Never have I ever

 

So many new things happening around here. Never have I ever done so many new things in 7 weeks like I have this past 7 weeks (except when going across the US 😉 but does that really count). Let's see now.....

Never have I ever had my own Netflix acct - and then add to that - actually watch it

With a new house and an intentional decision to not have a TV, I will tell you that Netflix has come in handy for the car ride back and forth to work. I know, I know.....who watches Netflix while driving, right? Let's just say that I listen alot and watch some. But wow, so many great things to watch. 

What I know for sure is that I've learned SO much by watching silly shows like Love Is Blind and Married At First Site. Yep, I watch documentaries like Mountain Queen and also the documentary about the (ultra running) Barkley Race (Hi Laz!) but where I really learn things is in these silly relationship shows. 

It's true, watching train wrecks can help you not to have a train wreck. I learned many new relationship skills through therapy, but I can say I've learned just as much through these sometimes-nonsensical relationship shows. I soak in the verbiage for proper and productive communication and recognize the terrible communication when it's happening. I can apply it to my own life, and have found I've learned more than I realized when it comes to communication in a relationship. 

So there's been a few men I've had (and still have) the opportunity to "date" and enjoy dinners out with and hang out together. And while I'm merely practicing what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, it's fun to just watch them talk and talk all while I'm actually learning more about myself than about them. Don't get me wrong, I'm learning about them, for sure. But what I'm learning about myself is enlightening. 

What do I mean exactly? Well, I've learned that I'm as quirky as they are. I've learned that I have walls up whereby I'm not vulnerable to share things I could be sharing with them. I've learned that the pain they have in their life is seemingly easily shared vs me where I'm afraid to share too much still. I've learned that I can role-play with myself on how to be more open to men, and maybe consider trusting them. I've found men who make me feel safe and help me realize I could be open to love in the right time and place. I've learned that I'm guarded and therefore freely allow them to talk as I stare at them and think about what I'm learning in that moment: How free they are to be themselves. How free they are to share their pain and hurt. And how it inspires me to do the same.....some day. That's what I've learned, that I will share one day with the right person who will hold my story softly and gently. One man said to me,"You're like a ground hog in its hole and I'm outside patiently and quietly waiting for you to appear and show yourself." Good gaud. He's also the one that told me my walls are up and called me out on it. The hurt runs deep. Did I mention I'm practicing?

So Netflix, you're a gem. You're there for me with serious things and silly things to watch, and I thank you. Esp on my long drives to work and back home. I promise I'm trying to be as safe as possible when doing so. 

Never have I ever had 21 acres to care for

I'm not sure whose bright idea it was for me to purchase 21 acres. Oh yeah, it was mine. And turns out, it doesn't take care of itself.

I'm down for caring for the house, the barn and the animals and also mowing a portion of the land. But I do not have a tractor (yet) and not sure I want to invest in one. Why, you ask? Because the things I have own me. I'd have to keep a tractor running, keep it maintained, etc. Less is more in my book.

So instead, I've received a different solution. So there's a guy (Buddy) whose going to put his cattle on a large portion of my land. He's going to mend my fences to keep his animals in, he's going to care for his cattle and keep those acres trimmed. He has the means and the know-how. Wonderful, I'll take it, and I'll be applying for my ag exemption because the previous owner let it lapse. But the cattle will take care of what's needed to make it all happen and I've know this guy for about 9 years now and love the idea of him being around to do these things. He's done many fencing projects for me in those years, and most recently placed a fence with a (coded) gate - and I absolutely love it. 

There's something about the security of knowing only
those allowed in are allowed in

The Littles can go underneath it, but they don't venture far

Never have I ever had Bronchiectasis, much less know how to pronounce it

Bron-kee-eck-tuh-sis. This is new. 

Recently, I transferred my pulmonary care to a new pulmonologist due to moving further away. Her name is (female) Dr Kable and she has offices in Denison and McKinney. She's also the wife of (male) Dr Kable whose an anesthesiologist I work with at the surgery center. She's a rock star in the world of pulmonologist and I've been gifted the opportunity to be in her care. 

