It was this past Friday morning when I met Lauren to go for a run with our dogs. Pleasant and easy going. Afterwards we would go to Kroger, and grocery shop. To keep this nice morning going, we would turn it into a lunch at a local Mexican food restaurant, where David would meet us and we all enjoy a meal together. Relaxing, catching up from the week, and connecting with each other was on the menu. David had been out of town, and Lauren had a date that past week - both of which we would review. Both Lauren and David had had experiences the past week that were related - whereby acquaintances (Lauren's date and David's Uber driver) had each ask them similar types of questions, with one in particular that stood out: What is your biggest fear? Little did I know how our answers would provide irony for what was to come.
All three of our answers centered around death and dying. We were fearful of losing each other, how we might lose each other, and the nothing seemed more daunting than death of each other. We talked about how some people fear death themselves, when others fear the death of a loved one. My fear, as a mother, went deeper than the thought of death of a daughter, but the method by which one might die. Yes, I've watched too many Forensic Files, and the method of death is what scares me the most. Torture, struggle, and horrific deaths are something I see on TV, and can't wrap my brain around how families are able to move forward in life after something like that happens - esp when it involves one of their children. I'm deeply saddened and although I want to, I can't fathom what that must feel like day to day after such a horrific loss of a child. And I do fear that, and vocalized that, while having this morbid conversation at lunch. Basically, we all feared the same - the loss of one of us.
I tend to take it to the next level, and think about the thoughts of how (if) a loved one might die, what they felt like at that time, and how I wasn't there when they needed me the most. The torture parents must go through when deaths like this happen. Replaying it in your head, the What If's, the inability to have foreseen a series of possible events or even worse, not following you're intuition to have done something to help, and made a different choice instead. Okay, Cyndi, reel it back in girl.
As you would expect, we finished our lunch, and headed back to our respective Saturday plans. The conversations that day at lunch, which were many topics, were all tied up in pretty bows as we hugged and said See You Later!
Sunday morning came, and David and I went out to the barn to feed as we do each day. But on this day, the minute I saw Nona, I could tell she had had a kid goat. Why? Because she was much smaller! I looked around, but did not see a baby goat in the barn or lying in the straw. That's odd. When our sheep had their lambs, they were right beside them. I immediately ran out of the barn to go search the pasture area. I scan the grass, and see it. There's something laying out there. I run quickly to it, and find a baby kid goat wet, cold and lifeless. David is right there with me, and we analyze this baby kid. She's not breathing, she cold, and looks like she was brand new. David grabs her, and we take her inside. He even does CPR on her. But she's already gone. I can't believe it. She has to be alive, as this is some big mistake. Nona is not interested at all in the kid, and I think she's likely licked her somewhat clean, as the sac is not around the little girl. Nona likely realized her little girl was not alive. I'm unable to make any sense of anything at this point. I simply won't accept this baby kid goat is not alive. We should warm her up, we should keep trying, but David says, no, she's dead. But she's perfectly formed. She has a cute nose, markings like Nona, even hooves and everything a little goat has. Eyes closed, and no life in her. I'm still trying to make sense of it.
By now, I'm trying to figure out what happened? Were we not here? Did we miss the "window" of time to help? Did something get her kid? What happened? At this point, David and I both know we will be burying her. The only animal we've lost on the farm yet, were chickens. We had choose not to bury them because predators will dig up buried animals. But I can't not bury this baby kid goat, perfectly formed and so innocent. I don't know how much time passes, and we have an eye on Nona, but she seems unconcerned. So odd. She's not looking for her baby goat, she's out grazing. I just don't get it. Are goats that different from sheep? Because our sheep acted very different - so attentive. It never occurred to me that if this baby kid was stillborn, that maybe a mama goat knows it, and leaves it? I don't know. I just could not grasp that the baby goat was dead. That's not what was to happen. I had never even had that as an option in my head. Never.
David now has a shovel, I remember saying something about getting one. We somehow know we will bury her behind the shed. I get a box, and gently place her inside. Is it too soon? Are we sure she's not alive? Do we wait? I just don't know. David has dug a shallow grave, and I place the box in it. I need to cover it up, and make this terrible tragedy to away. It hurts so bad. I have no idea how much time has passed, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm not able to think straight. Everything is a blur. I act like things are okay, but they're not. What is happening?
We are still in eyesight of Nona. I could tell it was not long ago that she had the kid goat, probably just before we came out to feed for the morning. The evidence on her back side is all so fresh. This was all happening under our nose. Somehow, now I think I'll walk up to the front pasture real quick and feed the guard dogs there. I do that real quick, it doesn't take long, and as I walk back up the gravel road, I see another kid goat just born, not even minutes ago. She was not there when I walked by minutes earlier. Once again, Nona is nowhere to be found. What is going on?! I quickly run out to get the baby, and upon getting to her, I can tell Nona did clean her face, and not all the body, but some of the body. I picked up the baby, this one a boy, and run inside to wrap him in a towel, and stimulate him to bring him to life. David sees me, and he once again tries to breath life into the goat, and clear an airway for this sweet thing. Nothing. No response, no movement, nothing. What, how can this be? What are we doing wrong? Why can't we help these baby goats? No amount of rubbing with a towel, or trying to clear air into them is working. Once again, no response whatsoever. Not even a flicker of movement. Like these babies were stillborn - no life. But both of them? Is this what happens?
I'm so shocked I cannot make good decisions. All I know is this is nothing like our lambing experience. Is it different with goats? I had researched online about goats having kids, and it all seemed so similar to sheep having lambs. Where did I go wrong?
Sadly, we end up burying this sweet boy in the towel in which we tried to revive him. His body was lifeless - did Nona know this? Hence why she is leaving them? My thoughts are not rational, and they are bouncing all over the place. I immediately think this is all my fault, and I've not done something I should have done. Could I have somehow saved them? I must have missed something? Some time when I wasn't there, or a window of time that was necessary - and I missed it? And it was all happening under our noses, right there. Was I not attentive enough?
It will be much later in the day that I will begin to accept that these twins were stillborn. Something just was not "right". We buried the brother and sister beside each other, behind the shed, and placed heavy stepping stones on top so that no animal will dig them up. I didn't want to do that, but I had to do that. I continue to keep an eye on Nona, and notice she passes the placenta. I'm no baby expert, but that tells me that's the end - and likely no more babies are in her. But I stay outside anyway, to see how she's doing and what she's going to do.
Nona goes about her business of grazing, eating and being with the herd. It's the oddest thing. Does she know she had babies? Does she knows they died? Is that why she's not seemingly concerned? Then it happens, about an hour later. We have been outside, in and out of the barn doing chores, watching Nona, since this whole thing started when we came out to feed. Nona starts calling for her babies. She starts looking for them. Heartbreaking. But it gets worse. She becomes more and more frantic. Her cries become screams. Long screams of pain and loss. The most excruciating sound, and I can hardly bare it. She'll stop, then she'll start again. She's looking everywhere for them. Then, Nona will get distracted, but before long, she's crying for them again - calling out for them to come to her, and listening for their cries so she can find them. She can smell the traces of them. She knows where they were.
Whether her cries are from her heart - or are instinctual - I can feel her pain, cutting through me. Likely, her calls are from her heart and instinct both- as she feels the need for them, the need to feed them, and to nurture them. But that is not meant to be. Sadly, this goes on all day. David and I are outside all day around the farm doing chores, fixing things, moving things, and listening to Nona cry out. It was probably one of the hardest "farm things" I've encountered in quite some time. I never had the notion she may have a stillbirth - and with twins, it just hurt a little more.
So now, all day, I was able to feel (and hear) all the different feelings of loss. I, along with Nona cried off and on - all day. It was too overwhelming for me to hold those baby kid goats, bury them, and listen to Nona cry and call for them all day. Just too much.
The physical and emotional pain that parents must go through, who lose a child, was given to me in only a tiny, small dose today. I did not lose a child, but there's countless people who have. My grief is only a small-scale kind, compared to those who have "real" loss. Yes, loss is loss, but I also know that losing twin goats is not on a comparison scale when it comes to losing a child. I think I've cried all day today partly because I can somehow feel it. That I cry because I know others have - and still are - going through the loss of a child. That feeling is so overwhelming, and my feelings are so fragile, that I cry for them. For those that have experienced that kind of loss. The grieve quietly, while others cannot imagine the pain they feel. OMGoodness. Dear God, I trust that you soothe the souls of those who have had great loss. I thank you for sharing loss with me, so that I can feel the loss that others may feel. If only a tiny understanding, to know what others are dealing with.
The loss of these twin goats turned into much more than that for me. I grieve them, I wish for them, and I feel for Nona. More importantly I feel for parents who have lost their young. It's beyond my understanding how strong they must be to venture on in life.
May God be with them.
Cyndi
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Thursday, March 21, 2019
My Tribe of Feathers and Fur
Life Out Here (as Tractor Supply coins it) is amazing, quiet, fluid, challenging, joyous, surprising and peaceful. The days are rarely the same. Our Tribe of 6 sheep, 4 goats, 2 donkeys, 15 chickens, 4 guard dogs, 8 barn cats (give/take depending on whose "shown up" randomly) and 2 little foo-foo house dogs keeps life interesting. Population = 41. We are growing, and at times, shrinking. Mostly growing. Our new addition of 4 little goats (Nona, Twizzler, Chia and Georgia) has been a wealth of fun, learning - and new noises. Their little baaaa's are sweet and soft. They are actually quieter than the sheep. Granted, they are small goats, and will likely remain small, due to their breed. Although Nona gets a little bigger by the day, as she's growing out on both sides, like little basketballs attached to her sides. I can't wait to find out how many baby kid goats she'll have. Just one is fine.
The grass and forbs are starting to grow, and the donkeys, sheep and goats are eating more in the pasture, and relying less on us to feed them. This makes for a peacefully quiet pasture, as when they are hungry, they say so. Loudly. We are beginning to notice we buy less coastal and alfalfa hay, as well as notice the noise level has decreased at feeding times. As they are all feeding themselves. Wow, that feels good! Spring is bringing us many blessings. The weather is another treat for us all. I can now gather the heated water buckets, and store them away for next winter. The pond is overflowing, with fresh water due to all the rain. The ground is starting to dry, and the green is showing up in full color. I can leave the barn open, and the barn windows are making their way open once again. The winds have calmed, and this is the sweet spot for us all. The chickens are laying more eggs, due to more sunlight, and the sunrise/sunsets are God's gift to us every day.
