are not going through this life alone, nor are you going through your life's living alone. Awareness brings about this understanding that this is not about "us", it's about "all of us". We are all on this Sail Boat ride together enduring the storms and the smooth waters. Speaking for myself, knowing we are all one in this universe, and in this life together, brings about a sense of peace, esp during choppy waters. 

SNUC and it's undoing

I've made no secret that SNUC, radiation and chemo has been the undoing of David. Anyone who has had  cancer treatment likely has an undoing of some sort. I just didn't really know this beforehand and what that would feel like. I mean, you know that bad things are going to happen because they are frying you and putting toxins in your body, all in an attempt to help you survive your cancer. It's the aftermath that is the undoing. Yes, treatment on cancer island was no fun and day by day it knocks you down. Then, you get up and go again the next day. But when it's all said and done, what then.

There's not exactly a How To guide on this. Everyone's experience is a little different, so finding relevant documentation on how to move through this is like finding the elusive missing sock. My discovery is that the aftermath of cancer treatment brings about new and unusual feelings, disturbances in life, and the uncertainty of how long the side effects are going to hang around. Recovery is the chapter David is now in, but even more importantly, along with recovery comes discovery. They go hand in hand if you are willing to open the discovery door.

Gold Star

I'm awarding David all the Gold Stars. He's stepped right through that discovery door, no wait, he blew right through the discovery door. He's in recovery mode all while discovering the essence of life and living.  Life is not static, that we know for sure. The life of ones soul evolves and grows as we move through this spiraling journey. Each day, David and I wake up a little more to the awareness of this evolution of consciousness. When you teeter on the edge of life, walk a fine line, one's awareness heightens. David's side effects are becoming more readily accepted day by day as he lives with them. The unknowing of which will stay - and which will go - is finding its home inside us. All while his sense of knowing is settling in as well. Every kernal of knowing brings about a deeper awareness to coming home to yourself. Our minds are finding peace with just being, with self reflection, love and understanding. Our souls are settling from the recent storms of life.

Workie Work

David is back at work, and not just working from home, but actually went into the office last Friday, the new office in Plano. DMS moved buildings/location back in January (when we were in Houston). It was a long, extensive process starting back in 2020 and finishing in 2021. And thanks to so many hard working people, the move is complete and people are offered the ability to come back to a new office workspace that's gorgeous. 

Yes, masks are still required, as all of the CDC guidelines are enforced. David was able to get his first covid vaccine this past Tuesday. We were thrilled with that opportunity. And now David is making his way out in the world again. He's now venturing outside of MDA, his people there, and the security that once brought him. Being back at the farm has been a time of healing and blessings. Just sleeping in your own bed is transformative.

The Question

The real question now is What have I come here to do with my life? 

My own life has become much more contemplative. I won't always know the answer to that question, but I'm asking it anyway. It's the gateway to my calling. My callings in life have been ever changing. I've had callings in relationships and professional settings. I've had multiple callings at one time. I'm called to something, and just as profoundly called away from something else. And each time, I'm asking myself this question: what have I come here to do. 

Our callings are folded into our lives, in our own language for only us to understand, and are there if we choose to listen to them. They lure us into our own being, if only we can be brave enough to grasp the callings. I've been listening lately, for what's next. Quieting my mind and listening. David and I have both fallen into the question of what have I come here to do with my life. What are we to do with this? What does this all mean. And although we do not have all the answers in life, we feel it's important right now to ask ourselves questions to propel us forward to where ever it is we are going - personally and emotionally, even physically. What do we do with this experience, what can we learn from it. And now we listen. 

Farm Wise

In a State of the Farm address, I'm happy to say things are settling back in around here. We've had a few new experiences lately, but they are merely bleeps in the radar of life. For example, a neighbor asked us last evening to take 4 rhode island red roosters off his hands because his wife is scared of them and he needs them gone ASAP. We agreed, and have a holding pen available, so there they are. Waiting for someone or something. They crowed all night and they are big ole roosters and they are loud. I think his wife was tired of them keeping her up all night. 

That someone happened to come along the very next day, and he's a wonderful young man, Nick. Nick has become a close family friend, as the three of us had the opportunity to travel to Honduras for a mission trip awhile back - and became like family. We had 10 days there, but it seemed like a lifetime, at the time. Nick also worked along side myself at a surgery center for several years, at which time he determined his calling was to be a doctor. Now, in year 3 of medical school, he's in town to come say Hello and bring his 2 sweet girls over to visit - and take the roosters back home to his mom and dad. His mom makes a mean chicken soup I hear. Fresh as fresh is. 

