Happy New Year!

Much needed gifts to self

It is an amazing thing to learn about self love. Then to practice self love. This last year has taught me I was missing self love and self worth to an extent that I had lost “me” in my prior marriage. Thanks to therapy and practicing new skills, I've learned that I have days where I might not like myself or some choices I make or things I do. Yet, I will always love myself. This has taken a year of practice for me, and I still practice self love daily. Lucille Ball said it so well, "Love yourself first and everything else falls in line." Wow, yes it sure does. 

I try to practice self talk as if I were talking to someone I love. I was talking to a co-worker the other day and this flew out of my mouth, "I figured out something recently, that the greatest love of my life is (and I paused as I reflected on this) and then said, "me". It was me all along. 

And with all that said, I adore hearing people speak with self love for themselves. No apologies. Just love for who they are and how they are. The good and the bad. The silliness and the awkwardness. And when I see and hear it, it fills my soul cup up. Everytime. And people who own their self love (truly own it) typically do so unapologetically, and I'm drawn to it like a proton to an electron. For I know these people have found the secret to life. As I really believe it's self love that is truly the secret to a most beautiful life (that rides along with self respect, self worth and self exploration in life). After all, I have found there is no external remedies for internal problems. Inward is the path to freedom. 

What now you ask

I mentioned to Lauren the other day that I think about what Reese Witherspoon once said, "The only approval you need is your own". That about sums up my life. Doing me, making my own decisions and owning them. 

And once I gave myself approval to explore the idea of moving to a new home, I've not looked back. It just felt right. It felt warm. Nothing about it felt not right. It felt like God's plan for me, that's how right it felt. 

Yes, it's been hard. Things worth doing can be hard. I'm okay with that. It hones in my coping skills a bit. It has helped me practice not sacrificing my own happiness to please anyone else. I've tried hard to stay strong through some hard situations with it along the way. At last blog post, I think I was in my first contract/offer that fell through. Then enter in my 2nd contract to sell my home to a couple - whom I had actually met at the house inspection. They showed up and I'm going to sum it up by saying this: they were completely and utterly unreasonable. I tried hard to compromise, but I've learned that you can never satisfy some people and these were some of those people. I'm going to cut to the end of this particular contract situation and say this: I will not be treated inappropriately any longer in my life and these people had to go. I said NO to any and everything they wanted (because they wanted anything and everything beyond reason) and luckily they did indeed cancel their contract just before their option period ended. One day I'll might write a whole blog post on their inappropriate behavior because it was so crazy, including attacking my character when they don't even know me all because I was not doing what they wanted me to do. You must have me confused with the old me, people. The new me doesn't accept this poor behavior(s) any longer. But I finally was able to put an end to it. So I thought. 

The first 2 offers and therefore contracts were a bust. And I’m okay with that. 

Then I moved on to another awaiting offer who had actually showed up at my house unexpectedly for a showing (another long story but in fact was meant to be) and not only offered full price but added 10K to it. At the time I was still under contract (with the above couple) but this man wrote up his offer as a "back up offer" so that when and if the contract I was in cancelled, his would go into effect. And sure enough, it did. I'm now under contract with a normal person who says normal things and makes normal requests. Whew, what a journey to get there though. 3rd times the charm. 

The (his) house inspection has been completed. He requested no repairs. He even had me cancel the foundation repair I was going to do. Is this man single? I digress. We are closing on my house on Jan 30 and the house will be his. Did I mention he's paying cash? No, I don't know if he's single.

So I better find me a place to live, people! And I found 2 places. One in Trenton and one in Wolfe City. After negotiating with both, I finalized an offer for a property and home in Wolfe City and they accepted. My home inspection is tomorrow, and if all goes well, I'll move forward and we'll close on my new-to-me home in Wolfe City with a super cute rock house (built by the family's rock business of the couple that lives there) on 21 acres (think ag exemption) with a closing on Jan 31st. God is good. 

2 ponds, a barn, a run-in shed, and an awning (with rv under)
The rv is not staying, nor is all the "stuff".
They will be removing all the things scattered about.

I love a rock house!

It's just the right size for me 💗

The man who is buying my home has agreed to lease it back to me for free for 3 weeks to allow me to find a place and get moved. Who is this mystery man, you ask. I don't have a lot of details on him, but I know he has people. His contract is signed with his name AND ASSIGNS. Meaning he can assign someone to do things for him like buy my house for him. Whoever he assigns to do so. I love a man with people. 

Wait, I do know he owns land in Celina and is now going to gobble up land in Gunter. Me first, so he says. And I'm fine with that. I'll move to where land and houses are cheaper and will be making my last mortgage payment tomorrow. His purchase price he's providing allows me to cash pay on my new-to-me home and be financially free which has been my goal all along. My realtor has been there for me all along to make this magic happen. She has known what my goal is and has worked hard to see it through. We are not at the finish line yet. But soon. And did you know that almost everyday since the crazy couple from the 2nd contract (see above) cancelled, they have asked to buy the house after all, and are "ready to move forward". 

These people 😲
I said....go away please

They bother my realtor regularly even though they know I'm under contract and am out of the option period and that this current sale is really happening. They just won't go away. Hahahaha, uh no. How many times do I have to tell them no. 

What next?