This is the calm after the storm. Because a particular (high winds) storm hit last week, that shook us all. We knew it was coming, we had been warned. 50 mph winds were predicted, along with thunder, lightening and rain. We had buttoned down everything that evening. The barn was completely shut, the cars in the garage (except one), the chairs on the patio/decks were placed in the garage. The pasture allows whatever wind travels to pick up speed even more so, than it already travels. So, we know what to do. But we could not have prepared for what was to come. Not completely.
I remember laying my head down that evening, on the pillow, hearing the wind, knowing the storm was coming. We've buckled and buttoned things down, and now I wait. I fall asleep, listening to the wind howl all night, with a storm that I couldn't see, but only hear.
Wind vs Shelter (in Front Pasture): Turns out the 50-60 mph wind won. Not even 45 days earlier had we had a shed/shelter built for the guard pups in the front pasture, that literally blew away in the storm. Leaving for work the next morning after the storm, it was still dark. So we could not realize what was to present itself to us, when daylight came. The electricity was off, and it was too dark to see all the damage. No lights, only sheer darkness. With flashlights, David and I tried to assess the damage, but flashlights only tell a portion of the story. The Sun would tell the rest.
Turns out, the wind picked up the shed in the front pasture (up by the pond), and upon hitting the ground, broke apart and begin blowing a hundreds-of-pound shed-pieces all up the pasture, even parts of it reaching the house. A portion that blew up that far, hit the one car (left out from the garage). It looked like a trail of shed. But it didn't actually start there. It started at the street, first with blowing the mailbox off its ledge. Then blew a Purple Martin birdhouse down, breaking the pole in half. That's when the wind headed to the shed, and took it away from the dogs, and away it went. Luckily, the dogs are okay! Along the journey of the shed-pieces moving, tumbling and flying, it took down the fence we had just placed (about a month ago) to divide the front pasture in half. Another fence in the back pasture blew down, bending pieces of metal none of us could ever bend. That wind was no joke. It was serious, and came to take down whatever it could, that was in its path. One of the most interesting things it also blew down, was an electrical pole that runs along our fence line. Hence, no electricity. The very tall and heavy pole came crashing down with it's transformer still attached, wires/lines and all. Straight into our pasture about 40 ft from the barn. Not on the barn, thank goodness. God spared us that, and we are most grateful. But now, there's an electrical pole lying in the rain-drenched grass. The animals need to be moved, so not to possibly hurt any of them, with the lines/wires that might still be live.
David was able to spend a little time before he left for work that fateful morning, shifting animals and settling things that needed settling. Then we would both come home to find it all still the same. The debris spread out over the property, the electrical pole still in the pasture, lying on the ground, and fences in disarray. We were deflated, as all the work we spent fixing and reshaping the areas on the property, were now in disrepair. This is how it feels. To work hard at making things like you'd like, then losing it to Mother Nature. You see it on TV and in the News, and now I got to feel those feelings. It was nothing like what other people have been through - not at all. But simply a taste of it.
Oncor (electric company) did come later that same evening with 8 trucks and all kinds of heavy equipment to secure poles, put in new lines, and dig - to place a new pole where the one had completely fallen. The ground in the pasture was so wet, that their heavy equipment sunk in the ground. Once again, the damage continued, but repair and electricity was the reward. With it came deep pathways where heavy vehicles had to go - into the pasture, and up and down our gravel road to get to it. It was be quite the mess once they left. First, one of the vehicles got stuck in the pasture, then another. Wheels spinning, as they frantically tried to break loose, but only digging a hole with their tires that would not allow them out. A second vehicle did the same, and then a third was brought in to try and pull those two gigantic repair trucks out. It was a train of electrical trucks, attached by heavy cords, with the first, trying to pull the other two out - all tied together. It was madness. I could hear the circus music playing in my head. That part of the pasture is tore up good, but I'm happy to say that they were able to get the vehicles unstuck - and out of the pasture. Good news? Our electricity was restored, as I imagine others electricity was too, once that pole(s), lines, new transformer were set, placed and repaired. That's going to be a bumpy ride on the mower, going over that area, when it comes time to mow there. It's no longer smooth out there.
I remember David and I just standing there after the repairmen (and their trucks) left at dusk, not believing what we had just witnessed. We were safe, the animals were safe, and those things we lost in the storm could be replaced or repaired. It's going to take time to make this all better. But time is what we do have.
We go in the house, and the lights are shining bright. We are so happy. It could have all been so much worse. It was a very full day, that day after the storm hit in the night. The darkness hid it all, but the day ended up bringing us the realization that it's all just things. Material things that we can fix. I know I slept well that next night. It was quiet once again, and I thought about all those Oncor repairmen out late, fixing poles and lines for people like us. Working overtime, away from their families, and fixing things for others.
It's been almost a week now since that unusual wind/rain storm. We've been working on cleaning it all up, as well as provide the guard pups in the front pasture with a new shelter. One that's lower to the ground, even heavier, and hopefully, there to stay. The calm has shown itself again, all the animals are enjoying this fabulous weather, and we move forward. Our Tribe of feathers and fur aren't able to tell us their story. They trust in us, and live their life with us as their Shepherd and Caregivers, allowing us the privilege to do so. We try to make it not just good - but great. That's what I would want, if I were a sheep. Or goat. Or donkey.
Spring is showing itself.......Welcome!
Cyndi
The grass and forbs are starting to grow, and the donkeys, sheep and goats are eating more in the pasture, and relying less on us to feed them. This makes for a peacefully quiet pasture, as when they are hungry, they say so. Loudly. We are beginning to notice we buy less coastal and alfalfa hay, as well as notice the noise level has decreased at feeding times. As they are all feeding themselves. Wow, that feels good! Spring is bringing us many blessings. The weather is another treat for us all. I can now gather the heated water buckets, and store them away for next winter. The pond is overflowing, with fresh water due to all the rain. The ground is starting to dry, and the green is showing up in full color. I can leave the barn open, and the barn windows are making their way open once again. The winds have calmed, and this is the sweet spot for us all. The chickens are laying more eggs, due to more sunlight, and the sunrise/sunsets are God's gift to us every day.
This is the calm after the storm. Because a particular (high winds) storm hit last week, that shook us all. We knew it was coming, we had been warned. 50 mph winds were predicted, along with thunder, lightening and rain. We had buttoned down everything that evening. The barn was completely shut, the cars in the garage (except one), the chairs on the patio/decks were placed in the garage. The pasture allows whatever wind travels to pick up speed even more so, than it already travels. So, we know what to do. But we could not have prepared for what was to come. Not completely.
I remember laying my head down that evening, on the pillow, hearing the wind, knowing the storm was coming. We've buckled and buttoned things down, and now I wait. I fall asleep, listening to the wind howl all night, with a storm that I couldn't see, but only hear.
Wind vs Shelter (in Front Pasture): Turns out the 50-60 mph wind won. Not even 45 days earlier had we had a shed/shelter built for the guard pups in the front pasture, that literally blew away in the storm. Leaving for work the next morning after the storm, it was still dark. So we could not realize what was to present itself to us, when daylight came. The electricity was off, and it was too dark to see all the damage. No lights, only sheer darkness. With flashlights, David and I tried to assess the damage, but flashlights only tell a portion of the story. The Sun would tell the rest.
Turns out, the wind picked up the shed in the front pasture (up by the pond), and upon hitting the ground, broke apart and begin blowing a hundreds-of-pound shed-pieces all up the pasture, even parts of it reaching the house. A portion that blew up that far, hit the one car (left out from the garage). It looked like a trail of shed. But it didn't actually start there. It started at the street, first with blowing the mailbox off its ledge. Then blew a Purple Martin birdhouse down, breaking the pole in half. That's when the wind headed to the shed, and took it away from the dogs, and away it went. Luckily, the dogs are okay! Along the journey of the shed-pieces moving, tumbling and flying, it took down the fence we had just placed (about a month ago) to divide the front pasture in half. Another fence in the back pasture blew down, bending pieces of metal none of us could ever bend. That wind was no joke. It was serious, and came to take down whatever it could, that was in its path. One of the most interesting things it also blew down, was an electrical pole that runs along our fence line. Hence, no electricity. The very tall and heavy pole came crashing down with it's transformer still attached, wires/lines and all. Straight into our pasture about 40 ft from the barn. Not on the barn, thank goodness. God spared us that, and we are most grateful. But now, there's an electrical pole lying in the rain-drenched grass. The animals need to be moved, so not to possibly hurt any of them, with the lines/wires that might still be live.
David was able to spend a little time before he left for work that fateful morning, shifting animals and settling things that needed settling. Then we would both come home to find it all still the same. The debris spread out over the property, the electrical pole still in the pasture, lying on the ground, and fences in disarray. We were deflated, as all the work we spent fixing and reshaping the areas on the property, were now in disrepair. This is how it feels. To work hard at making things like you'd like, then losing it to Mother Nature. You see it on TV and in the News, and now I got to feel those feelings. It was nothing like what other people have been through - not at all. But simply a taste of it.
Oncor (electric company) did come later that same evening with 8 trucks and all kinds of heavy equipment to secure poles, put in new lines, and dig - to place a new pole where the one had completely fallen. The ground in the pasture was so wet, that their heavy equipment sunk in the ground. Once again, the damage continued, but repair and electricity was the reward. With it came deep pathways where heavy vehicles had to go - into the pasture, and up and down our gravel road to get to it. It was be quite the mess once they left. First, one of the vehicles got stuck in the pasture, then another. Wheels spinning, as they frantically tried to break loose, but only digging a hole with their tires that would not allow them out. A second vehicle did the same, and then a third was brought in to try and pull those two gigantic repair trucks out. It was a train of electrical trucks, attached by heavy cords, with the first, trying to pull the other two out - all tied together. It was madness. I could hear the circus music playing in my head. That part of the pasture is tore up good, but I'm happy to say that they were able to get the vehicles unstuck - and out of the pasture. Good news? Our electricity was restored, as I imagine others electricity was too, once that pole(s), lines, new transformer were set, placed and repaired. That's going to be a bumpy ride on the mower, going over that area, when it comes time to mow there. It's no longer smooth out there.
