The love you need starts with you

 

This is probably one of my favorite sentences: the love I need starts with me. And if you know me, you probably know that self love is something I've been working on. And then it just extends out from there. I'm blessed to have so much love here on the farm and I'm going to do as I usually do, and share all this crazy love with you until you can't stand it anymore. 

** There are likely repeat photos in this post (from other posts) sorry bout that ahead of time **

I goat this

When I moved to Wolfe City, it was here that I allowed the goats to free range on the property. Although not intentional, it was just that CoCo and Pearl could get out of the fencing around here and I'd yet to make them an official pen to stay in. But they are no longer 'free' to roam which makes for alot less work for me as they are always getting into trouble when allowed to be 'on their own'. Kind of like setting a 3 year old free around here. It's just asking for trouble. Let me be honest and candid: life is so much easier when my goats are in a pen. 

These guys. CoCo and Pearl are looking great! 

It's CoCo who needs to be up on something most all the time.

I've again expanded their pen, and I think that's all they will need for the meantime. I seem to have this need for them to have plenty of room to roam around, all without myself having an innate ability for true fence building. But I try to try - yet I am quite the expert at moving portable fencing though. 

I love that CoCo and Pearl's coats are gorgeous, lush and shiny. I love their diverse personalities, curiosity for life and consider them absolutely adorable. Even though they see me and think of food. I'm okay with that.

They love fresh lettuce, green beans and
bark off tree branches. Well, actually,
they'll eat just about anything.

And they are such curious and fun creatures that I really do want to set them free on the farm again. I love giving them the freedom to run all around on farm, on their own accord and cause havoc, I really do. But thats just the little kid in me saying that. The adult me does not want the extra work of what that mayhem brings. Chasing me down the drive in my car/truck, constantly knocking things over, trying to get through the doggie door, eating all the chicken food. It's just not a healthy lifestyle for a goat or me.

The Niceties of Donkey Life

I cannot begin to explain how lucky I am to have Poppy, Pippa and Emerald (Emmie). They are the literal best of the best that donkeys are and can be, and somehow I have them as my own.

Side note: I think I've posted this video before, but I just had to again. All three of these girls have a sweet and kind personality. They are all engaging, fun and loving each in their own way. They are old girls, no doubt and I love it that they will live out their life here, while I get the absolute enjoyment of watching their daily antics. With the exception of Emmie, who has about 35 more years ahead of her. 

These 3 sweet mini donkeys are a close herd. 
And a fan of oranges 🟠

They really do love staying in the barn 💟
as they are very social folks

Yet they do make their way out to graze a bit, but 
always head to the barn when they see me - or at night.
There could be treats you know.

The donkeys are doing amazing, and Emmie has weaned from her mama, Pippa. They are officially a threesome herd who also happen to love Dora and Hope. 

Let's horse around

Dora and Hope are the bestest of best friends. Tried and true. Attached at the hip. And can't stand being separated or away from each other. Love these two girls. They both came to me with different life stories and bonded together over time. They are each other's ying to the other's yang. They give to the other what is missing in them. My favorite thing about them, esp Hope, is that she remains open to healing. Her growth over the years is such that when I look into her eyes, I can see into her soul. She shows me daily what healing looks like. She, too had lost her mind and yet found her soul. I feel you, my sweets. You continue to show me the way.

My challenge with Hope is to keep her weight 
down. She's a good eater. 

Dora is so patient with Hope, as Hope can be a food hog
at times. I try to manage her free range time as best as I can.

Where there's Dora, there's Hope. And Hope's favorite thing is to be out in the pasture which is not good for her for long periods of time as she'll eat too much. So I do keep the my girls 'managed' when it comes to grazing on the sweet springtime grass. When it comes to mini horses, their food has to be rationed otherwise they can colic or founder. These are bad things. I know better so I need to always do better for these minis, esp when it comes to nutrition.

Yet they do get out to eat in particular intervals and
enjoy eating out just like I do.