I'm currently making a plan for how to move all my animals. How to move all my coops, portable fencing and mowers. How to move all my things. After all, everybody is coming with me. It's going to be something, that's what I know for sure. And as hard as it all can feel at times, I know everything is going to be okay. Even when it's not okay, it's okay. I have many friends along with my sweet sister, Sheryl and her amazing family who are going to assist me with this difficult process. Yes, I’ve decided to use movers for all my material things, but I'm utilizing "my people" for the farm animal(s) move. Moving this many chickens is going to a whole thing. Yep, it's my monkey and my circus and I'm moving it all with me. 

Did you add to the circus?

Actually, I added and subtracted from the circus.

I made the decision to relocate my sheep and pigs to a friend who lives down the way. They are now settled, and I'm left with my 2 little goats to take with me, along with my 2 mini horses, Dora and Hope and my 3 mini donkeys, Poppy, Pippa and Baby Emerald. Plus a million chickens.

And my dogs and cats, too!

And then I received this text from my sister, Sheryl on Friday:

Turns out, while they were looking for a new pup - I ended up getting a new pup, too! A registered, 6 month old, boy yorkie. He's very light colored, which I love love.

Theo 💙

He was in the mix of all the dogs
on the car ride home

Sometimes here, too.
Unsure, but not unsure - all at the same time.

And now, Theo has joined the pack here on the farm. He's 4 lbs of pure boss power. He knows no rules.

I had stopped at Tractor Supply on my way home after getting him from Sheryl and Kristen (thanks for picking him up for me!!! 💛) as he needed a collar and lease. Neither of which has been in his life prior. 

I don't think he's been handled much. His 6 months of life has not been filled with any guidelines or assistance in socializing but instead in a crate or in a run. Yet, he does love all dogs and fits in well with my pack. So that's a win. Other than that, he's a wild card. A wild thing. And is convinced he's the pack leader of us all. We have some work to do.

A side note about how I choose this little pups name. It all started with thinking about one of my favorite quotes in Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly which is based around the quote (it was actually a speech he gave in 1910) by Theodore Roosevelt:

Dang, Theodore R, thank you, as it’s the man IN the arena who in the end, may know the high achievement, not the nay-sayers. Love this, as even after years and years it rings true in life and is a great reminder. If your going to be brave, your going to fall. 'Be brave when you’re afraid' is something I think about often. Daring Greatly remains one of my favorite books of all time. 

And therefore, Theo it is, for this most boss pup I now have. 

So add 4 lbs of doggo to the upcoming move, and little Theo is going to be here for it. It's only Day 1 and he's still figuring it all out, that's for sure. He'll get there, they all do.

Char has become an amazing girl, who once was on the euthanasia list at a shelter, and my stray (now home!) Mia fits like a glove around here and loves everyone, and Sugar is....well she's forever my Sugar Bear and I love her just as she is. She, too came from rough beginnings. Lauren mentioned that I love a needy dog, and that's basically what my indoor pack is. High need doggos. And I'm all about it.  

Christmas Love 

I saved the best for last! This was, without a doubt, the best Christmas that I can ever remember having. I loved every minute of each and every celebration I had during this Christmas season. Best. Christmas. Ever.

Olive - and her baby

Monster Truck everything, please.
Love this sweet thing!

I know more about monster trucks than one could ever know about monster trucks. And Brooks is the one that makes all the monster truck magic happen. "It's Monster Mutt, Nana, not Monster Muck." Got it, not to self has been made. Mutt.

Loves her little tea pot 💟

I am beyond blessed with these 2 amazing sweetie pies. And my family. And my friends. Thanks to all who blessed me their time and presence during this 2024 holiday season. It's one for the books and my favorite-est one ever! These two were and are a big part of the reason for the season.  

Their love for one another is fire

I do love buying girlie girl things now.....

2024 has been a year of healing, growing and learning to love me. Which in turns allows me to love more deeply to those I love. 2025 is going to be a year of more love, surprises, new beginnings and leaving the year before better than I found it. 

Happy New Year!

Here's to all the things God has in store for us in this coming year. I can't wait to see what happens! 

Next up though? Another visit to my mom and dad - hopefully in January. It's mom's birthday and I'll need to hug her neck for that. 

Hugs to you ALL,

Cyndi

Calling the universe

How's the selling of the house going?

How about we start with that, right? Let me sum up what it's been like having my house on the market:

House cleaned up, many things tossed out. Lots of death cleaning going on. Getting rid of things that no longer need to be in my particular universe. Made the house "show ready" per my realtor. That means minimal things in and around my house, and a clean house please. Then, showings happened and animal corralling ensued during those said showing times, esp with Crazy Charlotte and Marvelous Mia who together create a stick of dynamite. 

I digress. And then, offers came. An offer was picked and negotiated. That offer went bad and things did not go well during the option period as they were folks that were not best to do business with. Bright side? The general inspection went well, and no big things to fix from it as far as general house things go. Just mostly small things. More showings, another offer. Negotiations still ongoing, but at a halt while I (me, personally) had a foundation inspection done because I've had foundation work done previously on this house and it's ALWAYS a question I get - and is not extensively looked at in a general inspection. Soooo my foundation company came out and sure enough, I need more foundation work. Offer on hold. I'll need to get the foundation repaired before proceeding. Awaiting the estimate for this dog and pony show that's about to drop not only into my pocketbook, but into the dirt around the parameter of my house on 3 sides, which from my experience, makes a biggo mess of the place and requires cleanup expense as well. I can do hard things. Hold, please.