I remember David and I just standing there after the repairmen (and their trucks) left at dusk, not believing what we had just witnessed. We were safe, the animals were safe, and those things we lost in the storm could be replaced or repaired. It's going to take time to make this all better. But time is what we do have.
We go in the house, and the lights are shining bright. We are so happy. It could have all been so much worse. It was a very full day, that day after the storm hit in the night. The darkness hid it all, but the day ended up bringing us the realization that it's all just things. Material things that we can fix. I know I slept well that next night. It was quiet once again, and I thought about all those Oncor repairmen out late, fixing poles and lines for people like us. Working overtime, away from their families, and fixing things for others.
It's been almost a week now since that unusual wind/rain storm. We've been working on cleaning it all up, as well as provide the guard pups in the front pasture with a new shelter. One that's lower to the ground, even heavier, and hopefully, there to stay. The calm has shown itself again, all the animals are enjoying this fabulous weather, and we move forward. Our Tribe of feathers and fur aren't able to tell us their story. They trust in us, and live their life with us as their Shepherd and Caregivers, allowing us the privilege to do so. We try to make it not just good - but great. That's what I would want, if I were a sheep. Or goat. Or donkey.
Spring is showing itself.......Welcome!
Cyndi
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Rightsizing gone wrong
As we continue to love our new goats, Twizzer Pazazz (Mr Personality) and "Nona" (No Name) whose with kid ( I recently was reoriented that a baby goat is a kid), as they have blended with our 6 sheep like butter. Our sheep are a strong flock, whose bond is strong. The sheep tolerate the two goats well, esp after we 1) put them with the sheep, then 2) put them in the front pasture with the guard pups, and now 3) put them back with the sheep because Nona 's udders are filling and we need to have her closer to the house for her kid(s) to arrive. I knew that our sheep might have twins or triplets, but I'm not sure about goats. However many kids she has, I'm prepared for two baby goat names: Peanut and Popcorn (Poppy).
Eve is our (ewe) flock leader who takes care of anyone acting up. She does not tolerate bad behavior. Her twins, Clara and Grace have grown up to be sweet and kind ewes. Grace loves all people, and Clara baa's are loud and long, just like her daddy, Sam's were. And, she looks just like him. It's fun to watch them. Then there's my heart, Belle, who had a mini-her, LuLu. They are two peas in a pod, who are both gentle and loving. Lastly, our new black sheep, Licorice is blending well, although scared of us.
The 6 sheep and 2 goats, along with Whisper and Levi to guard them are thriving, living a sweet life and bring much joy to our days. ** We are still staying strong at 15 chickens, who all rival for beauty contest winners. I'm partial to them all, and think they are amazing. I am a chicken lady, at heart.
So, you ask, what about the guard pups who are in the front pasture? Who will they "practice" guarding, while they continue to hone their skills and listen to their natural instincts? I can tell you that we have gone around the block and back again, in regards to that. Rightsizing the farm, creating new pastures with fences, and populating them with animals is a puzzle. Whose right where? What shelter facilities fits how many animals in that particular pasture? I've never been big on putting puzzles together on the kitchen table, but figuring out who belongs where is a matter of thinking, rethinking and creating order that makes sense and keeps everyone safe and happy.
Safety. Yeah, it sounds easy. But safety is not an accident. Safety has to be intentional here, and is a necessity when animals rely on us. We are the care takers, the janitors, the sheriff(s) and the safety officers.
With that said, we lost control for a moment in time. It all started like this......(cue the dream sequence music):
David and I mutually decided that since Nona was pregnant, and could not stay in the front pasture with the guard pups, that it would be a good idea to go get two MORE new-to-us goats to place up there with Dixie and Davis. (Twiz would stay with Nona). After all, we had customized their shed with a set of stairs up to a table where their hay would be, and since goats like to climb, it was a perfect scenario for everyone to have their own "place" in this shed. Twiz and Nona loved it, while they were there for their short stay. So, since we already have it set up for goats, we thought sure, let's get 2 (more) goats and place them with Dixie and Davis. That way, Nona (and Twiz, her friend) could stay up front near us, until her baby/kid gets big enough to go back. That would be least about 3-4 months.
Good idea, as we smiled and decided that we could do that, and then our master plan would be in place, again. We go and buy our two new-to-us goats, who happen to be the same breed as Twiz, which are the small Nigerian Dwarf goats. David picked out two white girls (with horns, by the way) who happened to be sisters, with only the same dad - as they don't share a mom (side note). Anyway, I got off track. We brought them home in our big crate, with both of the girls in there, awaiting their new home. We named them on the way home, as Lauren was ready with a couple of names this time. Chia, for the bigger girl, and Georgia, for the smaller girl. ** Lauren loves Georgia O'Keeffe, you know, the famous artist - who happened to have a dog named Chia, so hence where the names come from.
Chia and Georgia have never been out of a pen before (neither had Nona, but the way) and we were excited to share a piece of land with them they could graze, run and play. We arrived home with these two white goats (who are recently weaned from their moms, kind of like our lambs). We take the crate out in the pasture, where Dixie and Davis are, to show them their new home and get them settled. Look at this wonderful shed, a big pond you can actually drink out of, and lots of grass and forbs to graze. These dogs will guard the two of you, and you'll be safe.
Dixie and Davis were excited to see them, and wanted to smell them. The guard pups danced around the new goats, and the getting-to-know-you process ensued. (It was very similar to when they meet Nona and Twiz.) The dogs would chase them a bit, and stop, and run around them, and wanting to play and see what they are all about. New friends! Unfortunately, Chia and Georgia were not fans of Dixie and Davis making these chasing moves and extra friendly gestures, as Nona and Twizzler had been. David and I are standing there, thinking this will all calm down, as it did at the guard pups last meeting with new goats. We stood there watching, until we decided that maybe we would go back up to the house, and let them all get to know each other, check things out, and settle in. This was not the dogs first time meeting a goat, and they certainly know sheep, so all is well, right?
I turned around to walk through the gate, and hear David yell, "The goats are swimming!" Do goats swim, I immediately think? They do when dogs have scared them and chased them into the water. David is racing toward the pond (which is overflowing with all the rains, and has never been so full in our time here). I hear him yell, "I'm going in! You go get the other one". I'm running toward the pond, and can see the smaller one struggling to swim, and who is smack in the middle of the pond now. David is running into the pond, like someone running on the beach, and into the ocean. Full force, clothes and shoes on, trying to get to Chia. I've now gotten to the water's edge, and know I'm going in too. Georgia is going to drown, right before my eyes. She gurgles, she's struggling to stay above the water. I head straight in the water, clothes, boots and all, knowing this pond is full of frogs, turtles - and snakes. I hear David yell, " I got her!', as he reaches for Chia, water up past his chest. But David is not close to me, and on the other side of the pond. Then, Georgia sees me coming in the water, and turns to swim toward me, looking for help. It's a little ways to shore, and I don't think she can make it. Every step my foot hits the bottom of the pond, my brain screams, Snake, Snake, Snake, just knowing that one is going to bite me at any time, and then when the water reaches my chest, Georgia has come towards me - and I towards her, and she falls into my arms. I try to keep her above the water, and turn to go towards dry land. The gooey sand/dirt on the bottom of the pond is sucking my heavy boots in on every step. I can tell David has gotten Chia out, and is holding her still, as Chia is in shock from it all. I'm trying to get to shore with Georgia, although my boots are so heavy, my adrenaline is pumping and I can't let something happen to this goat. They almost drowned, right before our eyes. I fall towards the ground, still holding Georgia, as I come out of the water. It's cold, we are covered in green algae, and everyone is alive. I lay there, holding onto her, so that I can get her to safety. It's going to take me a minute to stand up, as my clothes are heavy from the water, and I know I have to hold onto her. She and I both are dazed and confused about what just happened. I get to my feet, and have her tight in my arms. She's scared, and as she should be. Welcome home! Now swim!
As people do in times of panic and frantic situations, I tried to stay as calm as possible because we are all out of the cold pond - and we are safe. My mind races to get Georgia up to the barn, and David and I each in our dripping clothes, water filled shoes and boots, walk up to the barn, closing the gate tightly behind us. We know we can not allow the goats to stay down there with Dixie and Davis. It's too dangerous. I could have never in my life expected that to happen, nor ever thought in my time here on the farm, that I would be going 1) into the pond, and 2) fully dressed, or 3) saving goats who felt forced to swim.
In times of crisis, you do what you need to do. I'm sure the goats were scared out of their minds. I underestimated what could happen. I could have never dreamed of that scenario. Even now, it seems like it was a dream. A bad dream. I feel horrible that those goats had to go through that.
As we got Chia and Georgia into the barn, they were stunned. Algae on their little noses, still. They shake off, like dogs do, with pond water flying off of them. They huddle in the corner to warm up, and just stand there, unsure what to do next. David and I stayed with them until we felt like they were safe and sound. Whisper and Levi are so good to them, unlike the Dixie and Davis meeting. We knew they would be okay in the barn. And they were. They were now safe.
David and I looked at each other, and realized we were dripping, wet and cold. That took awhile to really sink in and hit, as we were just trying to solve the situation, which is now referred to as The Pond Incident. After we felt comfortable with the new goats situation, we finally went in the laundry room (via side door of house) and put the nasty clothes directly into the washer. (I was convinced I'd need to wash it all twice).
After a hot shower, David and I were able to comprehend what had happened. Back out to the barn to check on the goats. They were doing surprisingly well. Later that night before bed, we looked at each other and wondered how something like that could happen. We shared an awkward laugh, a crooked smile and hugged each other, happy that we all made it out of the pond......safely.
I'm happy to report that Day 2 for the little girls was much better, and actually enjoyable for them. It was the first day they would graze a pasture, have access to a barn, and make new friends. We are so grateful. The sheep readily accepted them, and Day 2 was spent as a flock of 6 sheep, and now 4 goats.......none of which are in the front pasture with Dixie and Davis.