 

So while I have way too much pasture for my animals to graze, that's a good problem I suppose. With my acreage, I am looking to do one of 2 things at this point: 

First, I might end up with cattle on my property, but we'll see if that works out. Buddy said he'll bring cattle to my land eventually, but not sure what the timeframe of eventually (for him) is. And secondly, I'm having a guy come over to evaluate the possibility of cutting for hay. It seems one of those 2 options should work out....with time. For now, the grass is growing and it's gorgeous and lusciously green. So I'll keep you posted if it'll be hay or be eaten by cows. It's just taking a little time to iron out these options. I'll get there though.

The New Cluckingham

I can't help it, I love my chickens. They make me smile.

This side of the barn is mostly where they eat and sleep.
My girlz are all so happy that they are laying more 
eggs than they ever have. 

Paul The Turkey is SO loving his new farm 🦃
And the chickens have sooooo much more area to free range
and eat all kinds of bug and grass. They love it here as well.

I'm getting around 3-4 dozen eggs a day

And believe it or not, my 2 ducks are thriving in a way I've never seen before. They are everywhere. I look up and they are in one pond, then in my other pond, then the pond in the vacant pasture on the other side of my fencing, and then around the corner in the neighbor's pond. They are literally everywhere. They are boy and girl, a fun and adventurous couple - and it's sweet to watch them. Heaven forbid something happen to one of them because they are close as close gets. 

Sometimes, I have so many chickens it even 
scares me 

It's surprises me how they have grown to want 
to sleep on these steps (in the back of the barn).

Excuse the messy barn, but this is my life 😮

Speaking of..... in the back of the barn, this is also where the kitties reside when they are not out cattin' around.

Kitty and June Bug hang out in their area quite a bit.
July, on the other hand is often out and about.

Sometimes Lacey is in Kitty's favorite spot

Tell your dog I said Hi

I actually got a license plate holder that says this on my car.

Anyway, the doggos are all doing amazing as well! Still no sign of Whisper, unfortunately. I am extremely grateful that everyone else (talking to you Penny, Dutch and Levi) has the understanding that we live here now - and they seem to have settled in very well. Mia is truly an example of an indoor/outdoor dog. She's my hybrid girl who takes advantage of the flexibility to be in and out and picks outside much of the time. She enjoys sleeping inside though, on her very own comfy twin mattress. 

Fortunately, everyone has developed their own routine(s) here, where they like to be and how they want to do things around the farm. I love watching how they decide to make their way in the world here.  

Char and Theo enjoy fussing with each other
about who owns this chair

I had a new garage installed around the
weird cinder block wall (that was here already). 
And the dogs love it!

And who doesn't love Penny 💝

The Littles and I frequent the 
NorthEast Texas Trail that runs through
Wolfe City. Love this trail! 

Sweet Maybe is 14 going on 15 
and she's showing us all how to age well.

When I move their dog beds here,
it becomes a popular sunning spot

I think that's about everyone. Let's see.....my goats, donkeys, horses, chickens, Paul, the kitties and the doggos. Yep, that's it! Wait.....

There may be silkie chicks.
Not sure yet.

I may have chicks on the way but I'm not certain. For awhile, I had Lauren and Ryan's silkie rooster, Jonas here and I'm thinking he bred with a couple of my silkies before he moved away. We'll see!

This is my splash silkie, Suzie Q along with a black Frizzle, Georgia who are both sitting on a clutch of eggs underneath the big fan in the barn. These girlz were hard to see underneath there, so I'm not sure how long this has been going on, but I caught a glimpse of them and was surprised. I then candled a few of their eggs - and it looks like there could be chicks in them. How fun would that be?!

We have all settled into our new farmland here in Wolfe City and have been here for about 2 1/2 months now. There's more exciting changes happening out here soon, but I'll save that for next time. For this moment, I wanted to spend a little time showing off all my loves. 

Feeling like I've right-sized my life,

Cyndi

Never have I ever

 

So many new things happening around here. Never have I ever done so many new things in 7 weeks like I have this past 7 weeks (except when going across the US 😉 but does that really count). Let's see now.....

Never have I ever had my own Netflix acct - and then add to that - actually watch it

With a new house and an intentional decision to not have a TV, I will tell you that Netflix has come in handy for the car ride back and forth to work. I know, I know.....who watches Netflix while driving, right? Let's just say that I listen alot and watch some. But wow, so many great things to watch. 