There's no getting around the putting off of the foundation work. It needs to be done no doubt. And I'm okay with that. But it's about this time that I made a call to the universe making sure I'm signed up for the health and wealth package for 2025. I would not like to pursue the life lessons package again this year please.

Rule your kingdom well

This experience of placing my home on the market has enabled me to utilize many of my newfangled skills I've nurtured this past year. Afraid? Do it anyway. Reminder: do not abandon ones self. And don't quit before even beginning, esp when the house selling things get hard. Move outta da way, beep. Move outta da way. Sometimes you gotta get outta your OWN way. I've made a note to self when my frustrations are actually doorways, whereby I need to step next. Oh yeah, and Cyndi, don't forget to step aside from misaligned folks. This has been a key piece of the puzzle for me. Stay true to ones self. 

It's in this season (esp with this home selling situation) of my life that I've really begun to understand what it means to look deep inside myself for the answers of my own life. I've caught myself listening to my knowing - and acting on my own knowing. Go me! I had lost my ability to recognize my own intuition or if I did happen to feel it, I was not likely to act on it, in my past life. To now recognize AND feel my own intuition again has been life-changing. Decisions look very different now. I had been conditioned to ignore my own knowing for far too long and to be able to actually feel it again is something I can hardly put into words - and the self awareness of it shakes me to the core. To think I ignored myself for so long is heartbreaking for me. It’s been something I’ve been working on - listening to my own knowing. And then acting on it. Sounds simple, right? It is truly an amazing gift we as humans have, and something I won’t ever take for granted. It’s helped me to understand my own self, my needs and desires, and tune out what others desire for me or try to steer me to. It's me for me and I can't remember a time where I've felt this to be so true. I'm fortunate that I've given myself this time and opportunity to grow and heal, and move forward in a new way in life. I feel it - and it feels absolutely freeing and wonderful. So as I pivot, move forward, then pivot again in this house selling adventure, I keep my eye on the prize. Stay tuned, folks. This ain't over til it's over. 

Dutch Boy

I'm so very happy to report that Dutch's leg is healing.

It's trying so hard to get better.
Trying to try.

It's been a slow, very slow process but he's getting there. It was an odd scenerio playing out around here as Levi was on antibiotics, too, for a wound at the tip of his tail. I'll never know how these doggos have these things happen, but Levi came home with the tip of his tail missing. This was after Penny had just recovered from her abdominal mass and antibiotics were finished for her. That's about the time Dutch had his leg wound and medications given, of which included antibiotics. It was like an infirmary around here. Then, at Sugar's recent teeth cleaning, they extracted 17 more teeth and she was put on antibiotics. I know that sounds unreal and I did not even believe it myself. Sugar looked like she had been hit by a train when I picked her up. Poor thing.

Turns out dogs have about 42 teeth in their mouth. Who knew. From the very moment I took in Sugar (she was about 1 1/2 year old) she could not eat hard food/hard kibble. She's been on a soft diet her whole life with me, and has slowly been losing all her teeth with each dental cleaning she has. The vet reassures me it's nothing I'm doing, but that her teeth are not able to thrive in her mouth for whatever reason. Her whole upper right side of teeth had to be removed this time. The vet warned me......sometimes a dog's tongue will stick out and hang out of their mouths when that many teeth are missing. Great. Just great. 

Sugar has recovered and is off antibiotics now, too. Her tongue is not hanging out of her mouth. But I think the vet is preparing me for the inevitable of the day that it will come to that. And dare I say that all dogs have finished their medications and antibiotics. I'm pretty sure I paid the vet's mortgage payment for a couple of months while all this was going on. But everyone is fine now. For now. 

Marvelous Mia

Mia has settled in nicely here at the farm. 

Silly girl stole my spoon I was stirring dinner with 
when I wasn't looking.

She's gained weight, grown her hair out and has made a best friend in Char. With her second bestie being Penny. All is well in the world of dogs. 

It's like they were meant to be together
right here 

All the farm animals are doing wonderful! The fur-sweeties like my horses, donkeys and goats have grown out their winter coat and are furry-furry so to keep warm for the winter. I've placed straw in all their shelters and sleeping quarters, and I'm happy to report the ease of which we have transitioned to winter time. Even Lil Emerald is super furry - and happy! She's eating feed now, along with hay, and no longer just nursing. She'll wean from her mama at around 6 months, if not sooner. She's the best little donkey girl you could ask for. 

Sweet Emmie eating her hay like a big girl

Eating beside her mama 🤗
All with Sugar, Char and Mia 
cruising the barn

As I went to the barn tonight to wish everyone a good sleep tonight, I’ll share with you what it looks like in the barn at bedtime. 