Sometimes, things are not meant to be. I have 4 new goats, all of whom are here, and not for their intended purpose. This is my example of how God works. It's not my plan, it's His plan. I can't force it, override it or try to fight it. His Will be done. Okay, God, no goats up front. It took twice to hear that message loud and clear. But I got it now.
We are all safe tonight, warm and in our proper places. And I can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you, for getting us all out of the water. All of us. And with no snake bites.
Tomorrow is a new day, and once again, I have learned that just about anything can happen out here.
Cyndi
Eve is our (ewe) flock leader who takes care of anyone acting up. She does not tolerate bad behavior. Her twins, Clara and Grace have grown up to be sweet and kind ewes. Grace loves all people, and Clara baa's are loud and long, just like her daddy, Sam's were. And, she looks just like him. It's fun to watch them. Then there's my heart, Belle, who had a mini-her, LuLu. They are two peas in a pod, who are both gentle and loving. Lastly, our new black sheep, Licorice is blending well, although scared of us.
The 6 sheep and 2 goats, along with Whisper and Levi to guard them are thriving, living a sweet life and bring much joy to our days. ** We are still staying strong at 15 chickens, who all rival for beauty contest winners. I'm partial to them all, and think they are amazing. I am a chicken lady, at heart.
So, you ask, what about the guard pups who are in the front pasture? Who will they "practice" guarding, while they continue to hone their skills and listen to their natural instincts? I can tell you that we have gone around the block and back again, in regards to that. Rightsizing the farm, creating new pastures with fences, and populating them with animals is a puzzle. Whose right where? What shelter facilities fits how many animals in that particular pasture? I've never been big on putting puzzles together on the kitchen table, but figuring out who belongs where is a matter of thinking, rethinking and creating order that makes sense and keeps everyone safe and happy.
Safety. Yeah, it sounds easy. But safety is not an accident. Safety has to be intentional here, and is a necessity when animals rely on us. We are the care takers, the janitors, the sheriff(s) and the safety officers.
With that said, we lost control for a moment in time. It all started like this......(cue the dream sequence music):
David and I mutually decided that since Nona was pregnant, and could not stay in the front pasture with the guard pups, that it would be a good idea to go get two MORE new-to-us goats to place up there with Dixie and Davis. (Twiz would stay with Nona). After all, we had customized their shed with a set of stairs up to a table where their hay would be, and since goats like to climb, it was a perfect scenario for everyone to have their own "place" in this shed. Twiz and Nona loved it, while they were there for their short stay. So, since we already have it set up for goats, we thought sure, let's get 2 (more) goats and place them with Dixie and Davis. That way, Nona (and Twiz, her friend) could stay up front near us, until her baby/kid gets big enough to go back. That would be least about 3-4 months.
Good idea, as we smiled and decided that we could do that, and then our master plan would be in place, again. We go and buy our two new-to-us goats, who happen to be the same breed as Twiz, which are the small Nigerian Dwarf goats. David picked out two white girls (with horns, by the way) who happened to be sisters, with only the same dad - as they don't share a mom (side note). Anyway, I got off track. We brought them home in our big crate, with both of the girls in there, awaiting their new home. We named them on the way home, as Lauren was ready with a couple of names this time. Chia, for the bigger girl, and Georgia, for the smaller girl. ** Lauren loves Georgia O'Keeffe, you know, the famous artist - who happened to have a dog named Chia, so hence where the names come from.
Chia and Georgia have never been out of a pen before (neither had Nona, but the way) and we were excited to share a piece of land with them they could graze, run and play. We arrived home with these two white goats (who are recently weaned from their moms, kind of like our lambs). We take the crate out in the pasture, where Dixie and Davis are, to show them their new home and get them settled. Look at this wonderful shed, a big pond you can actually drink out of, and lots of grass and forbs to graze. These dogs will guard the two of you, and you'll be safe.
Dixie and Davis were excited to see them, and wanted to smell them. The guard pups danced around the new goats, and the getting-to-know-you process ensued. (It was very similar to when they meet Nona and Twiz.) The dogs would chase them a bit, and stop, and run around them, and wanting to play and see what they are all about. New friends! Unfortunately, Chia and Georgia were not fans of Dixie and Davis making these chasing moves and extra friendly gestures, as Nona and Twizzler had been. David and I are standing there, thinking this will all calm down, as it did at the guard pups last meeting with new goats. We stood there watching, until we decided that maybe we would go back up to the house, and let them all get to know each other, check things out, and settle in. This was not the dogs first time meeting a goat, and they certainly know sheep, so all is well, right?
I turned around to walk through the gate, and hear David yell, "The goats are swimming!" Do goats swim, I immediately think? They do when dogs have scared them and chased them into the water. David is racing toward the pond (which is overflowing with all the rains, and has never been so full in our time here). I hear him yell, "I'm going in! You go get the other one". I'm running toward the pond, and can see the smaller one struggling to swim, and who is smack in the middle of the pond now. David is running into the pond, like someone running on the beach, and into the ocean. Full force, clothes and shoes on, trying to get to Chia. I've now gotten to the water's edge, and know I'm going in too. Georgia is going to drown, right before my eyes. She gurgles, she's struggling to stay above the water. I head straight in the water, clothes, boots and all, knowing this pond is full of frogs, turtles - and snakes. I hear David yell, " I got her!', as he reaches for Chia, water up past his chest. But David is not close to me, and on the other side of the pond. Then, Georgia sees me coming in the water, and turns to swim toward me, looking for help. It's a little ways to shore, and I don't think she can make it. Every step my foot hits the bottom of the pond, my brain screams, Snake, Snake, Snake, just knowing that one is going to bite me at any time, and then when the water reaches my chest, Georgia has come towards me - and I towards her, and she falls into my arms. I try to keep her above the water, and turn to go towards dry land. The gooey sand/dirt on the bottom of the pond is sucking my heavy boots in on every step. I can tell David has gotten Chia out, and is holding her still, as Chia is in shock from it all. I'm trying to get to shore with Georgia, although my boots are so heavy, my adrenaline is pumping and I can't let something happen to this goat. They almost drowned, right before our eyes. I fall towards the ground, still holding Georgia, as I come out of the water. It's cold, we are covered in green algae, and everyone is alive. I lay there, holding onto her, so that I can get her to safety. It's going to take me a minute to stand up, as my clothes are heavy from the water, and I know I have to hold onto her. She and I both are dazed and confused about what just happened. I get to my feet, and have her tight in my arms. She's scared, and as she should be. Welcome home! Now swim!
As people do in times of panic and frantic situations, I tried to stay as calm as possible because we are all out of the cold pond - and we are safe. My mind races to get Georgia up to the barn, and David and I each in our dripping clothes, water filled shoes and boots, walk up to the barn, closing the gate tightly behind us. We know we can not allow the goats to stay down there with Dixie and Davis. It's too dangerous. I could have never in my life expected that to happen, nor ever thought in my time here on the farm, that I would be going 1) into the pond, and 2) fully dressed, or 3) saving goats who felt forced to swim.
In times of crisis, you do what you need to do. I'm sure the goats were scared out of their minds. I underestimated what could happen. I could have never dreamed of that scenario. Even now, it seems like it was a dream. A bad dream. I feel horrible that those goats had to go through that.
As we got Chia and Georgia into the barn, they were stunned. Algae on their little noses, still. They shake off, like dogs do, with pond water flying off of them. They huddle in the corner to warm up, and just stand there, unsure what to do next. David and I stayed with them until we felt like they were safe and sound. Whisper and Levi are so good to them, unlike the Dixie and Davis meeting. We knew they would be okay in the barn. And they were. They were now safe.
David and I looked at each other, and realized we were dripping, wet and cold. That took awhile to really sink in and hit, as we were just trying to solve the situation, which is now referred to as The Pond Incident. After we felt comfortable with the new goats situation, we finally went in the laundry room (via side door of house) and put the nasty clothes directly into the washer. (I was convinced I'd need to wash it all twice).
After a hot shower, David and I were able to comprehend what had happened. Back out to the barn to check on the goats. They were doing surprisingly well. Later that night before bed, we looked at each other and wondered how something like that could happen. We shared an awkward laugh, a crooked smile and hugged each other, happy that we all made it out of the pond......safely.
I'm happy to report that Day 2 for the little girls was much better, and actually enjoyable for them. It was the first day they would graze a pasture, have access to a barn, and make new friends. We are so grateful. The sheep readily accepted them, and Day 2 was spent as a flock of 6 sheep, and now 4 goats.......none of which are in the front pasture with Dixie and Davis.
Sometimes, things are not meant to be. I have 4 new goats, all of whom are here, and not for their intended purpose. This is my example of how God works. It's not my plan, it's His plan. I can't force it, override it or try to fight it. His Will be done. Okay, God, no goats up front. It took twice to hear that message loud and clear. But I got it now.
We are all safe tonight, warm and in our proper places. And I can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you, for getting us all out of the water. All of us. And with no snake bites.
Tomorrow is a new day, and once again, I have learned that just about anything can happen out here.
Cyndi
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Coming up on 3 years in Gunter
As we begin to approach the 3 year mark for making our way to Gunter, I look back at how far we've come. We moved to Gunter with 2 chickens. The acreage we bought came with three donkeys and 2 Great Pyrenees guard dogs. Since then, our chicken population has ebbed and flowed, but stands strong at 15. We added sheep, and now goats. We have a great barn cat population, with a couple of cats that are strays who have taken up residence with us. They are all "fixed", so no kitties are in the future, but we don't always know that about the visiting stray cats.
I think the most interesting aspect of it all, is the pasture management and how we can use the land, in the most appropriate way possible while still providing shelter to the animals. One of our favorite pastimes is fence movement. We have an abundance of temporary fencing, that we hate to move - and love to move. Mostly love to move, because of the outcome, but sometimes David and I almost "come to blows" while moving this temporary fencing. Why? Well, it can be done several ways, and the way my brain works to move it - is different than his. We always work-it-out, and it winds up a success. I like to say we have an addiction to the movement of temporary fencing. The ebbing and flowing of the animals keeps our brains ticking away at how best to keep everyone contained - and happy. Happiness of the animals is important to us, and you can tell if they are happy. The sheep frolic, the donkeys play and chase each other, and the guard dogs are relaxed and able to unwind on their own terms.