What I know for sure is that I've learned SO much by watching silly shows like Love Is Blind and Married At First Site. Yep, I watch documentaries like Mountain Queen and also the documentary about the (ultra running) Barkley Race (Hi Laz!) but where I really learn things is in these silly relationship shows. 

It's true, watching train wrecks can help you not to have a train wreck. I learned many new relationship skills through therapy, but I can say I've learned just as much through these sometimes-nonsensical relationship shows. I soak in the verbiage for proper and productive communication and recognize the terrible communication when it's happening. I can apply it to my own life, and have found I've learned more than I realized when it comes to communication in a relationship. 

So there's been a few men I've had (and still have) the opportunity to "date" and enjoy dinners out with and hang out together. And while I'm merely practicing what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, it's fun to just watch them talk and talk all while I'm actually learning more about myself than about them. Don't get me wrong, I'm learning about them, for sure. But what I'm learning about myself is enlightening. 

What do I mean exactly? Well, I've learned that I'm as quirky as they are. I've learned that I have walls up whereby I'm not vulnerable to share things I could be sharing with them. I've learned that the pain they have in their life is seemingly easily shared vs me where I'm afraid to share too much still. I've learned that I can role-play with myself on how to be more open to men, and maybe consider trusting them. I've found men who make me feel safe and help me realize I could be open to love in the right time and place. I've learned that I'm guarded and therefore freely allow them to talk as I stare at them and think about what I'm learning in that moment: How free they are to be themselves. How free they are to share their pain and hurt. And how it inspires me to do the same.....some day. That's what I've learned, that I will share one day with the right person who will hold my story softly and gently. One man said to me,"You're like a ground hog in its hole and I'm outside patiently and quietly waiting for you to appear and show yourself." Good gaud. He's also the one that told me my walls are up and called me out on it. The hurt runs deep. Did I mention I'm practicing?

So Netflix, you're a gem. You're there for me with serious things and silly things to watch, and I thank you. Esp on my long drives to work and back home. I promise I'm trying to be as safe as possible when doing so. 

Never have I ever had 21 acres to care for

I'm not sure whose bright idea it was for me to purchase 21 acres. Oh yeah, it was mine. And turns out, it doesn't take care of itself.

I'm down for caring for the house, the barn and the animals and also mowing a portion of the land. But I do not have a tractor (yet) and not sure I want to invest in one. Why, you ask? Because the things I have own me. I'd have to keep a tractor running, keep it maintained, etc. Less is more in my book.

So instead, I've received a different solution. So there's a guy (Buddy) whose going to put his cattle on a large portion of my land. He's going to mend my fences to keep his animals in, he's going to care for his cattle and keep those acres trimmed. He has the means and the know-how. Wonderful, I'll take it, and I'll be applying for my ag exemption because the previous owner let it lapse. But the cattle will take care of what's needed to make it all happen and I've know this guy for about 9 years now and love the idea of him being around to do these things. He's done many fencing projects for me in those years, and most recently placed a fence with a (coded) gate - and I absolutely love it. 

There's something about the security of knowing only
those allowed in are allowed in

The Littles can go underneath it, but they don't venture far

Never have I ever had Bronchiectasis, much less know how to pronounce it

Bron-kee-eck-tuh-sis. This is new. 

Recently, I transferred my pulmonary care to a new pulmonologist due to moving further away. Her name is (female) Dr Kable and she has offices in Denison and McKinney. She's also the wife of (male) Dr Kable whose an anesthesiologist I work with at the surgery center. She's a rock star in the world of pulmonologist and I've been gifted the opportunity to be in her care. 

As my blood cancer progresses, so does the damage to internal organs due to poor blood quality. My lungs are struggling a bit these days, and she gives me confidence that she's going to be able to help me have the best lungs I can possibly have. She sent me for a CT of my lungs (chest), performed some new breathing tests on me, and did some lab testing and allergy testing, too. Turns out I'm allergic to every tree and most grasses. I knew this already, and have received allergy treatments in the past, but now she says it's more important than ever to get it more under control than it currently is, because of the effect it has on my lungs and the amount of mucous that allergies create in your body. 

