I would have never seen this coming. After all, life isn't exactly neat and tidy. This past year has genuinely shown me the importance of taking as much care of my mental health as I (try to) do for my physical health. This, in turn, has truly enabled me to write my own story, straight from my heart and soul. For me, it all begins and ends with personal work within myself, and I've taken that very seriously. The changes I've made within myself this last year have been profound, esp when it comes to the decisions I make regarding my life and the connections that I nurture with those I love and those who love me. I certainly don't know how much time I have left to continue my particular journey in this world, but this life long work of attempting to grow will include turning many corners, all while gathering nuggets of wisdom to use along the way. One of my primary catalyst for learning and growth has been the pain I carry within. Pain wants to teach us. It's taught me there's often times a need to adapt and change even when I resist it. It's taught me resilience. And most importantly, pain has taught me to take action and to protect myself, and grow from challenging situations. I have spent so much time feeling my feelings. Acknowledging and validating that my own feelings are real and important. This has been imperative to a path forward. And boy howdy have I ever honed this skill. I'm a girl who can feel a feeling.
First up
As I move forward in my life (figuratively and literally) I am proud of me. I'm thinking about what I am going to do (and want to do) based on my own needs and desires, which sounds logical, but I've not really done that in my life as I should have (because of, well you know those silly things like codependency and other unhealthy traits always seemed to have stepped in my own way of myself). And taking responsibility for this has been life changing for me. Luckily, as I learn to get out of my own way, I now know what feels warm to me. What feels right to me. Sometimes I feel guilty about thinking about what is best for me, but that comes with the territory of learning that it's okay to look after myself. Self love, baby. And self love for me comes in many shapes and forms.....one of which is making sound financial decisions to protect what my future with cancer looks like. I feel a great need to set myself up properly, so when the time comes to be away from work for awhile, I can take care of myself financially - on my own. MD Anderson really opened my eyes up a little more on my last visit to what my future might hold. A stem cell transplant could possibly be in my future (they will offer it to me when my progression to PV/MF 2 happens, as I am currently at PV/MF 1) and I appreciate MDA for helping me understand what today looks like - and what the future will likely bring. MDA is awesome at this whereby they kindly and gently tell you what's next up. and while they can't necessarily predict future time lines for it all, they can tell me what's on the horizon with a blood cancer that is progressive. This they know for sure. And they steer folks like me in a direction of understanding. Love them.
So I'm making changes for me, myself and I that feels warm and right.
And with that said, it's official, I'm moving! I've mentioned before about all the steps and actions and things that have been swirling about the selling of my farm and the idea of buying a new farm. I've prayed about it so very much, and asked God to show me the way. Apparently, the way is to Wolfe City to my rock house on 21 acres and yes, all of my (farm) animals are coming with me. There's a barn and run-in shed for them there.
I did end up selling my farm to this mystery man who has now revealed himself to actually be a business. I just signed a modification to the purchase agreement that the buyer is no longer (insert) his name, but instead, the name of a company. It's a company that does business in heavy equipment and machinery both commercial and farm related. Oddly, the land behind me is filled with big, heavy farm equipment and machinery, so the irony that my land could be the same thing is an interesting turn of events. Is my home to really be an office? Or will they just knock my house down? Who knows, but this cash pay experience translates into a cash pay experience of my own new-to-me home. Which is a long-time goal of mine. I've worked hard to get to this place in my life, esp in this last year, and the fact that this is really happening brings me peace and joy. 2024 has taught me more than most all years combined in my life.
In hindsight, the hardest part hasn't been the house showings, or the negotiations or the craziness of trying to sell and buy a home within a short period of time together. Instead, the hardest part for me is the uncertainty of the settlement of my animals at their new home in Wolfe City. All the animals I have, have only called this farm their home. They have known of no other land, of no other barn(s) and my concern for their safety and understanding of taking them to their "new home" has been my primary concern through this process.
I do hope that they all settle into our new place well and happy. I pray that they stay around (talking to you, my livestock guard dogs who love to wander). It's a chance I'm taking by doing this, as my animals well-being and safety are my biggest concern.
When's the big day/timeframe? Beginning of February! I close on my Gunter farm on Jan 30th and then turn around and close on my new Wolfe City farm on Jan 31st. The new owner of my Gunter farm is providing me a lease back until Feb 23rd and I greatly appreciate the time he's giving me to move and get settled elsewhere.