So 4 roosters here Saturday, and Sunday morning they have found their forever home. Thanks, Nick, for taking them off our hands. Roosters are not our thing.  But yet, we still have Carlos and Prince Charming with the silkie and frizzle ladies in the Little Girl Area. Dorothy has begun laying a clutch of eggs and sitting on them so it's looking like there is a good possibility of spring chicks. It's a real thing. Carlos' owner, Amy will be thrilled as she's wanting more silkie chickens and I'm pretty sure that will happen. Oh, and my 3 little silkie chicks? I put them out in the coop with the broody girls, as silkies are known for taking in orphan chicks. Esp when they are broody and sitting on eggs. 

This frizzle hen readily allows the chicks to nuzzle in

Things are happening in here

How many days for a chick to hatch? 21 - give or take a day. Silkie hens are good mamas and they take turns sitting on each others eggs to keep them warm, esp when a mama needs to get up for a restroom break or have a meal.

What about our big girls? The hens are all doing well and enjoying this milder weather. As are the horses, donkeys and dogs. Winston has learned how to use the doggie door to get inside the laundry room where the barn cats are allowed to take refuge whenever they desire. 

He melts into this bed and has trouble getting up

Cats want to get here, but must pass by the troll first

Junie B and Smokey consider going in, despite Winston 

There is definitely an adjustment going on there, as the barn cats come inside to sleep or eat (if they want to) and it's a room that is closed off to the rest of the house. Think Laundry Room = Cat Room. Now Winston's Room, too. But Winston has a very big woof-bark and when a cat comes inside the laundry room, he's there to announce it and scares the cats over and over. The cats are starting to adjust, but he's a scary creature to them and certainly uninvited in Cat Land. Winston made it through the bliz-id of 2021 so he is more than worthy of the luxury of seeking shelter inside now. I would have never guessed that would happen because his hind legs don't work so well, and to function in a way to get in and out a doggie door was something I didn't think he was capable of. Good for you, Winston. The cats don't agree though. 

Mini Update

Hope and Faith are happy to be back together, and back home.

And Sweet Dora has just become the most amazing mini horse as she's an aging half blind mare who is becoming one of the most gentle animals I have. I imaging all three will lose their winter coats in the next month, and be smooth as butter again. 

Brooks Brooks Baby

It was a big day Saturday as David was able to see Brooks after missing him for the last 2 months. 

Fav chew toy

Prior to David's cancer treatment, he stayed away from everyone to try and stay covid free. He made it through and is back home with one vaccine under his belt. He's ready to see the world as safely as possible and seeing Brooks on Saturday was so much fun. He literally held him the whole time through 2 naps and feedings. 

Baby watching 💕

Brooks is going on 5 months old and watching him grow, change, and become his own little self is such a joy.

How is David

This is the most common question we get and rightfully so. He's doing the very best he can, and resting as much as possible. He has a lot of healing to do. Rest, food and fluids are his friends. His salivary glands are still on strike, as are his smell and taste. His nasal lining is sluffing off and coming out in bits and pieces, which means healing is happening. His hernia is something that is about to drive him half batty. He still can't get it fixed until his oncologist clears that, and that's not happening right now, as his radiated throat will not handle intubation well. It needs more time to heal. 

If you happen to ask me how I'm doing, I'll say something good like wonderful or great. Esp because I'm back home and doing all the regular things I used to do. But David, if you ask him how he's doing, he'll say, "I'm dry". Everything about him is still dry and will be for awhile. Colon, mouth, nose, throat, skin - you name it. Yet, he's healing, and with time many of these things will bounce back. 

He's looking forward to his follow up appt in April to get checked out on how he's progressing with his recovery as well as (fingers crossed) be cleared for hernia surgery. Keep doing what you're doing, babe! It's hard, but you make it look so easy. Take your time. We will get there, together. 

We R who we R

It's times like these that reflection is a big part of our life. It's also time for us to share more in regards to a rare cancer such as SNUC. This blog has become a space for documenting the life of David, a SNUC warrior. Yet, information is limited in regards to SNUC, and certainly communication and support with this particular cancer is sparse. In this effort, David and I will be placing an upcoming blog on the MDA website. I've given my permission to MDA already, and we will be moving forward with this endeavor. There's many blog posts on the MDA site, all who share their particular story in their own unique way. It's very inspiring to read other's stories. We are all in this together. 

In addition, we are also starting a podcast called:

Thanks, Lauren, for putting this together!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/it-snuc-up-on-us/id1549463650

Although just starting this podcast journey with only one episode recorded thus far, we are putting it out there to give a taste of more to come. I'll be adding more in the near future and it will be heavily based on the blog post, esp for those who prefer to listen rather than read. Or maybe even do both. Our hope is to reach those interested in hearing this journey - and to reach those in need of SNUC support. We look forward to encouraging those on this same trip to cancer island to travel with love, positivity, hope and faith. And most importantly, with your higher power, whoever that is for you. This journey is best made with spiritually holding your hand. 

Dare to dream,

Cyndi