So I'm going to start some new treatment options and see if it helps improve my lungs and their ability to do their job. So what is bronchiectasis? It's a irreversible, chronic condition whereby the airways in my lungs become damaged and abnormally widened which in turn causes cough and recurrent respiratory infections and hinders the ability to cough up mucous as people normally can. Hence, explaining why I've been diagnosed with pneumonia twice in the last year. 

So as I make my way to MD Anderson this Friday, I'll be having my usual appt for labs and a visit to my oncologist there, as I now do this every 6 months. At that appt, my oncologist and I will talk about the new treatment options being recommended by Dr Kable and if they are in fact something I can do along with my monthly cancer treatments to ensure there's no contraindications involved. 

What I can say about all this is that I understand the nature of what I have, and how fortunate I am to receive the care from rock star doctors. Without them, all of this would be harder to manage. And there will be more to come, so having a collaborative group of doctors is a blessing that words cannot explain. Waking up each day is not taken for granted, I promise you that. 

Never have I ever attended a cowboy church 

Turns out, this is a real thing

A few weeks ago, my sorta-new-to-me horse farrier, Dustin was trimming my horses and donkeys feet. It was during that visit that he mentioned the church he attends (Top Rail Cowboy Church in Greenville) and invited me to visit on that following Sunday. I was intrigued and said I'd be there.

So I went, and sat with him and his fiance. Although I was unfamiliar with this type of church environment, I really enjoyed it. And I've been every Sunday since. 

The cowboy band plays Christian music,
and then Pastor Charlie gives his message.

It's very informal, and very inviting. You're a visitor the first time you go, then after that, you are family. I've met so many nice people there and enjoy the message each week from Pastor Charlie. This Sunday he spoke on James 3:13-17 and he spoke about wisdom and 'who is wise and understanding among you'. I really thought about that - who is wise and understanding in my life? It was thought provoking and actually felt very yoga-ish and I like that except we weren't doing yoga.

The topic of "what is wisdom" was deep - yet had a clear answer to it, turns out. And I also learned that there are two kinds of wisdom and in his sermon and in the scripture - it was revealed. This message provided me new insights into the term wisdom, as well as peace. The word 'peaceable' (which was a new word to me) in this particular scripture was also intriguing, as I am very guarded about my own peace in life. It certainly widened my scope of thinking in terms of what is peaceable. And what is wisdom.

This cowboy church is a new experience for me, and turns out there's horses there sometimes - and a huge horse arena attached to the sanctuary. Who knew. 

I did embarrass myself during my first visit to the cowboy church. What I didn't realize is that they have official Elders there. I grew up in the Methodist church and we didn't have people we called Elder So-In-So, but at the cowboy church, they do. So Elder Glenn came up to me and introduced himself and then said he's an Elder and I said, "Me, too!" thinking he meant elder as in an older-in-age person. Dear Lord, please forgive me as I know not what I say. Ugh. I can't look Elder Glenn in the eye anymore.

Never have I ever had so many white dogs than I do now

I looked up recently and realized just how many white dogs I have 🤔

Sugar and Char

Levi

Dutch

Penny

Mia, Penny and Dutch

Mia

In all fairness, I've had these sweet doggos for awhile now, many for a long time. But the realization from someone recently who said, "You sure have a lot of white dogs" brought it to light. I love me some white dogs. Maybe and Theo are the outliers in regards to color, but do have some white on them nonetheless. 

Never have I ever had a conventional septic system 

Okay, I've had city septic. I've had an aerobic septic system (in Gunter) and even had a brand new one put in for someone else to enjoy now. But here in Wolfe City, I have a conventional septic system and I had no idea what that meant. 

Turns out, I've been looking for the aerobic system here at my new house, whereby it has a place you put bleach in it each month. I can't find that. And I've been watching for the sprinklers to go off to disburse the processed waste. But nope, I've yet to find it or see it.

So after a little more research, I've learned I have a conventional septic system which means there's tanks buried underground near the house and a leach field about 200 feet away that the liquid waste seeps out slowly. Sounds ridiculous, right?

So I called a septic system company in Greenville who came out to check out my septic system and educate me on what to expect and what's going on. They showed up, and he did me a solid (no pun intended) and pumped out the tanks and now my septic system is lickity clean even though it didn't smell like it.

