I've always wondered what it would be like to live in a gated community. Gated community can have various meanings, but I’ll reference it to the farm version instead of the ever-desirable suburbia version. When David and I first moved to Gunter almost 6 years ago (in June) I was content with keeping the front gate to the property open at all times. I never seriously considered an automatic gate opener but as you know, after time, we made the purchase and had our front gate opener installed (for various reasons).
I used to wonder why people had them, whether they were convenient or not, and were the residents keeping people/animals in - or trying to keep people/animals out. I never seemed to be able to make sense out of the automatic front gate of a property. You have to sit and wait in your car while the gate slowly opens. You have to figure out who you will give the code to, or to have the gate open for workers and such. What if the gate stops working, then how do you get out? So many questions.
Even after we had ours installed, I still do not have all the answers to these questions, but I'll tell you what it mainly provides for me: a feeling of security and safety. It may be a false feeling, but at night, it just feels safer that no one can just drive down the gravel drive to your house at will.
I'm not sure where this is going and what my point really is, but when I think about all gates that are attached to our fencing, I have a grand appreciation for it all. My favorite thing about gates is that I can put my sheep/horses/pigs in one area, or another area, and they stay there thanks to all the gates. It's vital that I move the animals around to the different pastures so that the grass and forbes can regrow and the ground can recover. Plus, the animals poo so much that needs to reabsorb into the ground as well over time. When all the animals are in their appropriate places, it's easier at feeding time to make sure everyone eats only their food. The sheep, pigs and horses are all really bossy to the dogs at feeding time, and want their dog food. Several of the guard dogs can growl the farm animals off their food, while others just allow another animal to eat their food. Hence, the gates and movement of the animals is important. It's also worth mentioning that having the front gate shut all the time (besides when we come and go) is that now when any animals escapes (yes, you sheepies) you cannot get to the road.
One morning while having coffee, David looked over at me and said,"I could not fall asleep last night, so I decided to count the number of gates we have on the property". I look at him quizzically as my mind processes this information. I'm thinking, why gates? He then says, "We have 22 gates". I'm still staring at him with my mouth open like a baby waiting for a much anticipated spoon of food coming towards its mouth. I'm able to mumble, "22 huh? Seems like a lot" while I'm still trying to figure out how one thinks about counting gates when they cannot sleep. Then he says, "Well, I counted them several times. But let's see....." and David starts looking into the air and counting them out loud one by one, with an "wait, I missed one" on several occasions and starts over each time. All I'm thinking is we have sheep. Why not count sheep. Oh yeah, there's only 5 sheep. But my mind keeps coming back to 'why gates?'
David completes his mental and verbal count of the gates and proudly says, yep, we have 22 gates. While my first instinct is to review his accuracy, I refrain and conclude that I had no idea we had that many gates. To top it all off, he then begins to give a tutorial on who made which gates for us, and which ones are the best and spoke of the ones that could use repair. All while I'm sitting there thinking 'how did we get to this place in our lives over coffee'.
My mind drifts as David continued to review everything gate-related on the property with an analysis and review of each gate. Wow, he must have really had a hard time falling asleep to have gathered all this data in his mind. Monkey mind is no joke.
Are we all gated?
Living on a farm gives the term 'gated community' a whole new meaning.
There's not a farm animal that does not live gated around here. Every animal has their own gated community, and just like their humans, they do get to come and go out of the other farm animals gated communities. Sometimes I realize they enjoy time together with their community of various farm animals, and then are content to go back to their own home. I get that, y'all.
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| If there's a gate, they want through it. There's actually a children's book dedicated to this actual scenario with sheep and gates. |
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| Allen B and Charles B are sheep who are normally agreeable. Until a gate is left open..... |
The farm animals are always pleased and openly excited when a gate opens. They feel a compulsion to go through it to the other side, always seemingly thinking there must be something better there. That's when I realized I do that very same thing, and have all my life. Something better must be around or through that 'gate', and I've lived life striving to go in and out of gates that seemingly had something more enticing on the other side.
I'd like to tell you that I've stopped moving through all the gates in my own life, but I've not. And doubtful I ever will find that final gate. That is, until I step off the curb where there are no more gates - or just one last pearly gate anyway (I hope).
No one is exempt from gates or fences around here, so it seems.
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| Wash has a certain amount of free range. Probably more than some would think okay. |
Even Washington lives in his own gated community. Turns out, he enjoys long walks up the stairs and chewing on electrical cords under the bed.