As my blood cancer progresses, so does the damage to internal organs due to poor blood quality. My lungs are struggling a bit these days, and she gives me confidence that she's going to be able to help me have the best lungs I can possibly have. She sent me for a CT of my lungs (chest), performed some new breathing tests on me, and did some lab testing and allergy testing, too. Turns out I'm allergic to every tree and most grasses. I knew this already, and have received allergy treatments in the past, but now she says it's more important than ever to get it more under control than it currently is, because of the effect it has on my lungs and the amount of mucous that allergies create in your body. 

So I'm going to start some new treatment options and see if it helps improve my lungs and their ability to do their job. So what is bronchiectasis? It's a irreversible, chronic condition whereby the airways in my lungs become damaged and abnormally widened which in turn causes cough and recurrent respiratory infections and hinders the ability to cough up mucous as people normally can. Hence, explaining why I've been diagnosed with pneumonia twice in the last year. 

So as I make my way to MD Anderson this Friday, I'll be having my usual appt for labs and a visit to my oncologist there, as I now do this every 6 months. At that appt, my oncologist and I will talk about the new treatment options being recommended by Dr Kable and if they are in fact something I can do along with my monthly cancer treatments to ensure there's no contraindications involved. 

What I can say about all this is that I understand the nature of what I have, and how fortunate I am to receive the care from rock star doctors. Without them, all of this would be harder to manage. And there will be more to come, so having a collaborative group of doctors is a blessing that words cannot explain. Waking up each day is not taken for granted, I promise you that. 

Never have I ever attended a cowboy church 

Turns out, this is a real thing

A few weeks ago, my sorta-new-to-me horse farrier, Dustin was trimming my horses and donkeys feet. It was during that visit that he mentioned the church he attends (Top Rail Cowboy Church in Greenville) and invited me to visit on that following Sunday. I was intrigued and said I'd be there.

So I went, and sat with him and his fiance. Although I was unfamiliar with this type of church environment, I really enjoyed it. And I've been every Sunday since. 

The cowboy band plays Christian music,
and then Pastor Charlie gives his message.

It's very informal, and very inviting. You're a visitor the first time you go, then after that, you are family. I've met so many nice people there and enjoy the message each week from Pastor Charlie. This Sunday he spoke on James 3:13-17 and he spoke about wisdom and 'who is wise and understanding among you'. I really thought about that - who is wise and understanding in my life? It was thought provoking and actually felt very yoga-ish and I like that except we weren't doing yoga.

The topic of "what is wisdom" was deep - yet had a clear answer to it, turns out. And I also learned that there are two kinds of wisdom and in his sermon and in the scripture - it was revealed. This message provided me new insights into the term wisdom, as well as peace. The word 'peaceable' (which was a new word to me) in this particular scripture was also intriguing, as I am very guarded about my own peace in life. It certainly widened my scope of thinking in terms of what is peaceable. And what is wisdom.

This cowboy church is a new experience for me, and turns out there's horses there sometimes - and a huge horse arena attached to the sanctuary. Who knew. 

I did embarrass myself during my first visit to the cowboy church. What I didn't realize is that they have official Elders there. I grew up in the Methodist church and we didn't have people we called Elder So-In-So, but at the cowboy church, they do. So Elder Glenn came up to me and introduced himself and then said he's an Elder and I said, "Me, too!" thinking he meant elder as in an older-in-age person. Dear Lord, please forgive me as I know not what I say. Ugh. I can't look Elder Glenn in the eye anymore.

Never have I ever had so many white dogs than I do now

I looked up recently and realized just how many white dogs I have 🤔

Sugar and Char

Levi

Dutch

Penny

Mia, Penny and Dutch

Mia

In all fairness, I've had these sweet doggos for awhile now, many for a long time. But the realization from someone recently who said, "You sure have a lot of white dogs" brought it to light. I love me some white dogs. Maybe and Theo are the outliers in regards to color, but do have some white on them nonetheless. 