Our two recent purchase of goats: Nona, (for No Name because the dynamic duo of Ryan and Lauren must not have been able to concur on a goat name) and Twizzler (came to us with that name, and it suits him well) are doing great. I'm going to give Twizzler a middle name: Pazazz. He has SO much flair. He's interested in everything, is bossy without being bossy, and full of life. He and Nona make me wonder why I didn't get goats earlier. (Brooke suggested it awhile back, maybe she knew how cool goats really are). Nona's sides are starting to stick out, like little basketballs attached to her. She's either pregnant.....or enjoying the food too much around here. Nona and Twiz have made our first goat purchase a positive one. You know, you've heard of goats eating everything, causing destruction in their environment, and generally being unruly. But, it's just not always true, as people have preconceived notions about many farm animals. Chickens are mean, sheep are stupid, and donkeys are hard to handle. I think it's about finding the proper animals for your own environment. Our chickens are friendly, our donkeys are kind, and our sheep are docile and sweet. I think it's all about picking out which ones serve you, and we picked out two of the sweetest goats. They maa so gently, and they are happy to be here with us. And yes, it appears Nona is pregnant, as they had warned us just hours before delivering her to our farm. We have no idea of a due date, but are guessing in a month? The only thing I know for sure about having kid goats is NOTHING. Wait, except we picked out names: Poppy (popcorn) and Peanut (gender neutral), assuming she has twins. I've started on my usual YouTube education process for birthing kid goats, and found it similar to lambing. That's a plus. But you know what? Since we can't be sure of when Nona is due, we had to move the goats from the front pasture, back to the middle pasture because we don't trust the guard pups enough to know what what they might do with a baby goat. While becoming great guard dogs, Dixie and Davis are only 8 month old guardians, and puppies + kid baby goats could = disaster. So after we spent all that time prepping for them to guard the goats, we had to put the goats back with the sheep, at least until Nona gives birth, and the kid goat(s) can tolerate life well.
So, here we go again. Movement. To review from the last blog, we did indeed have the front pasture divided with a fence, and placed Dixie and Davis up front by the pond to guard that portion of the property.....and the goats. They are doing a fabulous job! Not knowing we were getting a pregnant goat changed things though. The two sweet goats are now staying with the sheep, and everyone is happy about that. But the plan has not been executed as we originally thought. So the question is, what can were provide for Dixie and Davis "to guard" now?! They should not be alone only, and need to use their instincts to guard "something". More goats then? I mean, I really am at a loss on this one. I'll wait for the answer to come to me. In the mean time, Davis is being neutered on Friday. Dixie was spayed a couple of weeks ago. Why wait so long, you ask? The Vet recommended the spaying/neutering of guard dogs until later (rather than earlier on as a pup) as it lets their systems fully develop, and the testosterone set in for the males. Dixie did well, except she had to wear the cone of shame for a full 7 days, because she would not leave her incision alone. We'll see how Davis does. I saved that cone, in case Davis needs it.
We have grown in many ways, in 3 years. Lots of animals, fence moving, house renovations, new roofs, added another barn and a couple of sheds, and the list goes on. It's not all physical changes and material things, as there's an abundance of emotional changes made as well. It has tested my mental strength, increased my problem solving skills, and certainly broadened my horizons and upped my education levels in regards to things I never knew would exist in my world. Bloat, sheep vaccinations, birthing of farm animals, death and dying of sick farm animals, winter preparations, shearing sheep, animal surgery and vet bills. The Vet loves us. I now what it feels like to know a Vet and Vet office so well, that it's almost embarrassing. I need them, and appreciate having that assistance on an ongoing basis, more than they will ever know.
This world we've created is one that has been done many times before us, and will continue to happen. Regular people wanting a different life, and choosing to make changes in their life (while all the people around then wonder, What is going on!?). While some people move to the mountains, the beach, the big city, or another country.....we moved to a slice of land to do as we wish. This freedom constantly amazes me. And I am most certainly grateful.
So as I move through this life cycle, this season of life, before it gets harder to get around with older joints, muscle and bones, I soak it all in. I've never in my life wanted to be home as much as I want to be home now. Everything I need is here. Our experiment of moving to Celina to check out country life was a success, and then we purchased here in Gunter. Going out to feed in the morning and night is not a chore, but a treat. The highlight of my day, to say Hello to everyone.
An interesting phenomenon has occurred with this new addition of 2 goats and 1 sheep to our existing flock. More is easier than less. With a flock of 6 sheep and 2 goats together now, they move more in a pack. With only a few sheep, it was like we were their leaders, and they were very dependent on us. But now, with a larger herd, they quietly graze and enjoy each other, as they have become a tight knit family, who migrate together over the pasture. We know each of their personalities well, and adore them all, for who they are. It's hard to imagine you can know so many, so well. But with the larger flock, they rely on each other, and have a "order" and way they interact together. This is not only relaxing and enjoyable to watch occur, but a lesson of more can be easier. Odd, how that is.
So much learning, so much love, and so much has happened in 3 years. With warmer weather coming, grass growing, and chairs waiting for me on the porch, we are all going to be right here. Quietly doing our thing, and living this life God has given us. Still not completely sure how I got here, but sure glad I did.
My donkeys are asking for that fresh green grass to grow......come on Spring,
Cyndi
I think the most interesting aspect of it all, is the pasture management and how we can use the land, in the most appropriate way possible while still providing shelter to the animals. One of our favorite pastimes is fence movement. We have an abundance of temporary fencing, that we hate to move - and love to move. Mostly love to move, because of the outcome, but sometimes David and I almost "come to blows" while moving this temporary fencing. Why? Well, it can be done several ways, and the way my brain works to move it - is different than his. We always work-it-out, and it winds up a success. I like to say we have an addiction to the movement of temporary fencing. The ebbing and flowing of the animals keeps our brains ticking away at how best to keep everyone contained - and happy. Happiness of the animals is important to us, and you can tell if they are happy. The sheep frolic, the donkeys play and chase each other, and the guard dogs are relaxed and able to unwind on their own terms.
Our two recent purchase of goats: Nona, (for No Name because the dynamic duo of Ryan and Lauren must not have been able to concur on a goat name) and Twizzler (came to us with that name, and it suits him well) are doing great. I'm going to give Twizzler a middle name: Pazazz. He has SO much flair. He's interested in everything, is bossy without being bossy, and full of life. He and Nona make me wonder why I didn't get goats earlier. (Brooke suggested it awhile back, maybe she knew how cool goats really are). Nona's sides are starting to stick out, like little basketballs attached to her. She's either pregnant.....or enjoying the food too much around here. Nona and Twiz have made our first goat purchase a positive one. You know, you've heard of goats eating everything, causing destruction in their environment, and generally being unruly. But, it's just not always true, as people have preconceived notions about many farm animals. Chickens are mean, sheep are stupid, and donkeys are hard to handle. I think it's about finding the proper animals for your own environment. Our chickens are friendly, our donkeys are kind, and our sheep are docile and sweet. I think it's all about picking out which ones serve you, and we picked out two of the sweetest goats. They maa so gently, and they are happy to be here with us. And yes, it appears Nona is pregnant, as they had warned us just hours before delivering her to our farm. We have no idea of a due date, but are guessing in a month? The only thing I know for sure about having kid goats is NOTHING. Wait, except we picked out names: Poppy (popcorn) and Peanut (gender neutral), assuming she has twins. I've started on my usual YouTube education process for birthing kid goats, and found it similar to lambing. That's a plus. But you know what? Since we can't be sure of when Nona is due, we had to move the goats from the front pasture, back to the middle pasture because we don't trust the guard pups enough to know what what they might do with a baby goat. While becoming great guard dogs, Dixie and Davis are only 8 month old guardians, and puppies + kid baby goats could = disaster. So after we spent all that time prepping for them to guard the goats, we had to put the goats back with the sheep, at least until Nona gives birth, and the kid goat(s) can tolerate life well.
So, here we go again. Movement. To review from the last blog, we did indeed have the front pasture divided with a fence, and placed Dixie and Davis up front by the pond to guard that portion of the property.....and the goats. They are doing a fabulous job! Not knowing we were getting a pregnant goat changed things though. The two sweet goats are now staying with the sheep, and everyone is happy about that. But the plan has not been executed as we originally thought. So the question is, what can were provide for Dixie and Davis "to guard" now?! They should not be alone only, and need to use their instincts to guard "something". More goats then? I mean, I really am at a loss on this one. I'll wait for the answer to come to me. In the mean time, Davis is being neutered on Friday. Dixie was spayed a couple of weeks ago. Why wait so long, you ask? The Vet recommended the spaying/neutering of guard dogs until later (rather than earlier on as a pup) as it lets their systems fully develop, and the testosterone set in for the males. Dixie did well, except she had to wear the cone of shame for a full 7 days, because she would not leave her incision alone. We'll see how Davis does. I saved that cone, in case Davis needs it.
We have grown in many ways, in 3 years. Lots of animals, fence moving, house renovations, new roofs, added another barn and a couple of sheds, and the list goes on. It's not all physical changes and material things, as there's an abundance of emotional changes made as well. It has tested my mental strength, increased my problem solving skills, and certainly broadened my horizons and upped my education levels in regards to things I never knew would exist in my world. Bloat, sheep vaccinations, birthing of farm animals, death and dying of sick farm animals, winter preparations, shearing sheep, animal surgery and vet bills. The Vet loves us. I now what it feels like to know a Vet and Vet office so well, that it's almost embarrassing. I need them, and appreciate having that assistance on an ongoing basis, more than they will ever know.
This world we've created is one that has been done many times before us, and will continue to happen. Regular people wanting a different life, and choosing to make changes in their life (while all the people around then wonder, What is going on!?). While some people move to the mountains, the beach, the big city, or another country.....we moved to a slice of land to do as we wish. This freedom constantly amazes me. And I am most certainly grateful.