Suzie Q claims this window spot
early on each evening 

The ducks now sleep in the barn 
and spend much of their time with the chickens

Full house every night

Paul loves sleeping right beside 
his best friend in the mirror 

Nite nite. Love you all to the barn and back,

Cyndi

I mean, why not

Life is tricky

What to do. What not to do. So many choices in this big beautiful life. And one of my favorite parts of this amazing thing we call life is making decisions for myself because girl, you know I'm gonna be myself. After all, everyone else is already taken. 

drive.google.com

You have questions....Yes, Lauren is building her house. And yes, we are okay. If I may, I want to say that this process is an exploration expedition. It's a financial possibility for a number of reasons. I may move. I may not move. I may sell. I may not sell. I won't sell unless it's for the right amount of $. There is no certainty in any of this. Just a lot of work to get to this point. Work that's needed (and that I've wanted) to be done around the house and the property and I can tell you first hand that putting your home on the market will light a fire under you. In my case, it was a 5 alarm fire and I've got it all under control now and the flames are all out and no one got hurt. Things are painted, picked up, tossed out, and I'm so happy about it all that it makes me not want to sell. But I've committed to it and signed on the dotted line, so here I am. Who knows WHAT is going to happen, but I can tell you that the showings are happening and this on-the-market thing just started last Thursday. I'll have to wait to see if anything comes of this. Only God knows my destiny, so I'll sit tight while it all shakes out. Oh, and allow random people to walk through my house. And surprisingly, no one seemed interested in my egg business 😉 Let’s pretend someone does want to buy my place, I have my eye on a 20 acre farm in Wolfe City and yes, everybody would move with me and I’ll take Brooks too if Lauren would let me. Not sure if it’s meant for me yet but I’ll find out eventually.

Mama Mia

My new stray, Mia (whose not actually a mama) is doing amazing. Simply amazing. She's become an intrical part of the pack around here. I think she's half livestock guard dog as she enjoys the 4 big dogs outside (mostly Penny) as I readily see her out there hanging out when I'm home - and at work.

I watch her (on the Ring, while I'm at work) with Penny.
So sweet 💜

I also watch her on the Ring out there with Char, too 💛

Mia really enjoys her relationship with Crazy Charlotte

Yet, she's half indoor dog who loves a couch. 

These two

I've learned she's about 2 1/2 years old, which is so very close in age to both Penny and Charlotte who happen to be her 2 best friends. 

She's been such a blessing and it's hard to believe how fast she's adjusted to life out here. It's like she's been here all along. And I know it sounds crazy when I say this, but I always knew she would come back. I felt it in my heart ever since July, that I would see her again. And she's finally home. For good this time.

I’m not sure what Char would do without you, Mia.

I love the love between both Penny and Mia - and Char and Mia. Funny how all of the dog pack loves her. Even Maybe is okay with her. Mia has a sweet, kind and playful spirit about her. She's such a goofball and I mean that with fondness. Who doesn't love the goofball in a group of friends?! 

And this girl can eat. It's going to take some
time to get her weight back up, but she's 
getting there.

Brother Dutch

Not that long ago, my sweet girl Penny had a abdominal mass that I had the Vet check out and after surgery (actually a FNA) and medications, I finally got that situation ironed out and Penny healed up and is doing great. Then recently Levi showed up with a missing piece of the end of his tail. A farm visit was necessary from the Vet because Levi does not do car rides. Insert cha-ching noise. And he's still on antibiotics and is being watched for a possible partial tail amputation depending on the outcome of his healing.

Now Dutch (Penny’s brother). He went missing for 2 days and came back with this nonsense on his back right leg.

Ouch

Granted, I came home from work last Friday evening and found him in this situation. I was SO glad to see him but was shocked at what I was seeing on his leg. What to do? Take him to a emergency vet clinic? Call my Vet? I decided to wait until Saturday morning and give my own Vet a call. Luckily, Dr Shelton was able to see Dutch on Saturday morning and then Dutch had surgery Saturday afternoon to clean up his wound and see if it was a bullet or what the nature of this injury was. The Vet said it was a fresh wound, and must have happened while Dutch was out-and-about Thursday and/or Friday. It's all very ominous and although the Vet said he was unable to find a bullet in him, he did say that this wound traveled 5 inches up his leg and was not sure exactly what had happened. Dutch is not talking either, so I doubt I'll ever know the true story. 

It's all fun and games until someone ends up
with a cone

Dutch is happy but not happy about being confined in the Cat House area, and seems somewhat content on the soft dog bed to relax (and heal) on in the meantime. How about we just call it a staycation. There will be no guarding farm animals and instead, room service. 

This will hopefully only be a few days (maybe a week?) while his owie heals up enough for him to get back out in the pasture. What that really means is that he's on leave until he heals up enough to not lick and make it worse. He's on light duty watching the cats move around him in the shed and is taking antibiotics, pain meds and an anti-inflammatory until further notice. I must say he's doing well over all and I'm so very grateful that my amazing Vet was able to get him all fixed up over the weekend. Dutch ended up staying Saturday overnight at the vet clinic and I was able to pick him up Sunday. I'm so happy he's home and doing well. Sometimes I feel like I've gone for years with no livestock guard dog issues - then BAM - let's all get hurt and need surgery. That sounds like fun. Turns out this is my circus and those are my monkeys. 

 

Finding comfort

There's always one place I go to for comfort in my life....my family. In particular, my sis.

On this special day, we flew to go visit 
mom and dad

Sheryl and I took a day trip to San Benito to go visit these two cuties:

I know every day how fortunate that
my parents are still with us

This day was one for the books. Sheryl and I adventured out in the world together and had the best time. She even wore a chicken-themed t-shirt and brought one for me to have and wear, too! After all, we both are in our Chicken Lady Era. 