Never have I ever had a conventional septic system 

Okay, I've had city septic. I've had an aerobic septic system (in Gunter) and even had a brand new one put in for someone else to enjoy now. But here in Wolfe City, I have a conventional septic system and I had no idea what that meant. 

Turns out, I've been looking for the aerobic system here at my new house, whereby it has a place you put bleach in it each month. I can't find that. And I've been watching for the sprinklers to go off to disburse the processed waste. But nope, I've yet to find it or see it.

So after a little more research, I've learned I have a conventional septic system which means there's tanks buried underground near the house and a leach field about 200 feet away that the liquid waste seeps out slowly. Sounds ridiculous, right?

So I called a septic system company in Greenville who came out to check out my septic system and educate me on what to expect and what's going on. They showed up, and he did me a solid (no pun intended) and pumped out the tanks and now my septic system is lickity clean even though it didn't smell like it.

I didn't know what I didn't know and now I know. He says I can wait 3-4 more years to have it pumped again. No bleach to put in it. Nothing to do for this septic system as far as maintenance goes. I thought it was odd that I didn't have a garbage disposal in the sink and that's why. There is to be no food down the drain to the septic tank. Yes, it was that way with my aerobic system, too. But this conventional system has a hard no on food down the drain so they don't even give an option of a disposal in the sink. All extra food always goes to the chickens anyway.

Now I know. Lots of learning going on out here.

Granted, my biggest never have I ever was the moving of my farm animals. But I've already covered that in a previous blog post, and I'm still in shock and awe over it when I see all my animals here doing so well and loving life. God is good. Every day.

I love the idea of many more new things to come in life - for all of us. The good, the bad and the unexpected. I'm here for it all and happy to be here for it all. Until next time.....

Me living in Wolfe City

Pondering life out here and what to 
play with next

Love to you all,

Cyndi

Let's Vlog

While I finish up my next blog post, here's a few happenings on the FillInTheBlank Farm (as I'm still trying to decide on what to name my new farm) - any ideas? 

Donkey Zoomies 

Chicken Happenings

I saved the bestest for last.....

And after a visit to Walmart last Saturday and a purchase of a snake for Olive, here's her interpretation of a 'nake'.......

Oh yeah, a visit to the park that day, too. These 2 sweeties keep me surprised - and having fun......

Stay tuned......

Walking on sunshine

 

What a difference the warmer temperatures make. I’m thrilled we are coming out of winter soon and into Springtime. Having temps like lottery numbers 36 77 22 64 11 is not like hitting the jackpot. It’s more like a combo to a lock that takes you to the thermostat on the wall in your home bouncing between Heat, AC, wait Heat, now AC, oh dang Heat again, on unrelenting repeat. And how about these storms we've gotten lately? I am learning many new things about my new house when the big storms hit with the hard wind and driving rains. 

But first.....

Lauren and her family are enjoying their new home in Gunter, as is Brooks.

I love the green they picked 💚

Look at that sweet boy who loves to help, 
and loves cows for neighbors

The thing about building on land means there's sidewalks to make, sod to put down and a gravel road to be made so that your cars don't get stuck in the mud/dirt. They've been busy doing those things - and many more things. 

And inside the house....

Brooks' Room

View out the front of their living room window

Dining Room

Living room (a portion of it)

What I love about moving into a new place is getting all your belongings in there....then living with it for awhile. Then, once that has happened, it's then time to review the choices that have been made (couch, beds, etc) and then all the movement begins. So as Lauren has placed her furniture and things about her house, when I was there on Sunday morning (to get the kiddos) it was then time for her and Ryan to move things about, get rid of things and hone in on what it is they want and desire in their home. 

I think this is one of the most exciting and fun things about moving to a new home - making it your own. 

The excitement of a new house to-be, as they would be
closing soon

Lauren was most excited about her kitchen cabinets!
(Before pic)

All she needs now is her fridge in there
(Almost-after pic)

So as Lauren and her family settle in, it's fun to watch what she picks for her home. It's such a privilege to be able to get the things you love and want in the place in which you live. Love this for them.