So as I move through this life cycle, this season of life, before it gets harder to get around with older joints, muscle and bones, I soak it all in. I've never in my life wanted to be home as much as I want to be home now. Everything I need is here. Our experiment of moving to Celina to check out country life was a success, and then we purchased here in Gunter. Going out to feed in the morning and night is not a chore, but a treat. The highlight of my day, to say Hello to everyone.
An interesting phenomenon has occurred with this new addition of 2 goats and 1 sheep to our existing flock. More is easier than less. With a flock of 6 sheep and 2 goats together now, they move more in a pack. With only a few sheep, it was like we were their leaders, and they were very dependent on us. But now, with a larger herd, they quietly graze and enjoy each other, as they have become a tight knit family, who migrate together over the pasture. We know each of their personalities well, and adore them all, for who they are. It's hard to imagine you can know so many, so well. But with the larger flock, they rely on each other, and have a "order" and way they interact together. This is not only relaxing and enjoyable to watch occur, but a lesson of more can be easier. Odd, how that is.
So much learning, so much love, and so much has happened in 3 years. With warmer weather coming, grass growing, and chairs waiting for me on the porch, we are all going to be right here. Quietly doing our thing, and living this life God has given us. Still not completely sure how I got here, but sure glad I did.
My donkeys are asking for that fresh green grass to grow......come on Spring,
Cyndi
Monday, February 25, 2019
What I found, leads to talking about goats
What I found, as a result of my last post, is that 1) even becoming a little more aware of those people's feelings around me makes an exponential difference, and 2) it's not as easy as it sounded.
As a triage nurse, I triage calls from people with ear, nose and throat issues all day. Listening to their tone, their words and feeling their energy allows me to determine if there's a problem, or do they just think there's a problem? My goal? Help and assist - within the scope of my practice - and next, try to remain neutral, and let the doctor determine the degree of need, and answer as such, for each individual situation. It's a process, that's for sure. Like putting a puzzle together. So, I go to work each day, setting my intention to listen and guide. Listen and ask questions. Sometimes, I'm so busy listening, the caller will ask, "Are you there?" People just want to be heard.
These callers? They are in a hurry, in the car, in the grocery store, at home with 3 kids, in bed, outside working in the garage, and any other scenario you could imagine. Their cell phone is breaking up, because they are in the back of a Wal Mart. They have their spouse call for them. They are the mom of a 22 year old patient.They are one of every example possible.
Then, I have "The Regular's". You know, the people who call regularly. Some just want to talk, some want to check in, some want more than the office can give. Some can't remember that they had called, others call "with the sky falling" and never answer upon a call back to them.
I'd like to say I'm a Customer Service Rep in many ways. I need to accommodate and make the caller feel welcome and validated. No matter what they say on the other end of the line. Some just want to unload their discontent to someone else, and then they feel better. Others are so kind, you can feel the sugar oozing through the phone lines. There's one of everyone out there.
My conclusions are such:
I have to set my intention to be fair, and listen everyday. If I go to work willy-nilly, I'm not as effective. I'm just not. Even though I knew this before, I'm now more self aware of this. Setting my intentions are my best asset for a good day. That, and listening to my intuition. This is how I have a good day at work.
Now, having a good day at home is easy greasy. Sure, I can set my intention. But it's not necessary. At home is where I want to be, and allows me to be me. And just as I type, it feels better to talk about home. So let's talk......ready? Goats!
First, David and I said we would never have goats. We rationalized this by saying they are too destructive, too volatile and would escape through the fence somewhere, and they are too destructive. I mention it twice, but goats eat and chew on everything, or so we thought.
For several months, I looked for goats (nearby) that have 1) no horns (polled - born without horns, or debudded - horns removed when a kid), 2) female, and 3) smaller breed, so they won't jump the fence. I looked at a local feed store that sells goats, at CraigsList, at GunterNextDoor, and did my fair share of google searches. I talked to people, emailed them, and went to look them. After some time, I decided upon two goats, from two different sources, for two different reasons. First, I picked Twizzler. He's a Nigerian Dwarf goat who was hand raised, and is two years old. Yep, I typed He. Not part of my criteria, but so dang cute. He's a wether (fixed) at a young age, and therefore does not have the traits of an aggressive male. He's like a girl in a boy body. He even has short horns, but with a personality that rocks. He's tiny, cute, sweet and perfect to adopt for the farm. He's not aggressive, but can "take care of himself" if need be. I like to consider him my "Belle" of a goat. Like Belle (our bottle fed sheep/ewe, all grown now), he's happy to be around people, but yet can survive in the pasture. He's happy to come see you, and make his small cry Maaaa to you. We are happy to welcome him to The Graves Farm. Goats are herd animals, so having at least two is necessary.
I'm going to digress and speak to why we decided to get goats. You know we have these guard pups who are growing up and being trained by Levi and Whisper (whose leg is better, and she's back to guarding in the pasture now). We decided to fence the front pasture in half - because it's a lot for Levi and Whisper, with aging joints, to run back and forth, all the way down to the front of the property. If we place a fence half way down, our plan is to put Levi and Whisper on the side closest to the house, and place Dixie and Davis on the portion up towards the road (by the pond). Therefore, in an effort to give the guards pups an animal to "guard", we thought we would put a couple of goats up there, with them. The fence is going up today, the shelter for the goats and guard pups (now 8 months old) is up and ready for them, and within a couple of days, their lives will change. We've had them penned during the day (to protect the chickens) and once the chickens are up and roosting for the night, the guard pups stay out in the pasture all night with Levi and Whisper, learning to do what they do. Protect and keep the coyotes, bobcats, foxes and predators off our land. They have learned well, and are ready to have their space to guard. It's a win-win. Levi and Whisper will take care of the sheep, and are less likely to hurt themselves with less territory to cover, and Dixie and Davis will watch the goats, and protect the front portion of the property. All this is in an effort to replace Levi and Whisper as they age, whereby Dixie and Davis will be the young and strong ones. Levi is head guardian dog, and is simply amazing. Levi and Whisper have many more years of being guardians, but training new guardians is a lengthy process, so we started early.
Now, let's talk about goat #2. I found her at Preston Trail Farms in Gunter. She's a 1 year old, feminine faced, sweet Maa-ing, gentle and small goat that's part Nigerian dwarf and part Kiko (another small breed goat, that has floppy ears kind of like a dog). Oh, and no horns! She has a different, yet similar look to Twizzler. Perfect! She's white, with a few areas of dusted tan spots on her. The feed store would be delivering her to us (they are only a few miles away), and about 2 hours before she arrived, I received a text that said "Just so you know, the goat we are bringing you may be pregnant". That was certainly a surprise, as that was not in our "plan". To have kid goats? No, pretty sure that was not in this master plan of ours. They delivered her to us, and we have no idea if she's pregnant or not. So, we will watch for the signs: sides growing out, nipples and utters growing. I'll let you know, as soon as I know.
And now, just like that, we have two of the cutest goats ever. If you don't like goats, these goats will have you transformed into a Goat Lover. Kind, sweet and docile. That's what we love about the sheep, and now we'll have two goats with similar qualities. What is Goat #2's name, you ask? Good question! David and I have tasked Lauren (along with boyfriend Ryan) to name this second goat of ours. Twizzler came with a name, but Goat # 2 did not. I'll update you on what they pick. Right now we call her NoName - or Nona.
As the weather changes, and Spring brings warmer weather, changes are happening here. We have welcomed our new goats, and they are adjusting with our sheep flock extremely well. Levi and Whisper welcomed them, and are esp fond of Twizzler, who loves to lay next to Levi. All is well. The separation will occur this week of the sheep and goats, and the placement of the guard dogs. It will be interesting to see if out "plan" works out. We just wing-it around here, thinking what might be best, right or good. Sometimes it is - and sometimes it sounded like a good idea, but wasn't. Never a dull moment! As Lauren always says, "You're always moving things." (esp talking about our temporary fence addiction we have). It's a very fluid farm with lots of moving parts.
Lastly, along this journey we came across a black sheep. One that David wanted, as he has wanted to add a black sheep to our flock of 5 Dorper sheep (black heads, white bodies). And so we did. David named her Licorice, and she's blended well, taking our sheep herd from 5......to 6. She's completely black and beautiful. Eve (head ewe) made sure she knew her place in the flock. Good job, Eve, bringing her in safely and carefully. There's a whole eco system and animal order out in the pasture. We just watch it all unfold.
Now you're in the know, after all it's the Year of Know. Sometimes the Year of No. The Sheriff tries hard to keep things under control. He tries, but he married a March-To-The-Beat-Of-My-Own-Drum girl. I don't know how he does it.
Cyndi
As a triage nurse, I triage calls from people with ear, nose and throat issues all day. Listening to their tone, their words and feeling their energy allows me to determine if there's a problem, or do they just think there's a problem? My goal? Help and assist - within the scope of my practice - and next, try to remain neutral, and let the doctor determine the degree of need, and answer as such, for each individual situation. It's a process, that's for sure. Like putting a puzzle together. So, I go to work each day, setting my intention to listen and guide. Listen and ask questions. Sometimes, I'm so busy listening, the caller will ask, "Are you there?" People just want to be heard.
These callers? They are in a hurry, in the car, in the grocery store, at home with 3 kids, in bed, outside working in the garage, and any other scenario you could imagine. Their cell phone is breaking up, because they are in the back of a Wal Mart. They have their spouse call for them. They are the mom of a 22 year old patient.They are one of every example possible.
Then, I have "The Regular's". You know, the people who call regularly. Some just want to talk, some want to check in, some want more than the office can give. Some can't remember that they had called, others call "with the sky falling" and never answer upon a call back to them.
I'd like to say I'm a Customer Service Rep in many ways. I need to accommodate and make the caller feel welcome and validated. No matter what they say on the other end of the line. Some just want to unload their discontent to someone else, and then they feel better. Others are so kind, you can feel the sugar oozing through the phone lines. There's one of everyone out there.
My conclusions are such:
I have to set my intention to be fair, and listen everyday. If I go to work willy-nilly, I'm not as effective. I'm just not. Even though I knew this before, I'm now more self aware of this. Setting my intentions are my best asset for a good day. That, and listening to my intuition. This is how I have a good day at work.