Who wants to put this story away
Covid. Icy roads. 20 degree weather. I feel like I'm whining now. Between dodging covid and trying to keep farm animals alive when it's 59 degrees one night and 29 degrees the next night is challenging.
Turns out, Ryan (son in law) got covid a little over a month ago and somehow Lauren did not get it at that time. 3 weeks after Ryan had it, Lauren took her turn with it. And oddly enough, if Brooks did have covid during any of that time, Ryan and Lauren could not tell (they did test him once or twice to check for day care reasons). Brooks was always negative and doing well. Ryan and Lauren are like many people who are dealing with left-over lingering covid effects. Ear ringing, congestion and a lingering cough are their gifts from covid. There's so many people who have multiple lingering symptoms after covid makes its exit. Stupid covid.
Then, add in 2 bouts of snow and ice during this same time, and it's the story of many peoples lives. Covid and cold weather. The farm animals are not facing covid, and neither David and I have taken our turn with it yet (that we know of) but what the the farm animals are facing is ice cold temps for hours and days for that matter.
As I've mentioned prior, we have heated water buckets for everyone (as long as there is electricity) and plenty of straw for snuggles. The most common question we get is, "how are the farm animals doing with the cold?" and I usually can only attest to the fact that they are hanging in there. They have no choice and somehow make it through. Yes, we do give extra food during this time as they are burning lots of calories to stay warm. All the guard dogs and Winston have dog beds of their own in the barn. And the piggies have a little house with lots of straw that cannot be blow over by the big bad wolf. We unfortunately usually wind up losing a chicken or two when it gets this cold, but it's typically the ones that are either older or just not able to survive as they are not the strongest of the chickens. The harsh cold puts their lives on fast forward.
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| Sugar keeps her jammies on and enjoys a warm fire. |
Luckily though
While one gate shuts, another gate opens (metaphorically) and David and I recently purchased 10 new chicks: 6 ameraucana's and 4 black stars.
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| I bet you're thinking I live in a petting zoo. |
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| We name every ameraucana chicken, Walter. It's just easier that way and they do have those interesting puffs coming out the sides of their face |
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| It's like they have a moustache and beard |
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| I've never had a black star chicken before. Wonder if they'll look like this black star? |
Then, add in that I meet a lady on Craigslist, Anissa is her name, who lives in Windham, Tx (which I now know where that is) and I purchased 3 laying hens from her:
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| I know, I know, she looks like all my other white chickens, but she's different. |
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| According to Anissa, this is a rare type of chicken but darned if I can't remember the name of it?! |
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| And this young lady has some unique features such as fluffy feathers on top with a full size body, and an ombre coloring. |
Oddly, the deal Anissa dealt me for these pretty new and unusual hens were that I would have to take the rooster that was living with them (in their pen). Anissa said she wanted to empty out "that" pen, and so the deal was the 3 laying hens AND take the rooster with them.
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| He's tall, light and handsome |
I took the deal, and brought all 4 chickens home to the unknowing of the Sheriff. But guess where the rooster is living temporarily? With Paul!
John, the Rooster (the Sheriff found out, and then actually named him) is now enjoying the bachelor pad with Paul - and he loves the mirrors, too.
So now I have 3 pretty (and laying) new hens who have joined the flock seamlessly. Oh, and John, who lives with Paul. For now. Bright side? John cock-a-doodle doo's very little. Here and there, but nothing worth noting or bothersome. So for now, John is hanging in the crib with Paul. He's actually the least of our worries.
Who's the worry then?
I'm glad you asked. On Feb 17th, merely days before David was to leave town to head to Houston for his PET scan/MRI/follow up visits at MD Anderson, we had scheduled for Penny and Dutch to be neutered/spayed and have their hundred dewclaws removed. I swear they each had about 30 claws on them total.
Granted, this appt was made months ago so that when they turned 5 months old, they would have this done. And we did, we had it done that day as scheduled.
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| Precarious Penny (notice her pristine cone) |
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| Not sure who chewed on his cone, Penny |
Although it was not the spaw day the pups were hoping for, the surgery's went well and the pups were brought back home and placed in a pen in the barn for what was to be a few days of observation (and pain meds).
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| I'm sorry sweeties, they took the fight out of you. |
It wasn't exactly optimal, but keeping livestock guard dogs in the house for a few days seemed like holy terror. So the barn it is, in Dora's horse stall they will stay. The irony in all this is that the vet office had told us how Penny was so adventurous (she is) and how Dutch was the one trying to tell Penny that "that doesn't seem like a good idea" when Penny was being mischievous (she is). Dutch is cautious and careful in life. He's the wise one. Somehow, that all changed.