Wolfe City Update

I, too am picking the things I love and want in my new home. And let's visit the dog-things first, shall we? After all, they are my roommates and need to have what they love and want, too.

Char loves her new 'spot' by the front door
to watch the outside world go by

I've never done this before, but it has changed my life for
the better. I made a Dog Room. This is where I prepare the 
dog's meals - and feed The Littles in there.

Each of these 3 compartments are where The Littles eat. 
Char, Theo and Sugar do well eating in their 'spots'.
This way, Maybe and Mia can't eat their food which has
been a huge positive change in my life,
making feeding time easy peasy now.

Theo loves all the dogs, any and all excitement,
and is in the middle of any activity at any time.

He sleeps with whoever he feels like at any given time

And he enjoys his ramp at the doggie door
out back. 

I'm going to see how many dog pics in can put in this blog post 😉

I made an outside area for the dogs out back so when 
I'm at work, they can lounge and enjoy the outside, too.
This area is fenced so that they are safe when I'm at work.

The Front Porch is where the big white dogs
rest and hang out, esp when it's raining. It makes 
feeding them so easy, too. They are close by.

Levi, Penny and Dutch are all doing a fabulous job guarding the farm animals. They stay busy guarding in the night, and have adjusted so well to the new farm. Unfortunately, Whisper did not, and once she disappeared that fateful Wednesday, she's not come back. I've had her on Facebook and had many, many calls about people seeing her or that she had been sighted in a particular area. Yet, when I race out to go see about the sighting, it's not been her. I've driven miles and miles looking for her, put up Lost signs, and Facebook has been my biggest help to get the word out about her. Yet, I've "found" many a dog while out looking, but not my Whisper.

On one particular tip I got, I went to look and sure enough, there was a Great Pyrenees there who was lost and insisted that she wanted to get in my truck and go with me. And that she did. I got her posted on Facebook, and her owner (who also had been driving around looking for her) came and picked her up from me. I've met many new people in the area while looking for Whisper. And have reunited owners and dogs through my own search for Whisper. But no luck finding her. It's hard to go home empty handed after going out to see about a report of a "lost" dog who looks like her. Luckily, Whisper has a red collar on with her name and my phone number embroidered on it and I hold out hope that we will be reunited. I'll never give up looking for her. It's a big wide world out here. 

So how's everybody else doing? 

I'm happy to report that all the farm animals are doing great! And as odd as this sounds, the chickens seem to be laying more eggs than they were at my previous farm. I haven't been able to make the egg business work out here yet due to my location and proximity to a road, so instead, all eggs go up to my work - and the demand for them there is wonderful. 

There is good news in the cat arena, and it's that I was able to get July to my farm to be with his sister, JuneBug. Kitty has adapted well here, too. I'm so grateful to have been able to capture all 3 of my cats and give them their own place in the barn, too. All three cats are doing well!

I finally got him, this elusive July

Kitty loves her little cubby in the barn 
with a heat pad under it

June Bug also loves her bed with a
heat pad under it, amongst the 
chickens...

As everyone continues to settle in, so do I. I actually had my appliances delivered - so I now have a store/oven and fridge which has been awesome. 

There's something about having a stove/oven and fridge that
makes me feel normal again.

Yet, it's not just about the things for me

I've leaned towards focusing on the material things since I've moved, and getting my materal things sorted out in my new space. But yet, I've also noted things about my own emotional well being during this time, as well. Mainly, one of my biggest take-aways is that it's taken me this past year (and therapy) to learn that every version of me that I have been in my life, and every version that will be : is a good version. Because everything I was has lead me to everything I am now. This realization has been one of my greatest gifts. It's been a profound concept for me as I settle in a new space and new area. Truly knowing that everything I am is leading me to everything I will continue to become. I think about this a lot as I settle in my new place. It comes to the surface of my mind as I settle in physically, and more importantly, as I settle in emotionally. Both things are equally important to me, and having a safe mental and emotional state is something I've been seeking, along with healing, peace and calm. 