Now, having a good day at home is easy greasy. Sure, I can set my intention. But it's not necessary. At home is where I want to be, and allows me to be me. And just as I type, it feels better to talk about home. So let's talk......ready? Goats!
First, David and I said we would never have goats. We rationalized this by saying they are too destructive, too volatile and would escape through the fence somewhere, and they are too destructive. I mention it twice, but goats eat and chew on everything, or so we thought.
For several months, I looked for goats (nearby) that have 1) no horns (polled - born without horns, or debudded - horns removed when a kid), 2) female, and 3) smaller breed, so they won't jump the fence. I looked at a local feed store that sells goats, at CraigsList, at GunterNextDoor, and did my fair share of google searches. I talked to people, emailed them, and went to look them. After some time, I decided upon two goats, from two different sources, for two different reasons. First, I picked Twizzler. He's a Nigerian Dwarf goat who was hand raised, and is two years old. Yep, I typed He. Not part of my criteria, but so dang cute. He's a wether (fixed) at a young age, and therefore does not have the traits of an aggressive male. He's like a girl in a boy body. He even has short horns, but with a personality that rocks. He's tiny, cute, sweet and perfect to adopt for the farm. He's not aggressive, but can "take care of himself" if need be. I like to consider him my "Belle" of a goat. Like Belle (our bottle fed sheep/ewe, all grown now), he's happy to be around people, but yet can survive in the pasture. He's happy to come see you, and make his small cry Maaaa to you. We are happy to welcome him to The Graves Farm. Goats are herd animals, so having at least two is necessary.
I'm going to digress and speak to why we decided to get goats. You know we have these guard pups who are growing up and being trained by Levi and Whisper (whose leg is better, and she's back to guarding in the pasture now). We decided to fence the front pasture in half - because it's a lot for Levi and Whisper, with aging joints, to run back and forth, all the way down to the front of the property. If we place a fence half way down, our plan is to put Levi and Whisper on the side closest to the house, and place Dixie and Davis on the portion up towards the road (by the pond). Therefore, in an effort to give the guards pups an animal to "guard", we thought we would put a couple of goats up there, with them. The fence is going up today, the shelter for the goats and guard pups (now 8 months old) is up and ready for them, and within a couple of days, their lives will change. We've had them penned during the day (to protect the chickens) and once the chickens are up and roosting for the night, the guard pups stay out in the pasture all night with Levi and Whisper, learning to do what they do. Protect and keep the coyotes, bobcats, foxes and predators off our land. They have learned well, and are ready to have their space to guard. It's a win-win. Levi and Whisper will take care of the sheep, and are less likely to hurt themselves with less territory to cover, and Dixie and Davis will watch the goats, and protect the front portion of the property. All this is in an effort to replace Levi and Whisper as they age, whereby Dixie and Davis will be the young and strong ones. Levi is head guardian dog, and is simply amazing. Levi and Whisper have many more years of being guardians, but training new guardians is a lengthy process, so we started early.
Now, let's talk about goat #2. I found her at Preston Trail Farms in Gunter. She's a 1 year old, feminine faced, sweet Maa-ing, gentle and small goat that's part Nigerian dwarf and part Kiko (another small breed goat, that has floppy ears kind of like a dog). Oh, and no horns! She has a different, yet similar look to Twizzler. Perfect! She's white, with a few areas of dusted tan spots on her. The feed store would be delivering her to us (they are only a few miles away), and about 2 hours before she arrived, I received a text that said "Just so you know, the goat we are bringing you may be pregnant". That was certainly a surprise, as that was not in our "plan". To have kid goats? No, pretty sure that was not in this master plan of ours. They delivered her to us, and we have no idea if she's pregnant or not. So, we will watch for the signs: sides growing out, nipples and utters growing. I'll let you know, as soon as I know.
And now, just like that, we have two of the cutest goats ever. If you don't like goats, these goats will have you transformed into a Goat Lover. Kind, sweet and docile. That's what we love about the sheep, and now we'll have two goats with similar qualities. What is Goat #2's name, you ask? Good question! David and I have tasked Lauren (along with boyfriend Ryan) to name this second goat of ours. Twizzler came with a name, but Goat # 2 did not. I'll update you on what they pick. Right now we call her NoName - or Nona.
As the weather changes, and Spring brings warmer weather, changes are happening here. We have welcomed our new goats, and they are adjusting with our sheep flock extremely well. Levi and Whisper welcomed them, and are esp fond of Twizzler, who loves to lay next to Levi. All is well. The separation will occur this week of the sheep and goats, and the placement of the guard dogs. It will be interesting to see if out "plan" works out. We just wing-it around here, thinking what might be best, right or good. Sometimes it is - and sometimes it sounded like a good idea, but wasn't. Never a dull moment! As Lauren always says, "You're always moving things." (esp talking about our temporary fence addiction we have). It's a very fluid farm with lots of moving parts.
Lastly, along this journey we came across a black sheep. One that David wanted, as he has wanted to add a black sheep to our flock of 5 Dorper sheep (black heads, white bodies). And so we did. David named her Licorice, and she's blended well, taking our sheep herd from 5......to 6. She's completely black and beautiful. Eve (head ewe) made sure she knew her place in the flock. Good job, Eve, bringing her in safely and carefully. There's a whole eco system and animal order out in the pasture. We just watch it all unfold.
Now you're in the know, after all it's the Year of Know. Sometimes the Year of No. The Sheriff tries hard to keep things under control. He tries, but he married a March-To-The-Beat-Of-My-Own-Drum girl. I don't know how he does it.
Cyndi
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Linen and Life
It's weird, that when I was browsing HSN linen sales (who ever thought I'd be doing that anyway!?), but I was browsing early one morning. And then this was at the end of a particular page:
Update Your Bedding and Reinvent Your Bedroom
The bedding you choose makes all the difference when it comes to sleep quality. Don't scrimp on your bedclothes. It's just not necessary. You might think that there's no need to worry about your sheets and blankets because you're only in bed to sleep and browse Instagram until the wee hours of the morning. However, you can't function when you don't sleep well. Say goodbye to scratchy quilts, heavy comforters, and ill-fitting sheets. Invest in a deluxe bedding set or stock up on sheets with a sky-high thread count. It makes a difference. You can select a ready-made collection or pick and choose the pieces you want to put on your bed. Are you the type of person who needs 50 decorative pillows? You got it. Add some cushion and protection to your bed with a pillow-soft mattress pad. Include some frills with a bed skirt and pillow shams. Create a luxurious boudoir or look for items that will help you Feng Shui your sanctuary. Don't let cost keep you from the bed of your dreams. Stop settling for blankets that don't add value to your sleep. HSN has a variety of bedding options.
There was no sales push for anything in particular, just "Hey, Girl, Why settle for bad linen?"
Genius. I felt like the person who typed that, inserted it into the sales pages of HSN, and reached people like me was 'spot on'. I do settle sometimes. And sleep is important. Very important, matter of fact. This type of marketing reached into my spirit, and made me realize that settling is what I often do - including my linen selections. An example of this is a sheet set I got at TJMaxx. Super soft and nice, so it seemed. And it was nice on my bed too, but when I laid in bed, the fitted sheet would always begin to pull up and off. Each night and morning, I would pull it back over, and this became a ritual. But I liked the feel of the sheets, so I would "do the work" to keep them on. Silly me. Luckily, David ended up getting me some new flannel sheets for the winter that happen to snuggle the bed, and I'm no longer fighting the sheets each day. But yeah, this quip (above) that was on HSN, spread through my soul like wild fire. I often settle, for things that are important. This friendly reminder streamed across my universe in a multitude of areas. What about those coffee mugs that I secretly complain about in my head? What about things around here that I'm still holding onto, that others could find value in? And the rush of all the things that I unconsciously settle with. I've done a lot of Death Cleaning, and consider it a part of my life now. Downsizing my things, and ridding myself of extra items, and keeping around, that makes me happy and what I deem "needed". Still working on it, though. But settling, am I? Maybe I am? Why do I not know.
But, yet, this concept from the HSN marketing blurb was more than that. "Don't scrimp", it says. "It's just not necessary." Who uses the word scrimp anymore? I like it. The excerpt did not speak to me as in: "Spend all your money and buy all this stuff!'. Instead, it said to me, "Don't Be A Settler". I loved its gentle reminder.
This is what I love about life. The older I get, the more I can see things differently and maybe even clearer. Or at least I think I do. I could just be kidding myself, and playing a record in my head that tells me this. But I do feel like I'm trying to make life easier, have only what I need, and interact with the world in a productive way. Being alive is a big responsibility.
I'm now torn, after reading HSN's words. It's awoke something in me, that reminds me to think about things more. Not in a way to "buy" more, but what around me is not serving me? And what serves other people? Thank you, HSN, for that. And for reminding me to not be a settler, and to try and focus on what's important, and what's important to other people. I get lost in my day to day world, that sometimes I don't raise my head up enough to really see what's going on. I going to go out in my day today, and focus on seeing things through other people's lens. I'll try to not project myself and my thoughts on them. I think that would be a good project for me today - and the coming days. Like living outside myself, and looking back at myself.
Who knew one excerpt from HSN could have ever prompted so many random thoughts? But it did.
I'll report back,
Cyndi
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Everybody's Got Something
I awoke the other day not feeling 100%. I happen to work at a ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) medical office, and the main reason people come to see the doctor, is they are sick - in some way. It's now February, and I have acquired something. Something that needs antibiotics and steroids. The usual, I'll call it. I'll happily take it, and hope it assist with my ailment. I'll chalk it up to allowing my asthma to get the best of me.
There's some books I read in life that stick in my mind, my heart and my soul. Robin Robert's, Everybody's Got Something is one of those books. It's real, authentic, and written in a fashion that's easy to follow and connect with. I've read it twice, and the first time, I would take pictures of pages in her book, and with the tip of my finger carefully placed on the page to point to the passage that so touched me, click, and it's in my phone. Mostly, the verbiage was that of Robin's momma that I loved the very most.