I digress. We enjoyed every minute with mom and dad and talked and talked and talked. It was truly a visit that tattooed upon my heart just how much my family means to me. I marvel at this life we've lived together. We all know the struggles we've had that has strengthened us. We know very well our pain that has wisened us. We all spoke our truth, and received it from one another. Well, maybe dad didn't get as many words in as the rest of us. Yet, the four of us listened, loved and made repairs where we felt they were indicated. We made requests to one another. We gave support and hope in regards to what life may bring us, and had a silent and verbal understanding that we are here for one another no matter what the circumstances that fall upon us. Family is a blessing and not all blessings are comfortable all the time. And for us to sit in comfort - and discomfort - with one another is something we have come to realize is a gift for our family unit. To be able to see one another for who we each are, and love one another deeply despite each of our individual flaws, is the destination for which we all desire to reach. I'm grateful for each day I'm given - and for each day that I'm able to know and see and talk and email my mom and dad. We are imperfectly perfect. We are puzzle pieces that fit together to reflect a pink elephant in the middle of all the grey ones. We are uniquely us. Love you guys so much and the chicken ladies will be back for another visit soon, t-shirts and all.

 

These two

The best part of my weekends? You probably already know:

Y'all, just when I think I can't love these two more, I do. What is happening?! These two never care what I look like, how I'm dressed, if I'm wearing makeup, and what I have coming up in life. They care about spending time together. Being in that moment - not another moment. They love me for me and I love them for them, exactly as they are. They are safe to be authentically themselves without even knowing the world will tell them to be otherwise one day. That's why a grandma's house is always a safe and loving place. Just be you (because we reviewed it already 😊) everyone else is already taken. And these two show me how to live freely on the regular. 

Where is the Pause Time button?

Good night, Folks. Good night, Chickens ❤️

Why did it take me so long to realize the only approval I needed was my own. I can have as many chickens as I want. 

Love everything about that,

Cyndi

How many days in this day

Have you ever had one of those days where one day has felt like 2 days, or maybe even 3 days worth of life in one single day? Yeah, me too.

It all started with the day dawning on Oct 29, a Tuesday that I would be taking Brooks to the Dallas Zoo with my friend, Gina and her granddaughter, Lana (whose similar in age to Brooks). We have done this before and it's a blast every time. You see, Gina is a member of the Dallas Zoo and there's many perks that come with that, so our experience each time we go is like VIP palooza.  

Looking back on this day, I can remember that Lauren and I had spoke about me taking Olive to the zoo as well that day. Olive is 1 year and 3 months now, and we were discussing the pros and cons of a long drive and long day with a likely interruption in her nap time. We mulled it over and on that morning of the zoo day, Lauren and I decided that we should do it - and I'd take Olive along (with Brooks) for this fun day. It was a last minute choice and a good one it would be.

So here I am with a wagon in the back of my truck, a loaded up ice chest with drinks and snacks, and more snacks, and lots of snacks, along with lunches made and 2 kiddos. Brooks is super excited about seeing the zebra and tigers. He's full of energy and will have ample opportunity to release all that energy walking and running at the zoo. Olive on the other hand, was along for the ride and the snacks. 

As I'm driving to the Dallas Zoo, I get a call from Gina. She says she's had a change in plans and that she'd like to bring her 1 year and 8 month old granddaughter along with Lana, and that her daughter (parent of both girls) might come as well. Perfect. We'll have 4 kiddos instead of 2 and more hands on deck. I find this all so amazing that both Gina and I had a change of plans at the last minute of bringing another tiny human along with us both to the zoo. And what a joyous experience it would be.

She's here for the drinks.....

.....and snacks
And is terribly insure of what is
happening around her. 

So with wagon loaded with food, drinks, snacks, diapers and Olive, we make our way into the zoo with Brooks running circles around me. He is so excited that I realize I don't think I’ve see him this excited very often. It makes my heart happy.

We did just about everything at the Dallas Zoo that day. A big thanks to Gina for getting us the hookup, because each thing we encountered was free.99 and who doesn't love a VIP experience like that.

Brooks always love a train ride (Hi Gina!)

Nevermind the huge gorilla in the background

We all fed the birds

Olive was smitten with watching 
the animals

The giraffe feeding was incredible 

The babies had a blast!!

Olive's fav part was the water play area.
She got to strip down and play in this 
most awesome waterway kids area.

This sweet boy

We saw the lions, monkeys, birds, gorillas, elephants - and and and all the amazing animals! We ate, we drank, we ran around and we enjoyed the beauty of our friendships on a most gorgeous day. 

🦍We always save the carousel ride for last. It was Olive’s first time and her tiredness made her extra

 leary - as did the animal Brooks was on. 

5 hours later......it was time to head back home with 2 very tired kiddos. And you know what happens next. They were asleep on the car ride home, almost before I was out of the parking lot. 

I've got a zillion pictures from that day, yet the core memories in my mind are what I see the clearest. What a great day! 

Just then I thought the day was winding down

One would think this would be a time to settle down, get home and unwind, and reminisce on the days events. We had arrived home safely and even though Brooks and Olive would be heading back home after a bit, we settled back in at my house and enjoyed a little more time together there. It was delightful. 

Odd though. The water is off. Hum, I thought, I bet the water dept is working on a water issue and it'll be back on soon. I keep moving though the day not giving it another thought. Brooks only potty’s outside at the farm anyways. 😉 And, after all, this water outage thing happens now and again out here, no big deal. The kids and I are enjoying some time playing at the house and decompressing from our busy day.

Then, a call comes across my watch (not sure where my phone was in that moment) and it shows from "Mia's Mom". I miss answering it. Odd, did I accidentally call her? 