I didn't know what I didn't know and now I know. He says I can wait 3-4 more years to have it pumped again. No bleach to put in it. Nothing to do for this septic system as far as maintenance goes. I thought it was odd that I didn't have a garbage disposal in the sink and that's why. There is to be no food down the drain to the septic tank. Yes, it was that way with my aerobic system, too. But this conventional system has a hard no on food down the drain so they don't even give an option of a disposal in the sink. All extra food always goes to the chickens anyway.

Now I know. Lots of learning going on out here.

Granted, my biggest never have I ever was the moving of my farm animals. But I've already covered that in a previous blog post, and I'm still in shock and awe over it when I see all my animals here doing so well and loving life. God is good. Every day.

I love the idea of many more new things to come in life - for all of us. The good, the bad and the unexpected. I'm here for it all and happy to be here for it all. Until next time.....

Me living in Wolfe City

Pondering life out here and what to 
play with next

Love to you all,

Cyndi

Let's Vlog

While I finish up my next blog post, here's a few happenings on the FillInTheBlank Farm (as I'm still trying to decide on what to name my new farm) - any ideas? 

Donkey Zoomies 

Chicken Happenings

I saved the bestest for last.....

And after a visit to Walmart last Saturday and a purchase of a snake for Olive, here's her interpretation of a 'nake'.......

Oh yeah, a visit to the park that day, too. These 2 sweeties keep me surprised - and having fun......

Stay tuned......

Walking on sunshine

 

What a difference the warmer temperatures make. I’m thrilled we are coming out of winter soon and into Springtime. Having temps like lottery numbers 36 77 22 64 11 is not like hitting the jackpot. It’s more like a combo to a lock that takes you to the thermostat on the wall in your home bouncing between Heat, AC, wait Heat, now AC, oh dang Heat again, on unrelenting repeat. And how about these storms we've gotten lately? I am learning many new things about my new house when the big storms hit with the hard wind and driving rains. 

But first.....

Lauren and her family are enjoying their new home in Gunter, as is Brooks.

I love the green they picked 💚

Look at that sweet boy who loves to help, 
and loves cows for neighbors

The thing about building on land means there's sidewalks to make, sod to put down and a gravel road to be made so that your cars don't get stuck in the mud/dirt. They've been busy doing those things - and many more things. 

And inside the house....

Brooks' Room

View out the front of their living room window

Dining Room

Living room (a portion of it)

What I love about moving into a new place is getting all your belongings in there....then living with it for awhile. Then, once that has happened, it's then time to review the choices that have been made (couch, beds, etc) and then all the movement begins. So as Lauren has placed her furniture and things about her house, when I was there on Sunday morning (to get the kiddos) it was then time for her and Ryan to move things about, get rid of things and hone in on what it is they want and desire in their home. 

I think this is one of the most exciting and fun things about moving to a new home - making it your own. 

The excitement of a new house to-be, as they would be
closing soon

Lauren was most excited about her kitchen cabinets!
(Before pic)

All she needs now is her fridge in there
(Almost-after pic)

So as Lauren and her family settle in, it's fun to watch what she picks for her home. It's such a privilege to be able to get the things you love and want in the place in which you live. Love this for them.

Wolfe City Update

I, too am picking the things I love and want in my new home. And let's visit the dog-things first, shall we? After all, they are my roommates and need to have what they love and want, too.

Char loves her new 'spot' by the front door
to watch the outside world go by

I've never done this before, but it has changed my life for
the better. I made a Dog Room. This is where I prepare the 
dog's meals - and feed The Littles in there.

Each of these 3 compartments are where The Littles eat. 
Char, Theo and Sugar do well eating in their 'spots'.
This way, Maybe and Mia can't eat their food which has
been a huge positive change in my life,
making feeding time easy peasy now.

Theo loves all the dogs, any and all excitement,
and is in the middle of any activity at any time.

He sleeps with whoever he feels like at any given time

And he enjoys his ramp at the doggie door
out back. 

I'm going to see how many dog pics in can put in this blog post 😉

I made an outside area for the dogs out back so when 
I'm at work, they can lounge and enjoy the outside, too.
This area is fenced so that they are safe when I'm at work.