Over time, I began to realize more and more what this book's Take Away is - and it's obvious - we all have something to deal with in our lives. Seems so simple, but my ego helps me to focus on myself, and not the plight of others. Sure, I care, and I show concern, empathy, and a myriad of emotions to others. We all do that every day. But, as I began to take inventory of my "something's", it brought to mind the "something's" of others around me. Granted, this is a daily dance we all do, it's just that some people's "something" may be a big something. Even though I don't know what the definition is of 'big something' is, Robin's momma reminded me, "Robin, your story is no more important than anybody else's story. When you strut, you stumble." Insert heart emoji here. And then, Ouch.
I was also reminded in her book, that when we don't have the strength to face what's in front of us, others lend us the strength we need that I might not have at the time. Robin acknowledges in her book, "I've often said when fear knocks, let faith answer the door. Sometimes when fear knocks, faith shows itself through a friend who stands by the door, squeezes your hand and answers it with you.”
I've contemplated telling my story, or not telling my story. It's not really all that much, as my story is very mainstream. I have iron deficiency anemia, see a hematologist oncologist every 6 month who checks for a blood cancer (that I have NOT been diagnosed with - but the kind that creeps up on you), skin cancer - check that box (Moh's procedure poster child), and my very best something: asthma. Really, in the grand scheme of things, my "something's are certainly mild". My family? Mental illness, prostate cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and a collection of things that might take the rest of this blog. You get the idea.
As I move along in my life, I quietly see other people's somethings. I watch, I ask, I learn. Sometimes, I may be FloodLighted with too much data from someone who needs to vent or ask for help, or just need an ear. I always end up watching their body language, hear their words, and wonder what their coping skills might be, that help them best. And tell them everything will be okay, maybe hug them, maybe a genuine smile.
For me, this is all a learning kind of life. What do people have? How do they deal with it? Then God decided he would help answer these questions for me. He probably has forever, but I begin noticing about 10 years ago, that something would happen to me, paralleling what's happening to someone close, someone I know. When my sister came forward with an alcohol addition, we usually talked everyday after work, and talked about the mountain she was trying to climb, out of the alcohol addition. Every day, I would come home from work, and cook me a quesadilla. Everyday, I wanted it, and I was going to have it. Period. The End. So that's what it feels like?
This occurrence of God giving me "something's" so I could connect with others and understand the happenings around me better has proven immensely helpful. I have dizzy spells at times, and talk to patient's all day about their vertigo. I can relate. I don't need to strut about it, I can use my experience to understand other's journey, and try make our encounter count.
All of a sudden, I'll have a weird injury happen while running or biking, one that a family member is experiencing. Oh, I get that so much better now. Then my hip will "act up", and now I know how that feels. This happens all the time. It sounds so small when I write it, but there are examples after examples that happen to me, whereby I can find more empathy and understanding. That's what I love about Robin's book. Even though she knows others are going through things too, she's able to tell her story without strutting.
One of my very favorite passages from her book goes like this: "I walked a mile with Pleasure, she chatted all the way. But left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word she said. But oh, the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me." Robin stress the need to Be Still everyday. That's when I most connect with myself and God. But it seems that's a hard thing. The chatter in my mind is usually raging, and I can finally say that. At the same time, I now want the TV off when I'm home, I just want quiet - and to relish in it. It's addicting, and the best addition for me I've found so far in life.
I did eventually stop having a quesadilla every day, and broke that habit. My sister found the courage to tell alcohol GoodBye. Now, our something's have turned into other things. The comparison of a quesadilla every day fails in comparison to alcoholism. But for my sister, she would always ask, Are you having your quesadilla? Why, yes I am. And just like that, we were connected to "additions" that are not remotely alike, but yet exactly alike. The need for something that willpower is not present for, was something we both encountered. My sister's somethings have turned into other things, as have mine. There's no comparing our something's in life, as we all have them. Certainly some worse and harder than others. "Regardless of how much money you have, your race, where you live, what religion you follow, you are going through something. Or you already have, or you will."
You can't put a limit on gratitude, and Robin's book reminds me of this. I'm thrilled each time I realize God has given me "something", so that I can connect with others. Maybe it's a TMJ ear ache, or a sore knee. Maybe it's cancer. She's taught me to not wallow in it, and not stay focused on my somethings. Instead, God is always providing me the opportunities to feel what others feel.....just getting there in a different way.
What I also figured out is that the desperation of other people's somethings makes people do unusual and seemingly crazy things. Once the desperation is resolved, we see our person again for who they really are. Life is hard. We can do hard things. Each new day is my gift to try again - and put my ego aside, and try to shine my light. Too bad I can't go get a EGO-ectomy. I'd love to have it removed for a day, and see what it feels like. Instead, I just have to keep trying to sparkle and shine, and I'm not always that sparkly. But if I keep looking for those connections of other people's somethings, and connect those dots, I can decrease my strutting.
Robin's favorite toast? To friends who are family and to family who are friends.
Family, we may not have it all together. But together, we have it all. Amen, my sister.
Cyndi
There's some books I read in life that stick in my mind, my heart and my soul. Robin Robert's, Everybody's Got Something is one of those books. It's real, authentic, and written in a fashion that's easy to follow and connect with. I've read it twice, and the first time, I would take pictures of pages in her book, and with the tip of my finger carefully placed on the page to point to the passage that so touched me, click, and it's in my phone. Mostly, the verbiage was that of Robin's momma that I loved the very most.
Over time, I began to realize more and more what this book's Take Away is - and it's obvious - we all have something to deal with in our lives. Seems so simple, but my ego helps me to focus on myself, and not the plight of others. Sure, I care, and I show concern, empathy, and a myriad of emotions to others. We all do that every day. But, as I began to take inventory of my "something's", it brought to mind the "something's" of others around me. Granted, this is a daily dance we all do, it's just that some people's "something" may be a big something. Even though I don't know what the definition is of 'big something' is, Robin's momma reminded me, "Robin, your story is no more important than anybody else's story. When you strut, you stumble." Insert heart emoji here. And then, Ouch.
I was also reminded in her book, that when we don't have the strength to face what's in front of us, others lend us the strength we need that I might not have at the time. Robin acknowledges in her book, "I've often said when fear knocks, let faith answer the door. Sometimes when fear knocks, faith shows itself through a friend who stands by the door, squeezes your hand and answers it with you.”
I've contemplated telling my story, or not telling my story. It's not really all that much, as my story is very mainstream. I have iron deficiency anemia, see a hematologist oncologist every 6 month who checks for a blood cancer (that I have NOT been diagnosed with - but the kind that creeps up on you), skin cancer - check that box (Moh's procedure poster child), and my very best something: asthma. Really, in the grand scheme of things, my "something's are certainly mild". My family? Mental illness, prostate cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and a collection of things that might take the rest of this blog. You get the idea.
As I move along in my life, I quietly see other people's somethings. I watch, I ask, I learn. Sometimes, I may be FloodLighted with too much data from someone who needs to vent or ask for help, or just need an ear. I always end up watching their body language, hear their words, and wonder what their coping skills might be, that help them best. And tell them everything will be okay, maybe hug them, maybe a genuine smile.
For me, this is all a learning kind of life. What do people have? How do they deal with it? Then God decided he would help answer these questions for me. He probably has forever, but I begin noticing about 10 years ago, that something would happen to me, paralleling what's happening to someone close, someone I know. When my sister came forward with an alcohol addition, we usually talked everyday after work, and talked about the mountain she was trying to climb, out of the alcohol addition. Every day, I would come home from work, and cook me a quesadilla. Everyday, I wanted it, and I was going to have it. Period. The End. So that's what it feels like?
This occurrence of God giving me "something's" so I could connect with others and understand the happenings around me better has proven immensely helpful. I have dizzy spells at times, and talk to patient's all day about their vertigo. I can relate. I don't need to strut about it, I can use my experience to understand other's journey, and try make our encounter count.
All of a sudden, I'll have a weird injury happen while running or biking, one that a family member is experiencing. Oh, I get that so much better now. Then my hip will "act up", and now I know how that feels. This happens all the time. It sounds so small when I write it, but there are examples after examples that happen to me, whereby I can find more empathy and understanding. That's what I love about Robin's book. Even though she knows others are going through things too, she's able to tell her story without strutting.
One of my very favorite passages from her book goes like this: "I walked a mile with Pleasure, she chatted all the way. But left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word she said. But oh, the things I learned from her when sorrow walked with me." Robin stress the need to Be Still everyday. That's when I most connect with myself and God. But it seems that's a hard thing. The chatter in my mind is usually raging, and I can finally say that. At the same time, I now want the TV off when I'm home, I just want quiet - and to relish in it. It's addicting, and the best addition for me I've found so far in life.
I did eventually stop having a quesadilla every day, and broke that habit. My sister found the courage to tell alcohol GoodBye. Now, our something's have turned into other things. The comparison of a quesadilla every day fails in comparison to alcoholism. But for my sister, she would always ask, Are you having your quesadilla? Why, yes I am. And just like that, we were connected to "additions" that are not remotely alike, but yet exactly alike. The need for something that willpower is not present for, was something we both encountered. My sister's somethings have turned into other things, as have mine. There's no comparing our something's in life, as we all have them. Certainly some worse and harder than others. "Regardless of how much money you have, your race, where you live, what religion you follow, you are going through something. Or you already have, or you will."
You can't put a limit on gratitude, and Robin's book reminds me of this. I'm thrilled each time I realize God has given me "something", so that I can connect with others. Maybe it's a TMJ ear ache, or a sore knee. Maybe it's cancer. She's taught me to not wallow in it, and not stay focused on my somethings. Instead, God is always providing me the opportunities to feel what others feel.....just getting there in a different way.
What I also figured out is that the desperation of other people's somethings makes people do unusual and seemingly crazy things. Once the desperation is resolved, we see our person again for who they really are. Life is hard. We can do hard things. Each new day is my gift to try again - and put my ego aside, and try to shine my light. Too bad I can't go get a EGO-ectomy. I'd love to have it removed for a day, and see what it feels like. Instead, I just have to keep trying to sparkle and shine, and I'm not always that sparkly. But if I keep looking for those connections of other people's somethings, and connect those dots, I can decrease my strutting.
Robin's favorite toast? To friends who are family and to family who are friends.
Family, we may not have it all together. But together, we have it all. Amen, my sister.
Cyndi
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