So I go find my phone all while Brooks and Olive are bouncing around the farm playing after our big day at the zoo. Ryan would be coming to pick them up in a bit. I hit the button to call Skylar back (Mai's Mom) and sure enough, she did call me.

Just to give a little back story and context to this, Mia was the stray dog I found on the side of the road back in July of this year. 

I had taken her into the vet a week later, where I found out she was chipped and her owners were called. I was sitting in the vet's office and the owners came and took her back. It was a odd exchange at the time, and something did not feel quite right about it all. The husband was cursing and unkind, the wife unsure and quiet. Both young folk. They left without hardly one word to me. They just walked out of the Vet Office with Mia - and never looked back. 

Later, I would call the vet office and ask for the owner's (Skylar) phone number. I would text her here and there to check on Mia. I know Skylar did not like me checking on her dog, but I felt a need to. Always telling her I'm here for her if she needs me.

Now, Skylar (Mia's Mom) is calling me crying. "I need to bring you Mia, will you take her?", she asks. Of course, yes, I tell her. Bring her now please. She says she'll be over soon, mumbling something about she had to move and she can't have dogs, and someone else has had Mia for a bit because of that, and Mia is not doing well, and lots of words are pouring out of her mouth like a rushing river. 

In the interim, Ryan picks up the kiddos and my next day in this same day starts. I am standing there wondering what is now happening. All while Skylar is heading over with Mia. What has really happened to Mia? I texted Skylar to see if an emergency vet visit is needed, as her phone call had seemed frantic and she was "warning" me that Mia was not in good shape at all. And she responds Yes, Mia needs medical help - and a bath. 

I immediately call my Vet. They are about to close the office for the day but will wait for Mia and I to arrive. Wow. 

Skylar arrives. I have leash ready for Mia who is covered in bloody feces, fleas and is skinnier than when I last had her/saw her in July. While I had been waiting for her to arrive, I had written out a rough adoption agreement of which Skylar had agreed to sign and officially turn Mia over to me. She signed it and I thanked her for reaching out to me. She immediately jumped back in her car and drove away. I, in turn, put Mia in my truck and got her up to the awaiting vet office.

She was now officially skin and bones.

Love this gals will to live

The kind and caring vet and office staff treated Mia like a queen, and told me all the next steps for her. They told me Mia would be okay with some time, food, water, medications and nurturing - and a much needed bath.

Then back home jiggity jig. This newfound journey of having Mia has now started. Mia's own healing journey can now begin. I decided to keep her given name, Mia, as she knows her name and responds well to it. So let's see, what first. Food ✔ Water ✔ Medications given ✔ But the bath......wait, I have no water as my water is still out. 

Frick. No water and a dog who desperately needs a bath. So I go to every facet I have and drain the water from each facet. I have a big bucket I'm accumulating water in, and I'm trying hard to get enough water to try and rinse her off with some Dawn (yes, it's that bad) and flea soap, too. This takes time. Lots of time, and I finally am able to get Mia to a point where she can find some relief. Many fleas killed on her skin, her feces and bloody mess is somewhat rinsed and I've done all I can as it's now approaching 11 pm. Still no running water. 

I settle Mia into a safe and sheltered area with a dog bed and she lays down after her most busy day. She's eaten, drank lots of water and is mostly clean. She's ready to rest.

Then I turn the attention on myself. I've been sweating at the zoo, bathing a smelly doggo and I need a shower. But I have still no water at the farm, so I decide I'll head up to the gym and use their shower. 

It feels like day 3 in this same day, as I make my way out in the world, late at night, to clean my own self up and have a much-needed shower. And Anytime Fitness is there for me. I love that place for many reasons, but on this night, they were my saving grace from a most busy day.

Everyone slept well that night. Brooks, Olive, Mia and myself all probably had a magical nights sleep. I know I did.

I went to work the next day to rest. It was work as usual, but yet, oddly, it was rest. 

And while the world keeps spinning, I am blessed to keep living this most amazing life of love and joy. Now, I have Mia back and I can officially stop looking for her on the side of the road. I've looked for her every day in that same spot on the side of the road as I drive back and forth from work since July. Every day I would look and search the side of the road, hoping and praying to see her there again. But never would I see Mia there on the side of the road. Instead, she would come find me. 

Now, since having Mia back in my life, I feel a freedom from the looking for her. I didn't realize how much I was searching the side of the road day in and day out - until I had her with me again - and then I realized I could stop looking for her. It was a relief and she is now home. I am most grateful and my intuition kept telling me that she would be back. I had to trust in that, and wait for her. It took great courage for Skylar to call and say what she said. Desperation does that to us and thank goodness for that. None of us can save everyone or every dog, but God has trusted me with Mia. 

Fun facts….

She’s 2 1/2 years old

Boxer mix

Sheds like crazy

Loves bones and 3 square meals a day please  

Fav new friends are Crazy Charlotte and Penny

Has a big bark and secretly wants to be a livestock guard dog too

Two weeks now, and her smile is everything.
In many ways, we've saved each other.

She has such a sweet and kind soul 💜
She's absolutely resilient after who-knows-what has
happened to her in her short 2 1/2 years of life.

Hard to believe the zoo fun was in this same day. And the getting (and care received and given) of Mia was in this same day. Then the getting of a shower for me was in this same day, despite no water at the farm. It all seemed like more than one day could hold. 

Yet, I love a 'Go, Man, Go' kind of day. 