The 5 month old pups are now around 70 lbs each mind you. They are now neutered and spayed, along with a dressing and coban (sticky elastic wrapping to hold the gauge dressing on each surgical site) on EVERY leg of both dogs. Oh, and they each were dressed with a cone to not allow them to access their sutures (on their private parts) or the coban dressing wrapped very tightly around each lower leg of the pups.
Penny and Dutch came home late Thursday and spent Friday sleeping and resting. All seemed well. Uh huh. Then, Saturday came and David and I left them quietly resting in the barn in their stall to go to Fort Worth to watch Brooks while Lauren worked (and Ryan resting from covid things).
Fast forward to Saturday night and us finding 3 of the coban and gauze dressings on Dutch's legs GONE. Vanished into thin air. Actually, vanished into Dutch's belly, as he mistakenly thought he was supposed to eat it all.
Great. Really? Look at Penny all behaving and keeping her dressings on. And then Dutch, chewing everything off 3 of his legs and then eating it all. Come on now. This is Saturday evening and the vet is closed until Monday.
We learned the hard way that these cones are not the correct size to keep the pups from accessing their dressings on their legs. Too late though. Although Penny has no desire to take her dressings off, it could have been that she took off Dutch's, I don't know. We found Dutch licking his incisions on his legs and could only image another trip to the vet, this time, a little more expensive than the first. Let me correct that, with David leaving for Houston on Sunday, it would likely be me to take the pups back to the vet for who-knows-what, maybe a bowel obstruction. I found my $hit Show Supervisor shirt.....and put it on. David left for Houston.
I spent Sunday watching the pups to monitor their eating, drinking and pooping. Fun times. I'll save you some heartache and tell you that Dutch did indeed poop that coban and gauze dressing(s) out late Sunday evening. Dutch is okay and so is Penny and we did not travel back to the vet. Although I did call the vet and tell on them, like a 3rd grader telling on Johnny who just pushed me in line. Remember that? Having to line up at the door to leave the classroom. Ms. Myers! Johnny just pushed me. That's exactly what I did, except to the vet office. I just did not want to take responsibility of this $hit show. But turns out it is exactly my responsibility and luckily it all turned out alright. That was a God thing because I assure you it should not have gone the way it did. God decided that despite the pups behavior and me leaving town for the day (to go see Brooks) that He would make everything okay in the end. Thank you, God for always being there. The pups are on the mend, and hopefully this story will have a happy ending by the time they are fully healed. The cones and dressings are off all 4 legs on both pups now and there's still time for things to go astray. Here's hoping for the best.
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| Penny, the dog astronaut |
Wait, did you say Brooks?
I sho did. Brooks is now 16 months old and no matter what his age, I love spending time adventuring with him. On this particular day, we did one of our favorite things to do and that's to go to the Children's Museum in Fort Worth. It's within walking distance of Ryan and Lauren's house, and so we loaded up the stroller and made our way across the street.
One of the first places we go once inside the Children's museum is the pretend grocery store. It's fun watching Brooks change and grow, but it's even more evident each time we visit familiar places. On this grocery store visit, he was all about the corn.
As we moved from the grocery store to the boat, he really enjoyed the freedom to run around and explore.
This particular area of the museum allows for younger children to explore on their own, and he loves all the areas from the grocery store, to the boat, to the post office, to the pretend restaurant, to the trains, and much more.
On this visit, we explored the older children's area as we usually do, but this time Brooks was interested in some of the exhibits he's not explored prior.
As we made our way around the museum, his favorite is always the huge "light bright" (as I like to call it) area where by he can pull and push the large plastic colored transparent pegs into the light board.
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| And here we are again 💙 |
He's not old enough to officially make any designs just yet, as he's still understanding the in and out motion of the pegs to the board, yet this is the beauty of it all. Each visit, children get to explore what is age appropriate for them. And as Brooks grows and his little brain expands, he's able to view the museum a little differently each time he goes. I love the opportunity to take him to the museum, over and over, and watch the huge leaps and the minuscule changes. Children are tiny miracles who turn into humans that will take on this big world that does not deserve them. For now, I'll enjoy all the opportunities I'm given and each time I return him safely to his mama and daddy, I relish in the fact that I am trusted with their most precious gift. It's a grand responsibility to keep someone else's child safe, esp when that child is the child of your own child. Of which you could never have imagined many moons ago. There are not words for how magical this really is.