Because truthfully, I don't think I've believed that there had been a version of me that I thought was 'good' while I was in it. It was only after it was gone that I realized how wonderful that version was and that all the versions of me were and are wonderful and good. This work-in-process version of me is exciting that I can actually understand I'm in the midst of it - constantly ebbing and flowing. It's a blessing to think I might actually have the self-awareness to understand that I've had so many versions of myself (ourselves), and then to literally know it's what has made us who we are today........so profound for me.

Ugh. Shouldn't there be a class in high school for this? 

Alright, I'll get out of the depths of my mind now. And I will say that as I make my way in this new world, I have the most gorgeous views of pasture and skies that contribute of the beauty and peace that is Wolfe City. 

The view from my bedroom window

Of which Mia enjoys also, on her own twin bed

Everyone of us here on the farm continue to soak in the peace and serenity.

The calm is priceless

Even the chickens find peace in the barn 🐔

My sacred past has brought me here, as did all the former versions of me.

Where I'm going......God only knows......and I'll continue to have an open heart and mind for it all.

It kinda feels like walking on sunshine,

Cyndi

Be like a sunflower

One of the first gifts I received for my new home was made by my niece, Kristin. 

Thank you, Kristin! 🌻

She gifted me a beautiful piece of art, that she handmade, to hang in my new home. Her, and her two sweet children, Declan and Savannah are all very special people in my life. I appreciate them more than they know and absolutely love this special gift from them. What made it even more special is what she wrote on the back:

💛

These words could not be more true for me, esp in this process of selling and buying of a new home. Because as Katy Perry says, I'm hot and I'm cold, I'm yes and I'm no, I'm up and I'm down. That's me! It's been a rollercoaster ride where I'm actually on a broken rollercoaster that never stops at the station and just keeps going and going. 

Yet, I did it. And as odd as this is going to sound.....I'm so proud of me. I really did it. And with the help of many people! My people. I'm so very grateful to all those who love me so much, that they showed up and helped me realize a dream I've dreamed of for some time. A place of my own. My heart is beyond happy. It's pure joy.

I remember.....

Not that long ago, I remember thinking 'I wonder if I could sell my house and find one for myself to make my very own'. I called it an exploration at the time, because I was unsure if I could pull it off. It started with a call to my realtor, Allison, because if anybody could make it happen, it's her.

She and I talked about my goals and dreams, then she said we could do this, so I fixed my old house up and got it ready for pictures, videos, and then showings and BOOM, the contracts showed up. I was blessed to have a great (final) buyer who gave me a free 3 week lease back to get from my old house to my new house. And I ended up only needing the old house for 2 weeks and gave him (my old house) officially to him 1 week earlier than anticipated. So good news! I'm officially done - and moved out of my old home and moved into my new home. It feels warm, cozy and safe. Best feeling ever.

So how did I do this? I'm still shaking my head about it too. So this was my tentative plan:

I'm almost embarrassed to show you my plan but I wanted to share with you what it all looked like in my head. This 'plan' I wrote sat on my kitchen table staring me down for days and days. I would look back at it, sometimes side eye it, and mull it over some more all while knowing that it would not all pan out exactly like that, but it could be a template for what kinda sorta might happen. And even though the most popular question I received was 'How are you going to move all your chickens?' -  I never knew for sure until Move-Day-Sunday when Morghan actually made the final decision to place them ALL in the tack room of her horse trailer. Until then, I had 5 different ways/ideas bouncing around in my head of how I was going to 'try to try to move the chickens'. Even my written plan had no set way of me doing it. The chickens were my wildcard. 

Let's just say that everything ended up actually moving on Sunday (side note: Morghan needed to change her farm animal move day from Saturday to Sunday) and therefore Sunday started early with Morghan (and her fam) moving the farm animals, first thing (see blog post prior). Then shortly after that, spilled over to the actual house movers, and then onto the movers who would move the barn contents. It was a day! A Sunday to remember. 