Side note: And the water did come back on the next day in the afternoon…… seems a break in the main water line nearby took awhile to fix. 

All is well with my soul,

Cyndi

How’s Emerald, you ask? 

My Heart

 

WARNING: This part contains lots of grandchildren lore, and through it all I've learned that the loudest person wins and logic doesn't matter.

Most people would say children are a gift. I know I do. We watch and participate in their growth and development - mentally, physically and emotionally. The ups and downs are many, yet ultimately there seems to be no greater gift we receive in our lives. Nor any greater challenge by which we all do our best to raise our kiddos with the most capacity we have to offer. There's no perfect upbringing even though we think we desire that for our children. We try, and sometimes all we got left in a day is trying to try. Yet, our desire for goodness for our children is universal and never-ending. 

Then sometimes, we are gifted grandchildren. This is taking it up a notch. It's a kind of love that words cannot describe. I can try though. It's an unconditional, undying, serendipitous, wholehearted-kind-of-love. Truly a love like no other. Almost like an ache in your heart that tells you that you could not possibly love anyone else more. You're at maximum love capability. That's what my grandchildren are to me. Pure joy and unabated love. 

And with that said, Brooks turned 4 recently. And it was wonderful celebrating him and watching him put every candle possible on his piece of cake. 

Happy 4th Birthday, Brooks! 🎂
You can have all the candles.

And for his birthday, he got a new tractor.....

He loves putting all kinds of things in the 
trailer like acorns, rocks, dirt and well,
anything.

When Brooks isn't looking, lil sis gets on.

Ahhh life is fun with these two sweet peas. Never a dull moment. 

Esp when a trampoline is involved. 

Besides riding his tractor, his next newest fav thing is jumping on this newly-gifted-to-me trampoline which made another wonderful birthday gift for Brooks. (Thank you, Dr Booth!) When Brooks and I have been to Dr Booth's house, his favorite thing to do was jump on this in their playroom (yes inside their house). And when the time came for her to get rid of it, it landed with us and I appreciate her thinking of us for it - and for her husband coming over to put it together. I picked the location of the garage so that it never flies away in the wind. I hate creating extra work for myself and keeping it outside just seemed like a bad idea. So here we are - in the garage with it. Brooks loves it. Olive does not. I will say it has the potential to expend a large amount of energy and ensure a good night's sleep. 

The joy of having them over these days looks very different than before. When they come over, time flies and I can't figure out where it goes. Brooks tries to fit in all the things he wants to do and lately his number 1 thing is actually feeding the animals in the barn, which has always been his first love. Sometimes I think he misses that as it was a big part of what he and I did together most days. If ever something happens to me, I always say, just ask Brooks what to do. He'll know which animals need what and when. 

He knows to spread the chicken scratch out so that all the chickens have an opportunity to get some. And he knows they love it. 💟

He knows just how much to give Dora and Hope

And he knows which water buckets need filling. Sadly, there seems very little time left I get to say to him (as he holds the water hose ready) and waits for me to say, "Fireman, Water On?" and he hollers an astounding "Yes!" And then and only then do I turn the water on. We do that same thing to turn the water off. I ask the Fireman if the water buckets are full and if it's time to turn the water to turn off. He hollers loudly above all the chicken cackling and sternly says, "Yes, water off!". And just for the record, he's the fireman and I'm the helper. 

Ugh. My heart. Why can't that be forever we do that. My hope is that one day, many moons and sleeps from now, that he can look back at this and see himself in these photos and videos and know how much he means to us all and how much he is loved. He's going to make a great Fireman someday though. 

And Lil Olive, well she's certainly a delight and a tiny human who knows what she wants. And I love that for her. She'll be giving her parents a run for their money around age 14 is what I'm guessing, if not sooner. She's my favorite tiny human whose 1 year old self is full of zest, personality and love. I'm lucky to be counted as one of her favorite peeps. ** Also as a side note if anyones interested, she's a chicken lady in the making. Just saying. 

And who doesn't love a clown tattoo, amiright? 

Let's get to it

Yesterday, my oncologist from MD Anderson and I had a phone visit as a follow up for my bone marrow biopsy results. This guy. Dr Pemmaraju. He's fun, knowledgable, and shoots straight about cancer. He let me know the good news first, that the rule-outs for leukemia and multiple myeloma are negative at this time. That's wonderful because I am not interested in more cancer treatments, thank you. He did let me know at my last visit that these two cancers can be commonplace to a patient with PV, over time. Okay, got it. Check. I know this is good news that I do not have these and most grateful for this news. 

Dr Pemmaraju was also checking the bone marrow biopsy for my own blood cancer's (PV) progression - and reported to me that my cancer has progressed according to the bone marrow biopsy results. Instead of just being PV (polycythemia vera) it's now categorized as PVMF1. Polycythemia Vera with Myelofibrosis 1. Myelofibrosis is known in the cancer industry as MF. I now have a new label: MF1 added to my PV. PVMF1. That's their terminology anyway. I'm then told there's 5 levels of MF and I'm in stage 1. At stage 2, I could qualify for a stem cell transplant, so he tells me. The progression of PV and MF is different for everyone so he has no set timeline for me, but that with time, it's likely to move forward to PVMF2. We just don't know when or how long. So I am now to come see him every 6 months (instead of once a year). And just for the record, I'm supposed to call my big sis when it's stem cell transplant time. She raised her hand immediately and I am most grateful for the possible contribution she's willing to make for me. 