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| 💛 |
How'd David's visit go?
On his 1 year cancerversary of the completion of chemo and radiation, David shows up at MDA for his regular PET and MRI scan, along with a visit to his main oncologist, Dr Hanna. He's had a PET scan and MRI every couple of months since his SNUC diagnosis, but this trip was a special one. It's exactly a year out from his cancer treatment, and for a long time, we were unsure of what this timeframe would really look like. Would we be back for more treatment? What does a year out from treatment from an aggressive cancer be like? Uncertainty is the definition of 'life with cancer'. If you have cancer, you too can understand this cloud that follows you constantly. It never leaves above your head. Ever. The cancer cloud does not blow away. Sometimes it pours down rain on you. Sometimes it's dark and gloomy. Sometimes it's light and airy, and lets the sun shine through it. But it's forever there. There's no stepping to the side quickly to get out from underneath it. Just let it be and try not to fight with that silly cloud.
David was whipped (this is my term I'm using to replace 'amped up' or 'keyed up' or 'ill at ease'). David himself was whipped up about what to expect regarding his PET scan results. I think it was the 1 year thing and the desire to get another A+ that was weighing heavy on him. David and I have worked so hard at life these days, making future plans, nurturing our own relationship, practicing different ways to change patterns and cycles in our lives that we've so wanted to improve on. The hearing of bad news would be counterproductive to a life we've been focusing on to improve. The anticipation felt heavy. To help lighten the load that David carries mentally, he expresses outwardly to those he's grateful for. Dr Hanna and his office staff all received BBQ that David had cooked himself, along with his own special BBQ sauce that David cooks and cans. It's his way of showing thanks to those who care for him. For those who helped save his one wild and precious life.
After David's scans, labs and appointments, he again got the news he wanted to hear. His PET scan looked good. And again, his oncologist said I'll see you again soon as we must continue this diligent monitoring for a type of cancer that is not kind. A+, Mr Graves. And we'll see you again soon.
David cried. I cried. How is it we are so fortunate? God's plan. He still has things for us to do. So we will continue to honor this gift of life and press forward the best we know how.
Let's celebrate
On this day of February 28th, it's deemed Rare Disease Day which is a day intended to raise awareness and generate positive action for the rare diseases in the world. These are the approx 7,000 rare diseases, cancers, conditions and syndromes that do not get the attention, research, and media coverage that the more common diseases tend to get. 300 million people in the world are diagnosed with rare cancers and diseases who then attempt to find health care and doctors who are able to treat these rare conditions. Polycythemia Vera is one of them. SNUC is one of them. And there's many other diseases and conditions that people like us have never heard of. After all, I worked at an ENT office and myself had never heard of sino-nasal undifferiented carcinoma. So on this day, and every day actually, we take time to celebrate the notion of what it's like to live with a rare disease/cancer and share that journey with others.
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| Who knew David and I would both would be gifted a rare cancer |
I'm next up for an appt with my oncologist in a couple of days. More labs and a blood draw/phlebotomy to keep my 'numbers' in a livable range.
The lens from which you see
With farm life, cancer life and my regular life (whatever my regular life is?) I continue to become, un-become and become again, and I find the range of emotions from which I feel can be plentiful and confusing. I'd blame it on covid, but it's not covid's fault. It's just that the pandemic has shown this to me, not done this to me. The lens from which I see can swing from wishing I was a goat just head butting anyone who annoys me, to ignoring the new term 'toxic positivity' and knowing that I do feel fabulous when others think I shouldn't. And it's okay to feel fabulous even when others do not. My lens is also able to see that feeling sad is my soul's way of saying something mattered. My lens allows me to understand that I have to learn to live inside of a life that may not be perfectible. Thank you Kate Bowler for teaching me that one, as she's a fellow cancer patient that showed up in my lens awhile back. My lens is far and wide these days, and I continue to practice what Eckhart Tolle writes in his book, "Stay rooted in your being and not get lost in your mind" and I've come to realize that's the Recipe for Cyndi. I just need to stay out of my mind, know it's okay that my life is not fixable, and enjoy all of the joy that bubbles inside me day in and day out. I mean, after all, I live in a gated community. Fancy, huh? My kind of fancy.
Sometimes though, intruders arrive.....
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| Just living its life. Since my mom and dad are birders, I bet they know exactly what kind of hawk this is. I like to call it a chicken-eating hawk. |
And just know when that hawk is sitting on your balcony wanting to take what is not theirs, they too are simply trying to get the things in life they want.
Cyndi