On the Saturday before the Move-Day-Sunday, I was blessed to have my brother in law, Gene put in a storm door with a doggie door at my new house. Thank you, Gene! This was key, and a necessity in my life to have my Littles (Maybe, Sugar, Charlotte and Theo along with Mia) in the house, to be able to go out and potty on their own. That same day, Sheryl, I and Kristin made a make-shift back yard with my portable fencing (which I had actually moved on Friday because my work surprised me with that day off so I could prep for my move!). So many loving people around me during a stressful time. I couldn't have done it without them. 

I can tell you that Sheryl was my eyes and ears on Move-Day-Sunday. She picked up all the "pieces" I dropped or left behind. She did all the things when I couldn't do everything. She stayed with me from Saturday to Monday and wowza - that was amazing and I loved every minute of it. We were so tired every night, and when she left Monday I can imagine she was glad to get home and leave the chaos of moving behind. It's alot y'all. Moving is a lot. 

Thank you Sheryl, Kristin, Gene, Declan and Savannah. Thank you Morghan and her family. Thank you to all the amazing movers who did so much to bring all my belongings from Gunter to Wolfe City. And a BIG thank you to my realtor, Allison who made this house sell/purchase magic truly happen. She was there for me thru the thick and thin of it all. When I say I wouldn't and couldn't have done it with anyone else, there are no truer words spoken. Allsion is the bomb.com.

So I did this to myself

Yeppers, the painters showed up Tuesday morning bright and early, so there would be no unpacking until they left.....the following Saturday. They took over my house and covered everything. I did this to myself y'all. I asked for this madness. I figured I'd do this while I had the week off work. 

Here we go....

This was okay Day 1 and 2, but Day 3, 4 and 5 were
not really that okay 😐

I take full responsibility for making this decision. Good news? I could uncover my bed at night and sleep. That's it. I even had to shower at my old house in Gunter. I kept telling myself:  Its worth it. It's worth it. It'll be worth it.....and it was! 

Everything in the house is freshly painted and beautiful and it made my heart so happy. This is something I really wanted. The painters were awesome, and even the horse wallpaper in the master bathroom was removed and it looks like the master bathroom I had imagined it to be. 

Before

After

All the lower kitchen cabinets (and bathroom cabinets) were painted Evergreen Fog by Sherwin Williams, along with all walls, doors, ceilings and trim painted Alabaster - and wow, it sure made the house smell yummy and look brand new with fresh paint. It delayed the unpacking, yes, but I'll get there eventually. 

Brooks and Olive's room is a work in progress

Like the 2 small fridges I have?
I'll need to get a real fridge and stove/oven soon....

This is going to take some time to settle in.
But the dogs seem to be liking it so far.

I love having a guest room, too

It's going to take a bit to settle in and hang pictures and such. I've been focusing on the outside (barn, animals and land) so the inside has been neglected in regards to unpacking and settlement. I just want to be outside all the time, so I have to force myself inside to unpack. 

21 acres, really?

Really. And you know what the odd thing is? It feels like less work. There's several reasons for this: 1) the livestock guard dogs, Levi, Dutch and Penny all stay close by the house and barn, so there's no marching all over kingdom come to try and feed them. They are right around and close by usually and I love that. And: 2) the barn does not need to be "open and shut" nor do any windows need to be open or closed. The barn has such a lengthy outreach of an awning, there's no opening or shutting of anything. I mean, right now I have it all tarped up real good for this cold freeze that's about to happen, but other than that, it'll remain open and 'as is' on a day to day basis. I actually go down and feed everyone then boom, I'm done. Easy peasy.

It's not looking it's best with all the tarps for the bad 
freezing weather to come, but ordinarily, it'll be open.
The overhangs are long and far reaching to keep out
rain and wind - for the most part.