It's happening and there's no going back now. Everything is signed, sealed and delivered except the final close date, of course. And it's coming up soon.....
How do you move 130 chickens?
That's certainly a good question. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. It's a work in progress. My horses, donkeys and goats are going to travel in a horse trailer there, and that in itself may be challenging considering I'm not sure whose going to want to get into the horse trailer and who will refuse. Ahhhh, so many fun times on the horizon. Hard times. Fun times. Or should I say 'funny' times are coming my way!
Me: pondering the move of so many chickens |
Me: concerned about what bad or hard things that 'could' happen trying to move chickens and 4 livestock guard dogs |
I feel like Brooks and Olive's school photos this year best represent my feelings about moving my farm animals, in particular chickens and livestock guard dogs who do not typically like getting in a moving vehicle.
Wait, one more as Olive hits a home run with this one.....
Me: right about now |
Let me say this please
I'm taking a huge risk in life. I'm moving an hour away from work, and yes I'm planning on staying there for my job. I'll drive the drive, as I can't imagine working anywhere else right now.
I'll be further away from my grandkiddos. I don't know what to expect living in this small town, like whose around me, or where is the closest grocery store and shopping places. Is it Commerce, Bonham or Greenville?
My doctors will all be further away. But I will say this about all the unknowns. I will be figuring them all out with time. I'm going to feel the uncertainty and trust the process. And trust what God has in store for me.
How about this snow?!
So this recent snow thing was a big deal here. It's amazing how I can get 6-8 inches of snow and my sister, who lives in Midlothian got very little. It was a particular snow path that this snow weather took and I hit the jackpot with it. I will say that freezing temps and snow create so much more work, for many reasons which include providing water that's not frozen, keeping food available that's edible, and trying to make sure everyone is as comfortable and warm as they can possibly be in freezing temps. My secret is lots of straw in the barn(s) from the start to the finish when it comes to warmth for all the animals.
It really was beautiful |
It became harder to look for my big white dogs to feed them when everything was so white |
I'm happy the snow is subsiding and although it's not all gone here, it's getting there. I think we all struggle in our own ways when it comes to such unusual weather for this milder climate we live in. Luckily, winter is only one season and I'm never sad to see it go. Cheers to Spring coming!
This was when it hadn't even finished snowing yet |
As the snow subsides, it did force me to stay inside and pack up my house for the upcoming move, I will say that I've been able to get so much done inside, which is not usually where I spend the majority of my personal time. But there I was inside, like those two children in the Cat In The Hat book, sadly looking out the window.
Also inside were my pups who were going stir crazy as well - and not much help at all when it came to packing.
Theo tried hard to be a big helper with the packing. Beside him, my biggest dog-obstacle was most all of the pups not wanting to go outside to potty, and who could blame them.
There was alot of this. Stepping 2 steps out the doggie door, potty and come right back in. The dogs, not me. |
I imagine we all felt our own types of struggle, but if I bright-side it, I did have water, electricity and food. And learned to take a larger step out my door when heading outside. Mia tried hard to show them what to do, because she's an amazing dog who happens to love snow. But The Littles weren't having it. I think one of my favorite things about Mia is that she tries hard to show the other dogs how to be a good dog.
This girl. Not sure what I did to be blessed with her as my very own. My very own goofball. And I'm here for it! She's a dog who loves all dogs. |
Mia really wants to please - and be her best all the time. She's truly an amazing dog, and is a wonderful example of a dog who can show other dogs how to dog. If only they would take note. I could sure take a page out of her book as well, come to think about it. She’s that dog that would have a dog sweater on that says Be Kind π«ΆπΌ
Ahhh, the joy of packing. Maybe was a wonderful observer of it all. |
I'm fortunate to get boxes from my workplace. I had more boxes than I had stuff to put in them. I've learned to store things at the store - and not at the house. That's been life changing for me. |
These next few weeks are the calm before the 'moving' storm. It feels like an unbecoming moment, that is teaching me how to become more me-ish. Turns out, I'm not too old to start over. One of (the many) most beautiful moments in my life is when I realized I can do whatever I want. I'm just living it, without an explanation. Just fricking living it. It may turn out great or it may not. Either way, I'm in the messy middle of it all now and trusting the process. And trusting myself. I'll be here to catch myself if I fall. Maya Angelou once said, "I got my own back." She's one of the fiercest women that's walked this earth. I definitely take a page out of her book on the regular.
You are your best thing,
Cyndi
My favorite cold weather activity?