The Front Porch is where the big white dogs
rest and hang out, esp when it's raining. It makes 
feeding them so easy, too. They are close by.

Levi, Penny and Dutch are all doing a fabulous job guarding the farm animals. They stay busy guarding in the night, and have adjusted so well to the new farm. Unfortunately, Whisper did not, and once she disappeared that fateful Wednesday, she's not come back. I've had her on Facebook and had many, many calls about people seeing her or that she had been sighted in a particular area. Yet, when I race out to go see about the sighting, it's not been her. I've driven miles and miles looking for her, put up Lost signs, and Facebook has been my biggest help to get the word out about her. Yet, I've "found" many a dog while out looking, but not my Whisper.

On one particular tip I got, I went to look and sure enough, there was a Great Pyrenees there who was lost and insisted that she wanted to get in my truck and go with me. And that she did. I got her posted on Facebook, and her owner (who also had been driving around looking for her) came and picked her up from me. I've met many new people in the area while looking for Whisper. And have reunited owners and dogs through my own search for Whisper. But no luck finding her. It's hard to go home empty handed after going out to see about a report of a "lost" dog who looks like her. Luckily, Whisper has a red collar on with her name and my phone number embroidered on it and I hold out hope that we will be reunited. I'll never give up looking for her. It's a big wide world out here. 

So how's everybody else doing? 

I'm happy to report that all the farm animals are doing great! And as odd as this sounds, the chickens seem to be laying more eggs than they were at my previous farm. I haven't been able to make the egg business work out here yet due to my location and proximity to a road, so instead, all eggs go up to my work - and the demand for them there is wonderful. 

There is good news in the cat arena, and it's that I was able to get July to my farm to be with his sister, JuneBug. Kitty has adapted well here, too. I'm so grateful to have been able to capture all 3 of my cats and give them their own place in the barn, too. All three cats are doing well!

I finally got him, this elusive July

Kitty loves her little cubby in the barn 
with a heat pad under it

June Bug also loves her bed with a
heat pad under it, amongst the 
chickens...

As everyone continues to settle in, so do I. I actually had my appliances delivered - so I now have a store/oven and fridge which has been awesome. 

There's something about having a stove/oven and fridge that
makes me feel normal again.

Yet, it's not just about the things for me

I've leaned towards focusing on the material things since I've moved, and getting my materal things sorted out in my new space. But yet, I've also noted things about my own emotional well being during this time, as well. Mainly, one of my biggest take-aways is that it's taken me this past year (and therapy) to learn that every version of me that I have been in my life, and every version that will be : is a good version. Because everything I was has lead me to everything I am now. This realization has been one of my greatest gifts. It's been a profound concept for me as I settle in a new space and new area. Truly knowing that everything I am is leading me to everything I will continue to become. I think about this a lot as I settle in my new place. It comes to the surface of my mind as I settle in physically, and more importantly, as I settle in emotionally. Both things are equally important to me, and having a safe mental and emotional state is something I've been seeking, along with healing, peace and calm. 

Because truthfully, I don't think I've believed that there had been a version of me that I thought was 'good' while I was in it. It was only after it was gone that I realized how wonderful that version was and that all the versions of me were and are wonderful and good. This work-in-process version of me is exciting that I can actually understand I'm in the midst of it - constantly ebbing and flowing. It's a blessing to think I might actually have the self-awareness to understand that I've had so many versions of myself (ourselves), and then to literally know it's what has made us who we are today........so profound for me.

Ugh. Shouldn't there be a class in high school for this? 

Alright, I'll get out of the depths of my mind now. And I will say that as I make my way in this new world, I have the most gorgeous views of pasture and skies that contribute of the beauty and peace that is Wolfe City. 

The view from my bedroom window

Of which Mia enjoys also, on her own twin bed

Everyone of us here on the farm continue to soak in the peace and serenity.

The calm is priceless

Even the chickens find peace in the barn 🐔

My sacred past has brought me here, as did all the former versions of me.

Where I'm going......God only knows......and I'll continue to have an open heart and mind for it all.

It kinda feels like walking on sunshine,

Cyndi