The back side of the barn houses the horses, donkeys and goats and has the same far reaching awning over there, too. It's a great barn! Who knew!? I can't wait to get out there when the weather is a little nicer and really make it 'my own'. There's much to get done out there, and my insides tingle when I think about getting to fix it all up. Cause you know I'm gonna move a bunch of this fencing around. It's my happy place. 

The horses and donkeys are loving the back pasture
and their room in the barn

The goats have their own area, and are doing great 💟

Luckily, all the animals have the ability to take shelter in the barn, stay dry, and have fresh water available. Matter of fact, the barn did not have water access in it, and I did hire a plumber to come trench a line to place out in the barn. I was surprised when I realized the barn did not have a water spikette. But then again, they had sooooo much junk in the barn that I couldn't even tell how big it really was either. 

Best day ever when I got water access in the barn!

Odd, but true

So there's some new-to-me things going on around here.

A gas heater was in the house, even though the house
has central air and heat. And man, this baby
will put some heat out!

So apparently, in the country country, things like this
are here. I'm going to close this in and make it my garage.

I'm charging my Tesla from a regular outlet. 
Now that's odd. I'll likely have my real-deal Tesla
charger installed eventually. 

I do love having the dog beds on my front porch. 

Welcome Home

Another beautiful gift I received for my 
new home, from Allison.

To be real about it all, this has been hard no doubt. There's so many moving parts, logistics, changing of utilities, address changes, moving of physical things and animals  - and the emotional side of it all. I have felt every feeling known to mankind this past few months during this whole process. Good, bad and ugly feelings. All the feelings - and I felt them all. Sometimes I smiled and laughed and other times I cried. Therapy has taught me to feel my feelings and I'm blessed to say that doing so has changed my life.  Moving gave me a prime opportunity to practice doing just that - and I practiced maybe more than I would have wanted. Yet, I'm fortunate to be able to physically and mentally go through a move such as this. I give it all to God who placed me in this current and sent me down this river and kept me afloat the entire time. 

With the gift Allison so kindly gave me, it's a reminder that I am the author of my story, and as I write my next chapter, I'm scited (scared and excited all at the same time) and I'm loving it. It's exciting, it's fun, it's challenging, and it's the unknown of it all that lights a fire in me to keep moving forward and take it all in. The big things, the small things and all the things. This new adventure ignites a part of me that is so ready to jump in. The land and house are in need of fluffing and nurturing, and this fills my cup up like nothing else. Let'f fluff! 

Just for the record, this is me now
driving an hour to get to work.
Netflix helps.

And I'm doing new things all around. (Wait, yes, I'm still line dancing with my girlfriends.) New things include driving longer to work (I signed up for Netflix and it's changed my driving life greatly), meeting lots of new people, learning new things about the area I live in now, and also, that I'm living a life of my very own for the first time in my life. I'm free to be me. New to me is also that I've learned to embrace every version of myself from over the years that lead me to me. I'm the only one that got me this far and as selfish as that sounds, I've also had to forgive myself for accepting things I should not have in my prior experiences. I've needed to forgive myself and work on self-trust, so that I can trust myself to make different and better decisions next time, when and if needed. And this I have. It feels so special to be able to practice new skills in new relationships - and in my 'old' relationships, too. It's like I once was looking out a window that was murky and blurred, and it has now been windex'd and I'm looking out that same window and I see more clearly all the beauty around me - more than ever. And here in Wolfe City, I'm really enjoying being this version of myself that I've moved into - both physically and mentally. I'm in a new place on both fronts. And I love that I've moved physically and mentally as I can actually feel the change and I just want to sit in it and relish it. 

And with that, I'm keeping room in my heart for the unimaginable. I'm walking through the doors that are opening for me. I have a different presence about myself now that I'm truly taking care of me. Jennie Garth said it well: Choosing yourself is choosing the people that you love, too. 

Thanks for coming along this wild and crazy ride with me. Love you all,

Cyndi

New also? I've always dreamed of living in a home that's tv-free. And I currently am. Yet, when Brooks came over to see me/my new house, he couldn't comprehend how there wasn't a tv here. So I may have to get a small one for his room. Monster truck videos are important.