I have to giggle because when I said to my oncologist, something to the effect of 'since I have PV....' he stopped me immediately and said, "You don't have PV, you now have PVMF1". YET, when he was in the middle of this sentence, I thought he was telling me I didn't have PV! Yeah, my brain went there.....until he finished his sentence and I realized what he was really telling me. You now have more than just PV. Your cancer is indeed progressing. Me secretly thinking.....I've known it would. It's all a matter of time. That's my life. A matter of time. And for me to think for that split second when he interrupted me and said 'you don't have PV' was a split second I thought it had all vanished. Then he finished his sentence. It's more than that now. Wishful thoughts, that silly brain of mine. Some things you can't wish away.

I'm not alone in this

Having a progressive disease is not on the wheel of fortune that people would pick when the wheel is spun. Yet, my dad has also been gifted with a progressive disease: dementia. And I love his transparency with it. He's open and upfront about it and that in itself teaches me to also be upfront and open about my own progressive disease. Parents show us the way. How to be. And when it comes to this, Dad, you are showing me with your candor about dementia that it's okay to speak our truth about what is happening with our bodies and minds. 

And to bring light and love to the topic of Dementia and Alzheimer's, I recently participated in an Alzheimer's Walk at Pecan Grove Park in Sherman. It was sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association. My line-dancing girlfriend, Carla (and her boo, Jud) had organized a team and together with myself, Anne, and Jolene (and a few other folks) - we walked. I held a yellow flower along the walk in honor of my dad's dementia journey. 

A yellow flower for Dad

This event was touching, and they did such a wonderful job there with it all. It was a beautiful day with a beautiful ceremony prior to the start of the walk and it brings about awareness of such an important topic. And there's no one I'd rather walk this walk with besides these girlfriends of mine.

My girls, Anne, Carla and Jolene 😍

I know this journey of dementia and alzheimers is not easy for anyone involved in it, nor is it easy for my dad and mom. Yet, dad is showing how it's done with grace and dignity.  

It's times like these on days like this that I see how God has been busy leading me to this new path in life. I'm here for it. Friends have been a big part of it all. We lift each other up and also hug long when any of us needs it. When my white blood cell count got down to 3.2 recently, and I become highly vulnerable to bad things happening/infection (and when I think about it, a farm may not actually be the best place for an immunocompromised person, silly me) I did end up in the ER with colitis again this past week. It's part of the package with a blood cancer, this dance I do with being immunocompromised and intermittently having a low WBC and unable to fight infection. When I was back at work after that, a fellow nurse/friend was checking in on me and the way she stared into my eyes with her caring soul actually had me tear up. A happy cry I told her. She cares so much and was so concerned that I could feel it viscerally. Talking to you, Amber. I'm so fortunate to have such wonderful friends with whom we all would do anything for one another. You too, Sara. And you, Sweet Morghan. And Becky. And Cindy. And Pam. And Kenya. And. And. And. Love you all. Esp my C3-ers who have been with me from Day 1. Brooke and Kim. You guys know me better than I know myself and are my North Stars and my fellow farm fans from afar. Love and appreciate you guys more than you know as I know you are always there. 

Farm Life Barn Life

My heart is full. My barn is full. My ~135 chickens are also a huge part of my heart. I remember a day when I thought 30 chickens were the most anybody would or should ever have. That was where the line of crazy started, 30 chickens. I think they meant 130 chickens. Now this is a lot of chickens and I absolutely would have it no other way.

Can you ever have too many chickens? No. Duh.
Just FYI, there's no person detected, just chickens.

And Little Emerald is as cute as can be. She's doing wonderful! Her love for love, day in and day out reminds me to stay open to love. Never too much love, right Emmie.

As adorable as she is on the outside,
her soul is so very special.
She's the sweetest thing ever 💘

And then there's Penny and Dutch who turned 3 years old. They are truly the best livestock guard dogs and are really just great dogs overall. Penny's abdominal cyst has settled down with 2 rounds of antibiotics and I'm most grateful that a big surgery is off the table for her, for now. She's feeling soooo much better.

I love that they get to relax and sun a bit during the day,
because at night, they are bada$$ doggos that keep the 
farm animals alive. Every night 💪 Thank you both

 

There were well trained by Levi and Whisper who are still kicking it too, every night. These 2 sets of brother/sister duos are great teams who work together and continue to keep predators at bay. Simply amazing, they all are.

Paul The Turkey is doing well, even though he is in full molt right now and not able to shake his tail feathers because they are g.o.n.e gone. We both know they'll be back even more beautiful than before, Paul. Love you. You live inside a piece of my heart where I never knew a turkey could live. But you, my friend do. Please never leave me.

Dora is graying above her eyes. So is Maybe and has been for some time. Poppy The Donkey (Pippa is Emerald's mama) is over the hill and on the other side. Frankie, one of my original satin silkies is now living a lifestyle all her own (due to her age) as she's in her own assisted living arrangement which now exist on the back porch and small yard readily available. She deserves that. I don't want any big girl chickens bothering my aging little bantum girl. And it wasn't all that long ago that Lauren said something very profound about all my aging farm animals. She said, "Mom, everyone gets old around here but no one dies". That's right, my little LoLo. No one is allowed to die around here. We all stay here forever. This is my heaven.

Age comes for us all,

Cyndi